Season of Farewell
by AxCfangirl
Summary: As she decides to go to a college far away from home, Athrun and Cagalli's relationship starts to fall apart. Is it impossible for them to be together while pursuing their own dreams? High school AU
1. Prologue

**A/N** : This is a sequel to "Girl of Summer" and "Boy of Winter."

 **WARNING** : a couple of sex scenes (though not very graphic), a lot of angst, and a kind of love square with Meyrin and Ahmed.

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English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

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 **Season of Farewell**

Prologue

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As he floated up to consciousness, his senses gradually came back: the feelings of the sheet and a cover against his bare skin, cool air touching his face and shoulder, something warm at his side, and a familiar scent he held dear. Feeling happy but not quite remembering why, Athrun opened his eyes and lazily blinked a few times until he finally regained his hold of the reality, of his situation.

He was in his bed, not alone. His girlfriend seemed to be still sleeping, using his left arm as a pillow. His nose was touching her hair and he could breathe in the scent of her shampoo. His face melted into a smile as he brushed her hair out of her cheek and shifted to have a good look at her face. The serene and adorable face and the way she plastered her body against his filled him with warmth.

After a long moment of gazing, he moved his eyes from her to the window behind him. It wasn't dark yet, but he could see the sun was going down through the curtains.

Careful not to wake her up, he lifted her head to pull his arm from under her head and sat up. Although he had been successful, she appeared to still feel the change. Asleep, she made some discontent sounds and wiggled toward him, which he avoided. He didn't exactly want to; it made him feel good that she seemed to be looking for him, wanting him, even in her dream. But he had something to do and couldn't stay. So, he gently caressed her hair instead. Whether because of it or not, she stopped searching and returned to sleeping peacefully.

With a soft pat on her head, he pulled the cover over her bare shoulder and got out of the bed. Reaching for his clothes scattered about on the floor, he massaged his left arm which felt numb. He briefly wondered whether he wouldn't feel that way after some time. Although this wasn't the first time, they had not been doing it for so long. Then he just shrugged the thought off. It wasn't a big deal; even if he would continue to bear the feeling afterward, he had no intention of stopping.

Fully clothed, he collected her clothes and folded them to put them on his chair, then left his room with a last glance at her. As he walked out to the corridor, he slummed into the heated air, which felt even more unpleasant after spending hours in the air-conditioned room, and his face wrinkled.

He hurried downstairs and turned on an air-conditioner in the dining room which was connected to the kitchen. It would still take time for the cool air to fill the room, so he also pressed the power switch of an electric fan he kept in a place which he had calculated was best for it to blow the cooled air toward the kitchen.

In this way, the kitchen would become cool faster than when he placed the fan near him as Cagalli regularly insisted. He had explained to her, but she argued that her way was more comfortable; they could feel some wind, which made the hot air more bearable, while waiting for the air-conditioner to cool the whole area. They had not reached an agreement on that matter, though he compromised and allowed her to move the fan near the cooking area when she joined him in cooking.

Opening the refrigerator, he took out some of the food he and Cagalli had bought at a grocery store on their way to his house: egg, bacon, cabbage, tomato, onion, green pepper, eggplant, and broccoli. They had decided for pasta with tomato sauce and yogurt egg salad; she had, as usual, insisted including many kinds of vegetables since he didn't eat much fresh vegetable when he cooked at home.

Since he more or less lived by himself, with his father rarely coming home, he didn't want to buy many vegetables he wasn't sure he could finish before they went bad. Nor did he like to go shopping often which required him to take a detour on his way home from the bus stop or the nearest subway station. As a result, he tended to rely on food not as perishable, like canned or frozen ones, and food that needed little time and effort to cook, like bread.

He also took out a bottle of red sauce, which had been hidden, and a smile curved up his lips. It was not tomato sauce she expected to eat for today's dinner. He had bought a bottle of chili sauce—sweet one—for her last week, but kept it secret to surprise her. And this was a perfect opportunity. He could prepare supper before she woke up and give her a good surprise. Plus, he could determine how hot the pasta would be this way, preventing it from becoming too hot for his taste.

He was still smiling as he started cutting bacon and vegetables. Although he had never disliked cooking, he had not liked it, either. It had been something he had to do. Nothing more. But thinking about what to feed Cagalli, about her face while eating it, made cooking enjoyable.

He deftly completed one task after another and was in the middle of draining the pasta in a colander when his ears caught lazy footsteps.

"You started without me?" Cagalli said with a hint of drowsiness.

"Hey." He put down the pot and discreetly moved things to hide the bottle of chili sauce. "It wasn't much of work. I'm mostly done with pasta. You can take a shower while I take care of the rest," he suggested. When they slept together, she took a quick shower at his house before going home.

"Nah. I'll take it after the meal."

Her arms snaked around his waist. She pressed her head against his back and moved it as if she was trying to drill a hole in his back or massage his back with her head. She liked to do it, and though it was a little ticklish, he liked it as well. He liked all the ways she showed affection toward him.

With a smile, he caressed her hand on his stomach. His hand was wet, but she wouldn't mind it. "Then, you can help me with salad," he said, but then changed his mind. "Actually, before that, you should go and pick our plates."

"Ah, right," she said happily. "My most important job." It was a task she had taken on herself since the first time they had cooked at his house together.

He let out a chuckle. "Exactly."

"I'm on it." She gave his body a squeeze before bouncing toward the cupboard in the dining room.

He put the pasta and some cooking water into a frying pan where he had cooked bacon and vegetables, except broccoli which was for salad, with chili sauce and other ingredients. He added more chili sauce before stirring for a while without turning on the heat again. Putting back the lid on the pan, he started boiling eggs.

Setting the timer, he looked into the dining room to see how Cagalli was doing while waiting for the water and then eggs to get boiled. In front of the cupboard, she was holding out two plates before her face and looking between them, obviously trying to decide which to use: one with small orange fruits and green leaves all over it; the other colored in green and red with the white middle part, imitating the Italian flag.

Her serious expression softened his face. His mother had collected those plates with various colors and patterns through years. He himself didn't care much about how utensils looked as long as they worked fine, but it was good to see someone enjoying his mother's collection like his mother used to.

After some more considering, Cagalli picked the Italian-looking plate. Noticing him, she pointed at the dining table. "This is yours." There were two salad plates, green ones in the shape of leaves, and a white, bigger plate with a thin red line on the edge and a small red bird flying in the middle. "How do you like it?"

He smiled fondly. "I like it." It was true. He liked the simplicity and the fact that she had remembered that about him made him like the plate better.

She smiled with satisfaction, and they brought the plates to the kitchen. Placing the plates on the counter, she sniffed. "It smells so good." Then her smile turned into a wondering face. She moved toward the oven, sniffing more. "Wait." She took the cover of the pan to get a better smell, then looked at him with wide eyes. "You used chili sauce?"

"Ah, yes." He felt a little disappointed that he had not been able to keep the secret longer, but then, it probably would have been impossible. Although the exhaust fan was whirring above the oven, it could do only so much. "I thought you'd like it better."

Her face melted with affection. Putting back the lid, she walked over to him to hug him. "Thanks. You're so sweet."

His face softening as well, his chest filled with satisfaction, he held her back and kissed her hair. "My pleasure."

After a little, she pulled away to kiss his cheek, then walked back to the oven. "I'll make salad then, so you put the pasta on the plates."

They quickly finished the rest of the cooking and sat at the dining table: he at the end of the table and she on his right. This way, it was easy for them to see the other's face and touch the other when they wanted to. Then they started eating.

"Ah, this is good." She smiled at him before taking the second mouthful of pasta.

He smiled back softly, appreciating the sight of her eating the food he had cooked in his house.

He was happy spending time with her anywhere, but liked it best at his house. Not just because of the privacy—and the level of intimacy as a result—the place offered. When he had her over, the house felt more like a home, like when his mother had still been alive. It was a different feeling from when his friends visited. She was different, special. She brought light and warmth to the house. The loneliness he sometimes felt in the empty house almost vanished, until the time she had to leave.

Someday, he dreamed, they could be a real family. He had never told the dream to anyone, even to Cagalli. It seemed premature, partly because of their age and partly because they had been dating for less than a year. But it had been such a happy time; their relationship had been going quite well, better than ever. He saw no reason why he couldn't expect this to continue, expect them to have a long future together.

Still, marriage was far from now. He knew better than to think differently. They were still in high school and going to college. Since he was planning to go to medical college and she college of veterinary medicine, it would take them six years to graduate. Then, they each would find a job, get used to their work, and finally could think about becoming a family. Although some people got married in college, he preferred to have a secure salary first, a proof of maturity and independence. It was probably a good thing that Cagalli wasn't the type of girl who put great importance on marriage, considering the years they had to wait.

Probably, however, they could find a place to live together after a few years, he hoped. Both of them were applying to colleges near their homes and didn't have to move out, but it didn't mean they couldn't. Their fathers would be likely to frown upon the idea. But if they had been in a serious, committed relationship for several years and promised living together wouldn't get in the way of their studies, the fathers would hopefully let them.

They couldn't afford a big room, but neither of them was into fancy stuff anyway. Though she surely wanted a pet-friendly place. Although he wasn't exactly eager to have a pet, he didn't mind it. He knew how much she loved animals and wanted a pet. Coming home to her after a long day of studying or working must be such a good feeling, as wonderful as waking up next to her perhaps.

"How's the salad?"

He blinked at Cagalli's voice, pulled out of his daydream. Swallowing the salad in his mouth, he gave her a reassuring smile. "It's good."

With a happy face, she took a swig of sparkling water from her bottle.

He drank tomato juice from his glass before saying, "By the way, you can take a shower while I wash the dishes. That way, we can have more time to study afterward."

She made a face. "Did you have to bring up homework now? I don't think it's an appropriate subject at the dinner table. We should talk about something fun so we can enjoy the meal."

With a shrug, he casually said, "We can still have a fun talk after we discuss what we must."

She heaved a dramatic sigh. "Now you reminded me of what awaits afterward, I'm not so eager to finish the dinner."

"If you want to finish your homework in time, you'd better not drag out the dinner," he warned. "We don't have much time to waste."

Today was the last Monday of August, a week before the summer break ended. Neither of them had classes in cram school this afternoon, and they had retired from club activities before summer break had begun along with their fellow seniors so that they could focus on preparing for college entrance exams held at the end of school year.

Therefore, he had invited her to his house so that he could help her with her homework; he himself had finished the homework for summer break weeks ago. They had been doing it often recently and Kira, who had not finished his homework as well, had joined most of their study sessions. But today, he had let Athrun and Cagalli have some alone time, of which they had taken advantage earlier.

Athrun glanced at a clock on the wall which told him it was a little past seven. She had to leave his house at twenty after nine at the latest so that she could catch the last bus. It would take her about an hour by bus to go home from here, changing buses near their high school.

He had heard that her mother was at home tonight. So her mother could come and get her if she missed the last bus. But he preferred not to trouble her mother like that. He didn't want her mother to think he was a bad influence to Cagalli. Her mother appreciated the help he gave Cagalli or her brother and seemed to like him as her daughter's boyfriend; he wanted to stay in her good books, partly because of his dream to live together with Cagalli in a not-so-far future.

Cagalli made a pout. "It's your fault we don't have much time. You distracted me from studying."

His cheeks warm, he retorted, "You didn't seem to mind being distracted." He paused for effect. "At all."

She looked away as if she was angry, but he could clearly see the gesture, and the red cheeks, weren't because of anger.

With a smile, he leaned toward her and stretched a hand to tuck a strand of her hair behind her pink ear, a little tempted to taste the sweet blush. "Although, you worked hard earlier. So we can probably get your homework done in time," he gently said.

She gave him a sidelong look, her face still half turned away. "Well, you helped me a lot."

He nodded. "Yes. As a team, we can do this, right?"

"Yeah." She smiled, turning her face to him. "We can beat anything. Math or Biology or Literature. It's a piece of cake," she said, her hand clenched into a fist, then her face turned wistful. "You know, saying this phrase makes me want to eat a cake a bit."

He gave a chuckle. "You have to settle for ice cream." They had bought two ice cream cups at the grocery store for dessert.

Her face brightened up. "That's right. My mint chip ice cream is waiting for me."

She eagerly resumed eating dinner. Amused, he followed suit.

* * *

Locking the front door to his house, Athrun let out a breath. It wasn't exactly a sigh, but close. He had just come back from the bus stop after making sure Cagalli got into the bus. As he walked through the silent and dark house, he felt a slight pinch at his heart. Spending time with her in his house felt great, but it also made being there on his own less bearable afterward, as if he had lost something dear even though he knew she would come again not before long.

His mind wandered to the first time they had slept together. She was actually the one who had proposed the idea. He had planned to wait longer before even mentioning it since he didn't want to pressure her and never ever wanted her to think he just wanted sex like some guys.

The surprise had come in the middle of June. In the beginning of June, her girls' volleyball club had lost in the Inter-High School Championship, the biggest championship for high school athletes, and she had retired from club activities. Therefore, she had had more free time, and his robotics club had not been a busy club to begin with. They had been trying to make most of the free time for they were going to be busy preparing for college entrance exams soon.

During a date, they had ended up in his house to have more privacy, which wasn't unusual. They had been feeling more need to touch each other after spending little quality time for months because of their busy schedule: preparing for the school festival in May and her practicing for the championship.

They had been in his living room, partly watching a movie, some action movie she had recommended to him, and partly making out. She had been giggling at teasing kisses he gave to one side of her face, but suddenly stopped.

"Cagalli?" He had craned his neck to see her expression, holding her from behind. They had been sitting on the floor, her in his arms and legs, him leaning against the sofa.

"I...um, I had a question for you." Her face had been hidden from him by her hair.

"Ask away."

She had been jittery. "Do you want to...well, do something more...?"

He had been confused. "You don't want to watch the movie anymore?"

"No. Ah..." She had turned to look at him though her eyes kept wandering away. "I meant...this." Her hand had flapped in the space between their bodies. "Like...you know, sleeping together?"

His eyes had widened to stare at her. Her face, which was already flushed, had turned even brighter red and she had looked away again.

He had swallowed hard, feeling as nervous as she looked. "You mean _that_ kind of sleeping together...right?" His voice had sounded odd, but then, neither of them had been in the mood to care.

She had simply nodded, still looking somewhere else. Suddenly, he had become acutely aware of where their bodies were touching, of her soft and firm body. It had seemed the room temperature had skyrocketed.

"Do _you_ want to?" he had slowly asked, ordering his body not to move at all, whether to pull away from her or to grab her. It had felt like his body would do both at the same time if he loosened the reins. "If you are...concerned about me, you don't have to be. I will wait until you are ready."

After nearly a dozen of heartbeats, she had looked up from her hand fiddling with a pleat of her uniform skirt, her face looking like a ripe peach—a very delicious-looking one.

"I think I do. I want to...touch you more and feel you more. And know more about you." Her eyes had been boring into his as if trying to look into his mind, even his soul.

A strong emotion had squeezed his heart and he had impulsively pulled her into a tight hug. She had called his name, sounding surprised.

"I do, too." He had voiced each word as if he had never spoken a truer word. "I want...you."

Her arms had held him back, her face buried into his shoulder.

After a few minutes, he had pulled back to tenderly kiss her. She had responded and he had quickly gotten lost in the heat.

"Athrun..." she had breathed out as he kissed down her neck.

"Hmm?" He had given a half-hearted response, busy tasting her skin and feeling her fast-beating pulse with his lips and tongue. His hand had sneaked into under her skirt, caressing her thigh. His head had been dizzy with the excitement of being allowed into the areas he had stayed away from.

"Are we..." She had shivered and tugged at his hair, her other hand caressing his neck and giving him goose bumps. "...going to do it here...?"

He had stopped still, embarrassed. "No...not here."

Reaching for the remote, he had turned off the TV, then stood up and taken a deep breath before finally looking at her. Her face had been the mixture of nervousness and anticipation—and desire. Unable to find his voice, he had simply held out a hand. Pressing her lips into a determined line, she had taken it. Warmth had spread inside him, filling every single cell of his body.

They had not gone all the way that day; neither of them had been prepared, both practically and psychologically. But revealing their bodies to each other and touching each other more intimately had been exciting enough. More than enough. They both had been rather overwhelmed by the new experience.

From what she told him while they were cuddling afterward, Fllay had suggested a little before her birthday that it was probably time for them to consider having sex, which got Cagalli thinking and then, led to her questioning him. Although he felt uncomfortable about the fact that someone else—someone he knew, no less—had been talking about his and her sexual situation, he had still thanked the redhead silently and acted somewhat more nicely toward her for a while after the day. He had also felt grateful for Cagalli's tendencies to jump into adventures and to step up to challenges since they seemed to have contributed to her decision to take another step in their relationship.

And they had had their first sex on a Sunday about a month after the day, the last day of school before summer break. School had been over in the morning and they had come to his house after lunch. It had not been exactly perfect; he believed he was much better at it now. But he had felt more amount of pleasure, both physical and emotional, than he ever had. He had thought he had never felt so close to someone, as if Cagalli was now a part of him, as if they were now a part of each other, inseparable.

Afterward, he had wanted her to never leave his arms, though of course she had to. She had been as reluctant to leave and they had kept touching and kissing at the entrance of his house for a long time. He had had to harden his heart to let go of her hand at the bus stop so that she could get into the bus.

It had become easier as they repeated the act, but still—

His phone buzzed in his chest pocket as he set a foot on the landing. The sides of his lips lifted along with his mood, knowing it was a text from Cagalli.

 **I got you this time, didn't I?**

Entering his room, he quickly sent a reply: **I was already on the second floor.**

She always insisted sending him a text to see whether he had safely arrived home after seeing her off. He really didn't think it was necessary. He was a guy, a guy who practiced karate no less. But she kept doing it, trying to have the text arrive at the same time as he reached his house.

His phone buzzed again. **Damn. Ask me.**

 **Any preference?**

 **Surprise me.**

Seated into his chair, he glanced around and picked up the biology textbook. **Aldosterone, also known as mineralocorticoid, is found in what endocrine gland?**

After a little, she answered: **Adrenal cortex.** It was the right answer, so he sent another question.

They usually kept texting—a half of which was academic and the other half was just chatting—until she got home, except during the time she was walking from a bus stop to the next and from a bus stop to her house. Since she changed buses at a shopping mall near their high school, the way would be relatively safe even if she was distracted, but texting while walking would be still dangerous, especially for someone clumsy like her. And the way to her house was darker, though she was quite familiar with the neighborhood and it was a quiet and safe residential area to begin with.

After her text informing him about her safe arrival at home, they focused on what they were doing in their houses until she—who usually went to sleep earlier than he did—sent a good-night text.

These texts made it easier for him to go back to the daily routine, to the alone time. He wasn't sure whether she had meant it when she started texting him to ask whether he had reached home all right, and then, about random stuff on her way home. He had never asked, or told her about his sentiments on the matter. He was somewhat embarrassed since it sounded a little like a child who couldn't go anywhere without his mother, too afraid to be alone. Either way, he appreciated the texts.

Dropping his gaze to the newest text of hers, he let out a smile. She might have some kind of supernatural power, being able to cheer him up just by a text saying, **Mesoderm, endoderm, and mesoderm.**

He entertained the silly, but amusing idea—which had probably been inspired by the superhero movie she had lent him to watch—as his finger typed, **Wrong.**

Her reply came: **Mesoderm, endoderm, and endoderm?**

 **Wrong again** , he sent, imagining her face which was probably a pout as she read it.

It took longer for her next text to come. **I'm getting off.**

He raised suspicious eyebrows. It was a little early for her to arrive at her first destination, the shopping mall where she changed buses. Although it was possible that the ride had gone more smoothly than usual for some reason, it seemed more likely that she wasn't sure what the right answer was and was trying to dodge the question, hoping that when they resumed texting, he would move on without her properly admitting defeat.

He shook his head. If she thought he would let her off the hook so easily, she was mistaken. Eagerly waiting for her next text, he paged through the textbook, a smile playing on his lips.

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 **A/N** : In the notes of my other fics, I mentioned the director's comment that Athrun is the type to wait to sleep together until marriage. However, the Athrun in this fic has a different background from the Athrun in the show. So his attitude toward sex is different.

Cagalli's background or the situation they are in is different as well. So there isn't much reason for them to hesitate to have sex.

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Below are replies to reviews for "Boy of Winter." I hope you are reading this fic as well.

 **To PegasusInCage:**

Thank you for the review. Yes, this fic will be pretty angsty later. I hope it won't become too much for you.

Oh, and happy new year to you, too. Sorry it's a bit late :P

 **To Fuyu Aki:**

Thank you for the review. I'm glad you've liked many of my fics. Sorry "Boy of Winter" wasn't as long as you'd expected, but this fic will be much longer.

And yes, I enjoy writing these fics, especially AC ones. I'm thrilled to hear I've inspired you. But I'm sorry. I can't read Bahasa Indonesia.

I'm happy and relieved you like Kitri and Touka since they are my original characters. I'll definitely write a couple more fics in which they make appearances. I'm not sure about their being teenagers, though. It sounds interesting, but I'm not sure I can write a fic like that. It really depends on my muse. We'll see.

You don't have to apologize for writing a long review, at least not to me. It's fun to read and I really enjoy what my readers think of my fics.

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 ***posted 01/19/19***

 ***edited 06/30/19***


	2. Cagalli's Choice

English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

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 **Season of Farewell**

Chapter 1: Cagalli's Choice

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 **Now everything is decided for the sport festival, and I'm really excited! I hope our team is going to win. My team didn't win in both my freshman year and junior year, and I really, really want to win this year.**

Cagalli stopped her mechanical pencil and smiled a little. Her excitement about the sport festival was high, and she was sure that she was going to enjoy the day no matter what the result would be. Though her desire to win she had just expressed was genuine.

During Homeroom in the last period today, it had been decided who took part in which game. As the representative of her class in the Sport Festival Planning Committee, she had taken charge of the discussion in her class with the help of the class president and the vice-president.

Last two years, she had not joined the planning committee. She had been more interested in participating in the games than organizing the event, though she had joined the School Festival Planning Committee three years in a row. However, she wanted to enjoy her last year of high school to its fullest, and had thought she would try for the Sport Festival Planning Committee as well this year. And she was glad about her decision. The job had been helping her see the event from a new angle, and she liked it. She couldn't wait to see the event's success.

As she gripped her pencil to resume writing, someone sat in a chair in front of her desk. She glanced forward to find her boyfriend.

"Hey. It'll take a bit." She motioned toward the journal she was writing. She was on day duty today, and writing the class journal while the other student on duty was taking care of the blackboard: cleaning up its surface and writing down tomorrow's date and the names of students on duty tomorrow. "You can go ahead. I'll catch up with you." She and Athrun were going to have a study session with their friends in the school library.

He shook his head. "No, I'll wait." Then he added, "Don't worry about me, though. Take your time."

"Okay." She appreciatively smiled at him. Aside from the lunchtime, they recently had not had much time to talk, and she was happy that he had chosen to spend some time with her instead of studying.

"How was your Homeroom?" she asked, writing down today's schedule on the journal. "Did it go smoothly?"

"Not exactly. There were some quarrels. But nothing we couldn't handle."

Athrun was the president of his class. In fact, he had served as a class president all his high school life even though he had never run for the position. Someone had always recommended him, which wasn't surprising, considering that he was a hard worker and a responsible person, not to mention a model student.

"Which games are you going to take part in?" she asked again, her eyes on the journal.

"Why do you think I'm going to participate in anything other than the mandatory ones?" he asked back in a joking tone.

"Because you are too good at sports not to," she said matter-of-factly, raising an eyebrow at him. "I'm sure your classmates asked you to join a couple, or more. I would. So spill. Keeping secrets won't be in your best interest," she warned.

Looking like he wanted to roll his eyes, he opened his mouth. "Well, aside from the Club Relays and the mandatory games, I'm a member of the Swedish Relays and the Team Relay."

"I'm a member of the Team Relay, too!" She leaned toward him in excitement, but then, pulled away to make her battle face and say sternly, "We are enemies then." She pointed her pencil at him challengingly. "And I tell you. We, the White Team, are going to be the winner."

The Team Relay, in which members of all grades—freshmen, juniors, and seniors—from a team worked against those from other teams, was one of the most important games in the sport festival. Its result would have a big impact on the final result of the festival. She had every intention of winning in both.

He quirked a corner of his lips in a daring smile. "We'll see."

She lifted her chin and stretched her back and her neck, trying to stare down at him. In her attempt, she angled her desk a bit and the journal threatened to fall.

"Oh."

Her hand succeeded in preventing the fall, but a paper slipped from under the journal to flutter to the floor. Holding the journal with one hand, she stretched out the other for the paper. But the paper slid away as if escaping her hand to pass through under Athrun's legs. His hand stopped the paper on the other side of his legs and picked it up.

"Thanks." She held out her hand toward him. But he wasn't handing it to her, his eyes staring at the paper. She tilted her head and was about to call his name when he spoke.

"Your first choice is Tassil University?" His voice was oddly flat. His eyes were still on the paper, her college choice report form. Ms. Ramius, her homeroom teacher, had distributed the forms at the end of Homeroom and Cagalli had filled it right away.

She blinked, then understanding dawned on her. "Right. I haven't told you about it."

Since school had begun nearly two weeks ago, they had been busy with after-break exams and the preparation for the sport festival. Plus, she had made the decision only a couple of days ago; only her family, her mother and brother to be exact, knew that she had changed her choice of college.

She had meant to tell Athrun, but Kira had suggested it was better if she told Athrun in person. She had agreed for she was aware that her boyfriend was a worrywart and thought reassuring him would be a lot easier when they were talking face-to-face. So she had postponed telling him about the change, then forgotten about it.

"That's where Professor Ashman teaches," she explained. "You remember Professor Saib Ashman, right? Grandpa's friend whose lab I went to see in summer. I told you a lot about him."

Saib Ashman was a veterinarian who had worked for Veterinarians Without Borders for years before he turned to teaching. She had been quite excited when her grandfather had asked his old friend a favor and arranged for her to spend two weeks in Tassil during summer break. She had stayed at the professor's home and accompanied him to his workplace to look around the university, especially veterinary labs and facilities including the university animal hospital.

It had been a great opportunity. She had taken part in summer programs for high school students offered by colleges of veterinary medicine before, but during the stay with the Ashmans, she had been able to look deeper into the life of a veterinary student. The students studying under the professor had been kind, answering her questions and showing her around. She had heard many interesting and exciting stories from both the professor and the students.

"I remember that. But I thought..." Athrun trailed off as if searching for words, and after a moment, resumed speaking. "I thought you were excited you could see how your college life would be. I didn't know you wanted to go to Tassil."

She thought a little. "It was mostly like that at that time. But as you know, I've been talking with Professor Ashman via e-mail since then, and he is such a great guy who has done many awesome things. I really admire him. And he says he's happy to have me as his student. He also says, Tassil is good for veterinary students since there are many animals in the area, both wild and domestic, including unique ones, and so, we can have a rich experience of engaging with animals."

She finished her explanation with an excited smile still on her face, then tilted her head. Her boyfriend had an odd face, one she couldn't quite place. He didn't seem just surprised. More like...stricken, or bewildered?

"Athrun?"

"Ah...yes, that sounds great," he said absent-mindedly.

She was confused, but decided to wait a little since he seemed to be gathering his thoughts. While she was at it, her partner for the day came to her desk.

"I'm done. Do you mind if I go home?"

"Go ahead. I'll hand in the journal."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye."

She waved a hand at the boy, then looked back at Athrun who finally opened his mouth.

"You know, Tassil is far," he quietly said. "It's about four hours by plane, right?"

"Yeah." She sighed. "I'll probably become lonely at first." Although she would be happy to study under Ashman, it didn't mean she was eager to leave behind her family and friends. Especially Athrun. "But I believe I can do it." She put on a smile. "Professor Ashman says I can think of his home as my home in Tassil and visit them whenever I like. His family is nice and I made friends with his kids, Yaroo and Nene. Maybe I can even tutor them, like you. I remember Mrs. Ashman saying she might get a tutor for them." The professor's warm offer and the fact that she already had familiar faces in Tassil had quite encouraged her in making the decision.

"And we can do video chats and I'm coming back during breaks," she continued. "Since most of us are going to different colleges anyway, it probably wouldn't be so different from if I went to a college around here."

"I guess..." Athrun had an ambiguous face, looking like he wanted to say something but he wasn't sure how. She opened her mouth to question him.

"Hibiki!"

Her eyes were drawn to a door to the corridor. A classmate of hers was poking his head out of the door. "Ms. Simmons wants you to come to the science faculty room."

"Thanks!" she yelled back, then wondered about why the biology teacher was summoning her. "Ah, I think it's about the excellent study guide she told me about. She said she'd lent it to me for a while so I can see if it fits me," she said to Athrun, then quickly finished the journal.

The journal in her hand, she stood up. "I'm going to hand this in and see Ms. Erica. I'll be back in a minute."

He nodded. She hurriedly left the room.

* * *

Although his eyes followed her back disappearing into the corridor, Athrun's mind was on her words, her decision, her choice.

Unconsciously, he loosened his neck tie so that he could breathe better, then unfastened the top button of his shirt even though he always wore his uniform properly. But it didn't really make him feel better, which wasn't surprising since there was nothing wrong with him physically. He knew this bad feeling—as if he had swallowed a huge rock, or eaten something extraordinarily bitter—came from a shock.

When Cagalli had accepted his feelings last winter, he had thought that finally, she was his and that he wouldn't have to feel as much fear of losing her. And yet, now she was leaving him, slipping out of his arms to fly toward a far, far place, so full of excitement for the new adventure, without even one glance back at him.

 _N_ _o_ _._ He forcefully shook his head. This wasn't the same as losing her. It wasn't like she was breaking up with him. She clearly had no such intention. And he had to keep it that way. He had to make sure such an idea wouldn't even cross her mind, much less get considered.

He clenched his hands into fists, trying to chase away the heaviness sinking his heart down. He couldn't risk showing the displeasure. He should be understanding and supportive. That must be how a good boyfriend should be, and clearly, that was how she was expecting him to be.

And it wasn't like he couldn't understand her at all, right? Their dreams weren't so different. She wanted to be an animal doctor while he wanted to be a human doctor.

She loved animals and wanted to take care of them, cure them and save their lives. He himself wasn't exactly an animal lover, except the dog his grandparents had had when he was little, perhaps. But he knew her love. He remembered her puffy eyes and grieving face from when her friend's dog she had known and loved since childhood had died. It had been weeks before summer break in their freshmen year. He had not known how to comfort her and only sent worried looks to her while Kira and her other friends comforted her, partly because he had not been as close to her and partly because he was never good at words or comforting people.

She was a compassionate person who tried to do everything she could for those she loved. And she loved with passion if the incident was any indication. Kira had told him about how she was spending a long time at the friend's house taking care of the sick dog along with the family before the dog finally left this universe.

The dog's death had probably affected her choice of career to an extent, like his mother's death had affected his choice to become a doctor. And she must want to be the best possible doctor like he wanted to be the best doctor, and believe that learning in Tassil University was the way. It was a decision based on her noble desire to save lives, and he should respect that. It was the right thing to do.

As he reasoned himself, Cagalli came back. She trotted toward him to hold out a hand.

"Do you want a candy? Ms. Murrue gave me these." On her palm were two orange candies. Judging from the way she was talking, she was licking one.

He studied the candies. "What are they?"

"Pepper candies."

His eyes narrowed on reflex and he shook his head. "I'll pass." He could eat hot food, but wasn't eager to eat it all the time like her.

"They aren't that hot, I promise," she cajoled. "Ms. Murrue said, she can eat them even though she doesn't like hot food much. And that they are good when you're working or studying since they keep you awake."

"Maybe later," he said evasively, slightly blaming Cagalli's homeroom teacher for putting an idea into his girlfriend's head, "when I feel sleepy."

Cagalli pouted. "Fine, but I don't guarantee you there will still be one." She held the candies in front of her chest as if protecting them from him, which was just fine by him. "They may be all gone by then, and that's your loss. A great loss."

He shrugged. "I believe I can live with it."

"You seriously lack a spirit of adventure," she complained as she pocketed the candies and packed her stuff. "We need to start working on it sometime soon."

"I don't think I need a personality change. You are too biased to judge me objectively," he quipped, standing up. "If you are leaning toward one end too much, you can't see people around the center—who are neutral or balanced—as they are. You think they are too close to the other end and deem them biased."

Her eyebrow quirked as they left the classroom and headed for the school library. "You are aware the same thing can be said about you, huh?"

She actually had a point, which he had not seen, and he couldn't come up with any retort. So he just lifted his shoulders.

She smugly grinned with a bounce in her step. He sent her a sidelong look with narrowed eyes, searching his mind for a way to regain his honor.

"Hey, what was that you wanted to say before, by the way?"

He looked at her, puzzled. "Pardon?"

"Before I left, you looked like you wanted to say something," she explained. "About Tassil Uni? You have more questions, don't you?"

"Ah...I was just..." He groped for a plausible reason, something not entirely false. "...worried about your life in Tassil. And since you are changing your choice at this time, are you sure you will be prepared for the entrance exam in time? You'll need to study harder," he added, partly hoping that pointing it out would make her reconsider her decision.

Her face softened, and she hugged his arm to place her head on his shoulder. "You're such a worrywart," she said teasingly, but with great affection.

He softened his face as well. Yes, it had been the right answer. This was the right decision.

"To lessen your worry," she continued, "I need to make some adjustments of course, but nothing big. Well, at least as far as I know. I still have to discuss it with Ms. Murrue, but I'm sure I can make it." After a pause, she teasingly added, "I had exactly the same conversation with Mom."

"Well, you know what they say about great minds," he retorted.

"Which also applies to worrying minds, apparently," she teased again.

"Is your mother all right about your going to Tassil?" he asked, keeping his tone casual.

"She wasn't thrilled about the idea. Surprised and concerned. But fine in the end. I think it helped the Ashmans would be there for me if something should happen. She met them before and Professor Ashman is friends with Grandpa. She trusts them."

He masked his disappointment. "I see..."

A short sound came and she straightened away from him, looking down at her skirt and pushing a hand into the skirt pocket. A faint crease appeared between his brows as he watched her fish out her phone. Although the distance between them was just a little and she was still holding his arm, he felt an urge to pull her back. His arm snaked around her waist and gathered her body against his nonchalantly but firmly.

"Ooh, I have to watch it," she said, seemingly unaware of his attempt.

"Watch what?"

"My friend just told me Rondo Mina plays a supporting role in the newest episode of _Junk Guilders_. It's a TV show. Sci...ence fantasy? I think," she explained, seeing his puzzled expression. He nodded, aware that the actress was Cagalli's favorite.

"I haven't been checking the show and would've probably missed it," she said, typing. She seemed to proceed to go on the Internet. After a little, she drew her eyebrows together. "Hmm..."

"Is there a problem?" he asked, his arm still pressing their bodies together.

"Yeah, the episode is on air tonight, but I have classes in cram school and can't get home by the time it starts. My mom is at work tonight and Kira has classes in cram school too," she explained, her lips pursed in a thoughtful twist. "Maybe I'll leave early and stop by at my home to set up the timer on my way to cram school."

"Can't you watch the episode on the network's website or somewhere later?" he suggested.

"Perhaps. But I want to record it in case I love it."

"What time is the show?"

"From nine."

"Then I can record it and burn it to a DVD for you."

Her face lit up. "Will you?"

"Sure. I'll be at home by then. I don't have to go to cram school today."

"Thank you!"

She gave him an excited hug before relaying to him information about the show she found on the Internet. He didn't think he needed to know more than the show's title to record the program, but listened to her nonetheless, securing her against him again.

Maybe he would watch the TV show himself so that they could discuss it. He wouldn't normally do it unless she recommended one, assuring him it was worth watching. But being able to share her opinion on the show with him, whether it was a good one or a bad one, would hopefully make her appreciate having him more. And now, he felt eager to jump at every chance for that, every chance to make her more reluctant to leave him even if she considered the idea.

Fantasy was far from his favorite genre and the premise of the show didn't sound so interesting, except that they might have some good robots or machines. He wasn't really a fan of the actress in question, either. So the show would be likely to end up boring him. But it wasn't much of a trouble and he was willing to pay much more cost than that to make Cagalli stay with him.

Giving nods to her, he drew her even closer and wished he would never have to let go. He consoled himself that she was here now at least, but it couldn't erase an empty hollow deep inside his chest.

* * *

 **A/N** : Just in case, Tassil in this fic isn't a town in a desert, though there is a desert nearby. It's more like a city in a rural area richly endowed with nature.

* * *

 ***posted 01/19/19***


	3. Calm Days

English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

* * *

 **Season of Farewell**

Chapter 2: Calm Days

* * *

"By the way, Kira mentioned he'd had another argument with your father," her boyfriend said, tugging Cagalli's hand as they passed a woman on a sidewalk.

Today, they weren't studying with their friends after school. Instead, they had left their school, which was at the top of a hill, and were walking down a slope toward a shopping mall at the bottom of the hill. And catching up since they had not had much time to talk during lunchtime for she had to eat fast so that she could go to practice for the Team Relay with her teammates.

Cagalli heaved a sigh. "Yeah. A couple days ago, Dad came home early and...well, it was more like my whole family argued."

"Your father sounds quite persistent," he commented sympathetically.

Early in the summer, Ulen had found out that Kira wasn't going to medical college as he had expected; he had seemed to have assumed his son would surely follow in his parents' steps until then. Since the realization, her father had been trying to make Kira change his mind.

At first, Kira had tried to make Ulen give up by claiming his grades weren't good enough, which only resulted into Ulen suggesting Kira spend a year after graduating high school studying for medical college and go to college next year like some people who wanted to get into tough colleges did. His attempt to avoid a conflict by the roundabout reply having failed, Kira had shifted to outright refusal to go to medical college in favor of engineering college.

The argument between Kira and Ulen had continued throughout the summer, and the end didn't seem to be in sight though it was already the beginning of autumn. Cagalli and her mother had been on Kira's side, of course. Even though outnumbered, however, her father didn't seem to be caving in. Her mother had said with a sigh that Ulen had always been a stubborn man who believed in his way.

Kira had often been complaining and their friends, not just Athrun, were aware of the disagreement.

Cagalli made a face. "He sure is. Mom's been trying to persuade him into letting Kira make his own decision, but he still says Kira's too immature and needs some guidance, or something like that. And insists Kira can make robots as just a hobby, not as a job, like some of his clubmates."

"I see." Athrun let out a breath, and, after a pause, asked, "Has your father also said something about your choice of major or college?"

"Nah." She shrugged. "Dad isn't as interested in me as in Kira," she said with a pout. Not that she wanted her father to try to coax her into changing her choices like he was doing with Kira's. But still, Ulen's lack of interest made her a little sad.

A memory from childhood came back. When she was six, her father had gone to a conference somewhere far and brought gifts—key chains—to her and Kira when he came home. Her excitement had been short-lived, however. After handing the key chains to them, Ulen had pulled a book, one about human body for kids, out of his bag and given it to Kira, saying it would help him study.

Ulen had not seemed to be pulling out another book, so she had asked, holding out a hand toward her father, "What's my book?" She had hoped hers was something more interesting.

He had looked at her with a puzzled face. "I haven't got any. I bought that"—he had pointed a finger at the key chain in her hand—"for you."

"But you gave Kira two presents," she had pointed out, her eyes wide. "I have only one."

He had just shrugged, like he wasn't sure what to say. Frowning at him, her mother had said gently, "How about we go to a store on Saturday and I buy a book for you, Cagalli? Actually, it doesn't have to be a book. You can have anything you want."

"But I don't want 'anything.'" She had stamped her feet. "I want a book from Daddy." Her eyes had been brimmed with tears.

"We can share this," Kira had suggested, holding out his book.

"I don't want that book!" she had yelled and pushed him.

He had fallen on the floor and Via had yelled, "Cagalli!"

Her parents had scolded her and sent her to her room. She had run up the stairs, angry and sad. She had not talked to Kira for the rest of the evening, after she had been allowed to come out of her room.

She had not been able to explain why she was so upset then. Nor had she really understood it herself, except that it wasn't fair. She had not liked reading that much. But now she knew. The book had been a symbol, a proof of her suspicion that her father cared more about her brother than he did about her. And she had been angry at Kira for receiving so much of their father's attention.

After dinner, she had talked with her grandfather on the phone, who consoled her and then reminded her that as unfair as the situation was, Kira had done nothing wrong. The talk had eased her anger and sadness to some extent, and she had started to feel bad about what she had done to her brother. In the middle of the night, having been unable to fall asleep, she had quietly gone downstairs, opened a drawer where she kept her snacks, and grabbed a bag of chips. Then she had sneaked into Kira's room to shake him.

"Kira," she had whispered. "Kira!"

It had taken him a while to respond. "Cagalli?" he had said sleepily.

She had inhaled a deep breath and said, "I'm sorry." She had pressed the chips against him. "Forgive me?" Offering him some snacks was her usual way of apologizing.

She had waited for the answer a little nervously, though she knew he would accept her apology.

"Okay," he had mumbled, yawning, and taken the bag of chips.

She had let out a sigh of relief before climbing onto the bed. He had scooted to make room for her. They had fallen asleep soon.

Next morning, her mother had scolded her for smuggling snacks into bed. Cagalli and Kira had not been allowed to bring snacks to their rooms, let alone their beds. But Cagalli had not really cared about being scolded.

On the weekend, her mother had taken her to a shopping mall and Cagalli had chosen a unicycle as her gift, which her mother had previously been reluctant to buy for her. After putting the unicycle into the car trunk, Via had crouched down in front of her.

"Your daddy can be very forgetful, especially when he's wrapped up in his work. So please forgive him for forgetting to buy a book for you, will you?"

Cagalli had looked at her mother—her warm and loving amethyst eyes—for a moment, then nodded. "Okay."

Via had smiled with relief and hugged her. "Let's grab some ice cream. But don't tell Kira, okay?"

Her mother had put a finger over her lips and they had shared a conspiratorial smile before heading to an ice cream store.

A squeeze on her hand pulled Cagalli out of her memory. She looked at Athrun who said gently, "Or maybe your father is satisfied with your choice of career and therefore, has nothing to say. Veterinarian is an admirable job, like doctor."

She smiled and squeezed his hand back. "Maybe."

The sadness in her heart dissipated at his warm concern. Moving her hand holding his widely, she searched her mind for a more pleasant topic, her gaze wandering through the roadside trees changing colors.

"Oh, hey, I haven't told you Ahmed, my friend you know, may be applying to Tassil Uni as well, right?"

He thought a little before slowly asking, "Isn't he the one who asked you out?"

"Yeah, that's him." She nodded, an amused smile spreading over her face.

It felt like such a long time ago that Ahmed had confessed to her in the beginning of their senior year in middle school. Although their exchanges had become awkward for a while after she turned him down, they had gradually returned to close friends before graduation. The confession had become a kind of funny memory, which they sometimes made a joke about. They had been long-time friends after all, since childhood. He was one of her best friends.

After learning that her father had forbidden her to have a pet even though she loved animals when they were in the third grade, Ahmed had even "lent" her his dog, Mal, letting her come along while walking the dog and take care of the dog or play with the dog along with him. Mal, a Pit Bull with chocolate-brown fur and green eyes that had died two years ago to their great sadness, had given Cagalli so many fond memories and she couldn't thank both Mal and Ahmed enough for that.

Though the dog wasn't what connected her to Ahmed, of course. He would have still been an important friend to her even without Mal. He was kind and funny, though a bit annoying. Even though their high schools were different, they often talked on the phone and regularly went out, with or without their other friends.

"He hasn't decided yet, since Tassil is far and he's not sure his grades will improve enough," she continued. "But he is considering going there and I'm trying to convince him he should go for it."

She had almost jumped with joy when Ahmed had told her this morning that one of the colleges he was considering was actually Tassil University since it was the best for the subject he wanted to learn. She had made him swear to study as hard as possible so that his grades wouldn't be the problem. Until facing this possibility, she had not realized exactly how much she disliked the idea of moving to a new place by herself.

"He is interested in desert greening," she informed Athrun, "so we're going to different colleges even if he goes to Tassil Uni. But still, we'll be at the same university and probably take the same classes at first.

"Either way, we are planning to have study sessions on weekends. Both our cram schools are near the city library, so probably there." On weekdays, she studied at her high school with Athrun and her other friends until she had to leave for classes in cram school or the time for students to leave came; on weekends, she had been studying at her cram school with Kira and their friends who went to the same cram school until now.

"Kira said he'd join us, and we're going to ask our other friends from middle school," she added. "Fllay'll probably come. I'll ask Miri, too, if her early exams don't go well." The brunette was applying for the photography course in an art college which was called the Terminal for some reason. She was trying to get accepted through the early decision plan and if she passed the test, she wouldn't need to study anymore. "Though I hope she'll be successful since she's been trying hard..."

Cagalli closed her mouth, noticing there was still a frown on Athrun's face.

"What's the matter?"

He looked like he was debating in his head. After a moment, he shook his head. "Nothing."

She pulled her own eyebrows together. "Athrun, are you all right? Nothing happened...like with your father, did it?"

She was aware that although they were on better terms than before, he and his father were still not exactly tight; he sometimes complained about how his father was overbearing. Come to think of it, he seemed to have been a little off recently.

She didn't think he had argued with his father about his college like Kira and her father. From what he had told her, his father was satisfied with both his career choice and college choice. But they could have disagreed on something else, and Athrun might be frustrated because he wasn't the type to often talk back to his father, or always show his displeasure to others. He was rather the type to bottle up his feelings.

He smiled at her. "I'm all right. It's really nothing."

She studied him for a while, then nodded. "Okay. But tell me if anything happens, yeah?"

"Yeah."

Although his smile didn't seem completely genuine, she decided not to press. He often needed time to prepare himself before revealing his problems. And he had promised to talk to her if there was a problem. It was probably enough for now.

Soon they reached the shopping mall and headed for a bookstore in it. They had come to buy study guides for her. She liked the biology study guide Ms. Simmons had lent her last week and had decided to buy one for herself. She also looked for a good math study guide. Athrun had given her some advice and after skimming through several books, she picked one.

"Can we stop by at the engineering section? I want to check a magazine," Athrun said.

"Sure. Let's go."

While Athrun leafed through the magazine, she took out her phone and logged in her Faceguide account. There was a new post from Professor Ashman with a picture of the university library, which informed his students about new books the library had bought. As she scanned the post, an idea occurred to her. She went through his old posts and collected photographs of the university campus, then attached them to a text.

"We can go now."

"Yeah."

She glanced at Athrun and started walking, still typing. He circled his arm around her shoulder so that she wouldn't bump into someone or a bookshelf. Sending the text, she looked up and explained, "I was sending some photos of Tassil Uni to Ahmed. Seeing the campus may help him choose the university."

He smiled back, but the smile seemed a little awkward. However, she didn't ask since she had decided to give him some time. She just took his arm off her shoulder and held his hand to squeeze it. His face softened and he pulled her hand so that their bodies lightly bumped.

As they got in the checkout line, her eyes fell on piles of magazine on a platform a few meters away.

"Back in a second," she told Athrun and trotted toward the platform to pick up a copy of the magazine.

"Isn't that a fashion magazine?" He looked puzzled as she came back to the line. "I didn't know you buy fashion magazines."

"This isn't for me. It's for Kira." She tapped the cover where their pink-haired friend was smiling. "It should cheer him up." The magazine featured his girlfriend; Cagalli paged through it to make sure it had many photos of the idol.

Satisfied, she smiled at Athrun whose smile seemed genuine this time.

* * *

When Cagalli entered the smaller conference room which was now functioning as a kind of the Sport Festival Planning Committee Headquarters, there were only three students inside. One of them was the Chairman and she walked over to him, assuming he had some tasks to hand out.

"Hey, Chanoo. What's up?"

He looked up from a binder in his hands. "Hey, Cagalli. Will you copy these and make booklets? The rulebooks." He turned his body to put down the binder and pick up a pile of papers from the desk he was sitting on.

"Sure thing. How many?" He told her the number, which was a lot since it equaled to the number of students in SEED Highschool. He also gave her detailed instructions.

"You should bring some other people..." Adjusting his glasses, he looked at the other two in the room, which she imitated. But the two students seemed busy, discussing something over several papers. "Well, I'll send some people to the printing room as they come. You just get started, okay?"

"Got it."

She took the pile from his hands and turned around. Her eyes met those of the person who just opened a door to the room.

"Oh, good timing. Hey, you don't mind if I take her with me, yeah?" She turned back to the Chairman and pointed her chin toward the door.

"Go ahead."

She gave a nod, then headed for the door. "Hey, Meyrin. Come with me. We need to make rulebooks." She lifted the pile in her hands a bit.

The younger girl nodded obediently and fell in line with her. "The printing room?"

"Yup. Others should come to help later."

The printing room was on the first floor, next to the faculty room, not far from the conference room which was on the second floor. Fortunately for them, the printing room was empty, no one using the two copy machines.

Cagalli handed Meyrin a half of the papers. "Use that machine. I'll use this one." She told the redhead the number of copies she should make and they set a paper into each machine.

As the machines started working, Cagalli asked, leaning toward her machine, "Do you like sports, Meyrin? Did you nominate yourself for the committee?"

She had known Meyrin to an extent since the redhead was a member of the robotics club, to which her boyfriend and brother had belonged until the summer, but had not had many conversations with the younger girl.

"Not really. I joined only because it was the only committee available. I'm not exactly good at sports, though I do okay. My sister is the athlete in my family. Not me."

Cagalli nodded understandingly. "So you guys are like me and Kira. I'm the athlete and he's the computer geek."

"Uh, yeah...I guess."

"You haven't taken—"

Before Cagalli finished the sentence, Meyrin's machine stopped and both of them looked at it.

"Oh, there are no more papers." Meyrin opened up a pile of blank papers, which was placed next to the machine, and put them into a container and the machine resumed its task. But she still looked around, apparently searching for something.

"What are you looking for?" Cagalli asked.

Meyrin looked at her. "Are there more papers over there?"

Cagalli looked around her machine. "I have four piles here."

"I have only one more. I don't think they are enough."

Cagalli calculated in her head. "You're right. Wait a second."

She opened the door to the faculty room and called out to a teacher who was nearest. "Mr. Tiger, are there more papers for the copy machines in here?" For some reason, teachers sometimes kept a few piles of papers in the faculty room.

Andrew Waldfeld, who seemed to have been distributing cups of coffee of his original blend to his colleagues like usual, turned to her, a tray in his hands.

"No, we're empty here. If you need more than those in the printing room, you should go and ask the custodian. And you probably have to carry the piles from the storage." His right eye twinkled; his other eye was always closed due to an injury. "But it must be a tough task for a young lady like you. Of course, I wouldn't mind lending a hand if you just politely ask, Miss Hibiki."

She stuck out her tongue. "I do not need your help. The custodian has a dolly and I can carry the papers by myself."

The one-eyed man sighed in mock sadness, his scarred hand up in the air. It was rumored that he had gotten the scars because of an explosion during a chemical experiment, glass or metal charades cutting his eye and chemicals burning his hands. Well, the man himself actually insisted that the scars were from a fight against a tiger with chemicals as his weapons—hence his nickname Mr. Tiger—but no students believed it of course.

"So, you rob this old man of the pleasure of being useful for once? That's not nice."

"You aren't that old. And you'll find another chance anyway. You put your nose into a lot of stuff," Cagalli pointed out before retreating into the printing room and telling Meyrin what she had heard.

Then she went to the custodian's office and brought papers—and a couple of ink cartridges and a dozen packets of staples, at the custodian's suggestion—to the printing room, which were actually heavier than she had expected. But she managed. It wasn't so big of a challenge since she was used to training her muscles.

She and Meyrin removed the piles from the dolly and built them up next to the machines, then she went to return the dolly. When she came back to the printing room, Meyrin was doing something with Cagalli's copy machine.

The redhead looked up and explained, "I was setting a new paper since this machine finished copying the previous one." There were two piles on a large square table at the center of the room; she seemed to have collected the printed papers and set them there.

"Thanks. Now we're back to the waiting, I guess." Returning to her place next to her copy machine, Cagalli traced her memory. "What were we talking about before? Ah, I remember. You said you aren't an athlete. You never practiced karate like Lunamaria then?"

Meyrin's older sister took a karate lesson at the same dojo as Athrun did. Cagalli had gone to some karate competitions to watch and support him, and seen the sisters there.

Meyrin shook her head. "I tried before, but it's a bit too...scary? I don't think I'm made for it."

Cagalli looked at Meyrin with interest. Karate fascinated her; she loved watching karate competitions. She might have taken a lesson herself if she had not been busy with the volleyball club.

"I didn't think some people may find karate scary," she told Meyrin. "But now you mentioned it, it makes sense."

After all, it was an art of damaging a human body. Although it wasn't allowed to inflict actual harm on the opponent as Athrun had explained to her, their attacks were still capable of causing injuries, still dangerous. And not everyone was a fighter who could handle, or even love, the danger. Some people were more of a pacifist, like her brother.

"You're reminding me of Kira more, actually."

Meyrin tilted her head. "Well, Kira-senpai and me get along well."

"Yeah, he told me you're nice, and a good programmer. And Athrun praises your working attitude."

Meyrin's cheeks turned pink. "It's nice of them to say such things."

Cagalli smiled at the younger girl. "I don't know your programming skill, but I agree you are a good worker."

Meyrin smiled back. "Thank you."

Cagalli's eyes drifted toward the window. The track club was practicing on the schoolyard and she watched them longingly. "I miss my volleyball practice. I can't wait for the sport festival." Patting the copy machine, she made a pout. "But after that, we seniors won't get to have much fun. Only studying for entrance exams, and then graduation."

After a short silence, she shook her head and looked at Meyrin. "Well, I hope you're enjoying your club." She started doing simple stretches with her arms and legs. Thinking about her practice had made her want to move her body. "Are you in the Club Relays this year, too?"

In the Club Relays of the sport festival, all clubs competed against each other, though athletic clubs and non-athletic clubs ran separately. But it was more like a fun game, having no effect on the overall scores. Some clubs, especially athletic clubs, still tried to win first place; other clubs used it as an opportunity to appeal to students who belonged to no club and could be a new member of their club. Both Athrun and Kira had represented the robotics club two years in a row and were going to this year as well. Cagalli remembered the strawberry-haired girl had been another representative of the club last year.

"I am. None of our freshmen are really good at sports, so our members will be mostly the same as last year." Meyrin paused, then asked. "Speaking of entrance exams, is it true you're going to Tassil University?"

"Yeah, that's my first choice. Did Kira tell you?"

Meyrin blushed. "No. I saw it on a thread."

Cagalli thought for a moment. "You mean the anonymous threads, right? Do they have that kind of information?" She didn't remember seeing something like that on the anonymous websites students used to chat or exchange information about their school. Then again, she rarely went to those websites. Kira, who spent a long time online, fed her enough information from the Internet.

"I happened to be reading a thread where some people were talking about...colleges, like who goes where and how hard it is and things like that," Meyrin said a little hurriedly. "Someone heard you're going to Tassil Uni and wrote about it in the thread."

"I see." Cagalli nodded with understanding. Tassil University wasn't one of the best colleges, but was still a good university. It was natural that some people were curious about it. She might not be the only one in her school who considered going there even though it was far from here. "Was there any mention of someone other than me applying for Tassil Uni?"

If there was another senior, they might be interested in studying together or exchanging information with her. They could also help out each other after going to Tassil. It would be nice to have a familiar face around in a new place. She might not have to go there alone even if Ahmed wasn't coming; and if Ahmed was coming, the more the merrier.

Meyrin blinked several times, then thought a little. "I don't think so."

"Hmm. Will you let me know if you run into that information?" Cagalli made a mental note to also ask her teachers about it later. Since she had made the decision only about a week ago, she had not checked such information yet, though she knew fairly well about Tassil University thanks to Professor Ashman. Probably she should ask Kira as well.

"Um, sure."

"Thanks." Cagalli smiled at Meyrin who gave her a vague smile. "How about Lunamaria? Is she going to a college in PLANT?"

"Yeah. Her first choice is M&M. She wanna learn space engineering."

M&M, whose official name was Martius and Maius Technical Institute, was the hardest technical college to get into from what Cagalli had heard.

"Ah, that's fantastic. Thinking your sister may go to space someday, or help people go, must be quite exciting, yeah? Does she like _GUNDAM WARS_?" Cagalli asked, flipping through the printed papers on her copy machine just to have her hand occupied.

It was a famous movie series about a war in space, one of her favorites. She didn't know much about engineering stuff, but Athrun said the machines in the series were interesting and quite accurate from the engineering aspect.

"She does. We went to watch the episode two together," Meyrin replied.

As they were discussing the movies, the door to the corridor opened and three students walked in. They were all members of the Sport Festival Planning Committee and must be the help sent by the Chairman.

"We're still in the middle of copying, so sit and wait." Cagalli motioned toward the table. The students picked up folded chairs beside the wall and seated themselves to chat.

It took another half an hour until all the copying was done. Then they started making booklets with the papers and staples. Two more students came to help later, but when they completed the task, it was already twenty past six, forty minutes before the time all students had to leave the school premise. Cagalli and Meyrin had been in the printing room for more than two hours.

As the final task, they divided the booklets into seven piles for each of them to carry to the conference room where the booklets were kept safe until being distributed. The other students started to leave with their piles while Cagalli was stretching. Instead of going with them, she opened the door to the faculty room again.

Waldfeld was chatting with her homeroom teacher on the sofa. Cagalli walked up to them.

"Ms. Murrue, Mr. Tiger, we are done with the printing room. I thought I just let you know."

Murrue gave her a comforting smile. "You've been working for long, it seems. You must be tired."

Waldfeld smirked. "I'm actually surprised you could bear holing up in such a small room for hours. I expected you to go berserk from the stress, even if just a bit."

Cagalli huffed. "I have much more patience than you give me credit for." He didn't need to know she had been feeling like going to the schoolyard and exercising.

Murrue sent a half-chiding, half-amused look to the chemistry teacher before saying in an appeasing manner, "We all know you're a hard worker, Cagalli-san."

"Thanks." Cagalli smiled at her favorite teacher aside from Mr. Kisaka who had been her coach at the volleyball club, made a face in Waldfeld's direction, then waved a hand. "I should go. I still have to carry the booklets to our headquarters. Good evening."

The teachers returned good evenings. Cagalli went back to the printing room to find Meyrin standing there alone with two piles on the table.

Cagalli tilted her head. "Didn't you go with the others? We don't have anything left to do, do we?"

Meyrin shook her head. "I was just waiting for you."

"You were?"

"Yeah. I thought you might need some help."

"Ah, thanks. But it's all right. I just went to say we're leaving. Let's go."

They left the printing room, turning the light off and Cagalli closing the door with her foot, and started walking back to the conference room. All the other students who had worked along with them seemed to have gone way ahead, and only their footsteps were echoing in the dimly-lit corridor.

As they reached the stairs, Meyrin hesitantly said, "Can I ask you something, Cagalli-senpai?"

"Shoot."

"Is Athrun-senpai all right with your going to Tassil?"

Cagalli adjusted her pile as she climbed up the stairs. "Well, he is a little worried. But supporting me anyway."

"I see. He's such a generous guy, isn't he?" Meyrin said a little dreamily.

Cagalli blinked at Meyrin's comment which seemed like a sudden leap instead of a natural flow of the conversation, but nodded anyway. "Yeah, he is." She had no qualms about her boyfriend being a kind person who tried hard to help others.

"You're lucky to have him."

"I know," Cagalli said with a smile.

As she turned her eyes forward, she noticed the chairman of the planning committee poking his head out of the conference room.

"Hey!" she called out.

"Hey. We were wondering where you were."

"Sorry. We were telling teachers we were done."

Cagalli sped up. Meyrin seemed to be following suit and they soon reached the room to join the others.

* * *

Thank you for reading!

···

Below are replies to the reviews.

 **To Passerby:**

Thank you for the review! Yeah, I really like to believe my writing has improved since I started uploading fanfics here. Before that, I didn't think I could write a long story, but here I am.

And I'm glad you like this fic so far. I'll continue to try to do my best!

 **To Fuyu Aki:**

Hello. Thank you for another review!

I suppose that in romantic fics, Cagalli, being female, is more likely to be the main character and therefore, struggle and agonize more than Athrun. But this fic is more about Athrun than it is about Cagalli. She will have some angst later, but he will have still more. After all, he is the one who did a lot of agonizing in the series, right?

Yeah, Athrun hides his feelings a lot. It's actually one of the reasons why many of my AC fics are written from his perspective. It's easier to let readers understand Cagalli's feelings by her expressions and words, even her thoughts; it's harder with Athrun's. So I tend to rely on his inner voice.

Oh, and I totally agree Cagalli is his sun! :)

 **To PegasusInCage:**

Thank you for your reviews!

I know it's difficult for many people to read a fic containing some AthrunMeyrin. In fact, I'm not exactly a fan of those fics myself. But I needed to include it in this fic. I hope you'll give this fic a chance.

Yes, Cagalli's grandfather is Uzumi and he will have an appearance. Look forward to it!

And no, I didn't rate this fic M for the prologue. There will be maturer scenes which I'm not comfortable including in T-rated fics but need to include in this fic. So I decided for an M-rated fic.

* * *

 ***posted 01/26/19***

 ***edited 06/30/19***


	4. Jealousy

English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

* * *

 **Season of Farewell**

Chapter 3: Jealousy

* * *

Her eyebrows were knitted into a deep frown. "My brain's become totally useless," his girlfriend lamented, a container of ketchup in her hand. "It's because I have so much to memorize, you know? Names and equations and phrases and whatever. There isn't much room to stock good ideas in my brain anymore."

They were standing in front of the counter at the school cafeteria. She had ordered the omelet with rice set and, as always, been trying to come up with what to draw or write over the yellow surface with ketchup.

Athrun had never really understood this habit of hers. Whatever picture or word you put there, you were going to eat it; so what was the point of wasting time and energy? He would just pour a small pool of ketchup on his omelet if Cagalli didn't insist on putting a word or a picture in his stead when he ordered an omelet. At least, though, watching her face while she was pondering was fun, especially when it was for him.

He threw a glance over his shoulder and nudged her with his elbow. "I think he is waiting for the ketchup." He didn't mind waiting for her for a little longer, but he couldn't ignore the presence of a guy hovering behind them.

"Oh, sorry. I'll be quick," Cagalli apologized, looking over her shoulder at the guy. Athrun also sent an apologetic look and the guy nodded.

Hurriedly, she drew a big sun on her omelet and handed the container of ketchup to the guy. She and Athrun headed for the table near the windows where Kira was sitting. The brunet seemed to be engrossed in texting, a plate of omelet with fried noodles—zigzag lines of mayonnaise and ketchup covering the omelet—in front of him barely touched.

"Who are you texting?" Cagalli asked, sitting across from her brother.

"Lacus. She's shooting a commercial, but on a short break right now," Kira replied, glancing at them, then picked up his spoon.

He scooped red pickles off his plate with the spoon and dumped them on his sister's plate without saying anything; Cagalli didn't say anything either, simply starting her meal as if nothing had happened.

From his seat next to Cagalli, Athrun watched it with slightly narrowed eyes, and let out a sigh with no comment. He believed that Kira should put a little more effort into eating the food he didn't like and that Cagalli shouldn't spoil her brother like that, eating the food for him. He had actually tried to stop them from doing it several times, but the twins had just shrugged it off and kept doing it; he had more or less given up.

Noticing his gaze, Cagalli pointed the two piles of pickles on her plate with her spoon. "You want some?"

"No, thanks." He shook his head and silently told himself that he had done what he could do before starting to eat his cabbage rolls.

"Don't you eat, Kira?" Cagalli asked. "Your food is getting cold."

"I know," he replied absently, his fingers moving busily on the phone screen.

Cagalli made a face in Athrun's direction. He shrugged his shoulders. There was still plenty of time before the lunch break ended, at least.

"I can't believe it!"

Plates and utensils clattered as Fllay dropped her tray on the table and took the seat on the other side of Cagalli. "Ms. Badgiruel took my phone and wouldn't give it back to me!"

"What did you do?" Cagalli asked.

"Nothing. I was just returning a text during her class, which took only a second. She caught me, though, and took my phone away. Then, said after class she wouldn't return it until after school! How can she be so cruel?"

"Not your day, hmm?" Cagalli said before putting a spoonful of egg and ketchup-flavored rice into her mouth.

"What am I gonna do without my phone?" Fllay whined. "She's such a tyrant. She shouldn't be allowed to abuse her power like that and torment us."

Natarle Badgiruel was the strictest teacher in this school who would rarely engage in a friendly conversation with students and was feared and disliked by them. Athrun didn't have a problem with the politics-economics teacher's no-nonsense attitude, though. She was actually easier for him to talk to than a teacher like Mr. Fllaga who often teased students and made Athrun feel at a loss as to how to react; she required only politeness and obedience, not a witty comment. He also didn't think there was anything wrong with teachers trying to make students follow the rules. In his opinion, if you were using your phone during class, which was forbidden, you deserved a punishment like Fllay's.

Not that he said it out loud. He wasn't the type to talk without thinking first and he wasn't looking for trouble. So he kept silent and focused on his meal until Dearka took a seat next to him, sighing deeply.

Athrun gave the blond a sidelong glance, and after a moment, commented, "You look unusually down today."

"Yeah." Dearka let out another sigh. "Did you hear Miri got accepted by her first choice?"

"I did. Cagalli is excited and planning to throw a congratulation party. Probably after Nicol's result comes."

Cagalli had just informed him of the news while they were waiting in line to buy lunch earlier, then asked his opinion about the party: whether they should wait one more week so that they could congratulate Miriallia and Nicol together or they should have two parties to congratulate them separately.

Their green-haired friend had applied to his first choice of college using an early decision program as well, and everyone including his teachers was positive he would get accepted. Athrun had told his girlfriend that it would probably be better to wait since they were busy studying and preparing for the sport festival and that it was difficult to gather everyone twice. She had been convinced.

"I actually tried to talk her out of going there, you know."

Athrun looked at Dearka with mild surprise. "You did?"

"Yeah. I suggested she could apply to schools around here. They are good schools and she wouldn't need to move out of her home, which would help her family financially. But"—Dearka's voice turned more irritated and frustrated—"she was, like, standoffish. 'I don't need you to tell me what's best for me or my family,'" Dearka imitated Miriallia's voice, then heaved a yet another sigh. "It's not like we're dating, sure, but she could be more...considerate or something, don't you think?"

Listening to the blond, Athrun searched his mind for the information on the college. It wasn't far enough from here to take planes to visit, but it still took several hours by car. Miriallia would probably rent an apartment near the college—he remembered Cagalli had mentioned something like that—and probably it was the major reason why Dearka was upset. As far as Athrun knew, Dearka was planning to study machine engineering and his first choice was Martius and Maius Technical Institute in PLANT. Dearka and Miriallia were going to live far away from each other—like Athrun and Cagalli.

As if reading Athrun's mind, Dearka asked in a low voice, "How are you handling Cagalli moving away? Her college's pretty far, right?" The blond moved his gaze from something behind Athrun—most likely Cagalli—to Athrun.

Athrun glanced behind as well. Fllay was still complaining and it looked like Cagalli's attention was divided between her lunch and the redhead. Then again, it wasn't like he was going to say anything his girlfriend shouldn't hear. He empathized with Dearka, but not enough to share his honest feelings which should be kept hidden.

He lifted his shoulders, careful to make the gesture look casual. "Yes, it's four hours by plane. But she is quite excited to go there."

Dearka gave him a scrutinizing look. "But what about—" The blond closed his mouth as their silver-haired friend sat across from him. "Hey."

Yzak gave a curt nod to the blond, then the blue eyes met Athrun's. Athrun nodded in greeting, secretly thanking the silver-head for interrupting Dearka. But Yzak only sent him a glare.

Athrun suppressed a sigh as he looked back at his lunch. He and Yzak went to the same cram school; results of an English test they had taken there had come back three days ago, and his score had been higher than Yzak's, which made the silver-head more hostile toward him than usual. It was nothing new, actually, but still somewhat troublesome.

He went over his class schedule for cram school in mind, and put some effort into not grimacing. He had an English class today, which he and Yzak shared. It meant he was likely to share a bus ride and then a subway ride with Yzak after their study session with their friends at school; Nicol and Dearka would probably be with them in the bus, but not in the subway. Silently, he wished Yzak would decide to leave for the cram school earlier than he should as the silver-head sometimes did. Given the silver-head's hostility toward him, Yzak surely didn't like the idea of spending some kind of alone time with him any more than he did.

His mind mostly on what was going to happen after school, Athrun absently kept clearing his plates. To his relief, Dearka was doing the same, seemingly with no intention of resuming the previous conversation. Yzak didn't seem to be in the mood to talk, either.

The silence at their corner didn't continue for long, though. Nicol and Miriallia arrived shortly after, taking seats next to Kira's.

"Ah, I knew you'd chosen the cabbage rolls set," Nicol said playfully after glancing at Athrun's tray. "That's your favorite meal, right?"

"Yeah." Athrun smiled a little before turning his eyes to Nicol's tray in front of his. "You ordered the daily special?"

"Yes, I like saury." Nicol pointed his chopsticks at his grilled fish. "They are especially good now since they're in season. Perhaps you can—" He broke off with a sheepish face. "Sorry. I forgot you can't eat fish."

"It's all right," Athrun reassured him. "It's a good thing you don't have to be troubled by an allergy."

"Yeah, you're right," Nicol said with a vague smile before turning his face to the silver-head. "By the way, Yzak, have you already finished Orb History homework?"

Yzak quirked an eyebrow. "Why do you ask?"

"I wasn't sure about some of the answers, so I was hoping you could tutor me a bit," Nicol explained.

"I don't know why you bother," Dearka chimed in. "You're more or less accepted by college already. You don't have to study at all. I'd just write down whatever looks okay and turn it in."

Yzak snorted. "That's why your grades are worse than Nicol's."

Dearka leisurely lifted a shoulder. "I just don't wanna waste my energy on what doesn't matter." Then he grinned. "Besides, you should be glad about it. That's why I've never threatened your position."

Yzak smirked. "You think you are able to outdo me? Not in a million years."

"Oh, don't be so sure of yourself. Overconfidence tends to trip you up, don't you know?"

"Hey, Athrun."

At the voice and a tug on his arm, he shifted his attention from his bickering friends to his girlfriend.

Cagalli was showing her phone screen to him with a wide smile. "I just got a text from Ahmed," she said excitedly. "He said he'd go for Tassil Uni!"

His eyes darted over the text on the screen: **Fine. You win. Will apply to TU.**

"I'm glad I probably won't have to go to Tassil alone." Relief was evident in her face and voice as she looked at the screen again as if savoring the text.

He managed to put on a small smile. "That's good news." His voice was somewhat hard, but she seemed too thrilled to notice it.

"You succeeded in persuading Ahmed? Congratulations," Miriallia chimed in and Cagalli turned to the brunette.

"Yeah. I knew he'd see my point!"

Athrun dropped his eyes on the empty plates on his tray, trying to contain a swirling emotion in his chest. He grabbed his bottle of green tea to gulp it down, which tasted bitterer than it had only a minute ago.

* * *

As he had wished during lunch, it had turned out that Athrun didn't have to share rides with Yzak. He was the one who had left school early, though. After school hours, instead of going to the library, he had told Cagalli that he was going to the cram school early because he had some questions to ask teachers there. She had looked a little surprised, for he rarely did it, but simply said, "Okay then. Good luck on your study, and see you tomorrow." She had not seemed to be suspecting anything.

Why should she? He had been careful not to give her any reason to. And he had not been able to spend time with her today, after hearing the news, if he wanted to keep it that way.

His eyes absently looking through the bus window, he clenched his teeth, struggling to keep the smoldering fire inside him under control.

He had never liked that Ahmed guy. Or rather, he had never liked Cagalli hanging out with a guy who had had feelings for her, who might still have feelings for her. He had never said it to her; he didn't want to sound like an overly jealous boyfriend or a petty person. And it had not been so big a problem before, anyway.

Maybe he should have, though. Maybe he should have done something about it earlier, before this Tassil thing had happened. Then the situation might have been a little different. Maybe Ahmed wouldn't have been going to Tassil with Cagalli where they would be alone among strangers while Athrun was far away.

Then again, would she have listened to him even if he had tried? Would she have distanced herself from that guy so that Athrun could feel at peace? He couldn't believe she would have, not when she had been acting like this—like she didn't care much about him.

The thought was too painful and he squeezed his eyes shut, letting out a deep sigh and tousling his hair. He groped for something else to think about, then remembered Dearka's words, which got him wondering. Wouldn't girls feel hesitant to leave their boyfriend—granted, Dearka and Miriallia weren't dating, but still—behind in pursuit of their dream? He had thought girls put more importance on their romantic relationship, but it seemed he had been mistaken. Maybe he should have known better. Then Cagalli's choice might not have shocked and pained him so much.

Either way, Dearka's situation seemed to prove Athrun's strategy was the right one. Trying to stop her was probably futile, then providing her with what she wanted would be wiser. It was a little consolation that his decision had been confirmed—

"He gave you a ring?!"

He started as a squeal came from behind. His eyes automatically turned to the source of the voice: two girls, both his age, sitting right behind him. They appeared embarrassed since everyone in the bus was staring at them, but kept talking in lower voices.

"Yes, look. Isn't it beautiful?"

"It's gorgeous! He must really love you."

At her friend's words, the girl wearing the ring smiled happily, her cheeks pink. "Yeah, I was a bit...like, had some doubts about us before. I even thought about breaking up with him. But when I look at this..." She sighed dreamily, gazing at the ring. "I have no doubt we belong together. Almost like this ring connects our souls, you know? We're totally soulmates."

Her friend imitated the sigh and the look. "Oh, I so envy you. I want—" She broke off as her gaze met his.

His face flushed, Athrun hurriedly turned forward. Whispering voices and giggles still reached his ears, which burned. He was quite mortified that he had just been caught eavesdropping.

He couldn't stand the situation so much that he got off the bus at the next stop, as if running away, though his destination was still several stops away.

As he walked down the street, the warmth gradually left from his face and ears. But the burning feeling in his chest didn't seem to follow. If anything, the heat increased further and further, slowly but steadily. It scorched the inside of him, urging him to do something though he didn't know what.

For some reason, the girls' conversation had not left his mind. He had actually considered giving Cagalli a ring while shopping for her birthday gift this spring. A piece of jewelry, especially a ring, had seemed like a suitable present for his girlfriend. However, giving a ring had seemed premature and he had not wanted to make things awkward between them. So, he had given her a gold bracelet with hibiscus flowers and some other plants etched on it instead, which she happily accepted with a hug to him. It was probably why the girls' conversation had interested him enough for him to keep eavesdropping, which he normally didn't.

He suddenly stopped as his eyes fell on a shop across the street. The sign above the shop indicated it was a jewelry shop.

* * *

Thank you for reading!

···

Below are replies to the reviews.

 **To Fuyu Aki:**

Thank you for another review!

By "Athrun's plan," you meant his plan about college, right? Cagalli didn't ask about it because she already knew. But I realized it wasn't clear while reading your comment, so I added a few sentences to the previous chapter to make it clearer. Thanks for your question!

Yes, Lacus will make a few appearances, and Kira will show his protective side. But Cagalli meeting Patrick and Athrun meeting Ulen and Via won't happen. Sorry.

 **T** **o PegasusInCage:**

Thank you for another review!

Sorry...I can't replace Meyrin with another character. Maybe you like to wait to read until this fic is completed? Reading all chapters at once is probably easier than reading one by one over months. It is to me, at least. If you think it works better for you, don't hesitate. I know this fic isn't easy to read.

About Cagalli and Kira's parents, Ulen is the kind of father almost always absent from his children's lives except financially. So Via practically raised the twins by herself (with the help of Uzumi, her father).

Before Ulen went to the conference, Via had told him to buy souvenirs for both of the children. He remembered it and bought two key chains. To him, the task his wife had assigned to him was over at that point. After a while, he found a book he bought for Kira and just thought it would be good for his son. He didn't think about his daughter or remember the rule: If you buy something for one twin, you have to buy one more for the other twin. Partly because in his head, buying the key chains and buying the book are different matters.

Via more or less knew it, but said what she said to comfort Cagalli.

I'm curious about your déjà vu. Is it a famous TV show broadcasted in many countries? I wonder if I got influenced without realizing it.

* * *

 ***posted 02/02/19***

 ***edited 06/30/19***


	5. Sport Festival I

English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

* * *

 **Season of Farewell**

Chapter 4: Sport Festival I

* * *

The second her ears caught the sound of a gunshot, Cagalli took off. But she didn't run for long. Running lanes were soon blocked by the first obstacle: a wide net laid out over the ground across the lanes with several students holding it down from the side. Reaching the net first, she lifted its edge to crawl under it on her hands and knees.

It wasn't easy. Her head sometimes got stuck with the net and the net was pulled to left and right as her opponents pushed their ways through. Feeling her head band—which was white, indicating which team she belonged to—almost falling off her head, she hurriedly pressed a hand over the band. The band seemed to have gotten caught by the net.

Finally reaching the other edge of the net, she let out a sigh of relief. Being able to stand up again felt good, but she resumed running without busking in the feeling. One of her opponents—a small girl who belonged to the Yellow Team—had left the net before her and she couldn't waste any second. Moving her feet, she pulled down her head band so that it dangled from her neck. This way, she didn't have to worry about its falling.

She overcame one obstacle after another: jumping over three hurdles, walking on stilts, jumping over a vaulting box, and walking on a balance beam. The final obstacle was a large hemp sack. She had to jump into it and hop toward the goal.

The Yellow Team girl was still several steps ahead of her as Cagalli put her sack on. Her fighting spirit flaring up even more fiercely, Cagalli kicked the ground with her feet, which of course didn't carry her forward as much as she had expected. It was the point of wearing the sack. Pressing her lips together, she bounced forward. The distance between her and the top runner closed a little. It still seemed almost impossible for her to catch up with the girl, but Cagalli wasn't going to give up. _Never._

Suddenly, the Yellow Team girl lost her balance and, with a yelp, fell to the ground. Gasps and murmurs came from the crowd. Cagalli nearly stopped in surprise, but quickly refocused on the race. Careful not to bump into her or step on her, Cagalli passed the girl who was struggling to stand up in her sack and then, after several more hops, the goal line.

Smiling with satisfaction, she shed her sack. Handing it to one of the student staff, she turned around to see the Yellow Team girl. The girl was just about to resume her hopping. Two other students had passed her after Cagalli had, and there was only one student behind her. The two hoppers reached the goal line almost at the same time, and the crowd clapped and cheered.

Cagalli kept clapping her hands until an announcement came and said the next race was about to begin. Then she walked over to the Yellow Team girl who was talking with other students; the others seemed to be consoling the girl. Most of them, including the girl, seemed like freshmen, judging from their conversation.

"Hey, are your injuries okay? Do you need to go see the school nurse?" Cagalli asked.

The girl appeared to have been moving fine, but sometimes, you didn't feel your injuries during a game because of adrenaline. She had experienced and seen it before.

The girl blinked, then shook her head. "I'm fine. I just got some scratches on my palms when I broke the fall."

Cagalli nodded. "That's good. But you may start feeling pain after the adrenaline wears off. You know the school nurse is in that tent, right?" She pointed a finger at one of the white tents circling the field.

"Yes, thank you, Hibiki-senpai."

"No problem." It was after all a part of her job as a member of the Sport Festival Planning Committee to take care of other students during the festival. "And it was a good race. I admire you didn't give up after you fell. You have such a fighting spirit," Cagalli added with a smile.

Her cheeks pink, the girl repeated a thank-you.

The Obstacle Races was over after a few more races and the participants left the field in lines. Following the other students, Cagalli stretched a bit, glancing up at the blue sky. As with the past two years, the weather was good on the day of the sport festival. She had heard somewhere that many schools, SEED High included, had their sport festivals in the beginning of October since the weather was almost always good around the time. Whether it was true or not, there were few clouds, the air a good mixture of warmth and coolness.

As the other participants of the Obstacle Races scattered, Cagalli recalled her schedule. She wasn't going to have a game to join either as a participant or a student staff for a while. She could go back to the tent for her class, or go to the tent for the committee members to see whether there were some irregular jobs.

"Hey, Cagalli! Over here!"

Pulled out of her thoughts, she turned around at the familiar voice. "Ahmed, you—" she broke off, finding her friend walking toward her with her mother.

She trotted toward them. "I didn't know you were coming together."

"It just occurred to me this morning. 'Hey! Mrs. Via can give me a ride and I can save some money!'" Ahmed grinned.

"That's a good idea. I should've thought it," Cagalli agreed.

Via smiled. "And he was helpful. He assisted me in making lunch, and bringing it." She motioned toward a large bag Ahmed was carrying which apparently contained lunchboxes. "The bag became heavier than I thought and it would've been tough to carry it without Ahmed-kun."

"Thanks for helping Mom, and for my lunch." Cagalli patted Ahmed's shoulder. "By the way, did you guys see my obstacle race? Or did you just arrive?" She had looked around and searched for them through the crowd before her race, but had not seen them.

"We arrived around the middle of your race, when you were getting onto the stilts. It took us a while to find a parking space," Via explained. "Sorry, honey."

"But we saw you winning," Ahmed assured Cagalli. "Good job." He gave a few pats to her back.

"Thanks." Cagalli smiled at him.

"Congratulations, Cagalli," Via followed, then added with concern, "But was that girl who fell all right?"

"Yeah, she said her injuries weren't serious enough to see the school nurse," Cagalli assured her mother.

"That's good." With a smile, Via stroked Cagalli's hair which was disheveled. Then she touched the band dangling from Cagalli's neck. "Aren't you going to put it back on your head?"

"Ah, right. I forgot."

Retying the band up around her head, Cagalli turned to Ahmed.

"So you're going to stay to have lunch with us, right? Then go to Ajib's school after that?" Ajib was their mutual friend from elementary school whose high school, which wasn't far from her school, also had their sport festival today. Ahmed had told her he was planning to go there as well; today was Sunday and he was free all day.

"Nope. I'll stick around until the Folk Dance. It's right after lunchtime, right?"

She blinked. "Yeah. You want to watch it?" Although she had sent a picture of the program at his request, she had not known Ahmed was interested in the dance. Come to think of it, though, he had asked her some questions concerning the dance.

"Of course. So many girls in yukata at once? I can't wait!" In SEED High's sport festivals, seniors performed a folk dance in yukata, a light summer kimono. "My eyes need some colors, you know. My school's, like, so gray. Guys everywhere and girls nowhere," he lamented. His high school was an all-boys school.

She raised her eyebrows. "Did you come here to cheer for me? Or to watch girls?"

"I can do both," he replied with a grin. "I'm good at multi-tasking. Trust me."

She rolled her eyes. "Sure you are. Just don't cause any troubles with girls, okay?"

She had gone to his sport festival last weekend with Kira and Miriallia, and clearly remembered most boys there ogling at her and Miriallia as if they were some kind of strange creature; some of the boys had tried to talk to them almost hungrily, most of which got intercepted by Kira. She had not exactly felt uncomfortable, but felt weird about being stared at with such fervor and being treated almost like a celebrity when she talked to them.

She didn't really suspect Ahmed would act like that, but it wouldn't hurt to warn him.

He placed his right hand over his heart, with a mock solemn face. "I swear I'll behave."

With a similar face, she returned, "I hold you to your word."

She then told them which tents were for guests and parted with them, having come up with an idea. The tent she headed for was neither of the two she had considered before seeing her mother and friend. Luckily for her, she didn't have to go all the way there to find the person she was looking for.

"Athrun!"

He seemed to have been walking back to his tent with his teammates. Telling his companions to go ahead, he turned to her with a smile.

"Hey. Congratulations for winning your obstacle race."

She gave him a bright smile. "Thanks. And it's okay if you want to cry over the anticipation of loss," she added teasingly. She had glanced at the score board on her way; her White Team was currently on top, his Red Team twenty-two points behind and in the third place.

He raised an eyebrow. "You remember we just got started, right?"

"Getting a good start is important in a race," she pointed out.

"The result is far more important than what kind of start you got," he retorted.

"You have to work harder to catch up with us while all we have to do is protect the lead."

"That's exactly how you lose. Because the lead causes you to drop your guard and be sloppy."

She made a face. "I won't do something like that."

"You may not," he agreed in a somewhat pacifying tone. "But your teammates are likely to do it."

She silently admitted he had a point and made a mental note to warn her teammates about it, then decided it was time to bring up the reason why she had come to talk to him. "Well, anyway, do you have time now? I just met Mom and Ahmed, and thought we might have some chat together. You can know Ahmed better, you know. You haven't talked with him much, yeah?"

His face turned tense as if he didn't like the idea. She slightly tilted her head.

"I don't think I have time now," he said curtly.

"Okay." She nodded without much disappointment. This had been a sudden request after all. "We just have to wait until lunchtime then."

A small frown appeared on his brow. "Lunchtime?"

"Yeah. Ahmed said he was going to stay until the Folk Dance. So we can have lunch with him."

"Actually..." he slowly said, "I forgot to tell you, but I might not have time to join you for lunch. There is some stuff I want to discuss with my teammates. I'll probably just buy something at the school store."

She was taken aback, partly by what he had said and partly by his attitude which seemed somewhat distant now. "Can't you at least eat lunch with us? You don't have to stay long. Mom must've made cabbage rolls with sausage. I'm sure you'll like them," she cajoled.

Athrun and Ahmed barely knew each other. Athrun had never joined her when she went out with her friends from middle school or childhood. Although she invited him sometimes, she had not tried to make him come; she knew he was rather shy with new people. The boys had still met a few times when both her older friends and newer friends gathered like at her and Kira's birthday parties, but there were usually many people in those occasions. As far as she knew, Athrun and Ahmed had not had much chance to talk.

The boys might have been able to know each other better when she and Kira had invited both of them to their grandfather's villa during summer break in their first year of high school though Athrun wasn't her boyfriend yet. But Ahmed had not been able to come due to a family issue. And last weekend, Athrun had not been able to come to Ahmed's sport festival, busy between preparing for their own sport festival and studying for some test in his cram school.

She wanted to change the situation, wanted them to properly know each other and hopefully become friends.

But Athrun shook his head. "Sorry. I don't think I can." He looked in his tent's direction. "I'd better go back to my tent now. Say hello and sorry to your mother."

Before she responded, he turned his back to her and hurried away. She stared at his retreating form with disappointment.

She didn't want Athrun to get to know Ahmed just because Ahmed was a good friend of hers. She hoped that knowing Ahmed would lessen Athrun's worry about her life in Tassil. She knew her boyfriend would keep worrying anyway no matter how much she tried to reassure him. That was how he was. But if he learned how good a person and a friend Ahmed was, then he could probably feel more relaxed, knowing Ahmed was likely to be in Tassil with her to help each other. She would also introduce the Ashmans to Athrun if she had a chance, but since the family lived far away, it wasn't as easy as with Ahmed.

She considered trying to persuade Athrun again, but soon discarded the idea. He was a responsible person who put his duties before his personal affairs. He had some work to do either as the president of his class or a member of the Red Team and apparently believed he should spend all of his time for it. He wouldn't change his mind and throw away his responsibility. Plus, she understood his devotion and didn't want to get in the way of his fulfilling his duties.

There would be another chance for Athrun and Ahmed to become friends, and it might be best to wait since Athrun, who had looked somewhat stressed recently, would be surely at more ease once the sport festival was over. Then he would probably be more open to making new friends.

Hoping so, she started walking toward the tent for the committee members. She had her own duties to fulfill.

* * *

His eyes wandered through the crowd, through guys and girls wearing yukata. Seniors were gathering for the Folk Dance and Athrun was looking for his girlfriend. Naturally, guys and girls changed in different rooms and he had not seen her in yukata yet. And he had not talked to her since he had refused to join the lunch.

He regretted the way he had acted toward her earlier. But he had been caught off guard. Although he had known Ahmed was coming, he had not known the guy was joining them for lunch. He actually should have guessed it, but he had been trying hard to think about the guy as little as possible, especially since Cagalli talked more about the guy recently. Thus, he had not been able to mask his reaction well. She had looked confused, and might be somewhat annoyed.

Still, he didn't want to spend any time with Ahmed and so, had not gone to apologize to Cagalli before lunch break lest she insisted he have lunch with them again. But now that lunchtime—which he had spent with his teammates as he had told her, though they didn't have much important stuff to discuss—was over and Ahmed must be leaving soon, Athrun was ready to talk to Cagalli.

He hoped he could settle the things between them before the Folk Dance began so that when they danced together, they could have a good time instead of awkwardly sharing a dance. The problem was that he still couldn't find her. Seniors were divided into two groups and the other group gathered on the other side of the field. But he and she belonged to the same group and most of the group seemed to have already arrived, which made it difficult for him to search around.

"Zala-kun." He turned his face to a girl with light blue hair who was smiling up at him. "You look good in that yukata."

"Ah, thanks," he said politely and a little unsurely. The girl looked like one of his classmates—one of the girls who had nominated him for the Three-legged Races, which he declined for he didn't want to plaster himself against some girl he didn't feel comfortable with, though he used the excuse of not wanting to participate in too many games—but he wasn't completely sure. Most girls seemed to have decided to change their hairstyles along with their clothes; some of them even appeared to wear makeup, which was actually not allowed in school. To be honest, they all looked like strangers to him.

"Miri-senpai! Look this way!"

A voice reached his ears and he turned around. The person seemed to be calling out to Miriallia who must be with Cagalli.

Their backs facing Athrun, two girls were posing in front of a student holding a camera, probably a member of the photo club: a brunette and a blonde. He stared at the blonde who seemed like his girlfriend. Although the brunette had the familiar hairstyle, the blonde had one he had never seen before, not on her anyway.

Cagalli, whose profile he could see now, had her hair tied up at the back of her head, the edges of which were pointing in different directions as if showing her liveliness. Her neck which was usually hidden behind the hair was mostly revealed. The upper part of it anyway, since the lower part was covered with her yukata, for which he somehow felt thankful. Her forehead was revealed as well for most of her front hair was pinned up.

Her yukata was white one with large yellow sunflowers all over it, a red sash around her waist. He had seen a photo of it from when she had gone shopping with Miriallia and Fllay, but she wasn't wearing it in the photo. The yukata looked a lot better on her. And it reminded him of the first time he had seen her—the first time he remembered anyway. She had been inside a photograph, wearing a red tank top and surrounded by sunflowers.

Her golden hair and white yukata reflected the sunshine and she almost looked like she was made of light, radiating.

As he continued gazing, she turned his way. Her face lit up as their eyes met and his heartbeat sped up even further.

She came running to him, though not as fast as usual since she was wearing a pair of getas, wooden sandals. "Hey, I was looking for you."

"Hey. Your hair is...different."

She frowned a little and touched her hair. "Fllay did it. You think it's weird?"

"No. No, it's not weird. It's just...you look good," he said a little shyly. It almost felt like he had seen her—how cute she was—for the first time. It made him somewhat nervous, but not in a bad way.

"Thanks. You look good, too." She looked as shy as he was feeling.

His eyes moved over her up and down as he was half-consciously trying to etch the image of her, including the shy smile and pink cheeks, into his memory. Her eyes seemed to be wandering over his body as well, which he liked.

Someone cleared her throat. "Earth to Cagalli and Athrun."

They both blinked and looked at Miriallia who was standing a little behind Cagalli and pointed out, "Sorry for interrupting your...moment. But we should get in lines."

"Oh." He shared a glance with Cagalli, both of them blushing.

"Ah..." Cagalli flapped her hands before pointing them in a seemingly random direction. "I'll see you later then."

He nodded. "Yeah, see you later."

As he stood at the head of the line of his classmates—which was a designated place for the class president—he realized he had missed a chance to apologize to Cagalli. But then, she had looked far from angry. So he probably didn't have to.

The announcement came along with the music, and he held a hand of the girl next to him—the vice-president of his class. The seniors at this side walked into the field—his class on the tail—to join the other group and form a large ellipse around the field. Guys stood inside and girls outside, shoulder to shoulder, holding hands.

The music stopped, and after a few moments, another music, one for the dance, began. They started dancing, and then, at the end of each turn, changed partners to repeat the sequence. Athrun knew he was going to have a turn with Cagalli from the time they had practiced, but still felt a little relieved as she came to him and their hands joined, right ones over her right shoulder and left ones before his stomach.

He would probably have another chance to dance with her. He could even have one while she wore this yukata, if he really wanted. But it wouldn't be in a high school sport festival. And suddenly, it somehow felt quite important that they shared a dance at this time and place.

Whether feeling the same or not, Cagalli kept smiling up at him, her cheeks rosy, as they danced forward; he smiled back, his eyes not leaving her. The exchange might distract her too much, though. She stumbled in the middle of a step. But he smoothly supported her so that she wouldn't fall and led her into turning around as other girls started doing it, with their right hands still holding each other over their heads.

"Thanks," she said as she stopped and faced him.

"No problem. I'm used to your clumsiness," he teased as they bowed.

She pouted. "It's these getas' fault, not mine," she insisted as she let go of his hand and stepped toward her next partner.

He just gave her a knowing look, hiding his disappointment at the fact that their turn was over. It had been much too short.

He couldn't help glancing back at her as the dance went on and the distance between them grew. Watching her dance away from him wasn't as fun as watching her come dancing toward him. To his satisfaction, though, she was doing the same. Their eyes often met and each time, they exchanged a smile.

After some time, the music stopped and he bowed to the clapping audience, holding hands with his last partner.

As soon as they left the field, he released the girl's hand with a polite nod, and started searching for his girlfriend again. Cagalli had left earlier than he did and he hoped she had not gone to change clothes yet.

She seemed to have found him before he found her. He noticed her scurrying toward him, which made him smile, and met her halfway.

"I was hoping to catch you before you took off that yukata," she said, smiling.

His face softening with affection even more, he took her hand. "Glad to see you, too." With the other hand, he softly brushed a strand of her hair away from her face, and studied her face closely.

"Are you wearing makeup?" he asked with mild surprise. He had belatedly realized her lips looked orange and glossier than usual. She rarely put on makeup and this was the first time he had seen her having one with his own eyes.

The color of her cheeks deepened. "Fllay and Miri said I should, and since it's kind of a special occasion and for just a short time, I thought, 'Why not?'"

"I see." His eyes returned to her tempting lips. It was such a pity that they were in public, surrounded by their schoolmates and teachers and parents.

"Cagalli!"

Her face turned at the voice and she raised a hand that wasn't holding Athrun's. "Ahmed!"

The name pulled Athrun out of his fantasy and he looked at a guy weaving through the crowd toward them, whose face he remembered.

"I'm leaving and I thought I should say bye to you," Ahmed explained, stopping in front of them.

"Okay. Say hi to Ajib for me," Cagalli said, then teasingly added, "Did you enjoy watching our dance?"

Ahmed grinned. "It was super! I wish I were one of the guys." He made the show of looking around, apparently at seniors still around. His grin became wider. "And I behaved as I promised, huh?"

"Yeah, it seems like you were a good boy." She reached out to tousle his hair. "And maybe you'll have a chance to perform a folk dance in college," she suggested before looking at Athrun. "This is Athrun, by the way. In case you don't remember him."

"How can I forget your boyfriend?" Ahmed said to her, then gave Athrun an appraising look, which he remembered from the few times they had met. But Ahmed's face soon turned into a friendly smile. "Call me Ahmed. We didn't really talk when we met before, but I've heard a lot about you."

Athrun gave back a polite nod. "I hear about you, too." That he always pushed the information on Ahmed he had heard to the far back of his mind didn't need to be known.

He didn't offer anything more, like returning the favor and telling Ahmed to call him by his first name, and might come off as aloof, but not rude. Rudeness wasn't his way with a stranger, even a possible rival in love, to begin with. And Cagalli's hand in his and the happy feeling he had felt since right before the dance until a few moments ago kept his mood friendly enough. Neither Ahmed nor Cagalli seemed to find his attitude odd.

"I'd like to stay and have some chat with you, but I have to go now." Ahmed glanced at his phone in his hand. "Or I'll miss the bus."

"Yeah, you better hurry. It's not easy to go through this many people." Cagalli pointed a finger to her right. "The front gate is this way. You remember the way to the bus stop, right?"

"Go out of the front gate, turn left, and go down the road," Ahmed chanted. "Don't worry. I'm sure I'll get there safe. Oh, and before I leave, you look pretty, almost like a different girl."

She raised an eyebrow. "I suppose it's a compliment."

"It sure is. What else did you think it was?" Ahmed playfully flipped her side hair. The gesture, in addition to Ahmed calling Cagalli pretty, caused Athrun's face to tighten, but the other two didn't seem to notice.

"Anyway, bye. Enjoy the rest of the games." Waving a hand, Ahmed headed toward the front gate.

"Bye!" Waving back, Cagalli followed his back with her eyes.

Athrun tugged at her hand he was holding and made her look at him. "We'd better hurry, too. We have to change back into our gym clothes before the Team Relay."

There was only one game, the 100 Meters only freshmen participated in, between the Folk Dance and the Team Relay, and the 100 Meters had already begun. It would take a while since all freshmen were required to take part in it, but there wasn't much time to waste.

Cagalli's eyes widened. "You're right. I have to go." She let go of his hand and took a couple of steps away from him.

"Don't run. You might fall," he warned.

"I'm fine," she replied, looking over her shoulder, then fully turned around. "And we are going to beat you in the Team Relay!"

"Or you are going to lose in the overall score too," he coolly returned.

The Red Team had caught up with the Blue Team which had held the second place in the beginning; now the Red Team was in the second place with only eight points behind the White Team. The winner of the Team Relay gained fifty points; the second place twenty-five points. Although the gap between their teams could widen depending on the result of the 100 Meters, if the Red Team won the Team Relay, they would likely beat the White Team.

"We are not losing," she firmly said before turning her back to him and scurrying away.

He kept his eyes on her back in case she actually fell down until she completely disappeared into the crowd, then started for the room where he changed clothes.

As he moved his feet briskly, his mind wandered to the memory of their first kiss—which was his first kiss and he was sure was her first as well. He had begun thinking about kissing Cagalli in the end of January since according to his research, about a month after becoming a couple was the most common timing for the first kiss. But at that time, he had been feeling rather down with his mother's death anniversary coming closer, and it had not felt like an appropriate time.

In the end of February, the idea had started to keep returning to his mind as he recovered from the low mood. However, his first couple attempts had been failures.

He had first tried to kiss her on the last Sunday of February. He had gone to the Hibiki residence to study with the twins, or rather tutor them, since the finals were just a few days ahead. During a break between studying, Kira had gone out to buy snacks, having lost at rock-paper-scissors; Cagalli and Athrun had been just chatting, sitting on the living room floor, when he realized it might be a good opportunity. They had been alone in a place where they had no risk of being seen.

His pulse quickening, he had moved closer to her, debating in his head whether he should hold her hand or place an arm around her shoulders. Absentmindedly nodding to her chatter, he had decided for her shoulders and stretched out his arm toward her who was oblivious to his intention. Before his hand reached his destination, however, Kira had called out from the entrance that he was home. Cagalli had let out a cheer and climbed onto the sofa to see the snacks her brother had gotten, leaving Athrun frozen on the floor with his arm still in the air. Looking into the plastic bag Kira had brought, neither twin had noticed the disbelieving look, then an annoyed one, Athrun sent in Kira's direction.

Later, he had consoled himself that it had not been a good timing after all since they had to focus on the finals now, and decided to wait until the exams were over.

On the last day of the finals, school had been over a little after noon and thus, her volleyball practice had finished earlier than usual. He and Cagalli had agreed they should go on a date, have some fun, before they went home. On their way to a bowling alley, she suggested stopping by at a gathering site for cats. They had entered a small parking area where only few cars were parked; at its far corner, there was a space not covered by concrete where grass was growing and some lumbers and plastic sheets were abandoned for some reason. A few cats had been hanging around there as Cagalli had hoped.

The sun had been going down, but it had not been dark yet. Watching her trying to lure the cats by a plastic bottle with small stones in it, he had thought this might be another chance he had been looking for. There had been no one else in the parking area and on the street beside the area. And even if someone came down the street, it would be fine, he had concluded. Cagalli and he had not been able to be seen from the street if they were crouching down, thanks to a car next to them. There had been the cats of course, but he had not really minded being watched by them.

He had made up his mind and crouched down next to her, put an arm around her shoulders to pull her a little closer, then called her name. Her face had turned to him. His face had just begun leaning toward hers when a meow came from right behind them.

Promptly, her attention had shifted from him to a newcomer cat before he could do anything. The cat had seemed friendlier than the other cats, and Cagalli had started playing with it while he was again frozen on the spot, only making noncommittal sounds as she talked to him. Fortunately—or unfortunately, he wasn't sure—she had taken it as a sign that he was bored and suggested heading for the bowling alley, which he agreed with. He had not been able to gather enough courage to make another attempt that day.

After that, he had figured that the reason for his failures was the lack of plan. He needed to make opportunity instead of just waiting for one to come his way, he had decided.

The next Thursday, exactly a week after his second attempt, volleyball clubs had had only a meeting, not practice. He had also found out that her mother wouldn't be at home that night and that therefore, Cagalli wouldn't have to go home for dinner. Trying to act casually, he had invited her to his house with an offer to cook dinner for her. She had easily accepted the invitation though she insisted on helping him cook.

It had actually been the first time they had cooked together. They, and Kira, had eaten meals together before, both at his house and hers, but had ordered out at most of those times. She had cooked for him and Kira once, but he had not yet cooked for her. And he had enjoyed it, and cooking together with her, despite being busy looking for a chance to put his plan into action.

After they had washed the dishes, he had quickly wiped his hands and called her name. As she turned to him, he had stepped closer to her and cupped her face with his hands so that her eyes, and attention, wouldn't leave him. She had looked confused, but before she could say anything, he had covered her lips with his.

A surge of triumph, and relief, had shot through him. Then, warmth and joy had filled him. Kissing her had felt even more wonderful than he had imagined. He had been so concentrated on his lips—or rather, her lips—that he could feel everything: the softness of her lips, small chaps on them, their slight movement as if they didn't know what to do, her disordered breathing as if she didn't remember how or when to breathe.

Her mouth had been a little open, perhaps with surprise, and he had been able to kiss deeply if he wanted. But he had stopped himself for he didn't want to scare her. His decision seemed to have been right. Tentatively, she had put her hands on his back and he had felt her lips pressed against his. They had been kissing each other, not just his kissing her, which made him elated.

After several heartbeats, he had pulled back to take deep breaths. He had wanted to keep kissing, but been feeling dizzy, whether because he had not been properly breathing or because of the excitement of the kiss. He had decided it was better to break the kiss than to embarrass himself like losing his balance during a kiss, their first kiss at that.

As she had opened her eyes and met his gaze, her blush had deepened. She had shyly lowered her gaze and pressed her forehead against his shoulder as if hiding her face. His own face warm, he had held her, and they had stayed that way for a while.

The kiss had made him feel strongly that he and Cagalli were really a couple. A kiss on lips was a special gesture which happened only between boyfriend and girlfriend, not between friends. Not that he had doubted her feelings, or their dating status. But it had felt good to be reassured.

Entering a room where many guys were taking off their yukatas, Athrun let out a small sigh. The memory had strengthened his regret over having been unable to kiss her earlier. He wanted to hold her body wrapped in yukata in his arms and taste the orange lips. He wanted to loosen a band and pins tying up her hair and feel her hair cascade down over his hand. He had undressed her before, but it would surely feel different when her clothes and hair were different.

Well, he couldn't possibly have taken her clothes off in school. But he wished he had had at least a chance to steal a kiss. It would probably have made him feel a little more peaceful. It was, after all, one of the things she let only him do it to her, not Ahmed, not any other guy.

After a little, he gave his head a shake and tied up his head band. He couldn't afford daydreaming right now. He had things to do and a place to be at. His team was counting on him and the other relay members.

* * *

 **A/N** : The sport festival was supposed to be just one chapter. But it got quite long, and I decided to divide it into two chapters and upload both at the same time. Don't forget to read the next chapter!

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Below are replies to reviews.

 **T** **o Fuyu Aki:**

Thank you for another review!

I have to admit Athrun being allergic to fish isn't my idea. From what I've heard from other fans, some official source seems to have revealed that Athrun has the allergy even though he was a Coordinator, though I don't know what the source was. I just used the information.

How Kira and Lacus met is actually revealed in the next chapter. Athrun also will reflect on his relationship with Lacus in a later chapter, which includes little information on Kira and Lacus's relationship. Though I have to warn you that it won't be much.

And you will have to wait some more until Athrun discusses his situation with someone. I didn't say he is the type to hide his feelings for nothing!

 **To PegasusInCage:**

Thank you for another review! I'm glad you are still reading this fic.

It's not easy to say whether Ulen loves Cagalli, or Kira for that matter. Love means different things to different people. In one sense, he loves both of his children. In another sense, he loves neither. But you are right about Ulen paying extra attention to his son.

Sorry for such a vague answer...but it's a difficult question.

I haven't watched many Korean TV shows and I don't think I've watched that one. But I understand your worry. I would be worrying if I were a reader. Well, I still can't reveal how this fic ends. All I can say is that although this is an AU fic, it's not so different from my other fics. I'm still the same person and I try to keep the characters in this fic as close to how I think they are in the original series as I can.

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 ***posted 02/** **1** **0/19***

 ***edited 06/30/19***


	6. Sport Festival II

English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

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 **Season of Farewell**

Chapter 5: Sport Festival II

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Back into his gym clothes, Athrun was standing in the crowd and waiting for a game he took part in to start once more. But this time, he wasn't searching for his girlfriend. He had already found her, but was feeling hesitant to approach her. Cagalli appeared to be in a serious discussion with a junior with raven hair, Shinn Asuka. They both belonged to the White Team and were probably talking about the current position of their team which had dropped to the second after the 100 Meters.

The blonde and the raven-head had actually met through Athrun. And their relationship had hardly gotten off to a promising start.

Athrun's father had an appreciation of martial arts, or any fighting skills—probably because he was a police officer and practiced a couple of martial arts himself—and believed his son should be familiar with at least one of them. He had put Athrun into a karate class when he was four. Although he had once changed dojos due to moving, Athrun still took a lesson on Saturdays. As with most sports, he was good at karate, and liked it enough.

It was through the karate lesson that he had met Shinn and Lunamaria in middle school. They took a lesson at the same dojo as he did. Mayu, Shinn's sister who was four years younger than Shinn, was also a member of the dojo. Although they didn't share a lesson since Athrun was much more experienced than she was, they usually had lessons at the same time and Athrun often looked after her, becoming her training partner and helping her perform the forms correctly when she wanted to train more after a lesson. He didn't mind helping people and was used to taking care of his juniors. Also, the younger girl always showed him her appreciation and affection, along with her enthusiasm for karate, and he had become fond of her.

Once she had learned about his karate lesson, Cagalli constantly showed up at the competitions he took a part in, though he suspected it was more out of curiosity and love for sports than out of friendship or love for him. Not that he didn't appreciate her presence and support, especially since she had made time despite being busy with volleyball practice.

She had been at the competition in which Mayu got injured early during the summer break of his freshman year in high school. Mayu had tried to do the jumping back spin kick, which she had not been taught yet, during a match and failed; falling down the ground, she had twisted her wrist. Already done with his own matches, he had been watching his friends' matches with Cagalli and they had hurried to see whether Mayu was all right. Receiving first aid, Mayu had ruefully told him that she had wanted to do the form because she loved watching him perform it. He had been touched that she wanted to do like him, concerned about her injury, and feeling somewhat guilty that she had gotten herself injured because of him.

He had not been the only one to find him at fault. Shinn, who had already been upset about his sister's injury, had accused Athrun of being a bad influence on Mayu. His sister had told him that it wasn't Athrun's fault, trying to pacify him. The red-eyed boy had not listened and continued that if Athrun wanted to show off, he should be at least responsible and teach his juniors the right way to copy him so no one would hurt themselves.

Athrun had not tried to argue back, partly because he felt responsible for Mayu's injury and partly because he didn't want to upset the younger boy even more, which could get both of them into a serious trouble.

Cagalli had not shared his sentiments, however. She had shoved away Shinn, who was grabbing Athrun by the collar, and told him to stop taking out his anger on Athrun. Surprised and not comfortable hiding behind her, Athrun had tried to talk her into staying away. But she had insisted on defending him: "You shouldn't be made to feel bad about what isn't your fault, especially when it happened to someone you clearly care about. You aren't the kind of person who neglects taking necessary precautions and risks the safety of your juniors. So it can't be your fault. He's stupid not to see that."

Unsurprisingly, her calling Shinn stupid had made the younger boy even angrier; Cagalli had not been budging a centimeter. Athrun suspected they would have engaged in a fist fight without adult intervention. Both were rather quick with their fists. Much to his relief, an instructor who usually taught Shinn had sternly told both of them to back off and calm down, grabbing their shoulders. They had reluctantly stepped away from each other. Shinn's parents had promptly dragged the boy away to take Mayu to the hospital, scolding Shinn and apologizing for his behavior.

Athrun had dragged Cagalli away as well, after apologizing to his instructors and other children for causing a scene. She had still been seething, and he had explained that Shinn was quite protective of his sister and had been upset about the accident. His attempt to pacify her had not been successful.

Her reply had been, "I know he was upset about his sister. I get that. I sure would. Still, it was so unfair!" She had looked as if she was the one who had gotten unfairly accused.

It was one of her virtues that she seemed to feel as strong happiness and anger for other people as for herself. It sometimes bemused him, but still, caused admiration and affection in him.

Plus, trying to distract and pacify her had been a good distraction for himself that day. He had not had to fret over Mayu's injury while he was with Cagalli. After parting with her, however, it had started to weigh upon him. The only solace had been an e-mail from an instructor saying that Mayu's injury had not been serious and that she should recover soon. He had felt quite relieved at reading it, but still had not been able to overcome the sense of guilt.

Several days later, he had gotten a call from Lacus. The songstress had met the representative of an organization dedicated to saving fireflies and the environment the insects could live in, and been invited to one of the places the organization was protecting to watch a flight of fireflies dancing in the darkness. Lacus had sounded eager to see the romantic sight and invited Athrun to come with her.

He had been reluctant. He didn't care for romantic scenes or the insects, except the mechanism of how they glowed perhaps. He had been about to turn down her invitation when an idea occurred to him.

It had actually been a memory. Several weeks ago, before school had ended, he had overheard a conversation between Cagalli, Nicol, and Miriallia during lunchtime. The three had been appreciating a photo of fireflies at night on a photography magazine, saying the scene looked cool. None of the three had seen such a scene for real and they had briefly talked about what it would feel like to watch many glowing insects flying around them.

With Lacus's permission, which had sounded more like an encouragement, he had told his friends about the trip and the Hibiki twins, Nicol, and Miriallia, had come. It had been the first time the twins, and Miriallia, had met Lacus.

A little more than a week after the karate competition, they had gone to firefly watching. Lacus's chauffeur had rented a large car and given them a ride. They had reached the riverside after a few hours and scattered around to admire fireflies starting to appear here and there.

Cagalli had asked him to come with her. At first, he had thought she just didn't like to be alone and wanted some company. But she had seemed to have a hidden agenda. They had walked toward a lamppost on the road instead of the fireflies.

Once out of earshot of the others, she had turned to him and asked, "Have you had any news on that girl who got injured in the competition? Her injury wasn't serious, was it?"

He had been caught off guard. "No, it wasn't. I got an e-mail from my instructor and he'd heard from Mayu's parents that she was all right."

She had smiled. "That's good." She had paused to study his face which must be barely visible thanks to the light from the lamppost. "But the accident is still bothering you, right? Kira said you seemed down recently." It had been the first time for them to see each other after the competition, but he had seen her brother a few times.

He had hesitated to answer. He had felt a little guilty that he was still feeling bad about Mayu's injury after Cagalli had defended him so passionately. And he certainly had not wanted to tell her he felt so bad that he had even canceled his last karate lesson three days ago since he couldn't bring himself to face either Mayu or Shinn just yet.

However, she had appeared certain she was right, and seemed to have no intention of letting him off the hook easily. And he had not felt too uncomfortable with her to at least admit to feeling down.

So he had let out a sigh, then said, "Yeah, I'm still troubled a little...sorry." In retrospect, a part of him might have expected her to help him deal with the matter by offering her viewpoint which was likely to be quite different from his own. It had happened before.

She had looked confused. "Why do you say sorry?"

"You stood up to Shinn for me, and I'm grateful for that. But...I'm still feeling like this after what you did."

She had knitted her eyebrows, seemingly trying to figure him out, and, after a little while, asked, "You feel sorry because I said to that boy he shouldn't make you feel bad?"

He had nodded his head.

"But you don't have to. I said you shouldn't be _made_ to feel bad. I didn't say you shouldn't feel bad. It's hard not to when someone important to you gets injured, yeah?" She had taken a thoughtful pause. "I don't think you should feel bad alone, though. It'd just make your head become a hamster."

He had stared at her for a moment, wondering whether he had heard her correctly. "Hamster?"

She had nodded. "When you think alone, your head is circling around like a hamster on a wheel, isn't it?"

"Um, maybe..."

"So you better talk to someone. If you don't feel like talking to me, I can grab Kira," she had offered. Her eagerness to fulfill his need had been clear on her face; she had looked like she was about to run up to her brother to drag him toward Athrun.

"It's okay. You don't have to go and get him," he had hurriedly said, and grabbed her arm just in case. He had not quite made it his habit yet then, but he did it often for she made him suspect that she might vanish while his eyes and attention were somewhere else even if it was only a second.

She had tilted her head. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am." He had given her a firm nod, then turned his eyes away, preparing himself to talk, with his hand still on her arm.

What she had said had seemed to make sense though a part of him was still baffled by her weird allegory. Actually, the confusion, and amusement, had probably made it easier for him to discuss his feelings with her.

"I can't help but think I could've—and should've—done something to prevent it," he had slowly started. He wasn't exactly used to sharing his feelings, and it had felt weird, though somehow not as uncomfortable as it should. "I was aware Mayu was fascinated with the form. Maybe I should've told her more sternly how dangerous it was to try a form you hadn't practiced. Then she might've not been so reckless."

"It might've helped," she had agreed. "But it might've not. Sometimes, you can't really learn how dangerous something is until you experience it." A pause. "I think I would've done it anyway if I were her, even if someone had warned me sternly. Besides, being told not to do something can make you want to do it more."

He had looked at her with mild disbelief. "Does it?"

He had always been a good child, obediently listening to adults and following rules. Although he had known that not all children were like him, he had not really imagined such a situation she was describing.

"Yeah. A warning makes it more appealing. Exciting. It gives it a sense of adventure, I think."

"I see..." he had said though he was still incredulous.

"Well, that girl, Mayu, must've learned the danger of the form, and luckily without serious injuries. The accident may have been an important lesson to her if we look at the bright side," she had pointed out.

He had blinked several times. He had not thought about the situation that way.

"So she'll probably take your warning more seriously now," she had finished.

"I hope so. I hope she won't try the form again in a near future."

She had put on a thoughtful look. "I don't think completely forbidding her to practice the form is a good idea. Told you such an attitude may make the form more appealing."

He had knitted his eyebrows. Mayu wasn't exactly a rebellious child; her brother was more like one. But then, she had already tried a form she wasn't supposed to, breaking the rules. He had not been able to feel certain she wouldn't do that again. And she might injure herself more seriously next time.

Feeling a finger pushing his forehead, he had turned his attention back to his companion.

"You don't have to get so gloomy," Cagalli had said, seemingly trying to smooth the crease between his eyebrows. "She must know how dangerous practicing the form without supervision can be. So she'll probably agree to practice it only when you or an instructor is watching over her," she had suggested. "You can help her become able to properly perform the form. It will make her happy, and this way, she is less likely to get another injury. You can also teach her a better way to avoid injuries if there is one. It makes you feel better, doesn't it?"

She had smiled at him and he had slowly nodded, looking back at her with appreciation. "I think that's a good idea. Thank you," he had said sincerely.

Her attitude to try to look at the bright side instead of the negative side, look at the future instead of dwelling on the past, always impressed him.

Her smile had turned satisfied. "No problem. This was kind of my expertise, actually."

He had looked at her with a blank face, but then, nodded with understanding. "Ah, I see. You must've been a...unruly child." He had avoided saying "troublesome child," but she had still made a face.

"I was brave and loved adventures," she had insisted.

"I can imagine that," he had said with a smile. She had still been like that to an extent. In fact, she still was. "I can also imagine you getting injured a lot," he had teased.

She had probably done a similar thing to what Mayu had done many times, or something more dangerous. Come to think of it, he had heard a few stories from Kira or herself. He had felt strong sympathy for her mother who must have been constantly worried.

"Not big ones," she had said defensively. "I have pretty good luck."

He had not thought it was safe to rely too much on your luck, but before he said so, she had pulled his arm, probably sensing the lecture coming.

"Let's go watch fireflies."

"Oh...right." He had almost forgotten why they were there.

As they walked back toward the others and the fireflies, he had felt a lot better than he had five minutes ago. A member of the organization had lent them penlights to lure the insects. She had eagerly tried, but no fireflies had come to her. He had also gotten his penlight to blink as instructed, and after some time, succeeded in luring a firefly into stopping at his hand, probably because he was standing still while she was constantly on the move. He had softly called to her, and they had watched the insect with bated breath for a while until it left.

They had spent some more time watching fireflies and trying to lure them again. And as they were leaving, Cagalli had thanked him and Lacus for the invitation with a wide smile.

The next Saturday, he had gone to the karate lesson, fully prepared to talk to Mayu and Shinn. The siblings had come a little after him, and the moment her eyes fell on him, Mayu had run up to him, pulling her brother with her fine hand. She had shouted she was sorry even before she reached Athrun; she had apologized both for not following the teaching and for her brother's behavior. She had then nudged Shinn with her elbow, who also muttered "Sorry." He had not been looking at Athrun, but had sounded he meant it.

It had seemed that Mayu had become shocked and worried when Athrun had not shown up in the next lesson after the competition. She had wanted to give him a call and asked instructors for his phone number, but they had told her to wait, to give him some time. She had explained that she was going to call him if he had not shown up that week as well.

Athrun had apologized for making her worry, scolded her for breaking the rules, then suggested the idea Cagalli had given him. Mayu had been happy with his suggestion. Instructors had also agreed to it, though they told her to wait for a month after her hand was healed as her punishment for breaking the rules. Although she had made a pout, she had obediently accepted the condition. She didn't try to talk back to her instructors often like her brother, and probably had felt quite bad about the accident and the aftermath.

After the lesson, he had texted Cagalli to tell her that things had gone well and thank her again. Her reply had clearly shown that she was happy for him, which brought a warm feeling—

"They've become so friendly, haven't they? It still amazes me sometimes."

Athrun blinked at the voice, then looked to the right. Lunamaria, who was his teammate and also a participant of the Team Relay, was standing next to him, her eyes on Cagalli and Shinn as well. The redhead had been at the competition where Mayu had gotten injured to witness the fight between Cagalli and Shinn.

Shinn had never apologized to Cagalli for the fight. She had shown up in a karate competition several times after that, but as far as Athrun knew, Shinn had avoided her and they had never talked.

The odd friendship between the blonde and the raven-head had started a little after Shinn had entered their high school. Both of them had become members of the School Festival Planning Committee and begun talking to each other though their relationship remained somewhat tense for some time. And then, they had somehow found out that they were both fans of the same baseball team, which dramatically changed their attitudes toward each other.

According to them, all fans of the White Lions were friends, even family, which Athrun didn't quite understand. Although he liked watching sports games, he wasn't a fan of any specific team. He had not understood it either when Cagalli and Shinn had found out that their favorite teams in soccer were archrivals and started glaring at each other, which he happened to witness. The two had argued which soccer team would win first place in the league that year, and been nearly grabbing each other's throat when Athrun intervened to drag her away.

Thus, Cagalli and Shinn's relationship had become as it was now: almost best friends while talking about baseball, almost enemies when it came to soccer, and friends at other times.

"Then again, their personalities seem similar. So, like will to like, after all, yeah?" Lunamaria looked up at him, apparently expecting him to agree with her.

He gave her a nod. "I suppose so."

"Don't you go and talk to them?" She pointed a finger in their direction.

He put on a vague smile. "They may be discussing a strategy for the relay or something like that they don't want us to hear. I don't want to interrupt them."

He turned his eyes back to the said two. Shinn was grinning now and Cagalli patted his head as if praising him. He swatted the hand away, making a face, but didn't seem angry.

At the sight, Athrun's stomach tightened with something like irritation...and jealousy perhaps. Though he tried hard not to show it on his face for Lunamaria was looking at him. In addition to his general reluctance to reveal his feelings to other people, he wasn't really close to her. Although they were friendly enough, he had not talked much with her in school until they had become classmates this year.

So he kept his eyes on Cagalli and Shinn, who were still friendlily touching each other. Their closeness was the real reason why Athrun had been hesitant to join them. It wasn't like they were acting any differently from their usual way. Neither of them was the type to avoid physical contacts, especially with friends; in fact, they were rather eager. And it had not really bothered Athrun before since he knew there was nothing more than friendship at both ends.

Now, however, he felt uncomfortable with their exchange, probably because it somewhat reminded him of her exchange with Ahmed he had witnessed earlier. He didn't feel like seeing their friendly gestures at a close distance, but couldn't turn his back to them either. Thus, he had ended up watching them from afar.

"Big Sister! Athrun-senpai!"

At the voice, he dragged his eyes away from Cagalli and Shinn, half glad about the distraction.

"Hey, Meyrin. What are you doing here?" Lunamaria asked, turning to her sister.

"I came to wish you good luck," Meyrin said with pink cheeks before turning her face to him. "You, too, Athrun-senpai. I'll cheer you on. You both, I mean."

He blinked, then nodded, noticing the color of Meyrin's head band. "Ah, you are in the Red Team, too. Thanks." He gave a polite smile to the younger redhead who gave back a vague smile.

"Yeah, we need good luck," Lunamaria chimed in. "We have to at least get back to the second place."

After the 100 Meters, the Red Team had dropped a place and was now in the third place again. They needed fourteen points to catch up with the White Team, and twenty points to the Blue Team which had risen to the top position.

"We just need to win first place in this," he said. "Then we will also reach the top in the overall score."

The sisters looked at him, then at each other, as if he had said something weird. Lunamaria opened her mouth.

"Yeah, that's true, but—"

Her words were interrupted by a voice from the PA system telling the participants of the Team Relay to get in lines. Meyrin waved a hand at them, retreating into the crowd.

"Bye, Athrun. Go Red!" Also waving a hand, Lunamaria hurried to the lines of the first, third, and fifth runners. She was the first runner of the Red Team.

He was already at a place where the second, fourth, and final runners were supposed to wait. The other runners came and they formed lines. He was the anchor of the Red Team, and Shinn, who just came to stand behind Athrun with the anchor of the Yellow Team between them, was the anchor of the White Team. Cagalli, being the fifth runner, belonged to the other group.

The ruby eyes suddenly turned in his direction, and they both blinked as their gazes clashed. After a moment, Shinn curtly gave a half-nod, half-bow, which was his usual way of greeting Athrun. Athrun nodded back.

They soon entered the field and the two groups went to the opposite sides of the field. Each runner ran halfway around the track. While the second runners walked out on the lanes on Athrun's side of the field, the first runners drew lots to decide which lane they took on Cagalli's side. Lunamaria seemed to have gotten the fourth lane, the most outside lane.

All the first runners lined up along the start line. A teacher pointed her starting pistol toward the sky, the four runners got on their mark, and the relay started with a gunshot.

The Yellow Team runner, who had gotten the inside lane, broke out. But his speed dropped quite a lot as he started to turn a corner. The White Team runner who had gotten the second lane passed by him to gain the top position. Lunamaria followed and gained the second position, the Yellow Team runner close behind her. She maintained her position and closed the distance between the White Team runner and herself, but couldn't catch up with him.

Passing the red baton to the second runner, she circled back inside the field and came toward Athrun who was sitting on the ground, waiting for his turn.

"I did...my best," she said, panting. "I'll leave...the rest...to you."

He nodded. "I got this."

She nodded back and flopped down on the ground.

"You'd better walk around a little more before sitting down," he pointed out.

"I know...but I just want to rest."

He shrugged and turned his attention back to the race. The third runners were already running. The Red Team runner and the White Team runner were competing for the top position; a few meters behind them, the Blue Team runner and the Yellow Team runner were competing for the third position. As the batons were transferred to the fourth runners, the Red Team succeeded in gaining the edge over the White Team. The fourth runner of the Blue Team was fast; he left behind the Yellow Team runner and closed in on the White Team runner.

As Cagalli received the white baton, the White Team and the Blue Team were tying with each other for the second place, the Red Team runner a few meters ahead of them. She and the Blue Team runner started turning the curve and she succeeded in getting a little ahead. She retained the lead, now in sole possession of second place, and sped up, fiercely pursuing the Red Team runner, a junior called Vino. It was as if she was a predator that set her eyes on a prey. Athrun could almost see a raging fire around her, which he knew was burning brightly inside her and in her eyes though it was too far for him to see her eyes.

"Come on, Hibiki, come on," Shinn muttered next to Athrun, almost glaring at the two runners. All four anchors were on the line, anxiously waiting for their batons.

Judging from his face, Cagalli was putting a good amount of pressure on Vino who kept glancing behind him, which he shouldn't for it actually slowed him down a little. He still managed to maintain the top position, though barely, and stretched his left arm toward Athrun to pass the baton. Athrun casually started running, his right hand stretched backward, his face looking forward.

But then, a panicked sound came from behind, seemingly from Vino, as something grazed his fingers of the right hand. Athrun glanced back in surprise. Vino had apparently let go of the baton too soon, and was frantically picking it up from the ground. Athrun slowed down so that Vino could catch up with him before he left the zone for passing batons, and this time, the red baton was safely transferred into Athrun's hand.

The accident had cost the Red Team their lead and Shinn, who apparently had received the white baton from Cagalli while Athrun was distracted, succeeded in stealing the inside lane. And the Blue Team anchor was almost catching up with Athrun.

Gripping his baton, Athrun sped up to leave the Blue Team anchor behind, and got as close behind Shinn as he could. He didn't try to outrun the raven-head while they turned the curve. He maintained his speed, then accelerated as they hit the straightaway before the goal and he took the lane next to Shinn's. His feet kicked the ground with all their might.

His eyes were on the white tape above the goal line. Everything else, even Shinn, disappeared from his awareness. Nothing existed in the world besides him and the goal, the victory. All he could hear was his own breathing. All he could feel was his heartbeat and the baton in his fist. And yet, it felt as if all of his senses had sharpened, every cell of his body energized and at its best, better than they had ever been, breaking through the limits. It felt as if he was flying instead of running, having evolved from one species to the next.

After what felt like just a second, a blink of an eye, his chest touched the tape. A feeling of triumph surged through him. As if the bubble that had enveloped him burst, images and sounds rushed back to him as he dropped the pace. People were cheering loudly, some members of the Red Team jumping or waving their arms in a frenzy.

He walked into the infield to keep out of the rest of the runners' ways and headed toward the other runners. Another Red Team runner came to praise him with an excited face, and Athrun gave a nod, short of breath. One of the students in charge of the relay also came to confirm he had won first place. Athrun nodded again, still trying to catch his breath.

"Shit!"

He turned around to find Shinn ripping his head band off and throwing it to the ground. "I almost got you," Shinn insisted, whirling around to Athrun, his breathing also hard. "If we'd had a couple more meters, I would've surely won."

"But you didn't," Athrun said dryly. "In reality, you lost to me." He normally didn't say something provoking like this, but he couldn't help saying it now.

Shinn looked surprised, then his face turned angry and his mouth opened. But before the raven-head uttered a word, Cagalli called out, running across the field.

"Shinn! Athrun!" She reached them. "It was such a dead heat. I completely forgot to breathe," she commented with excitement, and turned to Shinn. "You must be frustrated. It was so close." She patted Shinn's shoulder consolingly.

"I would've kicked his ass if we'd kept running a bit longer," Shinn insisted again, glaring at Athrun.

"Yeah, it looked like you were catching up with him little by little," Cagalli said in an agreeing tone with more pats on Shinn, which rubbed Athrun the wrong way. His lips pressed into a tight line. He told himself she was just trying to appease Shinn, but couldn't get rid of the smoldering heat inside his chest.

Cagalli turned to him and he quickly schooled his features. "So your team won," she said with a small pout, but then, continued with genuine admiration, "Well, you ran fantastically. I was in awe even though you were our enemy. You deserve the victory. Congratulations."

Shinn snorted, but Athrun smiled, feeling better. "Thank you. You did well, too."

She nodded appreciatively, then her face turned challenging. "This isn't over, though. We lost a battle, but will win the war." She pointed a finger at his chest in a combative way before circling an arm around Shinn's neck to pull the raven-head close.

"How many more games are you going to take part in? You should win in all of them so we can beat the Red Team," she said in a conspiratorial tone though she didn't lower her voice.

"What about you? You can't put all the responsibility on my shoulders," Shinn complained.

"I know. But I don't have any games left. This was the last game I was in," she replied with frustration.

Athrun averted his face, not wanting to keep watching how close Cagalli's and Shinn's faces were. Thankfully, one of the student staff called out to the participants to gather and stand in lines so that they could leave the field.

"Let's go," Athrun said to the other two and pulled Cagalli's arm, maybe a little too forcefully.

As their group joined the other group on the other side of the field, Vino came to Athrun. The junior looked like he wanted to hug Athrun and run away from him as fast as he could at the same time.

"I'm really, really sorry, Zala-senpai!" Vino shouted with a quick bow. "I don't remember how it happened. The baton kinda just slipped and I tried to grab it, but it escaped my hand and—"

Taken aback by the loud apology, Athrun raised a hand in a placating manner. Vino closed his mouth and Athrun stepped back a little to collect himself, then cleared his throat.

"I think you should've been more careful, but we won in the end. So, just make sure you won't make the same mistake when you participate in another relay."

Vino's face broke into a relieved smile before he straightened up. "Yes, I promise! And thank you for taking down Shinn!"

"Hey, I'm here," the raven-head protested from the next line. "Some friend you are."

With a grin, Vino lightly punched Shinn's shoulder. "You're the one who said we should be serious about races no matter who we're competing against."

Standing behind Shinn, Cagalli nodded. "That's a good mindset. We shouldn't let anything get in the way of competition."

She turned expectant eyes to Athrun. He just gave her a vague smile. He would have agreed with her a few months ago, but now, a part of him wished she wasn't so competitive—wished she didn't have so many things to care about other than their relationship. He rather wanted her to pay more attention to their relationship—to him—but one thing after another came up, taking her away from him.

Her face turned puzzled. But before she said anything, the lines started moving and he made the show of looking forward, away from her. As he expected, her confusion seemed to pass. She looked just usual and didn't try to question him when they parted ways, heading for their own tents. Though he wasn't entirely sure it was a good thing.

* * *

Entering a classroom where guys in his class and one other class changed clothes, Athrun released a tired breath. All the piles of clothes that had covered the desks several hours ago were gone except for one. Walking toward his school uniform, he half-consciously straightened disordered desks and chairs.

The building, not just this room, was quiet. The sport festival had ended nearly an hour ago. Small equipments had been brought back to the storehouses and litter was picked up off the ground and the floor. The tents, the platforms, and the signboards were left to be taken apart the day after tomorrow since tomorrow, Monday, would be a day off to make up for today. Most of the students and guests had already left, including his classmates.

He could have followed them when the clean-up tasks assigned to his class were over about thirty minutes ago. But Yzak, who was a former president of the student council, had asked—or more like ordered—him to stay and help the planning committee members and the student council members who had more tasks than other students. Athrun didn't mind lending a hand and had accepted the request, though he would have appreciated it if Yzak had asked nicely.

Then again, it was Yzak he was talking about. He couldn't recall a time when the silver-head had shown him any politeness or consideration. It wasn't like Yzak wasn't capable. He just chose not to when it came to Athrun, it seemed.

Buttoning up his shirt, Athrun shook his head a little, then pushed the thought of the silver-head out of his mind. It would be just a waste of time to stew over Yzak's attitude. He quickly finished dressing himself and got ready to go home. Before picking up his bags, he checked his phone and found several new texts.

One of them was from Cagalli: **Still in school? What do you say to grabbing snacks at the mall?** It had come five minutes ago and she was probably still around.

He sent a reply: **If you are still up for it, I'll meet you at the front gate.** He considered adding, **Is anyone else coming?** but decided against it for it would be too obvious. If someone he didn't want to spend time with came along, he could just make up an excuse and leave early.

He pocketed his phone and left the room to head toward the front gate, thinking he would wait for Cagalli there for a little while. But soon, a familiar voice called his name. His girlfriend was trotting down the corridor toward him from the direction he was heading. He sped up though he didn't run in school buildings like she was doing.

"I got you." Cagalli stopped in front of him and smiled.

"You didn't have to come all the way here." She must have changed her clothes in one of the rooms reserved for the planning committee members; the rooms were closer to the front gate.

"I was already coming to check the room for you when I got your reply," she explained as they resumed walking. "So, ready for snacks, hmm? You forgot to stop by at Mr. Tiger's kebab stand, didn't you? And I heard you'd even stayed to help around."

"It was more like Yzak made me," he said, scowling a little. "And no, I didn't eat a kebab."

Some time before the end of the festival, she had come to him to suggest having a snack together. But she had mentioned that Shinn would be at the food stand along with some of their teammates, and Athrun had turned down the invitation, saying he wasn't hungry yet. As she left, she had said he should spare some time to grab a kebab later, which he didn't comply with.

She chuckled. "Yzak is probably more grumpy than usual since his team finished in last place." She then let out a sigh. "I'm down as well. I really wanted to win this year." She patted his arm consolingly. "You must be disappointed a lot, too. You thought your team was going to win after the Team Relay, right?"

In the end, the winner of the sport festival this year had been the Blue Team, to which Kira, Miriallia, and Nicol belonged. The Red Team had gotten second place with only two points behind, the White Team the third place with ten points lower than the Red Team. Yzak's Yellow Team had gotten thirty-two points less than the White Team.

Athrun lifted a shoulder. "I suppose you were right after all. Having a head start helps."

"Yeah. The Blue Team got as good a start as my team," she agreed. "And they scored more steadily than we did. We did pretty well in the morning games, but not so well in the afternoon ones while the Blue Team did well enough throughout the games. We probably put too much energy into the earlier games. We got the lead thanks to it, but couldn't protect it." She gave him a side-long glance. "Not to mention we lost to you in the Team Relay and lost the chance to get twenty-five more points."

He raised an eyebrow. "You've reflected on the result a lot, I see."

"Of course. We need to know how we lost so that we can win next time. So my teammates and I had a lot of discussion while cleaning up." Then her shoulders sagged a little. "Well, not that I have a next time. But I hope it will help my juniors."

"I'm sure it will." He patted her back in a comforting manner.

She gave him an appreciative smile before hopping down a few stairs to the landing, then turned around and looked up at him. "Now it's your turn to cry over the loss. Don't be shy," she teasingly said.

Climbing down the stairs, he deadpanned, "Thanks for your consideration, but I don't think it's necessary. And look behind." She was walking half-backward, half-sideways toward the next set of stairs.

She glanced over her shoulder to make sure there was still some space between herself and the stairs. "Are you sure? It's probably good—" At a short sound, her eyes dropped to her skirt pocket, from which she took out her phone. "—for you if you learn how to rant. You keep everything inside you."

While she was talking, her eyes were on the phone screen and her finger was tapping it. Then, her face brightened up, looking as if she was quite happy to see whatever was on the screen.

"What is it?" he asked, standing in front of her.

She looked up. "Huh?"

"Your phone. Did someone send you a text?"

She hesitated, pressing her phone against her chest as if she didn't want him to see it—as if she didn't want to share her happiness with him. A burning feeling deep in his stomach started to crawl up inside him.

"It must be something good, judging from your face," he said as calmly as possible.

She glanced at her phone screen with a weighing look, then turned it toward him. "Miri sent me some photos the photo club members took. They are going through their photos right now," she said.

He blinked several times before finally comprehending what he was looking at. It was a photograph of him standing in yukata, his profile appearing somewhat serious. He looked like he was searching for something through the crowd.

"You looked really good in that yukata and I wanted a photo. I actually meant to take a picture of us after the dance, but I forgot. So I asked Miri to send me one if anyone took your picture," she explained, her cheeks coloring.

"I didn't think you liked the yukata that much. It wasn't anything special," he commented, somehow feeling at a loss.

The yukata was a simple black one with no patterns on it; his sash was slightly fancier, dark blue with white horizontal lines, but still simple. He had just gotten the first yukata he had found that was plain and fit him.

"It really suits you," she said, nodding for emphasis. "It's so dark it brings out your eyes. And it's so simple it makes it clearer how beautiful your face is. And you have a good posture which makes you look even better, though it's not just when you're in yukata."

"I...don't think I like being called beautiful," he replied, his cheeks growing warmer.

She shrugged. "Then handsome. Either way, it was a good choice."

"...Thanks." He was feeling stupid now, but not bad. He felt rather light. "I hope someone took a photo of you in your yukata, too." He very much liked to keep the image of her in that sunflower yukata outside of his head as well as inside.

"Actually, Miri sent this too." The photo she showed him was of him and her dancing together, smiling at each other. "I can send you a copy."

"I'd like that." He pulled out his phone and saved the photo on it before sending it forward to his e-mail account so that he could have it on his computer when he arrived home.

"You look better now." He looked up, sending a puzzled look to her who was studying him. "You were acting a bit weird today. Are you relieved the sport festival was over and successful?"

"Ah...yeah." He averted his eyes, somewhat embarrassed and guilty. At the same time, the tight coil inside him loosened a little.

Her hand comfortingly stroked his head. "You must be tired, too, from working so hard."

He gave a shrug. "It's not like I've worked harder than you and the others."

"Yeah, but it's our job for us the committee members to work for the sport festival, and we didn't have much else to do. You, on the other hand, had other tasks as a class president in addition to helping us."

Her voice was gentle, filled with honest gratitude. His body relaxed further as he listened. Although he had not been working hard so that he would get praises, it felt good that someone had noticed his work and appreciated it, especially when it was her.

She stepped back to make a deep bow. "I thank you on behalf of the Sport Festival Planning Committee for your hard work," she said with grand gestures before straightening up and giving him a playful grin, which he met with an amused smile.

"It was my pleasure to work for you," he said in a pompous voice with a bow, mimicking her.

As he straightened up, they both started laughing. They were still chuckling as they resumed descending after a little while.

"Laughing makes me hungry." She caressed her stomach. "I wonder what I should get at the mall. Since I ate a kebab earlier, I'm thinking something a bit different."

He thought a little. "We aren't meeting anyone, are we?"

"No, everyone had something to do." She pulled a face. "Kira said he had some 'appointment' with his friends in that online game he's obsessed with."

"Are you going to have your dinner at the mall? Or are you going home for dinner?"

"My mom's at home tonight and she is going to cook dinner. So, I should be at home by seven-thirty. And I can't eat something heavy, so ice cream may be the best choice."

"I see."

Nodding, he darted his eyes around, then called out to her as they landed on the floor.

"Cagalli."

"Hmm?"

His arm snaked around her shoulders to pull her close, and he pecked her lips. As he straightened, she stared at him as if she wasn't sure what had just happened. Then she jumped away from him.

"Where do you think we are?!" she scolded him, looking around.

"Relax. I made sure no one was watching."

He didn't like someone seeing their kiss any more than she did, probably more so than she, actually. It wasn't just because of embarrassment. He didn't want anyone to see how she was when they kissed: the way she looked and the way she acted. No one else had the right to see it. It was his, and his alone.

"Still, you could've warned me," she complained with a pout, which just made him want to kiss her again.

Resisting the temptation, he began walking down the corridor, motioning her to follow. She fell in line with him, but made the show of covering her mouth with her hand.

Making a face, he asked, "Do you have anything specific you want to do at the mall? Or is it okay to go somewhere else?"

"It's fine as long as I can get some snacks, preferably ice cream. Where do you want to go?"

"How about karaoke?" They had only a couple of hours, not enough to go to his house, but there were some karaoke facilities around the shopping mall at the bottom of the hill.

At his suggestion, her blush returned.

He usually avoided going to karaoke. He neither was good at singing nor liked it. But going there with Cagalli was an exception. They could have a little more privacy in karaoke rooms and so, could make out more freely. The only time he proposed going there was when he wanted to have some intimate time with her—though they wouldn't go much far since the rooms weren't _that_ private, just kissing and hugging—and she knew it.

Plus, he didn't mind listening to Cagalli sing, and unlike some people including some of his friends, she wouldn't try to make him sing or make fun of him for his dislike of singing.

A little after they had become friends, she had suggested going to karaoke together. He had been eager to go out with her, but had not liked the place. He had also been a little hesitant to reveal his dislike to her since his friends—mostly Dearka; Yzak sometimes did, but not often, probably because the silver-head was nearly as eager to sing as Athrun—teased him about it. He had also expected her to change her mind and ask other friends of hers to go out with her instead, which would disappoint him. Still, his reluctance to sing in front of people had won in the end and he had told her he didn't like karaoke.

Her response had been a casual nod and, "Okay. Do you have any place you want to go to?"

He had blinked before tentatively asking, "Are you all right with not going to karaoke? If you want, you can go with others. You don't have to give up your plan because of me."

She had looked at him like she didn't understand him. "But we are talking about _our_ going out. And if we go somewhere one of us doesn't like, we can't have fun, yeah?" She had given him an expectant look. "So, what do you like to do?"

He had looked at her a little uncertainly for a moment, adjusting himself to the fact that his expectation had failed, then quickly searched his mind for an answer that would hopefully satisfy both of them. Thankfully, an online article he had read several weeks ago had come to his mind: about an amusement facility where they could experience virtual reality including some adventures she might like. Listening to his explanation, she had shown interest. They had visited the place the next weekend—with Kira who had known about the place and, hearing about their plan to go there, insisted on tagging along—and had had quite a good time.

Smiling at the memory, he prodded for the answer. "So, what do you say?"

Her cheeks still red, she smiled. "Well, come to think of it, I have a couple of songs I want to sing."

He smiled back. "Karaoke then."

"Yeah. I want to go to that karaoke facility having coffee jelly with vanilla ice cream on the menu."

Their hands joined as if it was the most natural thing in the world. He was warm and excited, and felt like everything was all right. At this moment, at least, it was true. And he was intent on not thinking farther than the rest of today.

* * *

Thank you for reading. See you next week!

* * *

 ***posted 02/10/19***

 ***edited 06/30/19***


	7. The Thought

English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

* * *

 **Season of Farewell**

Chapter 6: The Thought

* * *

Athrun entered his room with an armful of presents, taking care not to drop any of them. Today was two days before his birthday. Since his birthday was a weekday, though, he had suggested having the party on Sunday instead when Cagalli had brought up the topic of his birthday party. Thus, his friends had gathered at his house to celebrate his birthday this afternoon. Well, Dearka had had no hesitation in calling it a chance to let off steam, especially since they had had midterm exams a week ago, and Yzak had been in total agreement. But Athrun was grateful for his friends nonetheless.

Maybe except for Dearka, though, who had somehow gotten some beers and brought them, most of which he consumed himself. At the end of the party, they had even considered calling a taxi for Dearka since they doubted the blond could reach home safely otherwise, barely conscious or able to stand up. Lacus had suggested that her chauffeur, Mr. Dacosta, could take Dearka to his house. Nicol had volunteered to be the chaperon to make sure the blond would go inside his house, and to his room. Yzak had tagged along, saying he could use a ride since Dearka's house was closer to his than Athrun's.

Nicol had said he would wait a little after reaching the neighborhood before going into Dearka's house so that the blond could sober up a bit, but Athrun doubted it would help much. Dearka had looked too wasted. His parents would be very likely to catch him still drunk. And frankly, Athrun didn't feel much sympathy for the blond. Whatever the punishment would be, Dearka had brought it on himself, given his behavior.

As Athrun shook his head and dumped the gifts on his desk, his eyes landed on a box of bath bombs among them. His cheeks slightly warmed up. Cagalli had given it to him, saying he tended to work too hard and so he should use them to have a relaxing and fun bath time. Dearka had commented that she could share a bath with Athrun to give him a relaxing and _pleasurable_ bath time, then gotten smacked in the head by both the Hibiki twins. Athrun had simply put his effort into fighting off a blush and maintaining a cool face.

Athrun's eyes shifted toward his bed. He had not yet shared a bath with Cagalli and doubted he was going to in a near future, but they were very likely to use the bed later. He walked over to the bed and slid a hand under his pillow to make sure a package of condom and a tube of lubricant he had placed earlier were still there. The bed was clean and made. Still, he straightened the covers and the pillow.

Then, he slowly walked back to his desk to open the top drawer. After a little hesitation, he grabbed what had been sitting there for a while and put it in his pocket. He pressed a hand against the pocket as he left his room and went downstairs as if making sure its content wouldn't vanish.

In the living room, near the door to the kitchen, Cagalli was tying a garbage bag. Noticing him, she looked up. "You like to put this in the dining room, right?"

She and Kira often put garbage bags at the entrance, which Athrun had witnessed, so that they wouldn't forget to bring them to the dump yard in the morning. But Athrun didn't want people who came to his house, even if it was just a delivery man, to see the bags and preferred to keep them in the back of the house.

"Yes. I can take it." He stepped toward her, but she hurriedly hid the bag behind her.

"I'll do it. You just sit there. This is your birthday party."

As she disappeared into the dining room, he looked around the living room. The room looked clean enough, except for a stain on the carpet. Dearka had spilled his beer while laughing hysterically for no apparent reason. Athrun had quickly searched the Internet for how to get rid of a beer stain and taken care of it, with his other friends' help; it would hopefully be gone once the carpet got dry. The incident had made everyone other than Dearka, who insisted he wouldn't go home until everyone else had some "proper" fun like him, agree that it was time to wrap up the party.

Eyeing the stain, Athrun started for the kitchen to see whether there was something that needed his hand. Before he reached the door, however, Kira and Lacus came out of it. They had stayed to help him and Cagalli clean up.

"Are you done there?" he asked.

"Yes. The dishwasher is working now," Lacus replied. "And we cleaned up the sink and the counters."

"Thank you."

Lacus smiled. "You are welcome."

"It seems we can leave now. Mr. Dacosta called Lacus a minute ago he's already back here," Kira said, then turned toward his sister who had just returned from the dining room and waved a finger at her, more playful than serious. "Curfew is ten thirty, remember? You better not break it. Just because Mom won't be home, doesn't mean she won't find out about you cutting loose and coming home late," he warned, though it sounded more like teasing.

" _You_ better be at home by ten thirty," Cagalli shot back with a scowl, her face pink. "Don't forget time because you have too much fun with Lacus or whatever."

Kira shrugged though his cheeks were mimicking his sister's. "I'm actually taking her to our house."

Cagalli lifted her chin. "Then you better make sure she's at home by ten thirty. I can talk to her father, you know."

Kira looked a little annoyed. "Playing dirty, huh?"

Cagalli huffed. "You started it."

"Fine. But you still can't spend a night with a guy."

"I don't need your permission."

They stared each other down, folding their arms in front of their chests, until Lacus clapped her hands.

"It is great that you two care about each other so much." The pink-haired girl smiled broadly. "However, I would like to go and have some alone time with Kira, if you allow us, Cagalli-san."

The twins blinked at Lacus with blank faces, looked at each other, then at Lacus again. Their movements completely synchronized, which gave it a comical feel.

"Yeah...sure," Cagalli said, scratching her head.

"Excellent." Lacus looped her arm through Kira's. "Then, shall we?"

"Um, yeah." Kira nodded and started walking toward the sofa where his and Lacus's belongings were.

Lacus cheerfully waved a hand. "Have a good time, Athrun, Cagalli-san."

The other three mumbled their own goodbyes, then the couple left. As Athrun locked the door, he and Cagalli glanced at each other.

"So...um...your room?" She motioned upward, her flushed face turned away from him.

He cleared his throat. "Before that, I have something to give you," he said, his pulse quickening. He wasn't sure he was ready to do it. But if he waited long, he might get too distracted and forget about it. Or he might crush what was inside his pocket in the heat of the moment they were surely going to have.

Her eyes found him. "What is it?"

Taking in a long breath, he grabbed her left hand, pulled a ring out of his pocket, and slipped it onto her ring finger.

For a moment, she just stared at the silver ring with a red gem, her mouth half open and her eyes wide. Then she lifted her gaze. "Wh-what...this..." she stuttered. He averted his eyes.

"Yo-you can't give me a ring this way!"

He was taken aback. His lips turned downward as he shifted his eyes back to her. "Well, sorry it wasn't romantic."

"No, no, that's not what I meant," she hurriedly said with a red face, tousling her hair. "Well, a bit. But what I really want to say is, it's your birthday. _You_ can't give _me_ a gift."

"Oh." He was relieved. "It's all right. I wanted to give it to you."

A frown appeared on her face. "But you gave me that bracelet for my birthday. So it's two presents for me and one for you. That's not fair."

Half amused and half amazed, he thought fast. "Actually...you are wrong there. Because it's not a birthday gift for you. You give people gifts for other occasions, right? To show them you care about them, for instance. Like you give me snacks after...I take a day off school," he softly reminded her. The snacks he received on the day after Valentine's Day were one of the best gifts she had given him.

"When you put it that way..." Looking convinced, she regarded the ring for a little before turning her eyes to him. "You don't like to wear rings, do you?"

He raised his eyebrows. "No. I'd rather you wouldn't give me a ring in return."

Her lips formed a little pout. "Okay..." She appeared to be still pondering what she could give him.

He pulled her close. "You know, you can show me your feelings by some gestures instead of things."

As he pressed his forehead against hers, understanding spread over her face. She obediently closed her eyes and angled her face so that he could easily kiss her. His face melting into a satisfied smile, he took her lips. He promptly slid his tongue between her lips and she opened her mouth wider so that he could go deeper. His tongue moved around her hot mouth, playing with her tongue. He wanted to feel every part of it, of her.

After a moment, she pulled away for a breath. He didn't let her go far and captured her lips again. Another moment of passionate kiss, then it was he who pulled away this time.

"Let's go to my bed," he suggested in a hoarse voice. Panting, she nodded.

He held her hand and pulled her toward the stairs. They were both silent on the way. Heading to a bed for sex still felt somewhat awkward, making his heart beat faster.

Standing beside his bed, they shared a shy look, then a kiss. The heat the kiss stoked in his body made him both relaxed and tense. They climbed onto the bed while kissing and fondling each other, and ended up collapsing on the mattress, her on him. Her head hit his nose and he let out a small sound of pain.

"S-sorry." She shuffled to untangle their bodies and lift herself, then looked down at him. "You okay?"

"Yeah..." He rubbed his nose.

She took his hand to move it away from his nose. He noticed a twinkle in her eyes as she lowered her head. She dropped a kiss on the tip of his nose, then asked with a mischievous smile, "Did it make the pain go away?"

He let out a chuckle. "I guess it did."

"Good." With a satisfied nod, she caressed his nose.

He slowly sat up while pulling her head down with a hand to kiss her again, careful not to move fast. He didn't want another crash of bodies, not that kind anyway.

Exchanging kisses, they took off the clothes, mostly taking care of the other's. His hands worked more quickly than hers and he succeeded in stripping her naked while still having his underwear on.

He gently pushed her down. Her hands came up to stroke his bare back, causing a tingling sensation that spread over his body. He shivered, torn between wanting to quickly lose himself into this amazing heat and wanting to take it slow so that it would last longer. The choice was always hard to make.

Her hands reached the edge of his briefs. He let her pull them down, then kicked them off him. She started to caress his body again, but he pinned her arms on the bed. His eyes traveled over her body, which caused it to flush. The sight was just as exciting as it had been the first time. Maybe more so now that he knew what would come next, what kind of feelings the body of hers would give him.

His heart pounding even harder, he lowered his head to attack her neck, then breasts, with his lips, tongue, and teeth. She made the sounds he loved to hear, the sounds telling him that his actions could cause her as much pleasure as she caused in him.

He sucked hard at her soft skin to leave a mark and lifted his head to appreciate his handiwork. His eyes wandered toward her left hand which was closing and opening as she tried to handle the sensations he had given her. There was something quite satisfying about the sight of her wearing only his ring—and his mark.

He released her arms and lifted her left hand to kiss the gem on the ring. It was the color of the gem that had attracted him to the ring: the color of fire.

With an almost desperate voice, she called his name, her other hand pulling him in for a kiss. Her kiss was as frenzied as her voice, setting his body aflame.

Fervently kissing her back, he laced his right hand with her left one, a small part of his mind focusing on the hard feel of metal on his skin. It was a proof that she was his. Right now, she was here, in his arms and under his body, and even after she went far away, she would be his. She would always be.

He told himself so over and over as he returned to tasting her body. It was soft and sweet and warm—maybe hot, but his body was getting hotter. He wanted everything of it. He wanted everything of her. He wanted to take her inside him and never let her go. He wanted to go inside her and never leave. He knew it was impossible, but he still couldn't help wanting—craving.

With ragged breath, he straightened a little and slipped his hand under his pillow to grab the condom. He couldn't fulfill those wishes; he doubted the desire—the hunger and thirst—for her could ever be completely satisfied even if he devoured her. But he could have the illusion of satisfaction at least. He could be inside her and actually connect with her for a little while. His body was desperate to.

But his hand stopped before ripping the package open as a thought came into his sex-hazed brain. What if he didn't wear a condom? What if she got pregnant? She would probably not want to have an abortion. Would it make her change her mind about college—about leaving him? Could he keep her at his side? Could he chain her to—

"Athrun?"

He snapped out of his thoughts. Cagalli was looking up at him quizzically. With those amber eyes full of love and trust.

"I..."

Nausea rose up inside him. Dropping the condom, he closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands. As he collapsed on the sheet, away from her, he felt like someone had smashed his head with full force. His head was reeling with shock and his body, which had been burning hot a second ago, felt like ice.

"I'm sorry, Cagalli," he choked out.

After several heartbeats, warm hands touched his back to caress it. "There, there, it's all right," she softly said, still panting, and held him in her arms. The warmth transferred from her body to his, which he didn't deserve but took anyway.

He drew a dozen of shaky breathes while gathering the courage to reveal his face to her. He was still unable to look at her face and kept his gaze down. "I don't feel well. Can we...can we stop?" Then he repeated in a low voice, "I'm sorry."

A part of him was scared that she saw through him, saw the horrible thought in his head. However, she just said in a reassuring tone, "It's okay, Athrun." Her voice was filled with concern, which tightened his chest. Her hand gently stroked his head. "You look pale. I think you should lie down." She reached out to collect her clothes. "I'm going to get some water, okay?"

"Yeah..."

He remained still as she dressed herself and left the room, then awkwardly slid down the bed to put on his clothes. After covering up himself, he sat on the bed and dropped his head into his hands.

He had never been as disgusted with himself. He had never been as disgusted with anyone. How could he have considered such a thing, violating her trust like that? How could he have stooped so low? He didn't want to be like that. He didn't want to be such a shameful man who got his girlfriend pregnant without her consent to tie her to him. But it was who he was, who he had become, apparently.

The thought sickened him to no end.

As if pouring salt on the wound, a memory came to his mind. In the middle of his first year in middle school, a little before his thirteenth birthday, his mother had sat him down and given him a sex talk, which was mostly about the risks of having sex and precautions he could take. To his enormous relief, she had not asked him about his sex life or explained how to use the precautions in details, though he still felt uncomfortable. It was one thing that a teacher gave a lecture to the whole class; it was entirely another that someone gave you a one-on-one lecture, especially when it was your own mother.

Although his body was turned toward her on the sofa in the living room they were both occupying, he had kept his eyes on the floor once he understood what the talk was about, fighting a blush and the urge to run away. But she had shaken his shoulder a little.

"Athrun, I know you're embarrassed. But look at me and listen carefully. This is important." She had waited until he reluctantly looked at her face. "Sex isn't something you should take lightly. Neither is pregnancy. If a girl gets pregnant when she doesn't want to—and teen girls usually don't want to, as I'm sure you are aware—the consequence of pregnancy is...not pretty. No matter what she chooses to do with the baby, she is likely to get hurt in one way or another. None of the options are easy."

Her face and tone had turned even more serious. "When you like a girl and want to sleep with her, I want you to think hard about the risks and act carefully. _Responsibly_." His mother had reached out to stroke his cheek. "You are a kind boy, Athrun. I know you don't want to hurt a girl you love, or any girl for that matter. I don't want you to get hurt, too. So, keep it in mind, all right?"

He had given her a silent nod, still too mortified to talk, and she had smiled. "Good. Then we're done. Well, for now anyway," she had teasingly added before allowing him to escape to his room.

Despite the embarrassment, he had properly followed his mother's teaching. After starting to date Cagalli, he had made his own research to make sure he knew everything he should know about sex and been careful to take precautions when they slept together...and yet, he had somehow ended up here.

What would his mother say if she were here and knew about this? Would she be mad? Or sad? She would certainly be disappointed in him, deeply. She had been concerned about his mistakenly getting a girl pregnant when the girl didn't want it. She surely had never imagined him deliberately making it happen. She would probably be devastated that her son had grown up to be such a contemptible man. She would probably be hurt and crying.

He gritted his teeth as a shot of pain stabbed his chest. Now, he was the kind of man who hurt his girlfriend and made his mother cry. How could he? He wanted to punch himself senseless, then spit on the broken body. If this were someone else, he would cut him off his life, wanting nothing with him anymore. Unfortunately, he couldn't do that with himself. There was no way for him to escape this body, this mind, everything that consisted of him, all of which felt filthy.

Hearing quiet footsteps, he reluctantly looked up. Cagalli was looking at him worriedly, a glass of water and a bottle of sparkling water in her hands.

"Which do you like?" she quietly asked, closely examining him.

Suppressing the urge to hide his face, he reached for the glass. "I'll have this. Thank you." He discreetly avoided touching her hand holding the glass as he took it.

She silently waited while he emptied the glass. "Do you think you have a fever? I didn't know where I could find a thermometer. If you just tell me, I'll fetch it."

He slowly shook his head. "I don't think I need it."

She regarded him for a moment before nodding. "Okay then. If you are feeling good enough to move, you should change into something more comfortable," she said, collecting the glass from his hand. "I'm going to call Kira I'll stay." She paused, then amended, "Actually, I'm going to text. I don't want to interrupt their...you know."

"You'll stay for the night?" he asked with surprise.

"I wouldn't leave you alone like this," she firmly said. "You still don't look good."

He hesitated. A large part of him didn't want her to stay around, scared that she was going to find out, and scared of what he might do to her. But it seemed quite difficult to convince her to leave.

"What about school? You have to go home to change your clothes and get your stuff before school tomorrow morning. You'll probably be late."

He tried to recall what time the first bus from here to the school was. There probably wouldn't be enough time for her to go from his house to hers and then come back to school before school began.

She wrinkled her forehead in a thoughtful frown, and after a little, her face lit up. "I'll tell Kira to come to school early and bring my uniform and books, then I can change in a restroom at the mall or somewhere around there." She scanned his room. "You don't mind if I borrow your pajamas, yeah?"

After a moment, he released a resigned sigh and motioned toward his closet. "They are in there. The bottom drawer." He didn't have the energy to argue with her.

Watching her putting the glass and the bottle on his desk and going through his nightclothes, he had to admit that a part of him was glad she was staying. He was longing for her, for her comfort, even when he was afraid of just touching her. He wasn't sure what it made him, selfish or pathetic.

She pulled out a pair of pajamas and he started to stand up. "You can sleep in the guest room, but we need to change the sheets."

"What are you doing?" She hurried back to his side to force him to sit back. His body tensed at the touch, but she didn't seem to notice it. "You have to rest."

"But—"

"I can change the sheets on my own," she cut off in a reprimanding tone. "I can take care of myself, so stop worrying yourself."

They had a brief staring contest, then he let out another sigh. "The sheets are in the wardrobe in the room." He pulled his eyebrows. "But then, the sheets may not be clean enough."

He usually didn't bother with the guest room and the last time the sheets in the room, both the ones on the bed and the ones in the wardrobe, got washed was when his grandparents had come, which was more than half a year ago.

She gave him a chiding look. "Just. Stop. Worrying. Okay? I'll go check the guest room. You put on your pajamas."

He obliged. He also collected the half-ripped package of condom and the tube of lubricant from the bed to stash them deep in a drawer of his desk, trying not to look at them for long since he didn't want to think about sex right now.

Then he waited for her return, staring at the doorway with an impatient face. He wasn't exactly used to giving someone control, much less in his own house. The situation also felt ironic. He had wished many times that she could sleep over, that they could spend a night together. He had not imagined his wish would come true like this. Nor had he ever imagined that he would feel no excitement or happiness when it did. It shouldn't have happened like this. It felt like everything was twisted, wrong.

A few more minutes passed, and she came back to report, "I think the sheets on the bed are fine." He opened his mouth with a frown. "But I'll wash them," she continued with a silencing look. "So you have nothing to worry about. Is there anything you want, like food or more drink? If not, you better try to get some sleep. Oh, any request for dinner? You may not be hungry right now, but you can probably eat after a nap."

"Just...something not too hot," he replied, sliding into under the covers.

He wasn't sleepy, but taking a nap was a good excuse to reduce his exchanges with her so that he could protect her from the harm he might inflict on her. Spending a long time with her alone in a house, especially when no one was going to interrupt them, wasn't safe, given his condition.

"Of course I won't make something too hot," she said, looking a little offended. "I know it's not good for sick people."

She still came to his bedside to stroke his hair. "There, there. Sleep well."

Keeping his body still, he closed his eyes and whispered, "I'm really sorry...I almost feel like I want to die." The words slipped before he stopped them, which wasn't usual for him, but not so unusual when with her.

She lightly flicked his forehead. "Stop apologizing. And don't say such a stupid thing. I told you, it's all right. Just go to sleep. Then you'll feel better."

He doubted it, but kept his mouth shut and tried to make his breathing even. After a minute, her hand tentatively slipped under his front hair to press against his forehead, probably making sure he really wasn't feverish. With a small sigh of relief, the hand left his head and he sensed her tiptoeing away. A half of him wanted to reach for her, begging her to stay. Another half wanted her to leave as fast as possible, go as far away as she could.

The door quietly closed and he let out a long sigh.

* * *

 **A/N** : The scene in this chapter is one of the M-rated scenes in this fic. I hope it wasn't too much.

And now we officially entered the angsty phase. Expect more and more angst to come.

Thank you for reading. See you next week!

···

Below is a reply to the review.

 **T** **o Fuyu Aki:**

Thank you for another review!

I love long stories, too, though I also like short stories. Long stories allow us to immerse ourselves in its world for longer. Though as a writer, it makes me worry about whether my fic is worth the length since a bad long story is more aggravating than a bad short story. This fic is already becoming my longest fic and we barely started getting to the main point a.k.a the angsty phase.

Well, I hope you (and other readers) will find this fic worth reading after finishing it.

I never heard about Athrun being a project. But then, I'm a rather recent fan, though it's already been nearly eight years. And I'm not very eager to collect the information from outside sources. I more or less take only what I happen to come across.

I'm glad you like the Athrun in this fic so far, his being a rather ordinary human being. I just hope you will keep liking him. He has to face his...imperfection in this fic, and it can get a bit ugly.

And about their college life...it seems too spoilery to talk about it. All I can say is that they are both going to college :P

* * *

 ***posted 02/1** **6** **/19***

 ***revised 02/24/19***


	8. Aftereffects

English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

* * *

 **Season of Farewell**

Chapter 7: Aftereffects

* * *

"Happy birthday, Athrun!" she said with a bright smile which was her trademark. With her bag in her hand, she appeared to have come straight to his homeroom from her bus stop without stopping by hers.

Athrun blinked. He had almost forgotten today was his actual birthday. "Thanks."

His voice and face lacked the excitement that matched hers, but Cagalli didn't seem to mind it. Still smiling, she sat in a seat next to his, her body facing him. He turned his body in her direction, placing the literature test he had been reviewing on his desk.

"The weather is so nice, isn't it? Such a celebratory atmosphere, hmm?" she said happily.

He blinked again before looking outside through the window and realizing it was in fact a beautiful day. The morning sky was clear blue with white thin clouds here and there and the sun was shining brilliantly, but not like the glaring summer sun. It was more inviting.

"Ah...yes. It's nice." He put on a smile. "You must be craving for a picnic, aren't you?"

She laughed merrily. "You know me well. I wish we didn't have school today. I enjoyed running in this weather this morning, but it wasn't enough." She sent a wistful look to the sky, then swiftly turned her eyes back to him, her face suddenly serious. "You haven't made any plans for today, have you?"

"Not really. Though I have a class in cram school today," he cautiously added.

Her face was satisfied. "I know, but it's okay. We still have a few hours after school before you have to go to cram school, right?" He gave a tentative nod.

"You know, I've been thinking..." She lowered her voice as if telling a secret. He cocked his eyebrow in a questioning way, slightly bending forward to hear her better. She leaned toward him as well, half rising from her chair, to whisper into his ear, "How about we go to your house after school to celebrate your real birthday?"

Her cheeks were pink and she looked shy as she pulled back, which told him what kind of celebration she had in her mind. His heart jumped with excitement and joy, then dropped into his stomach and kept falling further and further, into the dark, endless pit.

She was looking at him expectantly, her cheeks still adorned with the cute blush, and he tried desperately to maintain his composure.

"I..." He cleared his throat to prevent his voice from cracking. "I don't think that's a good idea...sorry."

Her face turned worried. "You're not still sick, are you? You have to tell me if you are."

He shook his head. "No, it's not that." Her brows were still knitted with concern and he gave her a reassuring smile. "I just feel...I need some time before we do it again," he said in a low voice.

She studied him for a while before scooting her chair toward his and leaning into him again. Their heads were almost touching.

"Are you feeling bad because we stopped in the middle of doing it?"

He averted his face. Although it wasn't the main reason why he was reluctant to sleep with her, it added to his mortification as she had nailed it.

She moved his hair on the side, probably so that she could see his face better. He didn't make any response at her touch. He had prepared himself when he had seen her a minute ago. Plus, as long as the touch was light, he could handle it especially when he was on the receiving end. Though touching her or being touched by her, no matter how brief and light it was, still made him somewhat nervous, not warm or at ease as it had made him just three days ago.

"You were sick, Athrun. It happens to anyone."

"I guess...but still, a failure is a failure."

No matter what the reason was, it didn't change the fact that he had not been able to perform properly. And since she wasn't aware of the real reason, it was even truer in her eyes. Although this was still better than her learning the actual reason why he had had to stop, it didn't make the situation any less embarrassing.

She silently stroked his head for a moment before softly saying, "It may be so. But it doesn't mean you're to blame. Some things simply can't be helped, right? You are too hard on yourself."

He knew her words were genuine and they eased his humiliation a little, but not much. It was probably because what bothered him most was something different, something he could never tell her. Something that would most likely change the way she saw this—saw him.

No matter how much she meant what she was saying now, it didn't matter much since she didn't know.

He was afraid of having sex with her because he might have that ugly thought again, or worse, might lose control and put the idea into action. Just thinking about the possibility filled his mouth with acid. The shock that had shaken him up had subsided to an extent; he could keep his calm while swallowing the acid now. But it didn't mean he was any less disgusted or scared.

"At least don't think like you let me down or did something bad to me or that kind of thing, and then, beat yourself up, okay? You didn't." She emphasized the last sentence.

He felt a pang of guilt. She wouldn't say that if she knew. She wouldn't look at him with such a tender expression. And he could never confide in her if he didn't want to lose them, lose her.

"As far as I'm concerned, you have nothing to feel bad about, understood?" she finished with warm eyes.

He forced his face to make a smile, albeit a small one, and his eyes to hold her gaze. He had to keep up appearances. Since he had left the bed after the "nap" two days ago, he had been putting on a casual attitude while trying to touch her as little as possible. It seemed successful; she didn't seem to be suspecting anything. And she must remain that way.

"Thanks," he told her. "I appreciate that."

She ruffled his hair teasingly, with a caring face. "Just take as much time as you need, then. But if your head gets like a hamster..." She thoughtfully paused. "...if it becomes like a hamster _too much_ , you need to talk to someone. Dwelling on negative feelings on your own isn't healthy, remember?"

"Yeah."

She nodded. "Goo—"

"Hibiki!"

They turned their faces to the front of the room. Mr. Fllaga, his homeroom teacher, was standing behind the teacher's desk, grinning. "It's almost time for Homeroom. Quit making out with Zala and go back to your homeroom." The teacher pointed his thumb behind him, in the direction of Cagalli's homeroom.

As other students laughed and giggled, Athrun's face turned warm. With a red face, Cagalli stuck out her tongue at the teacher and stood up.

She gave Athrun's arm a squeeze. "See you at lunch." He nodded in response.

Taking his eyes off her retreating figure, he let out a quiet sigh of relief. He had succeeded in getting through the conversation without raising her suspicion, and buying him some time. He could use the embarrassment as an excuse to avoid sleeping with her for a while, then he could say that they should focus on studying until their entrance exams were over. After that, he wasn't sure. But he could probably come up with another excuse especially after he completely got a grip on himself, finished burying deep these emotions disturbing him. Or maybe, hopefully, he would have overcome the incident, somehow gotten rid of the disgusting thought, by then. He just needed time. Then, he could find some solution. He truly, desperately hoped so.

* * *

Entering the cafeteria, Cagalli scanned the room to spot Athrun. On her way to the table Athrun and their friends were sitting at, she couldn't hold back a smile. He was facing his back toward her and she walked around the table to stand in front of him. Kira was sitting across from Athrun and watching her curiously. She pushed her brother's body away to squeeze into between him and Nicol, hiding her right hand behind her body.

She schooled her feature before calling the name of her boyfriend who looked too distracted to notice her presence.

He looked up at her voice. "Hey. Are you done with whatever you had to do?"

As soon as the last class before lunchtime had ended, she had sent him a text telling him to go to the cafeteria without her since she had something to take care of first. He had just replied **Okay**.

She smiled, rather too widely. "Almost. Here you go." With a flourish, she placed what was in her hand on his tray. "This is your birthday dessert. It's peach jelly," she added, though it was obvious from the image and logo on the container.

It was the type of jelly that contained large pieces of actual fruit in it, and it was still cool since she had brought it here straight from the school store where jellies were kept cool. Peaches were his favorite fruit; since she had found out the store sold the jelly last month, she had been planning to give it to him on his birthday. Her determination had been strengthened after he had given the ring to her.

She touched her chest, feeling the ring under her shirt, which was hanging from a chain around her neck. Students weren't allowed to wear jewelry at school, so she kept it hidden under her clothes.

The jelly wasn't a return gift to the ring, of course. She was planning to give him something more special. But she had not yet decided what to give, and really wanted to do something for him right now, show him even a small part of how happy she was about the ring; it had been really sweet of him to give her such a special gift to show his love for her when he should be the one to receive it. She wanted to show him her feelings for him as well, and the jelly satisfied her to an extent. She now felt they were a bit closer to even.

With expectant eyes, she waited for his surprised face to turn into a smile. Instead, something like the mixture of sadness and pain crossed his face, as if he wanted to cry, which alarmed her.

"Are you sure you feel well?" She placed her hands on the table and leaned toward him to examine his face more closely.

But his face quickly changed into a calm smile. "Sure. I was just surprised." He motioned toward the jelly. "Thank you for this. It looks delicious."

"Yeah. I thought you'd like it," she replied unsurely.

The smile still on his face, he pointed his finger in the direction of the counter. "You'd better go and get some food. Or you'll miss your lunch."

She wasn't convinced, but pursuing the subject here was probably not the best way. Athrun didn't like showing his weaknesses to others, even to his friends, sometimes even to her. Two days ago, after his birthday party, he had clearly admitted to feeling unwell without her pressing him, but it was probably because he had been so sick that he didn't have enough energy to pretend. Now that he had somewhat recovered, he would probably stubbornly deny he wasn't completely fine if she kept interrogating him. She just needed to be attentive and keep an extra eye on him for a while. Then, she would surely be able to provide the care he needed.

"Okay. I'm getting my lunch." Waving a hand, she hurried away.

Athrun was picking at his ginger pork when she came back with her ramen. He didn't seem to have much appetite, another proof that he must have not recovered fully, but he finished his food including the peach jelly and thanked her again with a smile. He didn't seem to be enjoying it as much as she had hoped, though. Probably she should give him another jelly after he became well and able to enjoy it fully.

After they were all done with their lunch, their group left the cafeteria and sat on the edge of a connecting corridor to chat and sunbathe for the rest of the lunch break, some of them leaning against poles of the corridor and trees nearby. It was a sunny and warm day with no wind; they were eager to enjoy the sunlight while they still could. All benches seemed to be occupied by the students who thought the same.

"Watch out, Dearka."

Sitting down on the corridor, she turned her face to find Nicol stretching an arm out before the blond. Dearka seemed to have nearly walked into a pole. He must have not been watching where he was going, his eyes glued to his phone.

"You okay?" she called out.

"Yeah." Dearka half-heartedly nodded in her direction, then Nicol's before dropping his eyes to his phone again, leaning against the pole.

"Maybe you can take a break from your phone for a while?" Nicol suggested, sitting down at the bottom of a nearby pole. Dearka had been doing something with his phone throughout the lunch and the way to the corridor.

"You know I don't have much access to my phone and computer anymore. I need to make the most of it when I can," Dearka replied in a complaining tone, kicking a stone. As his punishment for drinking, he was forbidden to watch TV and use his computer and phone unless it was related to school or cram school for a month.

Yzak scoffed from a couple meters away where he was leaning against another pole. "It's your own fault. You should've watched how much you drank."

Miriallia, who was sitting on the corridor next to Cagalli, would usually make a comment as well. But she started chatting with Fllay who was sitting on the other side of her about a comedy movie she had watched last night, making a show of indifference and determinedly keeping her face turned away from Dearka. The brunette and the blond had had a fight yesterday, when she had criticized his behavior at Athrun's birthday party and he had told her to stay out of his business since she wasn't his girlfriend. They apparently had not made up yet.

Cagalli wasn't worried. It wasn't unusual for Miriallia and Dearka to fight; they usually got over it after several days, or a couple weeks at the longest. Plus, she was more concerned about her boyfriend. Tuning out Yzak and Dearka' bickering, she studied Athrun who was leaning against a tree several steps away from her. Kira was sitting at the bottom of the tree and complaining about his homework; Athrun made noncommittal responses once in a while, not seeming to be listening intently.

He didn't look exactly unwell. He looked more distant. And there was something that wasn't right about him.

Their conversation in the morning came back to her mind. Maybe he wasn't feeling good due to a psychological problem rather than a physical one. It explained the feeling she got that he had been trying to keep her at arm's length since his birthday party, or rather, since after the party. She had assumed it was because he was hiding his condition from her, but maybe it wasn't the only reason, or not the main reason even. He seemed more disturbed by his "failure" than she had thought. He was probably too embarrassed to properly face her because of it.

She wished there was something she could do about it. But she had already told him what she had to, and bringing up the subject again didn't seem to help. He obviously needed some time to make peace with what had happened, and giving him that time was probably the best way to handle this.

Reaching the conclusion, she joined Miriallia and Fllay who were now talking about Fllay's college choice. The redhead was going to apply to college of foreign studies, but wasn't sure which to choose if she was accepted into both a big university she was most interested in, which had more various and unique programs, and a small, all-female college her father was encouraging her to go to. Cagalli agreed with Miriallia that Fllay should follow her dream; her father would come around.

Before long, the chime started, indicating the lunch break was almost over. They stood up and started walking toward the school building.

An idea occurred to her. "Athrun."

He stopped and turned to her. She stepped toward him and reached out for a hug, wanting to comfort him before they parted. His face startled, his body jerked back as if she was trying to assault him—as if he hated to be touched by her. He looked almost repulsed.

She stopped, blinking. "Athrun?"

His throat bobbed, and for a moment, he looked at her with...she wasn't sure what. Then he averted his eyes, his face strangely expressionless as if it was a mask under which he was hastily pushing his emotions. "Sorry. I just...just give me some space, will you?" There was a slight tension in his voice.

She stared at him for another moment before giving a small nod. "Okay..."

Turning his eyes back to her, he put on a smile which didn't reach his eyes. "Thanks. Let's go. We are getting behind."

Without waiting for her response, he started following their friends, who didn't seem to have noticed her and Athrun's odd exchange, as if he was trying to run away from her.

After a little, she began moving her feet as well, her heart beating in a hurt and anxious rhythm. She quickened her pace to fall into step beside him and looked up at him. He didn't show any signs that he wanted to put more distance between them, but didn't look at her either.

She wanted to touch his arm, shake him and ask him what was wrong. He had never acted like that, even when they had been just friends, even when they had had a fight. However, she held back, clenching her hands into fists to keep them to herself, partly because she was afraid that he would reject her again. And perhaps, he didn't want any intimacy with her right now because it might remind him of the incident after the birthday party, even if it was just a casual hug. She had just decided to give him some time to get himself together, and it was probably best if she followed through on it.

She told herself so, but still, the look he had had before he got his guard up kept bugging her. It had looked somewhat like fear, but there had been some other feelings. Perhaps guilt...and embarrassment? They were somewhat understandable, but still confusing. Her gut was also telling her that she was missing something. Only it didn't tell her what.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, she sent another glance to Athrun's profile who looked just the same. She wished she could talk to someone, preferably Athrun himself. He didn't seem to be in the mood to talk, however. And the matter was too personal and delicate to discuss with others. He was guarded about his personal affairs, and surely wouldn't like her telling others about the incident. It might make him feel even worse, which was the last thing she wanted.

They trailed behind their friends silently. Climbing up the stairs to the senior floor, the group split up, a half of them going left and the rest going right. She and Athrun both turned left and soon they came to Athrun's homeroom. He raised a hand in farewell, reaching out for the door.

She called his name and he glanced back at her. Both his face and body seemed somewhat tense. She hesitated, not knowing what to say.

"Are you...really all right?"

He put on that forced smile again. "I'm fine. Don't worry." She wasn't reassured at all, but the bell rung to tell them it was time for a class. "You should go to your homeroom."

"Yeah..."

Reluctantly, she resumed walking. She wasn't sure how to get him to talk and this wasn't a good place to try anyway. Sighing, she hoped he would be physically well soon. Then hopefully, he would become willing to discuss the issue with her.

* * *

 **A** **/N** : I revised the previous chapter. If you reread it, you will hopefully get a better idea of Athrun's sentiments.

Thank you for reading. See you next week!

···

Below are replies to reviews.

 **T** **o Fuyu Aki:**

Thank you for another review!

I suppose the previous chapter was a bit confusing. I hope this chapter and the revision of the previous chapter made things clearer.

About the timeline, the previous chapter happened two days before Athrun's birthday (and this chapter is on his actual birthday). They just decided to have his birthday party two days early.

I actually considered making Cagalli wear the bracelet in the previous chapter. However, I thought the bracelet might distract readers from the ring, even if just a bit, and I wanted them to focus on the ring. So I decided against it. The bracelet probably won't show up in the rest of the fic, either. But the amulet will have its appearances later.

And yes, I'm afraid you have to be patient with me for a while. We still have a lot to cover before reaching the end.

 **T** **o PegasusInCage:**

Thank you for another review!

I'm glad you are still reading. And yeah, this website sometimes does weird stuff. I don't use notifications, but one of my fics has a wrong number for its reviews. Either I can't see one of the reviews or the website is seeing a non-existent review.

Anyway, don't worry. I won't put this fic on a hiatus. I'm already done with the first draft though I still need a lot of serious editing, and I have every intention of keeping uploading until we reach the epilogue.

Sorry Athrun in this fic isn't as innocent as you think :P But as you see in this chapter, he is now hesitant about physical contacts with Cagalli. So there won't be many of them in the future, at least for a while.

About Shinn's feelings for Cagalli, it really doesn't matter either way. The sport festival is the only part where Shinn and Cagalli have any exchanges in this fic. And they won't talk about their feelings for each other, or no one else will bring up the matter. It has nothing to do with the story. So it all depends on how you (want to) read it.

* * *

 ***posted 02/24/19***


	9. The Hidden and the Revealed

English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

* * *

 **Season of Farewell**

Chapter 8: The Hidden and the Revealed

* * *

"—and so, the third option doesn't fit the content of the text," Athrun finished his explanation.

"Oh, I see. That's why the second one is the right answer." Lunamaria nodded vigorously, her eyes on the paper between them.

After Closing Homeroom, she had come to his seat with the paper with English problems and asked him to help her with some of them; he had agreed. The problem they had just finished was the last one.

She looked up with a wide smile. "Thank you, Athrun. You're the best!"

"No problem." He smiled back before collecting his electronic dictionary to put it into his bag. He then took out his phone to check whether he had a new text.

She stretched, then rested her head against a window to the corridor. "Now that I'm done with English—well, at least for now—I have three more to go, I suppose? Physics and chemistry and literature. Oh, no, I still have history, too." With a dramatic sigh, she looked up at the ceiling. "It's study, study, aaaaaaaaand study. Just imagine it, Meyrin. This will be your life next year."

"That part of senior life sure sucks," Meyrin said agreeingly, looking up from her phone. The younger redhead had been waiting for her sister, sitting at a desk next to the one Lunamaria occupied.

"I envy you for being a junior. You still have plenty of time. I wish I'd started preparing for college earlier. Then, maybe I wouldn't have to be as busy now."

"I think you started quite early. You were already sure about what major you're gonna pick and which college you wanna go to in the summer of your freshman year," the younger sister pointed out.

"Yeah, but I didn't really focus my time and effort on specifically preparing for entrance exams. Speaking of which, haven't you picked colleges yet? Or majors at least?"

"I don't know. It still seems too early to me."

"Have you not heard a word I just said, Mey? You have to start preparing early if you wanna get into your first choice. You think so too, right, Athrun?"

Hearing his name, he blinked. "Huh?" He had not been paying much attention to the sisters' conversation, barely hearing them.

He had been wondering what to do next, whether to go to the school library and join the study session with his friends. The past two weeks, since his actual birthday, he had been trying to avoid Cagalli, not just touching her but any interactions with her, as discreetly as possible though it probably wasn't really working. He had slipped up and she was now suspicious of his attitude.

Fortunately, she seemed to be only worried and confused, at least for now. But it made her almost always look at him with concern. And the more concern for him she showed, the guiltier he felt and the less time he wanted to spend with her. It was also due to his worry that his desire for her comfort might drive him to a confession to her, which most likely would result in his losing her.

He could no longer feel comfortable with her, always watching his words and actions, and her actions for she might surprise him again. It in itself was exhausting, and trying to cover up his wariness added to the tiredness. And the increasing weariness made it even more difficult for him to deal with her, which apparently made her more worried.

After a little more than two weeks, things had not improved as he had hoped. On the contrary, they had been getting worse, albeit little by little. And she wasn't being any help, if not worsening the situation even further. After all, she had caused him to lose hold of his mask even though just for a second by her attempt to hug him, which had started, or at least escalated, this downward spiral.

"I was telling Meyrin she should already pick which college she aims for," Lunamaria explained, "so that she'll have more time to prepare."

He put on a smile. "It sounds like a good idea."

"See?" Lunamaria sent a smug smile to her sister.

"But even if I pick colleges now, I may change my mind," Meyrin argued, looking at Lunamaria. "Like...what if I get a boyfriend? I wanna go to the same college as him."

Lunamaria shook her head. "Can't you think about anything other than romance? Like which college is good for whatever you wanna do in the future?" Her tone was lecturing.

Meyrin stuck out her tongue a little. "What's wrong with wanting to be with my boyfriend? You can get a job whichever college you go to. They're more or less the same. To me, boyfriends are more important than colleges."

"You may break up with your boyfriend after entering college," Lunamaria pointed out. "Then you'd regret you'd chosen your college just to be with him."

Meyrin shrugged. "I could find another boyfriend."

Lunamaria scoffed. "Then what? You'd transfer to his college if your new boyfriend was going to a different college?"

"So what if I would?" Meyrin shot back.

Lunamaria raised her hands in the air. "Seriously, Meyrin. You'd drop everything else and run to a guy? You're such a silly girl."

Meyrin pouted. "Some people call it romantic."

"Some people who are blind to the reality," Lunamaria retorted, then turned her face to him. "Athrun, you should say something to her, too. She needs to get a bit more serious."

He awkwardly leaned back, away from the sisters. He was half bewildered by their heated conversation. Although it wasn't the first time he had witnessed it, he had still been feeling a little uncomfortable and considering leaving the room. Going to the library didn't sound so bad now.

"Um..." He looked between the sisters. "Well, I think Lunamaria has a point. Colleges are important and you need to give it a serious thought."

Meyrin's shoulders sagged, her lips still in a pout.

He hurriedly added, "But people have different priorities, I suppose. And..." His gaze dropped to his phone in his hand. On the screen, among other names, was his girlfriend's. "It's probably not bad for girls to pick her college that way. I think it's, well, girly to do so...and your boyfriend must feel happy you care about him that much."

If Cagalli were like Meyrin, his relationship with her would probably be a lot better now, perfect even, just as it had been before she had come up with the idea of going to a faraway college. He wouldn't be in this situation. He wouldn't have to distress over the prospect of long-distance relationship. ...He wouldn't have had to have such an ugly desire, realize how selfish and lowly he was. He wouldn't have to endure this suffering. She had not just caused his recent fatigue and anguish. She had started this whole thing including the incident after his birthday party and its aftermath.

He slightly shook his head, suppressing the bitter thought. He looked up to smile at Meyrin who was blushing for some reason. "Anyway, you still have a lot of time to think about it. And just checking college information is interesting." He added helpfully, "The good thing is, you don't need to buy college guides. You can borrow them from Lunamaria."

Meyrin awkwardly nodded. He slipped his phone into his jacket pocket and grabbed his bag as he stood up, wondering why the sisters were staring at him with weird faces. He didn't think his advice had been so unique, much less odd.

"Well, I'm going to the library. Goodbye."

Both the redheads just nodded. He walked over to a door to the corridor which was only a few seats away.

"Athrun-senpai!" He stopped to turn his head. Meyrin was half standing up from her seat, her cheeks still pink. "Th-thank you!"

He nodded and turned his face forward. Reaching out to open the door, which was slightly ajar, he heard running steps going farther as if someone had been on the other side of the door and run away, at a gallop.

He made a small disapproving frown. They weren't supposed to run in school buildings, though many students broke the rule. As he walked out into the corridor, his eyes naturally turned in the direction the running steps had gone. But whoever had run down the corridor seemed to have already passed the next classroom and turned the corner to the stairs. He didn't really care to find out who it had been anyway. He just shrugged, closing the door, and began walking down the corridor himself.

* * *

Running up the stairs at full speed, Cagalli reached the landing before the door to the roof, but didn't stop. Her feet just kept moving until she came face-to-face with the door. She almost hit her face, her body slamming into the metal door. But she felt little pain, which probably wasn't thanks to her hands she had instinctively placed against the door to cushion the impact. She just couldn't pay enough attention to the pain to properly feel it.

Her heart was still racing, hammering against her rib cage, as if it wanted to burst out of her chest and continue to go far and far and far away. Her breathing was also erratic, keeping hitching in her throat. It wasn't due to the running. She had been the ace attacker of the girls' volleyball club before the summer and still went for run almost every day.

The door was locked and she couldn't go further. She leaned against the door to slide down it to the floor, next to her bags she had dropped seconds ago. She wanted to keep moving—running—but she couldn't go down the stairs. She might run into Athrun. She couldn't take the risk. She couldn't see him right now. She just couldn't.

This part of the staircase was used as a kind of storage. Chairs, desks, boards, and some stuff from past school festivals were piled up. People rarely came here, especially since it wasn't a preparation season for any events now. It was probably why she had unconsciously chosen to come up here instead of going to the lower floors as she always did. She remembered thinking that this place looked like a secret base or a hideout when she had carried desks up here with other students under a teacher's order.

And it was what she needed now. A place to hide. A place where she could be alone, sheltered from what was out there.

As she buried her face into her knees, what Athrun had said and done in the past few months flashed in her mind one after another. His face when she had told him about her going to Tassil University. His repeated avoidance to get to know Ahmed who was also applying to the university, which Athrun had been weirdly obstinate about now that she thought about it. And his words she had heard just a minute ago.

When Closing Homeroom had ended, she had not headed for the library. This weekend, volleyball clubs had a divisional championship. So she, Miriallia, and Fllay had decided to stop by at the gym to give some food and encouraging words to their juniors.

After that, they had parted ways. Since she had already gotten accepted by college and didn't have to study hard anymore, Miriallia had started helping out the girls' volleyball club, and sometimes even the boys' club, now more of a manager than a player; Fllay had a dinner date with her father in some fancy restaurant. Cagalli had been going to join the study session, but changed her mind, remembering Athrun's text saying that he would stay in his homeroom for a while to tutor Lunamaria.

It had seemed like a good opportunity to have some serious talk with him if he was still there. He had not snapped out of the low, distant mood yet; if anything, he seemed to be becoming more and more stressed. And her frustration and worry had kept increasing along with it. She had been reaching her limit and decided to push him a bit. She had also thought they could go somewhere and have fun for a change after the talk, which hopefully would cheer him up.

She had not meant to eavesdrop. But Meyrin's words that boyfriends were more important than colleges to her had somehow stopped Cagalli's hand that was reaching out for the door.

And she had heard the rest of the conversation including Athrun's words that Meyrin's boyfriend would be happy because of her college choice, of the way she chose her college, without being noticed.

It was possible that he had said the words without thinking it had anything to do with his and Cagalli's situation. However, her gut was telling her it wasn't the case. Somehow, she knew that the words had stemmed from his true feelings, that he wasn't happy about _her_ choice of college. She couldn't explain it. She just felt it.

A logical person would probably give her a disapproving face and lecture her about how she was just making assumptions and how she should think and act more logically—like Athrun regularly did. But she wasn't a person of logic. She was more intuitive. Her intuition, or instincts, had told her to run, to avoid facing Athrun for now, told that this was the kind of matter she needed time to prepare herself before dealing with.

Thus, she had come here to hide.

What had shocked her most was that Athrun had been hiding his dissatisfaction—his unhappiness—from her. Of course, she didn't expect him to tell her everything. It wasn't the kind of person he was. However, this was about her as much as it was about him. It was about his feelings toward her. And since they had become a couple, she had expected him to be honest with her about those things, at the very least.

A sharp pain cut through her heart. Didn't he trust her? She had believed he did, even before they started dating, but had she been mistaken? Or had he stopped trusting her at some point?

She had been so confident about their relationship before, so certain that they could fight through anything life threw at them together. Now, however, she wasn't so sure. She was feeling like the ground was shaking, causing everything else to shake as well. Her belief about his understanding and support for her dream had been wrong. Then...wasn't it possible that her belief about their whole relationship was also wrong?

She violently shook her head, and reached for the ring under her clothes for comfort. The feel of hard metal, as sure in her fist as could be, steadied her mind a bit. Now, she was making assumptions. Many people had pointed out that she had a tendency to jump to conclusions. She shouldn't let it get the best of her, especially now. She couldn't and shouldn't produce an answer to her doubt until she talked with Athrun. Plus, she couldn't be wrong about everything, could she? Just because one of her beliefs was wrong, it didn't have to mean the other beliefs of hers were wrong, right?

She took several deep breaths, then, her one hand still clutching the ring, fished her phone out of her pocket and sent a short group text: **Have to go home.** This way, her friends studying in the library—and Athrun—wouldn't wonder where she was or come looking for her to somehow find her here. She would normally explain why she couldn't make it to the study session, but there wasn't enough energy in her to come up with a lie. So she quickly closed the window and put the phone back into her pocket.

Then she put her head on her arm that was draping over her knees, her other hand securely holding the ring. She needed to talk to Athrun. But not now, not today. Fortunately, today was Friday. They didn't have classes or any other plans to meet tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. She could probably get a grip on herself and gather the courage for the talk during the weekend.

But right now, she needed to hole up in this secluded corner of the building a little longer.

* * *

Thank you for reading. See you next week!

···

Below are replies to reviews.

 **T** **o Fuyu Aki:**

Thank you for another review!

I'm glad you liked the additional scene. I think it helps readers understand not only Athrun's sentiments about the incident but also some other stuff. And I owe the scene to you since your review led me to add it. Thanks :)

About his current avoidance of sex, Athrun became hesitant about sleeping with Cagalli _not_ because of the risks. He was always aware of them and used precautions, and felt safe enough. What he is afraid of now is himself.

Let's imagine you and your partner have been engaging in a risky but fun activity together, like climbing cliffs several hundred meters high. You two are aware of the risk that you might fall and die in the process, so have always taken precautions to reduce the risk. But then, you get angry at your partner for some reason, and while you two are climbing another cliff, the idea of deliberately putting your partner off balance crosses your mind, which can result in your partner's death or at least severe injuries. Even if you didn't actually try to do anything, won't you still become scared that you might put the idea into action next time? Won't you feel like avoiding climbing with your partner again at least for a while? It's not that you suddenly became aware of the risk of death or injuries. Your attitude toward the activity changed because you'd lost faith in your willingness to try to avoid a bad consequence, try to keep your partner safe during the activity.

And that's more or less how Athrun is feeling about having sex with Cagalli right now. Does it make sense to you?

I guess the kiss Athrun and Cagalli were talking about in the scene of "Chain of Love" you mentioned and what Athrun thought about during sex in this fic are a bit similar. Both are about his doing something to her without her consent. Though getting a girl pregnant is a lot more serious matter than kissing a girl.

Athrun's situation or sentiments might change, even if just a bit, if he talked to someone about it. But he rarely talks about his feelings and personal affairs, much less about something he is so ashamed of.

That being said, he can't continue to keep everything secret for long, because it would just worsen the situation. Also, now Cagalli knows a part of his secret. So he has to start talking.

And good luck with your writing! This fandom certainly needs more fics. It's even better if they are AC fics :)

 **T** **o PegasusInCage:**

Thank you for another review!

You mean one of your reviews for this fic disappeared? Oh, no. I hope it will appear someday. I really want to read it.

I'm glad that adding Athrun's memory with his mother worked. And yeah, he's complicated. I think it's partly because he tends to avoid properly facing his emotions. And he makes things complicated by bottling up everything inside him.

Also, I'm relieved you found the M-rated scene fine. I was nervous about it because I'd never gone that far. I'd written sex-related scenes, like before and after, but not the actual part. However, that scene was necessary to the plot as you can probably see now.

* * *

 ***posted 03/02/19***


	10. The Fight

English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

* * *

 **Season of Farewell**

Chapter 9: The Fight

* * *

His girlfriend opened a door to the school ground and they went out of the building. Although the weather wasn't too cold to spend some time outside, it was still not quite pleasant. It seemed especially odd that she, who didn't care for the cold weather, had chosen to leave the warmth of the building.

Athrun studied Cagalli, though she was walking a couple of steps ahead of him and he couldn't see her face. Still, he could tell she was nervous, tense, from the way she carried herself. Not to mention she had looked exactly that way when she had come to his homeroom after school and asked him to come with her, explaining there was something she wanted to talk to him about.

Even before that, he had sensed something was wrong. She had not seemed different last Friday, but after school that day, she had suddenly canceled coming to the study session—which he had actually felt somewhat relieved at. And she had not texted him even once during the weekend, which was quite rare since they had started dating. He had even considered sending a text himself despite his attempt to avoid her, though he opted not to in the end.

And today, she had been in a low mood. Kira had said that she had been like that since Friday night but didn't tell why, looking as puzzled as Athrun was feeling. She seemed to be avoiding explaining the reason of her mood to their friends, either. Having some secrets of his own, Athrun had been reluctant to try to pry the answer out of her. Plus, she usually didn't let her low mood linger or keep secrets for long; he had assumed it would resolve soon if he didn't do anything. And his theory appeared to have been right. She was taking him somewhere for a talk, where she was likely to confide in him with what was troubling her.

They walked some more and turned around a storehouse, then she stopped. A glance over his shoulder told him that they weren't to be seen from the school buildings, covered by the storehouse. She must want privacy very much. A part of him was actually glad and relieved that her problem, whatever it was, seemed big. It would hopefully lead her to forget about his odd behavior, if it hadn't already. At least a part of his problem seemed to be going away soon.

Her movement was slow as she turned toward him. Her face was strained as he had expected. She stared at him with wide eyes for a moment and he looked back calmly, ready to comfort her or help her solve her problem, or both.

Her mouth tightened before opening. "Friday, I went to your homeroom after school."

He looked at her quizzically. "Did you? I didn't see you."

She shook her head stiffly. "I didn't go inside. I...heard your conversation with Meyrin and Lunamaria." He nodded, still puzzled. She swallowed, clearly preparing for what she was going to say. "You aren't okay with my going to Tassil...are you?"

His eyes widened. He had not expected the words. He couldn't possibly have. "Where...what makes you say that?" He struggled to keep his voice and face neutral instead of guilty.

"It's hard to explain. But you aren't, right?" she pressed. "Answer me, Athrun."

He averted his face, his lips pressed together, discomfort and embarrassment filling him. He had been caught completely off guard. He had been prepared to talk about her, not about himself, especially not about this.

After a minute of heavy silence, she asked in a shaky voice, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to bother you," he replied in a low voice, his eyes still away from her.

"But I wanted you to say it if you didn't like it. I didn't want you to pretend like that. I don't want you to."

He glanced at her and found her looking at him as if he had done something bad—as if he had done her wrong, instead of doing her a favor, by not telling her what he actually felt.

Anger began replacing guilt and mortification in him. He had been trying to be a good boyfriend, suppressing his feelings for her sake, even when it was so hard and painful. He had been trying to support her and protect her from the truth she wouldn't like. How could she blame him for that? Besides, it wasn't like she had asked for his opinion—or about his feelings.

"What's the point? You wouldn't have changed your college choice, would you?" he said in a tense voice colored with annoyance.

"But...we still could've talked about it. Then maybe we could find some..." She struggled for the word. "...solution?" she finished uncertainly.

"Like what?"

"I don't know, but—"

"I'm telling you," he cut her off, irritation clear in his voice, "it's no use. You would've never changed your mind. You would've chosen your dream anyway. You would've never chosen me."

Her eyes widened even further with shock. "I...I'm not choosing my dream over you, Athrun."

"No," he said coldly, almost spitting out, "you are just putting your dream before our relationship. And you didn't even ask me how I feel about it. If you wanted to talk about this, you should've tried before you made the decision. But it didn't even occur to you, did it? Because your dream is so important that our relationship can never compete against it. It's not even worth a fraction of the thoughts and time you've spent on your dream, huh?" He couldn't help a little venom slipping in his voice.

"That's...that is not how I feel. I don't. I didn't mean to…" She didn't seem to know what to say, or how to say what she wanted to say.

She just stared at him as if looking at a stranger. Orange sunset was probably making her face appear more shocked than she actually was. He turned his eyes away anyway. He knew he was being childish, and maybe selfish.

He shouldn't act like this. He should support her in following her dream. He should apologize to her for upsetting her—no matter how unreasonable and unjust her reaction was—reassure her that he knew she was working for a noble cause and promise to do better, to give her more understanding. That was what a good boyfriend should do.

Still, the apology didn't come to his lips. He didn't want to say it. He couldn't say it. He couldn't pretend it was all right anymore. Because it wasn't. He was hurting due to her choice. She was hurting him. And he couldn't contain his unhappiness anymore. He had thought he could take almost anything in order not to lose her, but this was more difficult than he had expected, becoming too much.

Furthermore, if she wasn't acting as a good girlfriend should, then why should he act like a good boyfriend? Meyrin's words from three days ago came back to his mind. There were girls like that, girls who surely wouldn't dream of moving far away from their boyfriend. Why couldn't Cagalli do like them? Why couldn't she be like them?

Why couldn't she love him enough?

Neither of them said anything for a couple of minutes. Then a rhythmical song suddenly broke the silence, which he knew was her ringtone for Kira. He slowly shifted his eyes. She was looking down at her skirt. The shock still lingered in her face and she looked like she wasn't sure what to do with the call.

"You'd better answer that."

She sent him a hesitant look, but her hand tentatively took out her phone.

"Kira? I...no, I didn't read your text. Listen, I'm in the middle of something, so..." She glanced at him.

"I'm going," he told her, and turned his back toward her before she made any response. He didn't want to stay. He had no reason to. He had already said what he had to say—which apparently had not changed their situation, had not made her change her mind.

As he started walking, emotions were swirling in his chest. He had been right. She wouldn't choose him. She would still choose to leave him behind even after learning that the decision hurt him. He couldn't be as important to her as he wished. She didn't care about him enough.

He turned the corner of the storehouse, disappearing from her sight, and she still didn't say anything to stop him, proving him right.

* * *

"—great, thanks. So, Cagalli, never mind about the textbook. My classmates say they let me see theirs. You can give back mine later. Bye."

Kira hung up before she said anything back. Cagalli blinked several times before moving her phone away from her face to stare at it. She had nearly forgotten that she had still been on the line with her brother. He had called her to get back his geography textbook which she had borrowed before the fifth period and had not returned yet.

Absently, she checked texts and found one from Kira telling her to bring the textbook to his homeroom, explaining he had to correct the geography quiz he had taken during class and resubmit it before going home today. He seemed to have sent it after class, but she had not noticed it, her mind occupied with the plan to talk to Athrun, which went terribly wrong.

She looked in the direction Athrun had left, half hoping that he would come back any minute to say that he had been just carried away with an embarrassed face. But it didn't seem to be happening.

Sighing, she stashed her phone and started following his steps. As she turned the corner of the storehouse, she looked around. He might be staying near, not willing to return to her but also not willing to completely leave her. However, the midnight blue hair so familiar to her eyes was nowhere to be found. There were some people in sight, far away, but in the twilight, the scene looked desolated. Or it just looked that way because the person she wanted to be here wasn't. She shivered, feeling like the temperature had dropped a lot since she and Athrun had come outside, though it could be due to her emotional state.

With another sigh, she resumed walking, or rather, trudging, toward the school building. The heaviness in her chest were slowing her steps.

Almost unconsciously, she tugged the chain around her neck and grasped the ring on it. However, it no longer gave her the reassurance, the sense of certainty, it had provided her for the past three days after she had heard the conversation between Athrun and the redheads. The feel of hard metal, which she had once found comforting, now seemed to add to her distress, reminding her of his face hardened with exasperation, of his harsh words. Of his rejection.

The image of his back, of him walking away, kept flashing in her mind and stabbing her heart. It pained her more than anything that he had just left like that, as if he didn't want to see her or talk with her anymore. As if he wanted nothing with her anymore. As if she didn't mean much to him anymore.

But could she blame him? He was right. She should have given proper thought to what he would think of her going to Tassil instead of jumping to the conclusion that he would support her decision. She shouldn't have taken his understanding and support for granted. She should have thought more about his feelings.

Remembering the anger and pain in his eyes, she felt a pang. She had never meant to hurt him. But she clearly had. Tears started to prickle her eyes.

Would he ever forgive her? It was obvious that her negligence had wounded him deeply. And it wasn't even the only reason why he was upset. There was something else making him unhappy. Their problem was larger, and she wasn't sure how to solve it.

She had thought that discussing it with him would help. That they could come up with a solution that satisfied both of them even though she couldn't on her own. Two heads were better than one, right?

Besides, if there was no such a solution...then, what would happen? Did she have to give up her dream of studying at Tassil University, under Professor Ashman? Letting go of the ring, she pressed her hand against her chest, feeling another kind of pain. Was it wrong of her to still want to go there? Did it mean she was choosing her dream over her relationship with Athrun, over him, as he had accused her of?

She had not meant it that way. She had never seen it as a kind of competition to begin with. Was it actually what this was, though? At least, Athrun thought so. And he didn't think their relationship mattered much to her.

But she _did_ cherish him, her relationship with him. She really did, with her whole heart.

The problem was, she apparently had not been doing a good job of showing it to him. She had never thought it would be a problem for her. She had always been told she was expressive of her emotions and thoughts, sometimes too much so actually. How come she had failed to express her feelings enough in one of the most important relationships to her? She didn't think she had ever held back her love for him, especially from him, especially after they became a couple.

Well, except when she was feeling shy. There had been times when she couldn't really touch him or look at him, or when she acted nervously while doing it, especially in the beginning of their romantic relationship. Emotions he stirred in her after she had realized she was in love with him were so strong that it had taken her a while to get used to it. But he had not seemed to mind it. He had usually looked like he knew that the reason of her behavior was her strong feelings for him, not the lack of love. He had even appeared to enjoy watching her reaction.

Was it possible that she had been mistaken about that too? Their misunderstanding had begun that long ago? Maybe she had just assumed he understood about it, just like she had assumed he understood about her college choice. Probably she should have tried harder to show him how much he meant to her, told him more about her feelings.

Speaking of which, she should have told him that she really cared about him earlier. But then...would he have believed if she had? If he no longer trusted her, her words might not mean much to him anymore. After all, he had left before hearing her explanation, how she actually felt for him, hadn't he? It had been partly her fault, though. She shouldn't have kept dumbly silent like that, not even trying to convince him. But she had been shocked and bewildered by his accusation. It had been so out of the blue, and out of place.

She shook her head. It was of little use to dwell on negative possibilities and how stupidly she had acted in the past. What she should focus on now was finding a way to fix this. She should somehow straighten out this misunderstanding. She could do it, right? If she tried her hardest, at least she could make him see she really loved him, couldn't she? She just needed to figure out how.

But...what if this wasn't really a misunderstanding? The thought floated up from somewhere deep inside her, where her old fears and pains were stashed. What if her everything was just not enough, to convince him, to satisfy him? What if he actually understood how much she loved him, and still thought it wasn't enough? What if she was just not capable of giving him what he wanted?

Her chest tightened even further, squeezing her heart which was filled with a new but familiar pain.

That kind of thing sometimes happened, she knew from her experience with her father. Sometimes, no matter how hard you tried, you were just different from what they wanted. It didn't mean you lacked something important or you weren't good enough, as her mother and grandfather had repeatedly and firmly assured her. Sometimes, two people were just not compatible, their lives not fitting together well, because they were too different or wanted very different things.

Like her and her father. Whatever he wanted—a successor to everything he had accomplished and was going to accomplish, especially the position of head of the hospital he had been eyeing for years, she assumed—she wasn't it. She wasn't even eligible for a candidate. In his eyes, Kira was the only candidate. It had always been that way. Because she was a girl and Kira was a boy. Ulen didn't see much beyond that.

When she had been little, she had tried to change it, make her father look at her, really look at her. As one of those attempts, in the first semester of the fifth grade, she had studied extra hard and tried to act like a model student so that she could show him an excellent report card at the end of semester, which she hoped would change the way he saw her.

He had indeed praised her, which made her happy, and told her to continue the effort. But then, he had shifted to discussing Kira's report card with her brother, which wasn't nearly as good as hers. With a frown, she had tried to get back her father's attention; she had tugged at his arm and held out her report card in front of his face, wanting more comments from him.

But Ulen had dismissed her, saying he was satisfied with hers. He had been a lot more eager to talk to Kira, albeit it was mostly a lecture, than to her, exactly like when her report card was worse than Kira's. The best grades she had ever gotten and her homeroom teacher's praising comment on her report card, all the effort she had put into getting them, had not affected the way her father treated her even a bit.

She had felt crushed, sensing that nothing she could do would make her father shift his focus from Kira to her, not even for two minutes, not even one time.

Shaking, she had yelled at her father, who was lecturing Kira, "I hate you!" She had promptly ripped her report card into pieces and stomped to her room to refuse to come out even for dinner.

Her mother—who had not witnessed what had happened because she was preparing for dinner then, but apparently had heard about it—had brought dinner to her room instead, along with her report card neatly taped back together and comforting words.

By then, Via had become more honest with Cagalli about how little interest Ulen had in his daughter, not trying to cover it up as she used to when Cagalli was smaller. She still had not outright said it herself, but had not denied it when Cagalli mentioned it and her attitude had clearly shown that she agreed with Cagalli. Her mother's honesty had helped Cagalli deal with the situation even though it still hurt. She wouldn't have doubted her mother's love for her even if she had lied to her, but her mother acknowledging her feelings as legitimate had somewhat eased the pain. It had reassured Cagalli that at least her mother was seeing and treating her the way Cagalli wanted.

As Via left, Kira had also come to say he was sorry even though it wasn't his fault. Lying side by side on her bed, her brother and she had shared complaints about their father; Kira had had plenty of his own. Then, they had shifted to just talking, about anything and everything that came to their minds, until they got sleepy.

Two days later, her grandfather had called, even though she had not called him about the incident, and given her detailed praises and encouragements, and long talks about her classes and school life in general, many of which they had already had to an extent but repeated anyway; he had given her what she had wanted from her father.

With their love and support and through many other incidents, she had eventually learned to let go of the desire to change her father's attitude toward her especially since the only thing the attempts did was hurt her. She had come to terms with the fact that she and her father couldn't have the kind of relationship she wanted. Apparently, it wasn't what he wanted and he wasn't willing to try to do anything about it, work out their difference so that they could have a better relationship, if not the one she originally wished for. She couldn't change that, change him. As her grandfather had said, although other people could make you want to change, the only person who could actually change you was yourself; Ulen didn't seem to have any intention of making the effort, or want to in the first place. And she wasn't going to waste her life on trying to change him, she had decided years ago.

Such incompatibility could happen between any kind of pair; a parent and a child wasn't an exception. The tie of blood didn't automatically make two people compatible.

...And certainly, it applied to a boyfriend and a girlfriend, right? Maybe...she and Athrun weren't exactly as compatible as she had believed. Maybe...what he wanted wasn't her just like her father's case? After all, Athrun had refused to discuss with her how to solve their problem, as if he had no intention of making the effort to improve their relationship, their situation—just like her father. Maybe...what if...even the way Athrun saw her was somewhat like—

She stumbled back a couple steps as she bumped into someone. "Oh."

Pulled out of her thoughts, she became conscious that she was already inside the building and walking down a corridor. Well, she had been walking until her path collided against that of someone she actually knew.

"I'm sorry! Oh, Cagalli-senpai." Meyrin gave her a shy and relieved smile; a blonde girl who was probably Meyrin's friend also smiled apologetically. "Sorry for running into you. Me and Abby are a bit in a hurry..." Meyrin's voice trailed off as her face turned puzzled. "Are you all right?"

Cagalli put on a weak smile. "Yeah, I'm just—"

 _"Your boyfriend must feel happy you care about him that much."_ Athrun's words suddenly echoed in her head.

Would he be happier if she were a girl like Meyrin? Was she making him unhappy because she was a bad girlfriend who wasn't "girly"? Because she was a selfish person who wanted to follow her dream even though he didn't like it?

Couldn't he be happy if she was...herself?

She took a sharp breath, feeling suffocated. "Sorry, Meyrin," she choked out. "I-I gotta go."

She ran past the younger girls. Once she started running, she couldn't stop. She thought she heard someone—probably a teacher—scolding her for running, but she couldn't even slow down. She just ran and ran, up the stairs and down the corridor. Until she reached her destination.

She pulled open a door to the classroom with force, breathing hard. There might be several people in the room, but the only thing her mind registered was her twin paging through a book at a desk. She went straight to him, not caring that she bumped into some desks on the way. Her hands clashed the surface of his desk, her body almost slamming into it.

"What—" Kira took one look at her and his voice stopped. He dropped the book and stood up, his eyes wide and worried. "Cagalli, what's wrong?"

No words came to her. She just flung herself at him and her tears coursed down her cheeks. Gasping for air, she clutched to him tightly, as if he was her lifeline.

"There, there, it's all right." He gently caressed her head, securely holding her body with an arm, anchoring her as her world was shaking and shaken up. "It's gonna be all right. There, there."

Her tears stopped before long, and she felt slightly better as she usually did after crying. The suffocating feeling had diminished to an extent. But her body still felt heavy, tired. Exhausted, even though she had not cried that much. She felt like just curling up on the floor and staying there like a little child.

While she slowly rubbed her face with her sleeves, Kira asked two girls who seemed to have been studying with him to straighten the desks Cagalli had disturbed. The girls accepted the request. Cagalli thanked them who told her not to worry about it. She felt a little embarrassed at the scene she had caused, but she was too preoccupied to be really bothered by it.

Putting his stuff in his bag, Kira gently pulled her hand. "Let's go."

She started to follow him, but stopped. "You said you have something to do..." she said weakly, and shook her head, trying to clear it. "The quiz?" She looked at the girls working with the desks. They must be the ones who had offered to share their textbooks with Kira.

Her brother shrugged. "I can hand it in tomorrow. I'm sure Mr. Neumann will understand," he casually said before tugging at her hand again.

She still hesitated, but couldn't find the energy to argue with him. Resuming her steps, she decided that she would talk to the geography teacher and explain that it was her fault her brother had not been able to resubmit his quiz in time. But it would have to wait until tomorrow. She couldn't do it today.

They went to her homeroom to collect her stuff and headed for home. On the bus, she dozed off a little, resting her head on his shoulder, but soon, he woke her up. They reached their house, then her room, and then her bed.

In front of the bed, he finally released the hold of her hand which he had never let go on their way back.

"I'll come back in a second."

She nodded wearily, and as he left the room, started to peel off her clothes to change into her pajamas. Her head and eyes and face were heavy and a bit hurting from crying. The fatigue was even worse after the little nap on the bus. Feeling like she was half asleep, she faintly wished that this was all a dream. That what had happened between her and Athrun was just a dream, a nightmare. But mostly, she didn't want to think about it, about anything. Not yet.

She was crawling into under the covers, her uniform strewn on the floor, when Kira came back with a glass of iced tea and a damp cloth. She drank half of the tea, then exchanged the glass with the cloth to wipe her face with it.

"Now you can go to sleep," he said, collecting the cloth from her hand.

She nodded and placed her head on her pillow. "Kira..." Her voice came out small. "Thank you..."

Putting down the glass and the cloth on the floor, he caressed her head before tucking her in and dropping a kiss on her forehead like their mother used to when they were little. "Sleep tight, Cagalli."

She closed her eyes and gave in to the merciful darkness.

* * *

Thank you for reading. See you next week!

···

Below are replies to reviews.

 **T** **o BlueberriesGoneBad** **:**

Thank you for the review!

I hope you enjoyed their fight in this chapter. Now they are finally on the same page (more or less), and it's the first step to finding the solution to their problem, whatever it will be.

 **To Fuyu Aki:**

Thank you for another review!

Glad you understand Athrun's sentiments. And thanks for looking forward to my fic so much :)

I hope this chapter wasn't "a cheap melodrama," or not too much of one at least. And I wonder how much it fit into your expectations or didn't.

I appreciate your compliment about the openings of chapters. I think it's partly because I'm not very good at writing a filler, and I rather want to write only scenes necessary to the story. So I tend to skip what happens between the necessary scenes, only giving a brief explanation in a later chapter if needed.

I also don't really like dividing one scene into two chapters, ending one chapter in the middle of a scene and beginning the next chapter exactly where we left off.

Each chapter has its own purpose and a scene almost always fits either one of the chapters' purposes, not both. In my case, anyway. And I like to include in a chapter all the scenes necessary to its purpose. (That's why the lengths of my chapters quite vary.)

I understand the usefulness of such writing, and have nothing against it. It's just not my style. I prefer to have clear boundaries between chapters. Dividing a scene into two chapters kind of blur the boundaries.

Not to mention I need to skip days and even weeks between chapters, or sometimes scenes in one chapter, since this fic extends over months.

I'm happy to exchange PMs with you. But you haven't sent one to me yet, right? I see none from you in my inbox.

 **T** **o PegasusInCage:**

Thank you for another review!

Yeah, the previous chapter was the shortest. Hopefully, this chapter was long enough to satisfy you. If not, the next chapter probably will since it will be the longest so far. So please be patient :)

* * *

 ***posted 03/10/19***

 ***edited 05/11/19***


	11. The Blind Spot

English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

* * *

 **Season of Farewell**

Chapter 10: The Blind Spot

* * *

His phone began buzzing and Athrun removed his eyes from his Physics study guide and craned his neck to see the name on the screen, his hand reaching out. But the hand stopped mid-course. While he was debating whether to answer the call in his head, keeping the hand in the air, his phone returned to silence.

His relief was brief for the phone quickly came to life again, the same name and face on the screen. With a resigned sigh, he tapped the phone. Kira would probably keep calling until Athrun answered. The brunet could be quite stubborn and persistent when he felt like it. Then, Athrun might as well save time for both of them.

"Hello," he said cautiously.

"Are you at home?" Kira asked bluntly.

Athrun frowned. "Why are you asking?"

"Just answer me," Kira said impatiently. "Are you at your house?"

Athrun gave a sigh, exaggerating it a little. "Yes, I am."

Today was Saturday and they had no class in school. He had a class in cram school in the evening, but it was still mid-afternoon. He was meaning to study in his own room for a few more hours.

"Good. We'll be there in twenty minutes. Or twenty-five. Bye."

"Wh—wait."

But Kira had already hung up on him. Athrun stared at his phone with slight annoyance until it hit him. Hadn't Kira said "we"? Was Cagalli coming with him?

He stood up, suddenly restless. A part of him didn't want to talk with her; another part of him couldn't wait to see her. He had not really talked with her, or her brother for that matter, for about a month.

Since the first day of high school when they had met, he and Cagalli had always had lunch together at the school cafeteria, along with Kira and their other friends. After the fight, however, he had stopped going to the cafeteria. He couldn't bear sitting there with her and pretending they were fine or ignoring each other for nearly an hour every day while their friends were chatting merrily or sending worried glances to them.

He bought some food on his way to school and ate them at his homeroom along with his classmates who brought lunchboxes or bought food in stores like him. He had sat alone for the first several days, but then, Nicol had joined him. His green-haired friend had not asked him anything; he had just come to Athrun's homeroom in the beginning of lunchtime along with his own food and asked whether he could eat with Athrun, then kept acting as usual though he was clearly being careful not to mention Cagalli. Although he felt bad about troubling Nicol like that, Athrun was grateful for his presence, for the distraction Nicol offered.

The only times he had interacted with Cagalli were when they passed each other in a corridor, awkwardly exchanging greetings. He had sometimes caught her looking at him longingly, clearly wanting to talk to him. But he had never shown his willingness; she had never pushed.

The situation between him and Kira was similar. Kira seemed to want to talk to him, sometimes looking at him from distance with a frown. But he had not approached Athrun until today, maybe because his sister had asked him not to intervene.

The finals they had had last week had not helped, though Athrun was actually thankful for the exams. They had given him a recent goal he could focus on, a good distraction he needed. Besides, he didn't know what to say to Cagalli even if he tried to talk with her. If she had changed her mind about her college choice, she must have come to him to say so. Their situation had not changed a bit. Then what was there for them to talk about? They would just end up having another fight or an awkward silence, both of which he wanted to avoid.

He knew blowing up like he had during the fight and avoiding her like he was doing were dangerous. They were exactly the things he shouldn't do in order not to lose her, things an ideal boyfriend would never do. But then, what other choice did he have? He couldn't go back to pretending. It was too painful. It would be even harder to put back the mask on now that he had revealed his true feelings to her. He didn't think whether he could pull it off. He didn't think he wanted to even try.

To be honest, he had been feeling somewhat relieved and relaxed since the fight with her. His distress had decreased to an extent. He didn't have to worry about what he said and did, how he acted around her, anymore. He didn't have to hear her talk about Tassil or Ahmed with a smile or at least a calm face, or offer words of support and encouragement he didn't want to say anymore. He didn't exhaust himself trying to maintain the facade anymore.

It wasn't like he wanted to continue this cold war with her, but it was her decision, wasn't it? She was the one who still clung to the idea of leaving him behind, the one who kept hurting him. Unless her attitude didn't change, there was nothing he could do or would do.

At the same time, he missed reading and replying to her texts about most random things, listening to her talking about trivial everyday stuff, helping her with her studies and watching her face light up when she finally got the right answer, holding and caressing her hands, and kissing her hair and cheeks and lips. He missed her.

He tried not to get his hopes up, but he couldn't help thinking this sudden visit might be a good sign. She might be coming around despite her stubbornness. She might be finally seeing his point, understanding his feelings.

Thoughts and emotions swirling in him, he went downstairs. It was appropriate to prepare some drinks for guests. In the kitchen, he automatically grabbed three bottles of lemon-flavored sparkling water, then stopped for a moment. On his way to the living room, his eyes were on the bottles. He didn't drink it when alone, and after Cagalli had stopped coming to his house, the number of the bottles had stopped decreasing as well. The reason why he had started to buy a box of it in the first place was for Cagalli, because she liked the lemon flavor.

Placing the bottles on the living room table, he turned on the air conditioner in the room. Then he took out his phone from his rear pocket. It was less than five minutes since Kira's call. He glanced around the room, looking for something else to do. It would be more polite if he offered some food along with drinks. But he didn't stock snacks, only protein bars, and some bananas. They didn't seem fit.

He went back to the kitchen to check in case he had forgotten something. There were canned fruits and cereals, but they didn't seem suitable either. Letting out a sigh, he gave up. The twins would request something specific, or get it themselves, anyway if they were hungry. It was probably better to just wait for their arrival.

So he returned to the living room and sat on the sofa to check his phone every now and then. Approximately twenty-three minutes later since Kira had called, the doorbell rang. Slowly, he walked to the door, his heart rate increasing with anticipation. He opened the door to find someone completely unexpected.

"Hello, Athrun," Lacus cheerfully said as he stared at her with widened eyes.

"Ah...hello," he managed.

"Hey," Kira curtly said from next to her, his face a couple of shades darker than usual with no hint of smile, though it wasn't surprising.

"...Hey."

Athrun's eyes quickly searched around them, but there wasn't anyone else to be seen, only a familiar car on the street which must have brought the couple here. Disappointed, he stepped back, motioning them to come in.

The couple seated themselves in the living room while he went to the dining room to get a large plate at Lacus's request. As he placed the plate on the living room table, she thanked him. She was opening a basket they had brought and started to take small sandwiches out of it to put them on the plate in three piles, which baffled him a little. He had not expected them to bring food.

"Those are ham sandwiches. These are cucumber ones. And they are egg ones," she explained, motioning toward each pile. He nodded, taking a seat next to the couch the couple was sitting on. Moving the three bottles of sparkling water in each person's direction, Lacus clapped her hands.

"Let's eat, shall we? Kira, would you like a ham sandwich? How about you, Athrun? Which one would you like?"

Glancing at each other, he and Kira reached for a sandwich: he an egg one; Kira a ham one. Lacus picked up a cucumber one.

"So...why are you here?" Athrun asked after swallowing the first bite.

They couldn't have come to just feed him, could they? Though he didn't exactly put it past the pinkette. But Kira must have a better reason to visit Athrun after their lack of communication for about a month.

Kira and Lacus looked at each other, and after a little, Lacus opened her mouth. "I had some free time this afternoon, so I invited Kira to my house for tea. We were talking, and thought we might come and talk with you."

Athrun just looked at her, still puzzled.

"You've heard about Cagalli crying after she had a fight with you, right?" Kira cut in.

Athrun shifted his eyes to the brunet, but soon looked away. Indeed, he had heard. There had been rumors about the incident going around in their school. He knew that because some people had asked him about the rumors. Cagalli was friendly and popular, and she and he were a rather famous couple. Some of the people who had confronted him had been clearly blaming him for her crying.

Of course, Athrun had never told anyone what had happened—even Nicol, who had never asked anyway—just dismissing politely and coldly those who had the nerve to ask him about it. It was irritating that those people acted as if they had any right to meddle in his and Cagalli's affairs.

He couldn't say the same thing about Kira, though. The brunet wasn't just his best friend, but Cagalli's brother. Although he still didn't like it, Athrun couldn't expect Kira to completely stay out of this.

"I never saw her so devastated." Kira's voice was flat, but there was clear anger underneath. "What happened?"

"If you want to know, just ask Cagalli," Athrun returned, still not looking at his friend.

"I did."

Kira didn't elaborate and a tense silence enveloped them, but it was soon broken by a clear, melodious voice.

"I did not hear it from Cagalli-san herself. But according to Kira, she said you two had had a fight because you were not happy about her going to Tassil and were angry that she had not discussed the matter with you before making the decision.

"We would like to hear your side of the story." Lacus smiled at Athrun, as if encouraging him to talk.

He sighed. "There isn't 'my side.' That's pretty much it."

"But I thought you supported her," Kira said with confusion. "I get that you wanted her to talk to you about it earlier, but why are you so upset? It's been a month. Cagalli's even worried you...well, she's worried."

 _But not enough_ , Athrun bitterly thought. Even if Cagalli was worried about his attitude, about their relationship, it wasn't enough for her to change her mind. It was just a reminder that he or their relationship wasn't important enough to her.

Trying to mask his distress, he ran his left hand over his face, for his right one was holding his sandwich, before replying, "I tried to support her. But...you know long-distance relationships are difficult, likely to fail."

Kira fell silent, a thoughtful crease on his forehead.

After a moment, Lacus said, "Cagalli-san does not seem to want to fight with you."

"I don't want to fight, either," Athrun said with irritation. "But she still wants to go, doesn't she?"

Did Lacus think he wanted this? Did Cagalli? He and Cagalli wouldn't be in this situation in the first place if she was just a little more...loving.

He thinned his lips, then averted his eyes in embarrassment. "Sorry. I didn't mean to be rude," he said in a low voice.

He didn't really mind revealing his emotions or even losing his temper if it was just Kira who was here. It wasn't like he and Kira had never had an argument or a fight.

But Lacus was a different matter. Despite knowing her for nearly six years, he had never felt close enough to her. Their friendship had been mostly based on the friendship between their parents, and later, on her relationship with Kira.

"There is no need to apologize," Lacus said reassuringly, and after a thoughtful pause, added innocently, "Have you ever imagined what you would do if it was the opposite?"

Seeing his puzzled face, she elaborated, "Would you give up going to the college of your first choice to be around Cagalli-san?"

He slightly knitted his eyebrows. Such a thought had never occurred to him. "It wouldn't be the same."

She tilted her head. "Why not?"

"Because...she is a girl."

"She is."

"And I'm a guy."

"Indeed you are."

"So...it's different," he finished, feeling uncomfortable. What he had just said was more or less what he thought. But it felt like it had come out wrong, like he had said something wrong.

"Why is it?"

He gave Lacus a blank face.

"Why is it different?" She sounded a little like she was talking to a child, her smile unchanging.

Frowning, he replied, "It's...just how it is."

"I see," she said before elegantly lifting her bottle and taking a sip.

"So what you mean is..." Athrun started a little with surprise. He had almost forgotten there was the third person in the room, partly because Kira's presence was just so familiar. "...you wanna make Cagalli give up her dream for you even though you'd never give up your dream for her?" Kira looked half scowling, half amazed. "What do you think she is? Someone lower than you?"

Athrun's frown deepened. "That's not—"

"No? What did you mean then?" Kira asked in a cold voice.

Athrun tightly pressed his lips together with annoyance and frustration, unsure what to say. It wasn't what he had meant, was it? He wasn't looking down on Cagalli or anything. It was just...it was a fact that guys and girls, men and women, were different; so, it wouldn't be the same if the situation was reversed. He wasn't saying or doing anything wrong...was he?

Kira apparently disagreed with him, and didn't seem willing to let the subject slide, either.

"Just imagine what you'd feel if Cagalli demanded you to give up going to the college of your first choice, going to FMU. You of all people should be able to understand her feelings." The brunet paused, probably for effect. "Or do you think it's nothing to her just because she's a girl? When it's so...unthinkable to you because you're a guy?"

"Just because she loves you, it does not mean she would not feel pain, or she could be happy doing it," Lacus said agreeingly.

"I know it's not easy," Athrun said defensively.

Of course he knew giving up going to Tassil was hard for Cagalli. He had seen how excited and enthusiastic she was about the idea. That was why he had tried to support her decision in the first place. Just because he understood it, though, it didn't mean he could accept it.

"But there are girls who don't mind giving up a college she wants to go to for the sake of her relationship," he continued.

He actually didn't know for sure, but if there were girls who chose her college because of her boyfriend, there must be girls like that as well.

"We're not talking about girls," Kira returned sharply. "We're talking about Cagalli. And you."

Athrun turned confused eyes to the brunet. But Cagalli was a girl. Granted, she was not a girly girl and maybe not really a normal kind of girl, but still.

With a frown which was nearly a glare, Kira held Athrun's gaze for a moment before releasing a frustrated sigh. The brunet massaged his temple as if Athrun was causing him a headache, which fueled Athrun's annoyance. Between him and Kira, or him and anyone for that matter, he had almost always been the one who made the gesture, and he didn't like the reversed positions. He sent Kira an offended look, which the brunet either ignored purposefully or didn't notice at all.

"I do not think what you wish for and what makes you happy are determined by your gender, or they should be."

At the voice, Athrun diverted his attention from Kira to Lacus who calmly added, "And voluntarily making sacrifices and being forced to do so are very different things, are they not?"

He made a frown. Making sacrifices. Was that what this was about? Was he forcing Cagalli to make sacrifices?

Of course this was about sacrifices. It was what she needed to do for the sake of their relationship even if it was tough. That was what sacrifice was, wasn't it? Everyone made sacrifices for something: the right thing, justice, job, family, friends, or romantic relationships. Like he had tried to support her dream even if it hurt him. He had made some sacrifices for her and for their relationship as he should. So she should make some as well, shouldn't she?

But then...Lacus was probably right. Forced sacrifices weren't the same as voluntary sacrifices. And it might not be right to force someone to make sacrifices. Then again, did it mean he should be the only one who made sacrifices? It didn't seem right. Plus, wasn't making sacrifices more like a duty? Not something optional, not something you were free to pass if you didn't like it.

As if reading his thoughts, Lacus continued, "Sacrifices for what you yourself want and those for what someone you care about wants are not the same, either. Though we often mistake one for the other."

His frown deepened. Her words sounded right, but were confusing at the same time. Was she insisting that he was making a mistake? That this was his fault? Had she come here to accuse him after all?

He slightly narrowed his eyes at her. His indignation probably registered in his face, but she simply looked back at him with a serene expression. He somehow felt as if there was nothing he could do to disturb the calm even a little, which wasn't a pleasant feeling.

Under his gaze, Lacus suddenly covered her mouth with a hand. "My, we had better eat, though. The sandwiches would go dry otherwise. We most certainly should not let that happen. It will be disrespectful to Mrs. Alice."

She gave him a sweet, almost angelic smile. "What do you think of the one you are having, Athrun? It is good just like her other dishes, is it not?"

Taken aback, he looked down at his sandwich, Lacus, and then, Kira. This wasn't the first time he had witnessed the pinkette's sudden change of manner, as if she switched from one personality to the other in a blink of an eye. But he wasn't comfortable with it. It made him feel doubtful about his own perception and ideas.

Kira didn't seem to be fazed by his girlfriend's behavior, though. The brunet just looked at her, slightly tilting his head. She smiled, as if telling him something without words.

Kira soon nodded agreeingly. "You're right. And these sandwiches are too good for that," he said before pushing the rest of his into his mouth.

Resuming the meal, the couple looked at Athrun.

"Do you prefer a new one? Your sandwich is already dry perhaps?" Lacus asked. Both she and Kira appeared as if everything was normal, as if they had not abruptly shifted from talking—or rather arguing—to eating. Not that Athrun would have wanted to continue the conversation, but still.

Perplexed, Athrun shook his head. "No, this is fine," he answered before bringing the sandwich in his hand to his mouth, which felt like the only thing he could do at the moment.

"How about trying cucumber ones?" Lacus suggested as Kira's hand started floating over the sandwiches in search for his next one. "Mrs. Alice invented a new filling. It is even more delicious than the previous one."

"Hm, I can certainly try." Kira picked up one cucumber sandwich and took a bite to thoughtfully chew it. "Yeah, it's good. I don't think I've ever eaten a better cucumber dish."

Lacus's smile looked satisfied. "Yes. Mrs. Alice is such a wonderful cook."

Kira grinned. "Yeah, her dishes make me want to move in your house right now."

Lacus giggled. "My, there seems to be more reasons for me to appreciate her. Perhaps I should ask her to teach me more cooking so that I would not have any problem after I get married?" She teasingly smiled at her boyfriend.

Kira smiled back fondly. "It seems like a good idea, but I think your cooking is already excellent. I wouldn't have any complaints, I'm sure."

They shared a gleeful laugh, snuggling against each other.

Silently listening to them complimenting Lacus's housekeeper—and flirting—Athrun suppressed a sigh. They seemed to have forgotten his presence, or the conversation they had wanted to have so much that they invited themselves to his house, in which they still were by the way. He could never understand this couple, he was sure. With longing, the thought of his girlfriend who was an open book and not so puzzling despite her quickly changing moods crossed his mind. But he quickly pushed it to the back of his mind.

"By the way, Athrun." Lacus turned to him, finally having remembered his presence.

Or maybe she, and Kira, had never forgotten about him. Athrun wasn't sure which was better: that they had started flirting because they had forgotten he was still with them, or that they had been flirting while being perfectly aware he was there and witnessing it. The best way, the most likely way to make him feel better, was probably to forget about the flirting altogether. It was how he usually coped with this couple anyway.

"You are still coming to my concert, I hope?" she continued. He looked at her blankly. "The Christmas concert at Reverend Malchio's children's home," she reminded him.

"Ah...right." He hurriedly pulled out the memory. "It's on the next Saturday, isn't it?"

"Yes. From five p.m."

The concert was on the next day after school ended, a few days before actual Christmas; usually, it was the day he left for his grandparents' house to spend Christmas there. Since Lacus had invited him to her concert this year, though, he had told his grandparents that he would arrive one day late.

Actually, she had been inviting him for several years, but he had kept declining the invitation, using his visit to his grandparents as an excuse. He wasn't a big fan of music; he often felt sleepy while listening to it, though he tried hard not to doze off. He had not wanted to be a rude person who slept at his friend's concert. However, this Christmas was the first one he and Cagalli were spending as a couple, and since they would be busy studying, he had decided to attend the concert so that he could spend more time with her. He had also hoped that Cagalli's enthusiasm—from what he had heard, she was always excited at the concert—would affect him and prevent him from snoozing.

It had been all before he had had a fight with Cagalli, of course. Now, he regretted the decision. He was reluctant to see Cagalli; the conversation he had just had with Kira and Lacus had somehow strengthened the feeling. And there would be many witnesses including strangers. At the same time, he didn't want to do an impolite thing like breaking his promise at the last minute for a selfish reason.

So, he begrudgingly nodded. "Sure. I'll be there."

Lacus smiled. "That is wonderful. I am sure Nicol-san will be happy as well." His green-haired friend was accompanying her on the piano at the concert. "And I am sure this year's concert will be quite better with his help."

"That sounds good," Kira chimed in, eating an egg sandwich. "I'm looking forward to it since I'm rather stressed recently. Like the thing with my dad." He glanced at Athrun. "He's still bugging me about applying to medical college. We had an argument again last week."

As Lacus comfortingly stroked Kira's shoulder, Athrun hesitantly offered, hoping he wasn't misreading Kira's signal, "Sorry to hear that."

Kira nodded. "Yeah. Thanks." His face then shifted as if he was weighing what he was going to say. After a moment, he continued, "The worst part is, you know, he doesn't really care about me. He just wants a son who meets his expectations. I don't think he'd be pestering me like this if he had another son who did everything he wanted him to do. A perfect son."

Athrun sent his best friend a sympathetic and consoling look. "Yeah, I understand the feeling."

Oddly, Kira looked a little disappointed as if Athrun's reply had been different from what he had expected and he wanted to say something about it. But then, he glanced at Lacus and slightly lifted his shoulders. "Well, I just hope he'll give up soon."

Athrun just nodded without inquiring about Kira's strange reaction. If Kira didn't want to talk more about his father, Athrun had no intention of making him.

"I will do my best so that you can forget about your worries and relax at least during the concert," Lacus said soothingly, smiling at Kira.

Kira smiled back at her. "I'm sure I'll be totally at ease at the concert."

Their conversation shifted to stories from past concerts, some of which Athrun had heard and others he hadn't. He and Kira didn't directly talk to each other much, and their exchanges were hardly normal, not nearly as friendly or comfortable as usual. But they didn't ignore each other, either, and were civil to each other.

After a while, Lacus looked at a clock on the wall. "Oh my, it has already been an hour. We probably should not take up more of your time." She turned her face back to him. "It was nice to talk to you, Athrun. In fact, it is always good to talk to someone important to you, is it not?" she said with a smile. "Some things cannot be understood or resolved until you talk to each other, after all."

He glanced at Kira who glanced back and then said in a low voice, "Cagalli wants to talk with you, too. It's...really hard for her you've been avoiding her." Kira didn't exactly sound angry, but seemed to be suppressing his emotions.

Athrun averted his eyes. He didn't doubt Kira's words, but still couldn't promise he would talk to her soon.

Silence filled the room for a while, then Lacus opened her mouth. "I wonder what I should do with them." She touched the plate on which few sandwiches were left, tilting her head. "Athrun, do you mind my leaving them? Perhaps, you could eat them for a snack later."

"Ah...no, it's okay." He nodded. "I probably will."

"That is good." She touched her hands in front of her chest, palm to palm. "Then shall we go, Kira?"

"Yeah." Kira let out a quiet breath. "I guess we better."

Placing her and Kira's bottles of sparkling water into her basket, she stood up. Kira followed suit. As they were putting on their coats which had been hung inside the closet near the entrance, Lacus looked at Athrun with a thoughtful expression.

"It is difficult to make decisions concerning what you care about. You do not want to make a mistake and lose what is important to you, so you vacillate. No matter how tough it is, however, the effort you make is necessary and worthwhile." Her smile was enigmatic. "Everything you care to have takes work after all. Therefore, you should not just give up and stop trying. Although you are the one to decide what is worth your effort. You are the only one who truly knows the answers. Do you not agree, Athrun?"

He looked back at her with confusion for a moment, then politely said, "I guess so."

Her words sounded right, but he wasn't sure why she had suddenly started talking about it. Did it have anything to do with their earlier conversation, the fight between him and Cagalli? Or had she just felt like saying it? He simply couldn't tell.

Talking to Lacus sometimes felt like solving a riddle. He liked trying to solve problems, but not when it came to people. People problems were less likely to be logically solved, if it was solvable to begin with. It was better and reasonable to keep his desire to solve for riddles properly created or practical problems and just leave other people be. And the pinkette was much harder to understand than average.

He glanced to see Kira's reaction. Kira was nodding, his hands buttoning up his coat, seemingly admiring Lacus instead of wondering where his girlfriend's words had come from. The brunet probably just didn't care. That might be why Kira could manage to be in a relationship with Lacus whose behavior was often peculiar, if not her words.

Kira suddenly looked in his direction and their eyes clashed.

"Just think about Cagalli's feelings, okay? And don't say, 'But she's a girl' again," Kira warned.

Athrun looked away, tightening his lips, perfectly knowing where the words had come from this time and not wanting to reply.

Kira paused, then his voice turned quieter. "You should look at Cagalli, Athrun. Not a girl, but _Cagalli_. I thought...we thought you were doing it."

Athrun glanced, puzzled. Kira didn't look angry or annoyed. Instead, his face was now sad and disappointed, and it was actually more disturbing. As much as he didn't understand what Kira was talking about, what Kira was expecting, or had expected, him to do, Athrun felt a little guilty, even though he had not when Kira, and assumedly Lacus, were blaming him. Was it possible that there was something wrong, after all, about the way he had been handling this matter of Cagalli's college choice and their fight?

Lacus put her hand on Kira's arm and he gave her a faint smile before looking back at Athrun. "Well, that's all I wanna say for now. Bye."

"...Bye," Athrun said with a little uncertainty. He was still confused, but hesitant and reluctant to ask.

Lacus gave him a cheerful goodbye and he returned a polite one, just as usual. And the couple left.

As he closed the door, Athrun let out a long sigh. He felt quite tired even though the couple had stayed for less than an hour, partly because of what they had talked about, and partly because of the couple's behavior. He could handle Kira, but the brunet seemed a lot more handful when with Lacus. It seemed the pinkette had been rubbing off on Kira. Lacus wasn't exactly troublesome or even handful, but still not easy to deal with.

His mind wandered back to earlier, and then further.

According to his mother, the first time he and Lacus had met was when they had been toddlers, and they had met several times. But he naturally didn't remember those times. To him, their first meeting was in the beginning of his seventh-grade year, when he was twelve and she was thirteen.

Lacus had just moved from some health resort hours away where she had lived with her sick mother to PLANT because her mother had passed away. Her father had wanted Athrun to become Lacus's first friend in PLANT, which would hopefully make the transition easier for her. Athrun had been picked due to his parents' friendship with her parents. He had not been so eager; he had never had a close female friend and had not been able to say he was good at dealing with girls. But he had felt bad about abandoning a girl with a such pitiful background and he had not wanted to disappoint his mother. So he had accepted the request.

To his relief, his mother had accompanied him to visit Lacus's house most of the times when he was invited. It had seemed to start due to her worry about the girl and her loyalty to Lacus's mother, her late friend. But Lenore had gotten fond of Lacus during the visits.

About a year after he and Lacus had met, his mother and he had been invited to a tea party with Lacus and her father.

He didn't quite remember how their conversation had turned that way, but in the middle of the party, his mother had said, "Looking at Lacus-chan, I often wish Patrick and I had had another child, a daughter. It would've certainly been a different experience having a daughter, having both a son and a daughter. Don't you think it would've been fun if you'd had a sister, Athrun?"

He had politely smiled. "I suppose so."

Siegel, Lacus's father, had said, "Actually, I sometimes feel the same. Either a son or another daughter. Then Lacus would have company while I was at work and wouldn't be so lonely." He had patted his daughter's hand in an apologetic way. Being a prosecutor, Siegel was a busy man, perhaps as busy as Athrun's father, though Siegel seemed more eager to spend time with his family than Patrick.

Lacus had smiled at her father. "Do not worry, Father. I am happy as I am. And I have you." Siegel had affectionately smiled back.

Lenore had also smiled. "Well, at least we'll have another child someday when our children get married." His mother had sent a teasing look to Athrun and he had turned his face away, embarrassed.

Then, Lenore had clapped her hands as if she had had a quite good idea. "Oh, come to think of it, if Athrun and Lacus-chan get married, I'll have Lacus-chan as a daughter. That would be wonderful."

"Mother..." he had weakly protested, feeling his cheeks heat up.

Siegel had thought a little, then said jokingly, "I agree it's a wonderful idea. Athrun is the most refined young man I know. I'd have no qualms about his courting my daughter."

Athrun had silently wished for an interruption, like Siegel and Lenore receiving calls from their workplaces and having to leave, though he was all too aware that such a miracle would almost never happen.

He had glanced at the pink-haired girl who must be as mortified by this conversation as he was, partly hoping she would come up with a way to escape, a way to lead the conversation somewhere else. Contrary to his expectation, however, Lacus had been smiling as if she was enjoying the adults' eccentric idea.

"Yes, Athrun is a good person. A girl he decides to court would be quite lucky," she had merrily chimed in.

Siegel had chuckled. "Maybe we should get them engaged or something, Lenore."

His mother had let out an amused laugh. "That sounds great."

The three pairs of eyes had turned to Athrun and he had felt cornered, clearly having no one on his side.

"I...um, I don't think I'm...quite ready to get into a relationship," he had managed, his eyes not meeting any of the others'. "Lacus is a nice girl, of course," he had hurriedly added. "She could find someone better...ah...mature. Someone ready. Someone who can satisfy her and Mr. Clyne both. I'm sure." He had been certain that his entire body was soaked with sweat, including his face.

A moment that felt agonizingly long to him had passed, and the other three had burst into laughter.

"We were just joking, Athrun." His mother had patted his shoulder reassuringly. "You don't have to look so panicked." He had sent her a look that said it had not been funny at all, but she had not seemed to be seeing it.

"Though I meant it when I said I'd be happy to have you as my daughter's boyfriend." Siegel had winked at Athrun, which got him flustered again.

Lacus had just smiled at him, from which he quickly averted his eyes.

After the tea party, he and Lacus had been walking toward the entrance of the house, the adults before them. He had been quiet, still humiliated.

About half the way, Lacus had suddenly said, "I honestly do not mind."

He had sent her a puzzled look. "Pardon?"

"I am all right with dating you if you are willing."

He had blinked, then stared at her, hoping she was joking again. But she had seemed serious, not even smiling as she always was.

"It may sound odd to you, but I believe we can understand each other quite well." She had sounded earnest. He had even thought there was a hint of pleading in her voice, though it was surely his imagination.

He had been mystified since he had never felt like she had said. She had been rather a mystery to him and the conversation had just been reinforcing the notion. He had doubted he could ever fully understand her.

"So, I am willing to try and see if we can grow to love each other," she had continued, closely studying his face, which made him even more uncomfortable.

She had somehow looked like she had grown much older in that short time. He had been acutely reminded that she was in fact one grade older than he was. The fact had usually been easy to forget with the unworldly air she carried around herself, or with the way she played with a Haro as if she was a little girl who loved playing with dolls. But still, she was his senior. And right then, she had actually looked a lot older than her real age, though he couldn't tell why.

Silence had hung over them as she closed her mouth. She had kept examining his face for another moment—during which he was trying to figure out the right way to respond, but failing—and then, smiled brightly.

"Well, since you are not ready yet, however, we will have to just wait and see where our relationship goes. You think so too, do you not, Pink-chan?"

She had playfully poked the pink Haro in her hand, which he had made and given her as a gift at his mother's suggestion a little after his first meeting with Lacus.

"You too! You too!" the Haro had chirped and Lacus had giggled.

Dumbfounded, Athrun had stared at her who now appeared rather childlike. It had been as if the conversation seconds ago had been just his daydream, or someone else had talked to him, not the girl in front of him.

She had turned her face forward and put a hand to her mouth. "Oh, we are so behind Father and Aunt Lenore. We need to hurry."

She had let the Haro bounce forward and started to follow. After several steps, she had looked back over her shoulder.

"Are you not coming, Athrun?" She had looked and sounded like nothing had happened, an innocent smile on her face.

Still bewildered, he had awkwardly resumed walking.

Since then, he had been more reluctant to see Lacus. She had never acted the way he had seen that day again, to his relief. Still, he had never felt completely at ease in her presence, not just because of the strange conversation, but also because she had kind of asked him to be her boyfriend.

What he had told during the tea party had been true. He had not really wanted to have a girlfriend yet. He had not been quite knowledgeable about that kind of stuff, but from what little he had heard, being in a relationship was rather troublesome and sometimes messy. He had had no reason to still try it, and had always turned down love confessions.

Lacus had been nice and pretty, and he had liked her to some extent, but not enough to go through the trouble. He might have still been more positive about dating her if she had been just an ordinary girl; his mother would have certainly been pleased if he and the pink-haired girl actually dated.

However, Lacus had already started working as an idol by then, though not as popular as she was now. He had imagined it would make dating her even more troublesome. Not to mention he had not been exactly comfortable with being pursued by girls, with those girls trying to nudge him into a relationship he wasn't looking for. Lacus being his senior by year might have also affected his feelings.

In short, he had not been able to find a reason to make an exception for Lacus and accept her confession, or rather, proposition.

At the same time, she had been different from other girls who asked him out. She had not exactly asked him, so he had not been able to reject her. He had not wanted to bring up the subject when she hadn't. Also, he had not wanted to make things between them awkward for his mother's sake. Therefore, he had been trying to keep his relationship with her civil, avoiding getting closer to her, but not pushing her away in an obvious way. It had not been difficult since they didn't meet so often because they went to different schools and she was busy being an idol.

His mother's death had not changed it much. After his mother had passed away, Lacus had seemed more eager to see him, probably partly because she was worried about him and partly because she empathized with him, having lost her own mother. He had appreciated her concern, but not felt like sharing his pain with her.

Since he couldn't expect his mother to divert Lacus's attention from him anymore, he had actually begun excusing himself from visiting her more often, using the preparation for high school entrance exams and then getting used to a new school as excuses.

Another reason, which he also had not said, was because Meer, Lacus's distant relative, had started to join their tea some time before Lenore's death. The younger girl had made him feel uncomfortable by her forwardness and persistence to talk about him and Lacus as if they were a couple or should be, having heard about Lenore and Siegel's joke.

Lacus had always been nice, accepting his excuses and never pushing him; he had felt somewhat guilty. Yet, he had not wanted her to get the wrong idea about their relationship, especially after meeting Cagalli. In trying to avoid being alone with the pinkette, he had introduced his friends to her, and she had fallen in love with Kira.

Thus, Athrun had escaped having to deal with her feelings for him if she had ever had any. It might have been rather selfish of him to feel relieved when Lacus had invited him to her house and told him she was going to ask Kira to be her boyfriend in the middle of December in his freshman year of high school, just about two years ago.

But he had also helped them get together. At first, Kira had seemed a little hesitant to date Lacus because of Athrun. The brunet had asked Athrun whether he was really all right with it before giving his answer to Lacus. Athrun had told him about Lacus "asking him out" after it had happened, years before Kira and Lacus met, and Kira had seemed worried about Athrun's feelings even though the brunet knew Athrun was in love with his sister. Athrun had reassured Kira that he had no problem with Kira and Lacus dating and encouraged his friend to go for it, and he had been happy for them when Kira had accepted Lacus.

And the couple seemed to have been doing well. Kira was clearly more compatible with Lacus, having a higher tolerance of her peculiarity, than Athrun. The brunet even seemed to understand her confusing words sometimes.

It actually had made Athrun wonder a few times. Could he understand Lacus if he tried harder? After all, Lacus for some reason believed he was capable. Or she had believed years ago, at least.

Even if the effort wouldn't be futile, however, it still felt like a job that took too much of his energy and time. He couldn't help thinking that his resources would be better spent on other stuff, like studying to become a doctor so that he could save lives, for instance.

And why did he have to try in the first place? Aside from regular confusion, he didn't have a problem with his understanding of her if it was little. She didn't seem to mind it, either. Then, there was no reason for him to try to change it.

Reaching the usual conclusion, he put the sandwiches covered with plastic wrap into the refrigerator. Heading for his room, he glanced down at his bottle of sparkling water which was half empty. He figured he had to think over the conversation he had had with Kira and Lacus, think about the problem he and Cagalli were having, but felt too worn out for that.

The sad and disappointed face Kira had had right before leaving came back to his mind to bother him again. Was that how Cagalli was feeling now? From what Kira had said, she had been quite distressed because of Athrun's attitude since the fight, and he felt somewhat bad about it, maybe for the first time. After all, he didn't want to hurt her. He just wanted her to be with him and love him more. Why was it so difficult to have it? Why couldn't she just give it to him?

It was true that he didn't want to fight with her. What he wanted was having a happy and peaceful time with her. And it wasn't his fault that they couldn't do that right now, was it? If he could have his way, things wouldn't be as they were now. It wasn't he who had started this or was prolonging this...right?

But then, Kira might be right. Maybe Athrun should be more, a little more at least, considerate of Cagalli's feelings? She had been crying, and devastated. Until now, he had been trying not to think about the fact that he had made her cry. His anger and frustration over the fact that she was still leaving him behind had made it easy. He had been telling himself that it wasn't as big a deal as it sounded since she was quite expressive, showing her emotions honestly and intensely, that she must have been more upset about the fight than sad.

But now, the thought of her crying was starting to make his chest heavy. It wasn't what he wanted, at all. Maybe he should do something to change their situation? Maybe he should think more about how to make her feel better? Maybe he should apologize to her at least about the way he had been acting since the fight.

He admitted that it was rather childish of him to have been avoiding her like that. He would normally act in a maturer way. But there was something about her that made him more honest than usual. There was something about her that made him want to act differently with her from with others, want to have something different with her from with others. Maybe, though, he had been too honest about his feelings for the past month, or during the fight even? Should he change his way now, having more control over his emotions? He didn't really want to. He felt like he would be losing something important that way, losing more of what he wanted.

Plus, if he started apologizing, wouldn't they just go back to how they had been before the fight since their situation was more or less the same as before? Wouldn't it mean that he had to return to doing what he had been doing, which he really didn't want to do anymore? Although she didn't appreciate it, he had been trying to protect her feelings for months. He had been trying to make her feel good, doing what he didn't want to do and listening to what he didn't want to hear for her sake, saying what she wanted to hear. He had been making sacrifices for her, for their relationship. He had been doing the right thing, what he should do as a boyfriend, even though she wasn't repaying it.

...Somehow, however, he couldn't feel as confident about it, about his righteousness, as before. What Kira and Lacus had said was confusing him, shaking his beliefs. The feeling that there might be something he wasn't seeing concerning this matter was growing. The feeling he didn't like, but couldn't ignore.

With a sigh, he shook his head. He really didn't have enough energy to do this right now. It was best to wait until he felt good enough to give this proper thought. Absently watching the swirling lemon-flavored water inside the bottle he was holding, he wondered what his girlfriend was doing right now.

* * *

After going over the long proof she had written one more time, carefully comparing it with the one on the study guide, Cagalli let out a sigh of relief. She had been working on a math problem for twenty minutes, and finally managed to get it right. Proudly, she picked up a red pen to draw a big circle on her notebook, then made the circle a flower.

"Victory sign?"

At the whispering voice and the warm breath on her ear, she turned to smile at the boy sitting next to her. "Yup. A huge victory totally worth recognition." She regarded him who looked like he was tired of studying, which made her realize she also was. "But I'm hungry. What do you say to grabbing snacks?"

"That's a fantastic idea." Ahmed dramatically raised both his fists in the air to show his enthusiasm, though he kept his voice low since they were in the study room of the city library where they should be quiet.

Among the members of their study session on weekends, they were the only ones still at the library; Kira had gone to Lacus's house after lunch and all of the others either had already left or had not come today.

They packed up their stuff and walked out of the library. Across the street was a bakery, which they entered. Hearing the bell on the door, a middle-aged woman at the counter turned around and waved a hand to them. They had been loyal patrons of this bakery for months and become friendly with many of the staff.

Waving back at the woman, Cagalli parted ways with Ahmed. She headed toward donel kebabs, but stopped before reaching her destination. JUST OUT OF THE OVEN sign was sticking out from under the tray of curry buns. Knitting her eyebrows, she looked back and forth between two trays for a minute. Then, sending an apologetic look to kebabs, she put a curry bun on her plate.

She started walking toward the counter, but stopped again as her eyes fell on a tray of peach tarts: Athrun's favorite sweets.

Her chest tightened at the thought of him. It wasn't so difficult not to think about him, about the fight, when she was cramming English sentences and math equations and names of human tissues into her head. Ironically—or naturally—her study had been going well since the fight; she had buried herself in it, trying to distract herself. She had had the highest grades she had ever had in the final exams in the beginning of December.

At times like this, however, she couldn't help feeling dejected. Her shoulders dropped almost automatically, her mind wandering back to the fight, then the next day.

At lunchtime on the day after their fight, she had gone to Athrun's homeroom as usual—for his homeroom was nearer to the cafeteria and on her way to there anyway—meaning to apologize to him and ask him to go somewhere to talk again after lunch. She had wanted to at least tell him how important he was to her, which she had failed to do the day before. The previous evening after the nap, she had told Kira about the fight and felt somewhat better, strengthened by her brother's comfort and support. Maybe she had been a bit melodramatic the previous day, taking things more seriously than she should, she had thought, in addition to her head being messed up by the memory and thought of her father.

She had peered into the classroom somewhat nervously. Fortunately for her, Athrun's seat was right next to the windows to the corridor and she had been able to study him from several meters away. He had seemed to be a bit sulking, but not really looked angry. With a deep breath, she had been about to take a step toward the door when he opened a plastic bag on his desk, which she had missed until then, and took out a packet of sandwiches and a bottle.

She had blinked several times, and dumbly stared at him for a minute until the reality sank in. He had been eating lunch in his homeroom, which he had never done even when they were having a fight. But he was now angrier, probably a lot angrier, at her than he had ever been and didn't want to eat lunch with her.

She had felt like being punched in the gut. She had not misunderstood after all. This _was_ as serious as she had felt. Perhaps more serious, even.

Trying to calm herself, she had taken in some breaths and checked her phone, hoping there was some other reason for Athrun's decision to not eat at the cafeteria and he had sent her a text to explain it. There had been no text from him. Not even a group text.

Her mouth had gone dry and she had hurried past Athrun's homeroom, her eyes turned to the other side of the corridor. She had just kept walking and walking, until Miriallia called out to her.

"Cagalli? Where are you going? You aren't coming to the cafeteria?"

She had stopped, turned around, and ran up to the brunette to hug her.

"Athrun isn't coming," she had said, her voice trembling. "He...he's so mad he probably didn't even want to see me..." The way he had turned his back to her at the end of the fight had come back and almost broken her down.

Miriallia had taken her to a secluded corner of the building while comforting her and calming her down, listened to her about what had happened the previous day and earlier that day, and given her some more comfort, saying that his anger would surely subside and his attitude would soften after some time. Lunchtime had been almost over when Cagalli had finally felt like eating. They had gone to the school store instead of the cafeteria and bought their lunch to quickly eat it.

Athrun had stopped coming to their study session after school as well. Nicol, who had sent a concerned text to Athrun about his not coming to the cafeteria, had relayed to her and the others Athrun's message that he was going to study at his cram school. Athrun had not come to the cafeteria again the next day, or the library; everyone in their group had looked concerned. Days had gone by like that, and Athrun had been avoiding her for about a month now.

The only consolation she had was that he at least returned her greetings. Four days after the fight, on her way to the science lab, she had come across him who seemed to be going back to his homeroom after P.E. Their eyes had met and they both had stopped briefly before stiffly resuming walking.

When they were only a step away from each other, she had worked up the nerve and said, "Hey." She couldn't remember a time she had been so nervous about talking to someone, or so afraid of their reaction.

He had glanced at her, but not said anything right away, which twisted her heart. A second after they had passed each other, though, he had quietly said, "Hey."

She had spun around to stare at his retreating figure. He had not looked back, but she had been so glad and relieved he had talked to her, even if it was just one word, that she almost cried then and there. She might have kept gazing at him until he disappeared from her sight if her friends who were with her had not nudged her, saying they were being late for Chemistry.

She had hoped that it was a sign that Athrun was gradually becoming ready to talk to her again about their situation, to forgive her even. But it had not happened yet. Their situation had remained static since then.

And the more she thought about it, the less hopeful she felt. Although he didn't completely ignore her, he was apparently unwilling to discuss their problem with her, or just eat at the same table with her even. He seemed to not want anything to do with her beyond exchanging greetings. It might mean that the only way he forgave her, the only way they could reconcile was—

"Ready to pay?"

Ahmed gave her a shoulder bump from behind, pulling her back to reality.

"Yeah." She put on a smile and turned her face to him. They walked together toward the counter.

After chatting with the woman at the counter for a bit since there was no line—during which the woman informed Cagalli that her request for kebabs with extra-hot chili sauce had been declined—and buying cups of coffee, she and Ahmed sat at a table in the back of the bakery, facing each other.

"You remember the physics problem I was struggling with last week?" Ahmed asked before biting into his roast beef bagel sandwich.

"Yeah?" She glanced at him, breaking her curry bun into half and blowing on it.

"I gave it another try earlier, and guess what, I solved it without consulting anything."

"That's great. Congrats." They bumped their fists.

He grinned. "It didn't go so smoothly, but I'm becoming confident I can get accepted by Tassil Uni. My scores are getting quite good."

"Told you you can do it." She smiled, taking a bite.

"Yeah, I'm glad you pushed me. Here we come, Tassil Uni!" He held out a fist to her with a grin, expecting her to bump it with her own again. But she couldn't and his face turned puzzled. "What's the matter?"

She swallowed the food inside her mouth, then slowly said, "There is something I have to tell you. ...I'm not sure I'm going to apply to Tassil Uni. Athrun doesn't want me to go... We even had a fight about it."

She had told only Kira and Miriallia the reason why she and Athrun had fought; to the other friends, she had just said they had had a fight without explaining what it was about. She didn't mind much if her friends knew, but she knew Athrun wouldn't like it. Those close to him probably had not asked her for details for the same reason.

But Ahmed had the right to know why she was considering breaking their pledge to do their best to get into Tassil University.

Not that she had already decided to abandon going there, though. She was still wavering, but recently leaning toward staying here.

She didn't want to lose Athrun; he might break up with her if she still chose to move away. And not really talking with Athrun had been making her feel quite lonely even though she wasn't alone, which shook her determination further. If she felt this lonely now, could she stand living so far away from him even if they didn't break up? And she would be having almost none of her family and friends comforting and supporting her right now with her, no less. She had probably underestimated the impact of moving to a totally new place.

Furthermore, she never wanted Athrun to think that he didn't matter much to her. And right now, changing her college choice seemed like the only way she could get him to understand that she cherished him. She wanted to believe there was another way. She had been trying to find one for the past month, but had not been able to come up with it.

From his words during the fight and those she had overheard a couple days before that, he thought that choosing to go to a faraway college was a sign she didn't care about him much; that choosing her college so that she could stay close to him was a sign that she cared. And it seemed like the only thing he cared about, other than the fact that she had not asked about his opinion on her going to Tassil. As far as she knew, giving up going to Tassil was the only thing he wanted her to do, as if it was the only sign of love, the only proof that she really loved him.

To be honest, she was doubtful about it. They seemed like different matters to her. But did it matter? Maybe what she thought didn't matter here, at least not as much as what Athrun thought. Maybe he wouldn't be convinced of her love for him no matter what she did, no matter what she said, unless she gave up going to Tassil University. Maybe it was the only thing that mattered to him, the only proof he wanted or needed.

The thought stung her. It somehow reminded her of her father, the pain she had felt in her relationship with him. Athrun's refusal, or at least reluctance, to talk with her didn't help. She had been thinking—hoping—that it was only because of his anger and pain. However, after a month, her doubt and fear had grown big.

She had of course known he was stubborn. But did he really have no intention of working with her on figuring out a solution, trying to find a middle ground or something like that? Or he just couldn't do that because he had not forgiven her yet? She wasn't sure what to make of his avoidance of her.

She wasn't the only one who wasn't really talking to Athrun. Kira also wasn't. After confiding in him about the fight, she had told her brother not to have his own fight with Athrun because of her. She had not expected Kira to not talk to Athrun at all. Nor would she try to stop him from doing it. They were best friends regardless of her situation with Athrun, and she actually hoped talking with Kira might help Athrun deal with the situation, which could lead to a change in Athrun's attitude.

But Kira had said that it was better for him to avoid talking to Athrun for a while until he became sure he was calm enough not to let their talk turn into a fight. Her brother could be overprotective, and her brief breakdown after the fight had apparently brought out that side of him, which he seemed to be still struggling to control.

Therefore, Kira couldn't tell her what Athrun was thinking. All she could do was wait for Athrun's attitude to change.

Well, not exactly. Obviously, she could approach him and make an attempt to have a talk. In fact, she knew that was what she should do. She should apologize to him, tell him she truly cared about him even if he didn't believe it, and ask him whether there was a way he could forgive her, at the very least. It was the first thing to do if she wanted to reconcile with him. Maybe he wasn't willing to talk with her because she had not done that, done the proper thing. Maybe she could get him to talk to her by doing that, and then, after knowing more about his sentiments, find out another way to convince him of her love for him. Maybe he would even become willing to work on their problem together if she just took an action to show him her feelings.

It was at least partly her fault that she and Athrun were stuck in this almost-no-communication situation, she knew.

However, she was afraid of his reaction, afraid that she would only meet another rejection, since he appeared so determined to keep his distance from her. And thus, she had been avoiding doing it so far.

It was uncharacteristic of her to act so cowardly and she was ashamed of it. Still, she had not been able to overcome her fear yet. She just couldn't feel confident about him, about their relationship right now.

She might be able to gather the courage to approach him if she could just believe that Athrun was different from her father. The doubt was the primary factor that made her so afraid. If she could get rid of it, she must feel a lot better and hopeful. And she had been trying. Her situation with Athrun was certainly not the same as the one with her father.

There was no way she could give her father what he wanted: a son who followed in his steps. It was beyond her power. He didn't even want much from her or care much about her and their relationship.

On the contrary, Athrun wasn't disinterested in her and wanted something from her. He cared about her and their relationship. It was partly why they were in this situation, wasn't it? He wouldn't have been so angry and hurt that she didn't seem to cherish it if he didn't care about the relationship himself, right? He cared, and that was why he wanted to be sure that she cared as well, and wanted her to stay around him, both of which were natural and understandable. And it wasn't so impossible for her to give. She truly cared about him and wanted to fulfill his wish.

After all, it wasn't like she would be giving up her dream of becoming a veterinarian. She didn't need to go to Tassil University to become one. She could go to college of veterinary medicine at Orb Central University or University of Agriculture in Junius, both of which were close to her home and didn't require her to move out, as first planned. It would still be a big change, but not so big that she couldn't bear it...right?

And yet, somehow she couldn't really convince herself. The idea of changing her college choice just didn't sit well with her. It might be because she still wanted to study under Professor Ashman very much. She couldn't just throw away the desire so easily. But she didn't feel that was all.

There was something else stopping her from choosing to stay here, to change her college choice. Maybe the same thing as what was preventing her from approaching Athrun. Something in her was pushing back against her willingness to comply with Athrun's wish. She just couldn't put her finger on it, couldn't tell what it was or why it was acting that way.

She had been talking with Kira and Miriallia about her and Athrun's problem, about her confused thoughts and feelings, and it had been of some help, but not enough for her to find the answers.

Thus, she was in a state where she simply didn't know which college to go.

The only thing she knew for sure was that whichever she chose, she had to study hard. Veterinary colleges weren't easy to get in. So, most of the time, she just focused all of her energy on studying. Thankfully, she didn't have to make the final decision until the end of January when she sent the applications to colleges.

Another reason why she had been devoting herself to studying was that she didn't want to fail the entrance exams because of Athrun, of her relationship with him. She was afraid that it would worsen their relationship even further. Her situation with Athrun somewhat reminded her of what had happened between Kira, Fllay, and Ssigh, their friend from middle school.

Ssigh was a year older than they were and Fllay had dated him first. But as he became busy preparing for high school entrance exams, their relationship had begun falling apart. In the end, Fllay had cheated on him with Kira and broken up with the older boy to date Kira. The relationship between Fllay and Ssigh, and the one between Kira and Ssigh, had been quite bad, with a few fights. Then, Ssigh had failed the exam for his first choice of high school; he had seemed to have been too distracted by the trouble in his love life.

The news had been quite a shock to not just Ssigh himself, but also Kira. Her brother, who had already been feeling bad, had blamed himself for ruining his friend's life, which drove him away from Fllay. The redhead had seemed distressed as well. Although Cagalli didn't know much about how Fllay had been feeling at that time since they weren't really friends then, Miriallia had told Cagalli that Fllay was sorry about what had happened. As if proving the brunette's words, Fllay's behavior had gradually changed, apologizing to others for what she had said or done and showing more consideration toward people around her.

Fortunately for all of them, Ssigh had turned out to like his high school which had been his second choice. Although it had taken months, he had reconciled with Kira and Fllay, and they were still friends. Kira and Fllay had also patched things up as their relationships with Ssigh were fixed.

Still, they had not resumed their romantic relationship, though Kira said it was more because they had realized they didn't seem to exactly fit well and decided to return to friends and see where their relationship would go. After about a year, Kira had started dating Lacus; Fllay had also been in a couple of relationships with other boys though she was currently single.

Cagalli didn't want something like that to happen to her and Athrun. Passing the college entrance exam of her first choice—whichever college it was—seemed important not only to her future and dream, but also to her love life.

She had just let out a breath and given her head a little shake when Ahmed opened his mouth.

"You know, my mom quit her job when she got married."

She looked up at him. He was looking at his half-eaten sandwich. "She didn't want to, but my dad wanted her to stay at home and pushed her and she caved in," Ahmed continued. "When they had a fight, she often brought it up, blaming him for making her quit and crying. Now she has a job again and looks happier." He fiddled with a paper napkin. "I sometimes wonder...if they still got a divorce if Mom hadn't left her job."

After a moment of silence, he looked up and shrugged. "Anyway, your situation kinda reminded me that."

She reached out to squeeze his hand. His parents had gotten divorced last year. A few days after his parents had told him about their decision for the first time, he had called her in a low mood, making her worried. After she had offered some words of comfort, they had talked for hours, not about the divorce but about shared memories and mutual friends and just everyday stuff, anything that made him smile and laugh and feel better. He had been in a lighter mood at the end of the call and had gradually made some peace with the divorce over the past year. But she knew he still had not completely gotten over it.

His face softened as he squeezed back her hand. They remained that way for a minute, then he let her hand go.

"You should eat fast, or your curry bun will get cold," he jokingly said, pointing at her plate, his face revealing a little embarrassment.

"Right. It'd be such a waste," she returned as playfully.

They resumed eating, chatting about lighter subjects. They stayed at the bakery a bit longer than necessary, then left, waving goodbye to the woman at the counter. As they began walking back to the library, Ahmed ruffled her hair and pulled her head to his shoulder.

"I'm glad, like, you're here with me, Cags," he whispered, sounding a little shy.

She patted his back. "Yeah, I'm glad, too." Being with Ahmed was comfortable and somewhat soothing, and she was truly glad of his company.

Their arms stayed around each other until they reached the library.

* * *

Thank you for reading. See you next week!

···

Below are replies to reviews.

 **To Fuyu Aki:**

Thank you for another review(s)!

Their situation is clearly complicated. It's partly because this isn't just about Cagalli's college choice. It's just a trigger that brought out the hidden problem in their relationship which they hadn't even known existed. The real issue is something larger and more important. In order to sort out their situation and figure out a solution, they have to work really hard, dig deeply into themselves and their relationship.

And yes, Cagalli showed Athrun that she cares about him many times. But he is blinded by the frustration and irritation over the fact that he can't get what he wants, which is Cagalli staying around him instead of going to a faraway college. Those feelings had grown bigger while he was suppressing them. His belief that it's unfair of her to blame him for not talking about his dissatisfaction with her (which comes from their different attitudes toward honesty) isn't helping.

I see him as the type who hardly sees things from other people's viewpoints and forces what he believes is best on others. It doesn't mean he doesn't care about others. He does. He just thinks he knows better than others and hardly doubts he is the right one when he has a disagreement with someone.

He is also the type who keeps bottling everything inside him, pretending he is all right, until he reaches his limit, and then suddenly blows up and surprises everyone around him.

That's how I've been trying to depict him.

By the way, I still haven't received your PM. So I just sent one to you to see if it works. I hope you've gotten it.

 **T** **o PegasusInCage:**

Thank you for another review!

Yeah, Athrun isn't always gentle or understanding or considerate. He sometimes acts like...well, a jerk. He looked even more like that in the scene where he fought with the twins on the cliff in the remastered version, because of the changes made concerning his expressions.

I want and need to show that side of him in this fic.

And I'm glad you liked the twins' exchanges in the previous chapter. I enjoyed writing them :)

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 ***posted 03/17/19***

 ***edited 06/30/19***


	12. Guilt

English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

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 **Season of Farewell**

Chapter 11: Guilt

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When he slipped inside a hall with rows of chairs, the songstress was already standing on the small stage and his pianist friend was sitting at the piano on the side of the stage though the room was still filled with chatter. Athrun had arrived at the area where the children's home was half an hour ago, but waited to walk into the premises until it was almost the time for the concert to begin. He wasn't in the mood to chat, and he was especially reluctant to see Cagalli. Now, he was even more unsure about how to act toward her.

He had known that it was a small concert only the children living here, the staff of the home and their families, and Lacus's close friends attended, and that he had to face Cagalli sooner or later once he reached the children's home. He had wanted to prolong it as much as he could.

To his relief, as he scanned the hall, and noticed the familiar golden hair, Lacus picked up the microphone to ask the audience for silence. The light dimmed to make Lacus who was under a spotlight stand out, though not much. This wasn't a formal gathering. Athrun quickly sat on a seat in the back.

"Good evening, everyone. Thank you for inviting me again this year. It is an honor to be here with all of you. And now the concert is getting started..." She looked around the room with a smile, then tilted her head playfully. "Any idea on which song I should begin with?"

As if they had been waiting for her to ask, which they probably had, many hands shot up. She called a name and a girl shouted, "'Token of Water'!"

Lacus nodded. "'Token of Water,' it is."

Exchanging a smile with her, Nicol started to play the song. And soon, the small hall was filled with music and a singing voice.

 _The night is trembling in the water_

 _I'm standing on a greening waterfront_

 _So silently that it's heartbreaking_

 _I wish I could simply wait for_

 _A beautiful dawn_

 _With a pure heart_

As Athrun listened to the song, the lovely voice somehow shifted into the one from the other day: _"Sacrifices for what you yourself want and those for what someone you care about wants are not the same, either. Though we often mistake one for the other."_

It was true that he had made a lot of sacrifices for his relationship with Cagalli. He had done many things he didn't like to do, even things that hurt him. But...for whom he had done them?

He had given her his understanding and support so that she could be happy. That was part of the truth. Yet, deep down, he knew it wasn't the major reason, not even the first purpose. He had not wanted to disillusion her about him by trying to prevent her from doing she was so excited about. He had not wanted her to think he was standing between her and her dream. He had not wanted her to think he was hardly an ideal boyfriend, not even a good boyfriend. These could become her reasons to consider breaking up with him. And why had he not wanted that? For whom?

He was reluctant to admit it. He had been trying to deny it for the past week since he had heard those words of Lacus's. But he felt like he couldn't do it anymore, as if the singing voice, as soft as it was, had seized him and was forcing him to see the truth: He had done those things so that Cagalli wouldn't leave him, so that his desire to keep his relationship with her would be fulfilled.

Then, maybe he couldn't claim that those sacrifices had been for her, could he?

His stomach clenched into a knot. Did it mean that he had been being selfish all this time? Only trying to fulfill his desire? And he had taken on Cagalli the frustration and irritation that mostly came from the attempt to maintain their relationship, from his selfish desire? And then, he had acted like it was all her fault, blaming her for everything, because she didn't repay his sacrifices, because she didn't make sacrifices for their relationship like he had done. He had been ignoring her pain, using his own distress from the sacrifices he had made as an excuse, which was making her suffer. Since those sacrifices of his turned out to be selfish ones after all, however, didn't it mean that he had been only making wrong and selfish demands to her?

Kira's accusing face and Cagalli's pained look flashed in his mind, tightening the knot inside him so hard that he almost couldn't breathe. It was no wonder Kira had acted like that. Athrun must have hurt Cagalli a lot, for selfish reasons at that. For the past month, he had been making her cry and suffer by his selfishness all the while thinking he wasn't doing anything wrong. The disappointment he had seen in Kira's face last week was completely legitimate. Cagalli must have been deeply disappointed in him as well.

He swallowed with effort and rubbed his face with his hand. Why was he so selfish? How selfish could he be? What was wrong with him? First, that disgusting thought of getting her pregnant, and then, this. He had thought he was a better person, much better than this. Where had he gone astray? Or had he always been like this and just not known that?

He felt as if he was the lowliest person in the world, going around hurting people, people he loved no less, and not even realizing it.

 _Can no one ever reach there?_

 _Or is it in someone's heart?_

For some reason, his mind started wandering toward other things. Memories flashed in his head, mostly those of his mother. One after another, they came back, and they weren't only happy memories he regularly recalled, but also more trivial memories.

One of them was about his family's move. When he had been a child, his family had lived in Junius Block of PLANT. Both his parents had been working nearby: a police captain and an agriculturalist. But when he had been ten, his father had gotten promoted to Senior Superintendent who led an elite division at the PLANT Police Headquarters in December Block, which meant his family was moving to the area. There had been no question about it.

His father had come home early in the evening with the news of the promotion, and promptly announced that they were moving to a new place, a more expensive house in a better neighborhood. Athrun had been surprised and felt reluctant to transfer to a new school. His mother had not appeared completely happy, either. But they had not complained, simply accepting it as a done deal.

Letting out a quiet breath, his mother had turned to him and gently comforted him about going to a new school, saying he would surely make new friends soon. He had obediently nodded just like a good son he was. He had not known what else to do especially in front of his father. They then had started celebrating the promotion. His father had been in a quite good mood that evening, smiling and laughing many times, which was quite rare.

Since his mother had not changed workplaces, her commuting time had more than doubled after the move. She had started to look tired more often and Athrun had felt lonely for she spent less time at home. He also remembered that she had turned down her own promotion the next year; he had overheard her conversation with her friend on the phone. His mother had jokingly said that although the offer was quite nice, she really couldn't handle more work when her current working hours, combined with commuting time, already took up almost all of her day. She had not sounded like she had regrets about not accepting the promotion.

But now, Athrun wondered whether she had just been pretending, hiding her distress. Had she actually wanted the promotion? Had she given up because of his father's job, because of the move? If his family had not moved due to his father's job, her commuting time wouldn't have increased as much. Then, would she have been able to accept the promotion? Had she been really all right about turning it down? About moving away from her workplace, which probably had a negative effect on her career.

...Had his father asked her whether she was fine with his decision, even if as just an afterthought? Had his father ever considered that she might not be happy about it? Athrun actually doubted it. Patrick was hardly a considerate man, and he expected his family—his wife and child—to obey him, to accept his way of doing things without complaining.

Patrick wasn't the kind of father who would support his child no matter what. At least, Athrun didn't feel like he was. He had always been aware that he was supposed to meet his father's expectations, be a perfect son or try to become something as close to it as possible. That his father would strongly disapprove of his choice if he chose a "third-rate" college or a "meaningless" job even if it was to realize his biggest dream.

He had known—or at least suspected—his father would no longer love him or care about him once he deviated from his father's expectations.

Since he had been quite little until his mother's death, he had always answered he would probably follow in his father's steps and go to a college of law, then become a police officer or a prosecutor, when asked about his future. He had known that was the answer his father expected from him.

It wasn't like he had disliked the future his father had mapped out for him. He respected his father and a job that caught criminals so that they were brought to justice had sounded good, even appealing. The only problem he had ever had with the path was that in middle school, he had found out that Yzak had more or less the same plan—going to college of law and become a prosecutor—which apparently fueled the silver-head's rivalry with him and led to some troubles for him.

However, in the second grade or the third grade, he had secretly started imagining becoming a robot engineer which allowed him to get lost in working with robots a whole day or even longer, more often than imagining becoming like his father.

Although he had kept it secret, his mother had seemed to sense it to an extent. She had encouraged him to pursue his interest; she was the one who had suggested to him to participate in a summer camp for children interested in robotics, where he met Kira. His father had not really approved of Athrun "wasting" a lot of time and energy in just hobbies, in "mere toys." But his mother had appeased his father, pointing out that Athrun was doing more than well both in school and in karate practice. Patrick had reluctantly agreed that Athrun should be allowed some freedom to do what he liked as long as it didn't interfere with his grades or performance.

That was how Athrun's hobby of making robots had been tolerated by Patrick, though Athrun didn't think it would've been possible if Patrick had had an inkling of Athrun's hidden dream.

Athrun honestly didn't know which path he would have chosen if things had been different. If Lenore was still alive, Athrun and Patrick might have had a fight—his first ever fight with his father—similar to the one between Kira and his father. Or he would have chosen to live up to his father's expectations, as a good son should, instead of defying his father and trying to fulfill his own—selfish—wishes.

He would never know because his life had been greatly changed by his mother's death in the end of his junior year in middle school. About a year later, during the spring break after he had graduated middle school, he had gone to dinner with his father and grandparents to celebrate his graduation and acceptance by high school of his first choice, one of the best schools in the area. The conversation had turned to Athrun's future, and he had said his decision to become a doctor out loud for the first time.

He had not promptly explained why he had chosen the career, but he had been ready to do so if anyone asked. He had not lost his admiration for police officers, but had not felt like going down that path anymore. Police officers could contribute to achieving justice and preventing crimes even. But he wanted to save lives. He wanted to bring back people from the brink of death. He wanted to grant the desperate wishes of those people and their family. He painfully understood them and wanted to become a person who had the power to fight against death—instead of criminals—for them, the power to defeat death, protecting people from its hands. The power he had craved at his mother's bedside during her last moments. He had been so helpless and powerless then, unable to do anything for his mother, and he didn't want to remain that way.

He had been resolved to follow the path he had chosen even if his father wasn't happy about it. He had been prepared to stand up to his father, or fight with him even, if it came down to it. If his father refused to pay for his college, he had been sure his grandparents would help and he could get a student loan.

Not that he had been certain it was what was going to happen. He had been hoping that his father would understand, and had not thought the chance was so slim. After all, doctor was a noble job that saved lives. Although it was different from what his father had originally planned for him, Athrun had not thought the choice was unacceptable by his father's standard.

Patrick had looked at him with a frown, but had not appeared angry. All of the adults present had seemed to understand Athrun's reason without an explanation since a melancholic silence fell on the table.

Then, after a long moment, his father had simply said, "It's an admirable job," showing his approval.

Thus, Athrun and Patrick had managed to avoid fighting over Athrun's future. But Athrun knew it wasn't exactly thanks to his father's understanding of his feelings or dreams. It was more thanks to his father's love for his mother, and to the fact that doctors were one of the most prestigious jobs, if not the most. His father had had no reason to show anything but satisfaction and approval, either, when Athrun had informed him that he was going for Februarius Medical University, one of the most famous and admired colleges, not to mention the hardest college to get into.

Never had Athrun mistaken those approvals for his father's unconditional support for him, though. He simply knew that was how Patrick was, or wasn't, and had long accepted that. Like he had accepted his father wasn't the type of man to show his affection and love clearly, which was much easier to understand and deal with since he himself wasn't the affectionate type, not like Kira.

As far as Athrun knew, Patrick had not been a loving, understanding, or supportive husband, either; his family's move from Junius from December was just one of the proofs. It didn't mean he had treated Lenore or Athrun badly. Though Athrun remembered being slapped by his father a couplet times, like when he had been engrossed in playing with robots and unintentionally ignored his mother calling him for dinner. But they had been only a punishment which might be a little too harsh but wasn't unjust, and he didn't think his father had ever hit his mother.

He believed his father cared about him, at least to an extent, and had loved his mother deeply. Lenore's death had quite affected Patrick.

On Valentine's Day in his junior year of middle school, Athrun's mother had died in a car accident. He remembered that he had felt a little annoyed when the home phone had started ringing in the late afternoon that Sunday since he was in the middle of reading a newly published historical novel written by George Glenn, his favorite author; he had been about to reach a climactic scene. For a moment, he had considered ignoring the call, leaving it to the answering machine. He had been too well-disciplined to do it, though, and reluctantly put the book down to answer the call.

A hospital staff had informed him of the accident and told him which hospital his mother was at. Half in a daze, he had left a message on his father's voice mail and called his grandparents on the maternal side who lived several hours away, as his mother had instructed him to do if anything should happen to her, which he had never seriously considered as an actual possibility.

Then, he had called a taxi to go to the hospital where doctors told him with grave faces that there wasn't much they could do for his mother. He had spent next couple of hours on a chair next to her bed, clutching her hand, until she took her last breath without ever coming back to consciousness.

His father had arrived at the hospital a little later. Patrick had never shed a tear, at least to Athrun's knowledge. All Athrun remembered was his father's emotionless face, which had been deathly pale, and hands tightly clenched into fists which had been shaking violently as if they were expressing the emotions his face couldn't. His father had just stood still on the other side of his mother's bed for a long moment, then walked away. He had not said one word to Athrun. He had not even scolded Athrun for crying even though Patrick always said men should never cry. Athrun wasn't even sure whether Patrick had seen him, known his son was also there. After his father left, Athrun had sat alone besides his mother's dead body, feeling even sadder and lonelier, until his grandparents finally arrived a while later.

Lenore had been hit by a car while she was crossing the street between her workplace building and its parking lot in order to reach her car and head for home. The driver, Multa Azrael, had just run and had not been captured for nearly a week; the man had had connections with some criminal group that hid him from the police, Athrun had heard. Later, it had been revealed by witnesses that he had been drunk at the time, which was one of the reasons why he had fled the scene of accident.

Patrick had never come home until the arrest was made; he had not even spent much time at his wife's wake and funeral. It was Athrun's grandparents that had taken care of things and Athrun during that time. His grandmother had even stayed at his house for weeks after that, and frequently called in during his senior year of middle school.

Patrick had always been a busy man, working long hours. After his wife had died, he had started to spend even less time at home, obsessed with the trial of Azrael and his work. And even when he was at home, he had shown little interest in his son, stern and distant. Athrun had often felt like he had lost both of his parents on the day his mother had died. He had been afraid that he could never get his family back.

His relationship with his father had improved a little when Athrun had gotten involved in an accident and injured at the end of February of his freshman year of high school. He had not expected his father to show up at the hospital; he had given the hospital staff his grandparents' number as an emergency contact.

However, Patrick had come to see Athrun, though he seemed angry. Athrun had assumed that it was because he had caused his father a trouble. But then, a few days later, Patrick had come home early in the evening, which was the first time since Lenore's death, and asked him with a grim face, "How are your injuries?"

Surprised, Athrun had replied, "They are fine. They weren't really serious to begin with."

Patrick had nodded gravely, then told Athrun about how he should be more careful in a reproaching tone. At the end of the lecture, his father had added in a low voice, "Accidents can happen even when you are careful...like the one that killed your mother. Therefore, you should at least avoid ones you can."

It had also been the first time his father had brought up the subject of his mother after she had passed away. Athrun had been speechless and before he could find his voice, Patrick had disappeared into his study.

Athrun had been bewildered, having no idea what was going on with his father, until his grandmother who had been staying with them due to her worry about Athrun's injuries commented, "It seems your injuries gave your father a shock."

He had blinked at her, and she had added, "They gave me and your grandpa quite a scare, at least. When you called and said you're in a hospital, we were reminded of Lenore's accident, especially since it was only a couple weeks after her death anniversary." His mother's mother had had a sad and affectionate face as she patted his hand. "We're really glad we didn't lose you as well."

His chest had tightened and he had apologized to her for making her worried. He had also offered an apology to his father when Patrick got out of the study for dinner. His father had only given a nod in response, but his father accepting the apology in itself was enough proof to Athrun that his father had been in fact worried about him like his grandparents.

His father seemed to have also started paying more attention to Athrun since then. Though it meant Athrun was given more instructions to follow, which was somewhat frustrating.

Patrick still spent most of his time at work, but Athrun could understand that. His father probably wanted to prevent and solve as many crimes and help as many people as possible, people whose lives were disturbed or ruined by a crime, people like his family. In that sense, his father and he were fighting the same fight in different ways. Or at least they would be after Athrun became a doctor who could even save people who was almost fatally injured so that less people would die like his mother had, so that less children would lose their mothers like he had.

To him, both his father's obsession with his mother's killer and his father's devotion to work that increased after her death were proofs of his father's love for his mother.

But then, loving someone didn't guarantee that there was no problem with the way you treated them, right? He loved Cagalli. As Kira and Lacus had made him realize, however, the way he had been treating Cagalli was probably not right. Maybe it had been the same with his parents. Maybe his father had treated his mother wrongly without meaning to or realizing.

Because his father believed that it was the woman's job to make sacrifices for their family, for their relationship, that his dream and job were more important than hers, just as Athrun had believed without realizing it.

Until the talk with Kira and Lacus, he had never even thought about abandoning the college he wanted to go to for Cagalli or their relationship. He had not had to since his first choice of college was in PLANT. But if the situations were reversed, if his first choice of college was far away and Cagalli's first choice was around her home, would he have given up going to the college so that he and Cagalli could stay close to each other? Would he have even hesitated to choose the college?

He knew the answer was no. He still wouldn't have liked to have a long-distance relationship, but he would have simply accepted it as a necessary cost. He wouldn't have even considered making such a sacrifice of changing his college choice for his relationship with Cagalli. The sacrifice he wanted her to make. The sacrifice he had been trying to make her make. He had never meant to make it himself. He even mightn't have discussed the matter with her before deciding to go to a faraway college and might have just told her about his decision afterward. And if she had wanted him to give up going to the college he wanted to go to, he would have thought that it was wrong and selfish of her, highly inappropriate. Because it wasn't how girls should act, right? They should follow their boyfriend's or husband's leads, their directions; getting in his way instead was insulting to him.

That was how men like his father believed, at least. And in that way of thinking, a guy changing his college choice just because his girlfriend was unhappy, just for his girlfriend or for his romantic relationship, was unacceptable.

Athrun had not thought he was one of those men. He had always thought he was different even though he didn't entirely dismiss the thinking, completely disagree with those men. Still, he was more considerate, more open-minded, more...modernized, he had believed. But perhaps, he wasn't that different from the men, from his father.

After all, if he didn't want to live far away from Cagalli so much, he could have changed _his_ college choice. The result would be the same. If he gave up his first choice of college and picked a college around Tassil, they didn't have to have a long-distance relationship. And yet, such an idea had never occurred to him until this moment.

Because his college, his dream, was too important to be sacrificed for just a romantic relationship while her college and dream weren't that important. That was what he had been thinking deep down...wasn't it? Just like his father who must have thought it was self-evident that the one who was going to shoulder the burden of long commuting time should be his wife, not himself. That making his life convenient by moving nearer to his workplace, fulfilling his wishes of being promoted and living in a good neighborhood, was so important that the fact his wife's life would be harder as a result was just a minor cost, not even worth his consideration. That his wife would have no problem paying the cost, making the sacrifice for their relationship—for him. Because she was a woman, perhaps?

His mother used to say that Athrun had inherited his mother's appearance and his father's personality. The words had never felt truer to him than now, which brought him a bitter feeling. He respected his father, sure. But he didn't exactly want to be like his father, not in his personal life anyway, especially now that he was aware of the wrongness in his father's way with people close to him.

A dislike—even hatred—toward his father slowly rose inside him. It didn't feel new. It felt like it had always been there; he just had been trying not to see it, not to notice it even. The bitterness about the way his father had been acting toward his family—toward him. Because such a feeling was disrespectful, nothing a good son should feel. He had not wanted to think bad things about his father. He had not wanted to acknowledge his father's flaws and faults. Deep inside him, however, he had been angry at his father for a long time, for so many things that he couldn't even count, he realized.

...Was that why he had ended up making the same mistake as his father? He had been acting in his romantic relationship the same way, or at least in a similar way, his father had in his relationship with his mother, right? Was that because he had been trying to ignore how wrong his father's ways were? He might have been unconsciously trying to justify those ways, and the attempt might have led him to following the ways, going down the same path as his father. Maybe his ignorance had been more massive than he had thought just a little ago.

He really should have known better. He really should have seen things better.

He still didn't doubt his mother had loved his father despite his flaws, despite the way Patrick had treated her. However, it didn't mean she had been completely happy with how things were in their family, in her relationship with her husband. Maybe she had been regularly distressed, or even suffering, because of his father or the sacrifices she made. Or because her husband didn't even realize that she was making sacrifices or that she was suffering due to them.

He felt a surge of guilt as if he was the one who had caused his mother hardships. He had been actually guilty for not thinking about her feelings, about the possibility that she might be hurting when he wasn't looking, while he even didn't think to look. Granted, he had been a child, but knowing it didn't make him feel better. He should have been more attentive, done more to comfort his mother, make her happier before she left this universe, before she became out of his reach. He couldn't make amends to her anymore. He couldn't even properly apologize to her. He could never be forgiven. He would forever have to bear—

At the loud noise of chairs moving and people talking, Athrun blinked, then looked up. He seemed to have been staring at the floor instead of the stage for a while. It seemed like the concert had flown by while his mind was elsewhere. Most of the audience were standing up. He automatically followed.

Some people were walking toward the front of the room. Others were leaving the hall, probably to prepare the dinner following the concert. As Athrun looked around, a little boy and a little girl came down an alley between chairs in his direction, skipping happily. He moved aside to let them pass, his eyes absently following them.

"Even if it exists nowhere right now," the boy was singing.

"I'll surely gain it with my own hands," a girl joined, following him.

The two children looked at each other and sang together, "Always, someday, surely," then giggled before bursting out of the hall, hand in hand.

The song put its singer in his mind and Athrun looked toward the platform. Lacus and Nicol had already descended from there and were talking to people. Athrun had started moving toward them to offer a praise for their performance. They didn't need to know he rudely had not been paying attention, which he felt embarrassed at. Besides, what little of the concert he had paid attention to had seemed good.

However, he stopped before he reached them as his eyes fell on a blonde standing near them, closer to him than they were.

Cagalli was leaning toward her left. Through the crowd, he could see a little boy pulling her hand and talking to her. She was listening and nodding with a smile.

From only several meters away, Athrun couldn't take his eyes off her, off her smile. He had not seen it for a while.

As if sensing his stare, she straightened a little and her eyes turned in his direction. At the sight of him, they widened and stared back, boring into his. He couldn't avert his eyes. He didn't want to.

The amber eyes warm and firm. The eyes he loved.

"Cagalli! Look!"

At the voice, both of them blinked, then moved their eyes to the boy next to Cagalli. Tugging at her hand with his, the little boy was pointing a finger of his other hand at the floor-to-ceiling windows through which they could look at the playground. Athrun's gaze followed the finger.

"It's snowing!" the boy shouted with delight. The other children were also shouting in joy and excitement. It was already dark, but they could see white flakes dancing in the wind in the light of lampposts. Children rushed toward the windows, including the boy who had been with Cagalli. It was the first snowfall in this winter.

After a moment of watching the children plastering themselves against the glass, Athrun shifted his gaze. At the same moment his eyes were back on Cagalli, her eyes turned to him. Somehow, he understood she was remembering the same memory as he was: the day they had become a couple.

Her mouth slightly opened, then closed. Her lips set into a line. Although she still looked a little unsure, she stepped forward, toward him.

He too lifted his leg to do the same, to close their distance and meet her halfway. But then, Kira's and Lacus's words from last week rushed to his mind. His body froze.

It resumed moving after a moment, but in the opposite direction. He took a step back. Then another. He turned around and began walking away fast, almost running away. He _was_ running away. He couldn't talk to Cagalli. He couldn't face her. How could he? He had accused her of ignoring his feelings and putting her dream over their relationship when he did exactly the same thing to her. He had blamed her for his wrongdoings. He had treated her wrongly. Everything he had done for past several months was wrong, selfish. He was so full of shame that he couldn't even lift his face.

His eyes on the floor, he hurried to leave the children's home. On his way, a woman asked him whether he wouldn't stay for the dinner; he politely said no, mumbling he had something to do. He didn't slow down until he left the premises and turned a corner, out of sight from the children's home.

As he trudged toward the nearest subway station, guilt and shame pulled his whole body down. He felt like he was falling into the bottomless pit of self-hatred, and couldn't ever find his way to climb out of it.

However, his mind pulled out another memory, one that had happened at the children's home he had just left. Today had not been the first time he had visited the place. He had come a few times as a volunteer along with his friends. During the summer break of his junior year in high school, about a year and a half ago, they had come to help the children and the staff prepare the summer festival at the home, to which the home's sponsors, the parents living separately from their children, and candidates for foster or adoptive parents were invited.

The children had been divided into several groups, which included one adult supervisor. Athrun had been assigned to help the group decorating the front of the building, the doors and windows. One boy in the group had been causing troubles. He had not done the tasks he was given and had kept interfering with other children's work. The adult supervisor of the group and Athrun had scolded the boy several times, but the boy's behavior had not changed a bit, which frustrated Athrun. The other children had seemed annoyed as well.

As the boy had ripped a paper garland and upset a girl who had made it, Athrun had grabbed the boy's arm, reprimanded him for what he had just done, and sternly said, "If you don't want to work with us, then you don't have to stay here. You should go to other groups. I'm sure they won't mind you joining them. I think it's best for everyone."

He had honestly thought it was a good solution, the best even. The boy had clearly been uninterested in the tasks assigned to their group, or had not been really getting along with other children in the group. Athrun had assumed that the boy would become more motivated if he did what he was interested in or worked with his friends.

For the moment, however, the boy had looked pretty upset, almost close to tears, even though he had seemed to be paying no heed during the previous times he was scolded. Then, the boy had tightened his lips and kicked Athrun's shin, which caused Athrun to let go of the boy in surprise. The boy had shouted that he was so happy he didn't have to work with a jerk like Athrun anymore, then taken off.

Confused, Athrun had stared at the boy's figure turning around a corner of the building. He had not thought he had said something wrong, but felt like he had. As the adult supervisor hurriedly chased after the boy, asking Athrun to keep an eye on the other children, the feeling had strengthened. After a while, the supervisor had come back alone and explained the boy was assigned to another group, the one Reverend Malchio was supervising.

Later, the reverend had taken Athrun aside and asked him to be careful with his words while talking with the children. He had specifically told Athrun not to say things that could be interpreted as "We don't want you anymore." Some of the children in the home had been abandoned by their parents with such words. The boy was one of those children and had been grumpy recently because some other children's parents were coming to the summer festival while his weren't.

Reverend Malchio had been calm and gentle, not blaming Athrun for what had happened. He had even said that Athrun had been right about scolding the boy if the boy did something bad, like breaking a paper garland; he had just wanted Athrun to use different words, take a different approach.

Athrun had felt bad nevertheless. Malchio's reassurance that Athrun had not been doing wrong had actually reminded him of what he had been told before: He tended to put too much importance on what was right and too little on other people's feelings. His own mother had said several times that he could probably use gentler words, or pick a better time or place, when he told others what the right thing was. He had never really agreed with it. It had always felt unreasonable to him that people wouldn't accept what was right just because of how or when they were told.

After the talk with Reverend Malchio, however, he had felt that he should have taken the advice seriously, and that he should have put more effort into getting better at social interaction, which was never his forte and he had rather neglected improving. Then, he wouldn't have hurt the feelings of the boy who had such a sad background.

It had been the beginning of snack time when he had talked with Malchio. After the talk, Athrun had joined the others in a low mood, which turned even worse as he came across the boy who glared at Athrun and stomped away.

Not feeling like eating, Athrun had sat down on a bench, keeping some distance from the others. But soon, Cagalli had come with two pieces of watermelon in her hands. Handing one to him, she had asked whether something had happened between him and the boy; she had witnessed their earlier exchange.

He had let out a sigh, not at her question but at his failure. "I was...thoughtless when I talked to him." Another sigh had escaped his lips. "I should've known better. All the children here have some issues concerning their family, after all. I'm so stupid."

He had been rather vague, but she had not pressed for details. Instead, she had lifted her hand with a concerned face, obviously meaning to stroke his head, but then realized her hand was sticky with the watermelon juice. So, she had made do with nuzzling her arm against his in a comforting way.

"Well, everyone does something stupid once in a while. I don't think you can help it no matter how smart you are," she had said consolingly. "At least now you know you're stupid. That's good."

He had looked at her with disbelief. "Good?" He had not been able to see anything good about it.

"Yeah." She had casually nodded. "As I just said, we can all be stupid sometimes. It's just how we are, I suppose. Then it's no use pondering about why you are so stupid or beating yourself up for that." She had sent him a look that was both knowing and chiding. "But if you're aware of your stupidity, you can try to be less stupid, or try to act stupidly less often at least. So it's good that you've learned how you are stupid, isn't it? It's a lot better than thinking you are so smart you'll make no mistake."

He had listened with admiration for her capability to accept. She didn't blame him, or anyone, for being stupid, for having a flaw. She simply accepted it was how they were, a part of who they were, and just focused on how to deal with it. He had known she was an accepting person, but still felt amazed.

"It sounds right," he had said, gazing at her face, and found her looking at him as if she was expecting him to say or do something. After thinking a little, he had opened his mouth again.

"So, you think I should think about how to make up for my mistake instead of dwelling on the past."

"Exactly." She had nodded with a satisfied smile.

A couple hours later, when the tasks had been finished for the day and the children had started playing in the playground, Cagalli had announced that she and Athrun were going to give a soccer lesson. She had even said that Athrun was a soccer genius, which was a total exaggeration. Well, he had still been good enough at soccer to impress the children who showed interest. After teaching a couple of tricks to them, Athrun had slowly walked toward the boy he had had a kind of fight with hours ago. The boy had been watching the soccer lesson from the edge of the playground. After his decision to straighten up things between himself and the boy, Cagalli had helped him gather information on the boy and they had found out that the boy loved soccer and was pretty good at it. That had been why they had started the soccer lesson.

Cautiously, Athrun had called out to the boy from several meters away, and asked him to join. The boy had not moved instantly, looking at Athrun with a guarded expression. Remembering the advice he, or rather Cagalli, had gotten from the staff, Athrun had stressed that he would be happy if the boy joined them. After a little, the boy had stood up to come toward Athrun. He had been silent and had a sulky face, looking as if he was joining them only because Athrun had asked.

After playing for a while, however, the boy had dropped his act. Or maybe he had just forgotten to keep pretending. Either way, he had started to look like he was having a very good time. When the time for Athrun and his friends to leave came, he had apologized to the boy, which the boy pretended not to hear. But the boy had said that Athrun wasn't bad at soccer and that he might play a game with Athrun the next time Athrun visited, though of course it was only if the boy felt like it. Athrun had been feeling lighter as he left the children's home.

The memory brought a ray of hope into the darkness surrounding him. Making mistakes wasn't the end, right? It wasn't how Cagalli saw things anyway. She was accepting and forgiving. She wouldn't give up on someone just because they had flaws and did wrong. She would expect him to take an action to atone for his mistakes, for his wrongdoings, instead of wallowing in guilt. He could no longer make it up to his mother, but he could to Cagalli. And she would surely give him a chance. It was the kind of person she was.

He had thought he had been trying to be a good boyfriend for several months before their fight. But he had been wrong. He had been just being selfish, and ignorant. Now that he knew it, however, he could correct his behavior, act better. This time, he could be a truly good, considerate boyfriend, different from his father. He was capable of it, wasn't he? He was able to change, become a better person, wasn't he? He had to be.

Snow was falling on the sidewalk. Chatters and music and car sounds were filling the air. The town was excited for the prospect of White Christmas. But he didn't really notice any of it. His mind was focused on the idea that had come to his head, on the thing he should do to right his wrong. It wouldn't be easy. No, it would be very tough. Still, it was probably the only way. And it was probably a gesture big enough to show Cagalli the depth of his remorse, enough to earn her forgiveness. It must be.

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Thank you for reading. See you next week!

···

Below are replies to reviews.

 **To Fuyu Aki:**

Thank you for another review!

I believe Athrun and Cagalli's story in GSD is more about partnership than romance, and this fic is affected by the belief. You can become lovers just because you like each other. Affection and/or attraction is enough. But in order to become partners, to have a relationship that lasts long in which you share a life, you need more than that, right? You need a real, deeper kind of love which is based on understanding, acceptance, and trust.

Athrun's fixation on ideals is certainly an important part of the problem. He has to confront that part of him to find a solution.

Fighting stereotypes, both those about yourself and those about other people, is also important. That part of this fic is affected by the original series as well. I think one of the messages of GS is, "Don't judge people by their race (or what they are). Don't see them as 'just a Coordinator' or 'just a Natural.' See them as a person and judge them for who they are." Another one is, "Don't base your decision on what you are. Don't do something because you think you have to do it because of what you are (because of your race or job). Make your own decisions as a person instead of letting what you are make the decision for yourself."

I agree with them, and they are as true about gender as they are about race, aren't they?

Anyway, if the story is happening in a different time, not in the end of Athrun and Cagalli's senior year in high school, he probably would've spent a long time in the robotics club and had some exchanges with Meyrin. But in Japanese high schools (and this fic is set in a Japan-like country), seniors usually retire from club activities early in summer in order to focus on preparing for college entrance exams. Therefore, what you assumed won't happen.

At this time of year, high school seniors have to study really, really hard. So Athrun's first choice of distraction is studying, partly because while studying, he could say he was doing the right thing, what he should do, not running away from facing his problems.

Meyrin _will_ appear again, but I can't reveal how and when she does. I don't want to spoil the story :P Sorry!

 **T** **o PegasusInCage:**

Thank you for another review!

Well, Athrun is stubborn and the type to believe he is the right one when he has a disagreement with someone, isn't he? And he had been trying not to think about making Cagalli cry because it made him feel like he was the wrong one in their fight even though he believed he wasn't. He sometimes gets fixated on his righteousness even if it hurts someone he loves; this side of him was shown in the scene on the cliff and in the battle at Crete in GSD.

As for Kira, he was trying to keep his anger in check during his talk with Athrun partly because Cagalli told him not to fight with Athrun because of her; partly because Lacus warned him before they went to Athrun's house that if Kira wanted to know what Athrun was thinking, why Athrun was acting the way he was, Kira needed to maintain some calm while talking to Athrun, and he saw her point.

Also, since it's a month after the fight and Cagalli's breakdown, Kira was more confused and frustrated about Athrun's attitude than angry. He was still a little hostile toward Athrun at first, but what he wanted to do most wasn't yell at Athrun, but understand Athrun's sentiments. Not only so that his frustration will subside to an extent, but also so that he can help Cagalli (and Athrun) better.

Of course, a part of him wanted to yell at Athrun for making his sister cry even after a month. But he knew that the only thing it would do was make him feel better for a little while, that it wouldn't actually help anyone, especially his sister who'd made it clear she didn't want something like that. So he put Cagalli's wish before his desire to release his anger on Athrun. That's how love is, right?

And he waited to talk to Athrun for a month so that his anger would somewhat subside, enough to allow him to have a calm talk with Athrun. Well, he still wasn't sure he was ready to talk with Athrun when he went to have tea with Lacus. He told her about his sentiments, and Lacus offered to accompany him to Athrun's house as a buffer and mediator so that Kira could talk with Athrun without getting into a fight. That's why Kira suddenly decided to have a talk with Athrun after a month.

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 ***posted 03/24/19***


	13. Athrun's Solution

English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

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 **Season of Farewell**

Chapter 12: Athrun's Solution

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As the last of her warm-ups, Cagalli stretched out her arms toward the sky, her fingers laced together, pulling her body as high as she could. Reaching the highest point, she kept the pose for a moment, then her hands let go of each other and snapped back down to lightly bump her legs, her heels hitting the ground. She exhaled deeply, which created a puffy cloud in the air, then inhaled as deeply before kicking the ground to take off. The chilly air of winter morning struck her face and she rapidly blinked.

She didn't instantly go full speed, of course. She needed to prepare her body for a run first. Not to mention it wasn't safe to sprint in the residential area. She might run into someone and cause them an injury. Not that she had had before. Just nearly. And she had still been in grade school then.

With a steady, mild pace, she turned a few corners, then shouted "Good morning!" at an old couple walking toward her with their dog. She stopped in front of them who stopped as well and returned "Good mornings" with smiles. As usual, Cagalli proceeded to crouch down to pet the dog that licked her hand and then face, wagging the tail. After a moment, she stood up to resume running, exchanging "Have a nice day!" with the couple.

After her club practice had come to an end due to preparation for college entrance exams at the beginning of summer, she had developed a habit of going for a run in the morning. She was used to waking up early for morning practice; she usually spent time after school studying with her friends and in cram school. So, morning seemed like the best time for jogging. Not to mention her mother and brother, and Athrun, were worried that running at night on her own was too dangerous.

Kira, liking to sleep late, said she was crazy to wake up earlier than she had to, but she didn't mind waking up early as long as she had enough sleep the previous night. Besides, she was restless and distracted when she did no exercise a whole day; she didn't have a P.E. every day.

At first, she had run in her neighborhood every morning, but as sunrise got later and later, she changed the place to her school where some sport clubs always had morning practice on her mother's advice. On weekends and during winter break, however, she didn't bother to go to her school. She just woke up a little late, waited to leave her house until the sun was up and there was enough light and people walking around, and jogged near her house like today.

After about five minutes, she reached a large park, which was her destination today, and sped up. She could focus more on running in here without worrying about cars or bumping into someone. Her body found a rhythm again, a faster one which brought her mind into a kind of trance, clear and almost empty other than checking the way ahead so that she wouldn't collide with something. She just pushed her body forward, breathing in, breathing out, nothing else. It felt so simple and filled. She liked this feeling.

"Cagalli!"

It took her a moment to process the sound. Skidding to a halt, she looked around, breathing hard. She was about to cross a bridge and her teal-eyed friend was waving a hand from down the riverside.

"Hey, Miri!" Cagalli waved back, changing her path and passing another runner with a dog. "What are you doing here so early?"

As she ran down the slope to the riverside, Miriallia came to meet her. "I happened to wake up early and decided to take some morning pictures. I took one of yours."

Miriallia turned her camera so that Cagalli could see the photo on the screen. Her picture was taken from quite far while Cagalli was crossing another bridge upstream. In the photo, she was small and hardly recognizable.

Cagalli turned her eyes to Miriallia. "Were you waiting for me? You didn't know I was coming down this path, did you?"

"Not really. I wasn't even sure if it was you until you came near. I hung around here to take pictures. Though I hoped it was you and we could say hi." Miriallia threw her a smile, which she returned. "We couldn't talk much yesterday."

The day before, along with their other friends, they had paid their first visits of the year to shrines where they prayed they would pass their entrance exams, or prayed for a good year in the case of those who had already been accepted into a college like Miriallia. Paying the visit on the first day of January, instead of the fifth day like they had, was ideal and common, but many of them had been away to their grandparents' house in the beginning of the year. Cagalli herself had just come home from her maternal grandfather's estate two days ago.

"We text almost every day," Cagalli pointed out, sitting down on the riverside covered with cobbles.

Miriallia followed suit. "Yeah, but it's different when we actually meet."

Cagalli smiled. "True. It's nice to see you."

She had a study session with her friends living nearby almost every day during winter break, but Miriallia wasn't one of them for she didn't really need to study anymore. From what she had told Cagalli, the brunette was mostly honing her photo-taking skills so that she could do better in college classes while still playing a manager to the volleyball clubs.

They had still met: Lacus's concert; a Christmas party on Christmas Eve they had with their friends every year; yesterday's visits to shrines. But they had not spent a long time together, and this was actually the first time they sat down to talk alone since winter break had started. Preparing for college entrance exams had been seriously disrupting their lives, or at least Cagalli's life, though it couldn't be helped.

Miriallia smiled back. "I was actually surprised to see you. I didn't know you run this early in the morning even during break." It was some time past seven thirty.

Cagalli casually lifted her shoulder. "My body's used to waking up early, and it doesn't feel like my day is beginning until I run. Besides, it's still later than when I run on a school day."

"Ah, I forgot how healthy your habits are," Miriallia replied playfully. "So...what's up?"

Cagalli shrugged. "Nothing." It wasn't like her days were full of excitement stuff just because it was during a break. Whether a school day or no, she spent almost all of her day studying, just like most of her friends and classmates who had not gotten accepted by college yet. "Well, I did a bit better when I was solving Classic Literature problems last night," she added as an afterthought. "Not as good as other subjects, though. Thank Haumea it's not very important in the exams for veterinary colleges."

Miriallia nodded, then gently prodded, "Nothing new with Athrun, I assume?"

Cagalli looked down. "No..."

The memory from Lacus's concert about two weeks ago came back, twisting her heart. Recalling their first day as a couple, their first date—although Athrun insisted what they had had that day wasn't a date for they had just chatted at a cafe, doing nothing special or going nowhere special as they should on the first date, she still thought of it as their first date—had finally given her the courage to approach him to say what she had to say to him.

And for a moment, she had thought that he was feeling the same, that he felt like talking. She had not just been willing to talk with him. She had wanted to. There was no guarantee that they could have been reconciled even if they had actually talked. She might have gotten disappointed or hurt over the result. But still, she had wanted to talk. Or maybe, she had just wanted to spend some time with him even if it was awkward or they ended up fighting again.

He had not wanted that, though. He had walked away from her again, just as she had been afraid that he might do, which crushed her heart once more. Kira and Lacus had comforted her, saying that Athrun had probably been somewhat confused and overwhelmed after their talk with him the previous week, and just needed time to sort out his situation. But they had been vague about exactly what they had talked with him about and Cagalli didn't know why the conversation had been so unsettling to Athrun.

She understood Athrun needed time and space to gather his thoughts, prepare himself before talking to her. Still, it was hard to wait. Patience had never been one of her virtues. It was also because she wasn't really convinced that Athrun would become willing to talk if she waited a little longer.

At the same time, she didn't think she could approach him again, at least for a while, after the second rejection. She had felt quite nervous just sending a Happy New Year text to him five days ago. Although he sent back one to her relief, it just meant that their relationship had not worsened, staying in the place where they exchanged greetings but nothing more. As far as she could see, there was no sign that her and Athrun's situation was getting better.

"I see." Miriallia caressed her back comfortingly.

They sat in gentle, comfortable silence for a while until Cagalli opened her mouth again.

"Miri?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever felt reluctant about your college—the Terminal?" Miriallia sent her a quizzical look. Cagalli elaborated, "You are going to move away." Miriallia's college wasn't as far as Tassil, but still, the brunette was going to move near the college, away from her loved ones. "You don't worry about Dearka?"

"We're _not_ dating," Miriallia said firmly as she always did when someone mentioned her relationship with the dark-skinned blond.

"I didn't say you are. But you like him and he likes you. You even admitted something could happen between you, remember?" At Cagalli's words, Miriallia pouted a little, looking at her camera and twisting it. "Haven't you been afraid you might lose a chance with him because of going to that college?"

Cagalli had never thought about that possibility before, like she had not thought that her relationship with Athrun might crumble due to her college choice. Although she had been aware that Dearka wasn't entirely happy about Miriallia's college choice, she had just assumed he would get over it eventually. But now she wondered.

After a moment of contemplative silence, Miriallia gave her a sidelong look. "You know you can't tell a word about this."

"Of course."

"Okay, then. Well, I actually worried about it a bit." Miriallia's eyes were back to her camera, her hand caressing it. "But I really wanna go to the Terminal. This is a big chance for me. It's my dream coming true. I wanna be as good a photographer as I can be, and this is the way."

Her lips thinned. "I know some people say it's...like, stupid. Throwing away a chance for romance because of my dream or career." She let out a small sigh. "I think my mom would've disapproved of my college choice if she knew about me and Dearka's situation. You know how she's like."

Miriallia's mother believed that what was most important to women was getting married and taking care of her family, supporting her husband, that a job to a woman was just a fill-in between school and marriage, or something she had to do to supplement the family income. Miriallia had mentioned that her mother approved of her becoming a photographer since the job didn't seem like a "real, serious job" that consumed too much of your time and energy so that you wouldn't have time to find a husband, or a job that required you to be so competitive and aggressive, so masculine, that you became unattractive to men. Miriallia didn't agree with her mother, but wasn't eager to correct her mother's misconception. She was hoping her mother's attitude would change by the time Miriallia reached a marrying age, or at least she could put off fighting with her mother over her marriage and job for years.

In fact, Miriallia had sometimes said that she envied Cagalli for having a mother who put nearly as much importance on her job as she did on her family, balancing the two major parts of her life. Although she had made some alterations at work—not all of which she let Cagalli and Kira know—to raise her children, Via had always kept her job, and enjoyed working as a pediatrician. Cagalli had not given it much serious thought until now, taking for granted her mother's, and her grandfather's, encouragement to follow whatever path she wanted.

"But I'm different from Mom. My dream and career are important to me," Miriallia continued. "This is how I am, and how I'll always be, I think. If the chance of me and Dearka will be ruined by me being myself, then we wouldn't make it anyway even if I stayed around, would we?"

Miriallia's voice was steady and her face was firm as she looked at Cagalli. But Cagalli could sense some uncertainty—fear—underneath. It must be tough that Miriallia was going down a path different from her mother's, the path which her own mother—along with some, or many, people—said was wrong. Cagalli could imagine that much.

She rested her head against Miriallia's, taking the brunette's hand. She didn't know whether Miriallia was right. She was still unsure what was best for her, let alone what was best for Miriallia.

So, she told her friend what she knew. "I like you being yourself. I love you," she wholeheartedly said, then added with even more sincerity, "And I admire you."

Miriallia squeezed her hand. "Thanks. Love you, too." After a pause, she added jokingly, "At least we're gonna have each other, yeah?"

"Yeah," Cagalli agreed with a smile. "No matter what happens."

"Even if some stupid guys can't deal with our awesomeness."

Cagalli circled her arms around her friend and nuzzled her head against Miriallia's shoulder. Familiar with Cagalli's tendency to get touchy-feely, Miriallia simply patted her back.

"You know, A—" Miriallia started in an amused tone, but quickly broke off.

Cagalli lifted her head, puzzled. "What's that?"

"Well..." Miriallia gave her an uncertain look before hesitantly continuing, "I just remembered Athrun once said, you sometimes remind him of the dog his grandparents had."

Cagalli was silent for a few seconds, then softly said, "He said that to me, too. The dog was a big and affectionate Golden Retriever. He died when Athrun was little—two or three, I think—and he didn't remember missing him, just that the dog liked snuggling against him and that he liked it too." A smile crossed her lips. "I saw a photo of Athrun sleeping over the dog's belly. He was small and really cute. Athrun, I mean."

"I can imagine that."

They fell silent again, leaning on each other's warm body in the cold. After a minute, a thought occurred to Cagalli and she shifted to see Miriallia's face better.

"Are you okay, Miri?" The teal eyes looked at her with confusion. "It was hard for you to talk about you and Dearka, wasn't it?" Cagalli regarded her brunette friend with concern, searching for a sign of distress.

Miriallia shrugged. "It wasn't a very pleasant topic, sure, but not that hard."

"But you never talked about it," Cagalli pointed out. "Not with me anyway."

"Ah...yeah." Miriallia's face turned sheepish, and she averted her eyes. "I didn't really feel...um, comfortable doing that since you and Athrun seemed to be doing so well even though your situation was similar to me and Dearka's." An embarrassed cough. "I guess I was kinda jealous of you. And then, you two had a fight, and I became unsure if it's a good thing to tell you about my thoughts." Her face was now thoughtful. "I didn't know if I'd be doing it for your sake or my sake if I told you. And I didn't wanna use you to make myself feel better. Something like that."

Cagalli tilted her head. "I wouldn't have minded listening if it made you feel better."

"I know. But it still didn't feel right. Especially when you were so dejected."

It was Cagalli's turn to be sheepish. "I've been such a mess, haven't I? I must've been making you worried a lot. Others, too."

Miriallia gave another pat to Cagalli's back. "That's one of your virtue, if you ask me, that you're so honest with your emotions. Cry and laugh and get angry whenever you feel like it, without holding back."

"I thought you thought I should manage my anger a bit better?" Cagalli said somewhat jokingly.

"Yeah, you get rather reckless when you're angry," Miriallia replied in a similar tone. "Well, at least your anger is usually fair and understandable. Though it's a bit too much and troublesome as well," she teasingly added.

Cagalli made a dramatic pout. "Now, that's unfair and I'm angry."

Miriallia giggled, and Cagalli promptly joined. As their giggles stopped after a little while, Cagalli let out a breath and stretched a bit before standing up.

"Well, I better go now. I'm getting cold. See you the day after tomorrow?" It was the first day of school after winter break.

Miriallia stood up as well. "Yeah. Sorry for keeping you so long. I didn't mean to."

"It's okay. I'm glad we talked. Bye." Cagalli waved at her friend and started turning around. But Miriallia called out her name.

Cagalli looked at the brunette over her shoulder. Miriallia appeared a little shy. "Thanks for asking about me and Dearka. I'm glad I could talk with you about it."

Cagalli fully turned to Miriallia before saying, "Thanks for telling me."

They exchanged a smile and Cagalli started climbing up the slope to get back to the walking path.

"Have a nice run!" Miriallia shouted at her back.

"Take good photos!"

Cagalli waved again, and then, reaching the path, resumed jogging. Before long, she arrived at the exit of the park closest to her house, where she had entered the park a while ago, and started the second lap. When she passed the bridge again, Miriallia wasn't there anymore.

As she finished the lap and left the park, Cagalli slowed down to transition into a walk, breathing deeply. On her way back to her house after jogging, she usually walked as a cool-down; it took about ten minutes from the park to her home. Then, she would do her stretching routine and her morning run was over.

Her mind, which had been focused while running, started to loosen up and wander.

When she had been a little child, her dream had been to have a job which allowed her to play with animals all the time, which became more specific as she grew up. In grade school, a horse trainer and a zoo staff had been at the top of her list, followed by a dog trainer. Her grandfather owned several horses; later, she and Kira had received their own horses—Rouge and Strike—from him as gifts. She loved riding horses and working with them had sounded like a wonderful idea; she also loved zoos where she could see various animals.

She wasn't sure exactly when her dream had changed. It had been gradual. She had always hated that some horse owners put their horses that had "no more use" and were "too expensive to keep" to death. Although her grandfather wasn't one of them, she had seen and heard enough at the stable. She had dreamed of buying a farm where those horses, and homeless dogs and cats and some other animals, could spend the rest of their lives happily and peacefully. She had actually pleaded her grandfather to do that, but he had gently turned it down, offering to make donations to an animal welfare organization in her name instead. Therefore, she had decided to realize the dream by herself when she became an adult.

In seventh or eighth grade, she had started to think there might be something else she could do, something more realistic. If she became a good animal doctor, a really, really good one, she could fix injured animals so that they didn't have to die. She probably could help them more that way, she had mused.

In a way, her father was the one who had given her the idea. At that time. she had not been trying to change his attitude toward her anymore, but she still had occasionally entertained an idea that if she became a doctor he could be proud of, her father might see her differently, somewhat like the way she wanted him to. Although she had not been really serious about it, she couldn't say she had not meant it at all.

But when she had casually mentioned during a conversation with her grandfather that she might become a doctor in the future, he had looked at her and said with his usual calmness, "I'll support your decision if that's what you really want. But Cagalli, I want you to think carefully before you decide. You should make your life decisions based on how you wish to live your life, not on what other people want you to do, or what you want from others."

She had felt like he saw through her—which wasn't rare—become a little embarrassed, and promised to think hard. And when she seriously pictured being a doctor, she had found that her patients kept shifting from humans to animals. The more she thought about it, the more appealing the idea of becoming a veterinarian had become. It had interested her and excited her a lot more than the idea of becoming a human doctor did. It had been something she wanted to try regardless of her parents' or grandfather's opinions about it.

Fortunately, she had always put a certain amount of effort into studying though she had never been a bookworm or a model student—except for the phase in which she had tried to be one in order to get her father's attention. Her father was a firm believer that you should work hard and reach your full potential, and even when she was feeling rebellious, she had not tried to deliberately get bad grades. Her grandfather had pointed out that being knowledgeable would help you no matter what kind of life you chose and that if she kept good grades, it would be easier for her to realize her dreams and goals in the future; she had thought he had a point.

She had succeeded in getting into SEED High, one of the best high schools in the area, and kept studying hard enough to be able to get into a college of veterinary medicine in the future.

The death of Mal, Ahmed's dog, in her first year of high school had taught her that there was only so much a doctor could do no matter how good they were. Mal's doctor had been a kind and devoted veterinarian Cagalli had known for years, but even she had not been able to save Mal's life. Likewise, Cagalli probably wouldn't be able to save all animals she encountered no matter how much effort she put in it. The realization had saddened her, but not shaken her decision to become an animal doctor. Still, she would try hard to save as many animals as she could, she had vowed to herself and Mal.

Even after that, however, being a veterinarian had still been like an abstract idea rather than a real goal. Until she met Professor Ashman who grounded her dream and breathed a life into it, making her image of veterinarian more realistic and more exciting.

The professor was rather a quiet man. But his deep passion had been evident in his voice, words, and eyes.

And he was honest. He had not hidden the sides of being a veterinarian that weren't enjoyable. Dealing with animals could be dangerous. And the job didn't just require you to work hard without much reward, not well-paid or prestigious like human doctors. It also required you to face a death regularly, and sometimes, you had to cause it even. As painful as it was, taking an animal's life to spare them agony was still easier because you could convince yourself you were helping the animal in a way. However, animals were sometimes killed to protect other animals or humans, like for the purpose of preventing a disease from spreading; veterinarians helped the owner make the decision, if not making it themselves, and often did the job of killing. Some veterinarians also dealt with animals that were raised for food.

Not to mention veterinary colleges, along with many other colleges, killed animals for their classes and researches. The number of animals used for the purpose was decreasing, but they still existed.

The professor had warned her that if she still wanted to be a veterinarian after hearing that, she should be prepared before taking those classes.

"Just because you love animals, doesn't mean you're cut out for a veterinarian, let alone a good one," the professor had said with a serious face before explaining there were students who couldn't handle the fact that they had to take lives in order to become a doctor who could save lives. Some of them even quit college.

Cagalli couldn't blame them; it must be a tough experience and she wasn't thrilled about it. Still, she had not considered giving up becoming a veterinarian. She was determined to do whatever it took to be a good veterinarian. She had talked about it with the professor a bit more, including that the least they could do was honor the lives they took.

At the end of the talk, he had said, "Veterinarian's a tough job, both emotionally and physically. It's still worth it, though. I'd never choose another career."

He was proud of his job that was to help both humans and animals so that animals could properly become a part of the human society, and to contribute to creating and maintaining the harmony between humans and the nature.

He had also told her about many other things veterinarians did other than treating sick or wounded animals: breeding animals, helping livestock farmers take care of their animals, investigating and controlling animal diseases, conducting researches, inventing medicines for animals, managing wild animals, helping people interact with animals, and of course educating, not just veterinary students but also the public. Along with his experiences in both Orb and overseas, which filled her with amazement, admiration, excitement, and sometimes sadness or anger. All of the feelings were important to her.

He had broadened her horizons. Talking with him, in person and through e-mails, she had felt as if she was growing taller or her eyes were becoming bigger, allowing her to see so much more, and then, still more. He strengthened her feeling that she was on the verge of jumping out of a safe but sheltered and small place toward a large world full of possibilities and wonders. The feeling was exciting and thrilling. A bit scary, too.

Like the feeling she got seconds before jumping from a plane cruising a few thousand meters above the ground, with a parachute on her back. She knew there were risks and her heart beat fast, but most of her shivers came from anticipation, not fear. And the sight she could see only while she was falling, rushing through the wind, sandwiched between the sky and the land, was like no other. It was like she could go anywhere and everywhere, be anywhere and everywhere. Like the whole world was hers and everything was possible.

She had skydived only a couple of times, and with an instructor, but would never forget the experiences. The breathtaking beauty of the world she had seen. The joy of being a part of it which had filled her. The pull of gravity that had made her realize she belonged to this planet. The sense of homecoming when her feet had met the ground again.

Professor Ashman—no, her dream he had nurtured reminded her of the experiences. And the dream was in Tassil, beckoning to her.

She was aware that her dream was just a possibility and that it might end up disappointing her. Maybe the life in Tassil wouldn't be as amazing as she was hoping. Or maybe she would feel too lonely, especially if Ahmed failed the entrance exam and wasn't there with her. Maybe she would regret choosing Tassil University.

But still, she wanted to try. She wanted to give her dream—herself—a chance to bloom into something great, far greater than she could imagine now. She wanted to see what would await her in that future, in Tassil. She wanted to face the risks instead of running away from them.

That was how she wished to live her life.

Maybe it made her a selfish person. But following your dream, trying to get what you wanted, wasn't wrong, was it? As her grandfather often said, everyone had the right to pursue their happiness. Of course it was different if you hurt someone in the process. She especially didn't want to hurt Athrun.

Yet, abandoning her dream, changing the way she lived her life so that he wouldn't get hurt, so that he would be satisfied, didn't feel right to her. Could she be happy that way? Could _they_? If they couldn't, what was the point of doing it?

Realizing she had already passed her house while in deep thought, she stopped and turned around. As she began going back the way she had come, she felt the uncertainty that had been in her for the last two months diminish, her mind settling.

* * *

Sitting on her chair in her room, with squinted eyes, Cagalli looked between the calendar on her phone, what day of week tomorrow was to be specific, and her class schedule. She sometimes got confused her class schedule on the first days after break, bringing wrong books and notebooks to school, mostly because she had mistaken which day of week it was.

As she shifted her gaze toward her books in her school bag on her desk, her phone chimed. Her eyes moved back, then widened. She was still for a moment, then took a deep breath and tapped the phone to read the new text.

 **Can we talk?**

She read the three words over and over. It was from Athrun. They had not talked for weeks except for short greeting texts on New Year's Day. It had been nearly two months since their fight, and it was the first time he showed willingness to talk.

Her pulse increasing, she tentatively made a call. He answered right away.

"Cagalli."

The sound of his voice squeezed her heart. She couldn't even fathom how much she wanted to see him and hug him.

"Athrun." At the feel of his name on her tongue, at the fact that she was saying it to none other than him, her eyes started to become moist. "I miss you."

After several heartbeats, he said softly, "You, too."

She sniffled, blinking away her tears. "I'm really sorry. You were right. I should've talked to you earlier about going to Tassil Uni." Her moving to Tassil was a big change after all, and he was affected as well. "I should've thought more about...everything." She swallowed before letting out, "Will you forgive me?" Her voice shook with fear and anticipation.

He was silent for a moment, then said quietly, "I'm the one who should apologize."

She blinked. "You? Why?"

"I...shouldn't have tried to make you give up going to a college you wanted to go to." A pause. "You haven't changed your mind about going to Tassil, have you?"

Anxiety twisted her stomach into a tight knot. "No," she said slowly. "I can't give up going to Tassil Uni. It's not like I want to part with you. I don't. And I truly care about you and our relationship. But..." She worried her lower lip, searching for words, words that convey her sentiments to Athrun as accurately as possible. "I don't want to choose between being with you and my dream. Both are really important to me."

She couldn't change her college choice, couldn't do the seemingly only thing that could prove her love for him in his eyes. He might interpret what she had just said as a definitive proof that she didn't love him much, which she really didn't want. But still, she couldn't give up her dream to gain his understanding, acceptance, or even forgiveness. That wasn't how she wanted to live or how she wanted their relationship to be. No matter how much she loved him, she couldn't live her life for him, after all.

He let out a long breath, as if preparing himself. For what, she didn't know, but would surely find out soon. Unless her loudly beating heart interfered with her hearing.

"Then, I'm applying to Tassil University," he said. "I checked and it has a medical college. I'm going to tell Mr. Fllaga tomorrow. I wanted to tell you first."

She was speechless for a while, unable to comprehend what she had heard.

"You are applying to Tassil Uni?" she parroted, wondering her ability to hear might have actually been compromised by her nervousness.

However, he confirmed. "Yes. I'm coming to Tassil with you."

"But what about FMU?" she asked as her mind finally started working again. "You said it's the best in the country. You've always wanted to go there." Even when they had just met, when they had still been high school freshmen, he had already been aiming for Februarius Medical University in PLANT.

"A doctor is a doctor whether I get my degree in FMU or in Tassil," he said as if this was no big deal.

A strong emotion rose up within her.

"Don't."

It took him a moment to respond. "What?"

"Don't do it, Athrun." Her voice shook as she struggled to keep a hold on her emotions. "I don't want you to come to Tassil."

"Why?" He sounded genuinely confused and she felt like yelling or crying or both. "This is the solution, Cagalli."

"I don't want you to give up your dream for me. Hell, I don't want you to give up your dream for whatever reason."

The idea of his coming with her, of not having to live far away from him, was appealing, yes. But she couldn't accept it, not when the cost was his dream, his happiness.

"I'm not giving up my dream. I can still become a doctor," he argued.

"But you don't want to just become a doctor. You want to go to FMU _and_ become a doctor. You want to study under the best teachers. And you said there are many professors conducting an interesting research at FMU. Especially that professor...Adis?" She had seen his excitement at talking about the college he was aiming for, his passion about the future he was going for, which were expressed in his collected way but just as genuine.

"Ades," he corrected. "That's true. But it doesn't mean I can't stand going to another college. I'll go to a different college if I'm rejected by FMU anyway."

"But that's not the same. You don't _want_ to," she said, frustrated. She stood up and started to pace around the room. "And even if you'll go to another college, you want it to be second best. Tassil Uni's medical college isn't that good, is it?"

His silence was the answer.

"You are smart enough to get into FMU," she continued, "and even if you can't, you can certainly get into your second choice, or third choice at the very least. A college that can satisfy you. Tassil Uni won't. _Will it_?"

"You are being unreasonable," he said with a frustrated sigh.

"I am not."

She was sure she was doing what was best for them, for their relationship. The fact that Athrun had been avoiding answering her question, that he couldn't deny her words and say this was actually what he wanted, was enough proof to her.

How could his doing what he didn't really want to do be the solution? How could it be the way to their happiness?

"You can't prevent me from going to Tassil," he pointed out.

She bit her lower lip hard. It wasn't entirely true. There was something she could do that would probably make him change his mind. Only she didn't want to do it. Yet, she couldn't think of any other way to talk him out of this. And she needed him to stop. He wasn't simply changing his college choice. He was carelessly throwing away his life, his happiness. She couldn't just let him do it.

She gripped her phone tightly so that she wouldn't drop it. "You wouldn't want to come to Tassil if I...without our relationship, would you?" she forced out.

A stunned silence filled the line. His shock was so clear and strong that she could almost touch it. Her heart bled at the fact that she was hurting him. Again. And this time, she was doing it even though she was fully aware of the pain she was causing him. Tears sprang to her eyes.

"Are you...threatening to break up with me?" he asked with utter disbelief.

She couldn't answer. A half of her was desperate to take back her words, to tell him that she was sorry and that she had not meant it. The other half was restraining that part with all its might, with as much desperation. She had to follow through on this. She couldn't waver.

"Cagalli, you can't be serious." He seemed appalled.

"It's not that I want to," she said with effort, two halves of her still fighting against each other. "But...if I'm causing you to give up your dream...maybe it's better we break up."

Saying it was painful, gut-wrenching. Thinking about breaking up with him broke her heart. But still, she felt that becoming the reason of his unhappiness was much worse. She wanted him to be happy, not miserable. Especially not because of her. But it was what was going to happen if he came to Tassil, wasn't it?

And she didn't want to have a miserable life, either. She didn't want to blame him for causing her to give up her dream like Ahmed's mother had blamed her husband. She didn't want to ruin her relationship with Athrun like that. It was too important to her. Athrun was too important to her.

"You are unbelievable," he said coldly.

The next second, the line was cut off.

Her arm fell to her side. Her phone dropped to the floor, but she didn't pick it up. She stumbled toward her bed to collapse on it, and buried her face into her pillow.

* * *

Thank you for reading. See you next week!

···

Below are replies to reviews.

 **To BlueberriesGoneBad:**

Thank you for another review!

I'm glad you like my Athrun. He will mope some more and I hope you'll enjoy reading it :P

 **To Fuyu Aki:**

Thank you for another review!

I imagine it's difficult to understand exactly how the characters' lives are at this time of year if you're not familiar with the Japanese high school system. And that I often skip time must confuse you more. I've inserted explanations here and there, but they may not have been enough. I'll try to make it clearer in later chapters, and probably add more explanations in the previous chapters when I have time (which is likely to be after I complete the fic, though).

I'm glad you enjoyed Athrun's past. The way I see it, Athrun in the series is clearly his father's son. And that's how I write him in my fics as well. So I needed readers to see what his relationship with his father has been like in this fic, which hopefully helped them understand his character better.

Although I've heard about the five stages of grief, I definitely didn't try to make Athrun's reactions similar to it. Maybe people (or I since I'm the author here, or the creators of the original series since I try to make Athrun in this fic act in accordance with my view on Athrun in the show) deal with any emotions difficult to handle the same way, or similar ways at least, whether it's grief or another emotion.

The theme of this fic may not be common in high school romance fictions, but I see this fic as a story about struggles many people, including high schoolers, face. The characters may be somewhat extraordinary since I borrowed them from GS/GSD, but I try to make the story rather ordinary (though what is ordinary can quite differ depending on your country/culture/generation).

* * *

 ***posted 03/31/19***

 ***edited 06/10/19***


	14. Friends

English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

* * *

 **Season of Farewell**

Chapter 13: Friends

* * *

Entering his room, Athrun carelessly dropped his bag to the floor. He then ripped his tie off; it ended up on the bag. Such a behavior was uncharacteristic of him, but he was in an ill temper right now.

He sat on his bed with a thud and ruffled his hair with frustration.

He had just come back from school, leaving as soon as Closing Homeroom ended for he didn't want to talk to anyone or see a certain blonde. Today had been the first day of school after winter break, and he had not told his homeroom teacher that he was going to change his college choice as he had planned to. He didn't want to test Cagalli, test how serious she was about the threat she had made last night. He was afraid to find it out, suspecting that she had meant every word, that she would follow through on her threat to break up with him.

He clutched his head in his hands, his elbows on his thighs. She didn't want to stay around him. She didn't want him to come with her. What did she want then? Was she so naive that she didn't understand how hard it was to maintain a long-distance relationship? Or she just didn't care much about their relationship after all? ...Did she want to break up even? Was it what she wanted? Was going to a college far away from her home just an excuse to leave him?

It didn't sound like her. She would have just told him if she wanted to end their relationship, instead of taking such a roundabout approach. She had always been a straightforward person, sometimes too much so.

But then, did he really know her? He had not expected her to reject his offer, to be...so cold, so unfeeling. She had not shown even a little bit of gratitude or joy toward his offer, toward his willingness to alter his future for her. Didn't she understand how big a sacrifice, how agonizing a decision, it was for him? It had taken him a couple of weeks to finally make up his mind about it after getting the idea, even with his strong guilt and desire to set things right. Choosing to go to Tassil University with her—changing his college choice because of a girl—had been that hard for him. Still, he was willing to do it. That was how sorry he was for what he had done. Couldn't she understand that at all?

He had expected disapproval from his father, and from his teachers, and mockery from some people. He had braced himself for those things, telling himself it was the cost he had to pay to atone for his mistakes. But she shouldn't have been one of them. She should have been on his side, not the other side. She should have supported his decision, not objecting to it.

Instead, she had ambushed him with the suggestion to break up when he had least expected it.

Frustration and anger growing in him, he stood up to pace. His gaze jumped around the room in annoyance until it stopped at three large envelopes in the bookshelf next to his desk. Slowly, he walked toward the shelf to take out one of them and open it.

Inside was an application form for Februarius Medical University, neatly filled and ready to turn in. Most of the other necessary documents were in the envelope as well. What was missing was the ones he couldn't have yet. He couldn't send those applications at least another two weeks. As always, however, he had prepared the applications much earlier than he should. And this form was the first one he had completed.

As he put the form and the envelope on his desk and stared at them, his mind returned to a seminar held in the university last summer, one of those for high school students interested in the university. The lecturer, Professor Frederick Ades of the medical college, had begun with introducing different types of medical devices varying from medical robots to makeshift surgical instruments which had actually been used by his friend doctor when she had operated a surgery without proper instruments in an underdeveloped country.

The professor had proceeded to talk about how important it was for doctors to stay open-minded and flexible, always searching for the best way to treat patients under the circumstances; about the bravery, decisiveness, and willingness to make continuous efforts, fight endless battles, required of doctors. They shouldered a heavy responsibility. They were entrusted with people's lives. And therefore, they had to keep evolving, keep challenging themselves to become better, and still better.

So did the medical system. People tended to think the current system they were in, the one they were familiar with, was the best, even perfect, or at least unchangeable. Even when the system wasn't functioning well, they rather tried a different approach inside the system, which might work fine enough but not be the best solution to the problem, than trying to reform the system itself, which could actually be a better solution. It was human nature to stick with the familiar; familiarity gave the sense of safety. However, systems needed to be constantly improved, just like professionals such as doctors needed to constantly renew their knowledge and adjust to new changes.

Hospitals were putting more and more importance on trying to create a more efficient system, and the professor was researching the emergency care system in Orb from various angles to find the best ways to improve it so that patients would be more likely to survive.

Listening to the lecture, Athrun had felt somewhat wistful for the professor had put an idea in his head that his mother might have been rescued if the emergency care system had been a little better. Or it might not have made any difference; her injuries might have been too severe. He would never know. The only thing he knew for sure was that improving the system would save more people like his mother.

And he had wanted to know more about the professor's work. After the lecture, Ades had spared time to talk more casually with the youths who came to him and Athrun had grabbed the chance. The professor had good-naturedly answered Athrun's questions, telling more about his past and current projects and his future plan, which was just as impressive as the lecture.

Professor Ades was one of the best in the area; Athrun could tell by just talking to him. The man's intelligence, abundance of knowledge, and capability had been obvious. He had been friendly, confident, and sophisticated all at once. Athrun had not been able to help admiring the man. And the professor had shown his approval of Athrun's questions, saying Athrun was quite knowledgeable about medicine for a high school student, and Athrun had felt a surge of pride at being praised by such a respectable person.

All of the other professors in the university were the same, one of the bests in their chosen area, though they might not be like Ades personality-wise. And that was how Athrun wanted to be in the future: one of the best, if not _the_ best, in his expertise who achieved great things.

" _You don't want to just become a doctor. You want to go to FMU_ and _become a doctor."_ Cagalli's voice echoed in Athrun's head.

He bit his lower lip, hard enough for it to bleed. He didn't care about the pain or the blood.

The worst thing about this was that Cagalli was probably right. He probably wouldn't be satisfied with his life in Tassil. When he had checked the information regarding the college of medicine in Tassil University, he had not felt the thrill he felt when going through the information on Februarius Medical University and its professors. The thrill coming from the prospect of becoming a part of something great, of walking into the intellectual world so deep that no one knew its true depth, of facing daunting challenges to overcome them. Tassil University seemed bland, nothing standing out or piquing his interest.

He lifted his fist, and banged his desk with full force. The desk shook and a couple of books on it fell to the floor. But he didn't even look at them. He couldn't care less.

And yet, he still couldn't go farther than that, like crumpling the application form or ripping it into shreds in an outburst of rage. He realized he had even unconsciously avoided both the paper and the envelope when he had hit the desk. They simply laid there, unharmed.

The realization just increased his pain. His chest hurt with every breath, as if his body—his heart—was shredded into pieces. The inside of his nose prickled, and he squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn't cry. He wouldn't cry. Not when Cagalli showed so little care for him. Not when she was leaving him behind. Not when she let go of their relationship so easily.

* * *

As their eyes met, both of them stopped with surprise.

It was lunch break, and Athrun had just finished a meeting with other class presidents and vice presidents—which was held monthly and had been short today since there was nothing new to discuss and senior presidents didn't want to waste time which was quite precious for them now—and was returning to his homeroom. He had just turned a corner to the stairway, and run into Kira who had been ascending the stairs, probably toward the senior floor.

Before Athrun decided how to react, Kira, standing in the middle of the stairs, raised a hand which was holding a can. In fact, he was holding two cans in both hands.

"Good timing. I was just heading for your homeroom to see you."

"You were?" Athrun replied cautiously.

"Yeah. I thought it was about time the meeting was over. It's over, right?"

Athrun nodded, still unsure what to make of Kira's desire to talk to him.

"Zala-kun."

Athrun turned his face to his companion he had been paying little attention to: the vice president of his class who had attended the meeting along with him.

The girl casually pointed a finger in the direction of the stairs that led to the senior floor. "I'm going ahead, okay?"

Athrun gave her a nod. "Sure." He had no reason to want her to stay, and she probably wanted to return to their homeroom as soon as possible so that she could make good use of the rest of lunch break.

During the conversation, Kira had climbed up to the floor on which Athrun and the girl had been standing. As the girl passed by him, the brunet gave her an appreciative smile. "Thank you."

She good-naturedly waved a hand. "Don't mention it."

Athrun blinked in confusion a few times, then belatedly realized that the vice president was leaving, at least partly, so that he and Kira could talk in private. He should probably thank her later, though he didn't know he would like the talk Kira wanted to have. But whatever it was about or what kind of outcome it produced, he was certain he didn't want any audience.

As he shifted his eyes from the girl back to Athrun, Kira appeared to realize something.

"Hey, this is for you." He threw him one of the cans in his hands.

Athrun caught it to stare at the can of black coffee for a moment. A feeling of hope started to spread inside his chest.

"What's this for?" he asked to make sure it was what he thought it was.

"A peace-offering," Kira confirmed.

Athrun's face—actually, his whole body—relaxed. "Thanks."

Kira smiled. "No problem."

Without saying anything more, they climbed up the stairs to the landing between the second floor where they had been and the third floor where their homerooms were, and leaned against the wall, next to each other, their shoulders nearly touching. There weren't many people around though voices and sounds were heard from both inside the building and the schoolyard.

They opened the cans. Kira took a sip of his coffee, which had milk and sugar in it, and thoughtfully said, "You know, you're kind of an extremist."

Swallowing his coffee, Athrun raised his eyebrows, a little offended. " _I_ am an extremist? You are the one who break rules or do eccentric things."

Kira thought a little. "You're usually a by-the-book guy who follows common sense, sure. But once in a while, you do something drastic." He sent Athrun the look he had maintained most of the time when they talked last, the look as if he wanted to knock some sense into Athrun's head. Except it was softer this time. "Like trying to make Cagalli give up her dream, and then, making a 180-degree turn and trying to give up yours now?" Kira's finger danced in the air, probably indicating a move from one end of a line to the other end.

Athrun wasn't surprised Kira knew about his and Cagalli's conversation two days ago. "I'm not giving up my dream," he insisted, though he didn't look at Kira. "I'm still becoming a doctor even if I go to Tassil University."

"Yeah, but still." A pause. "You haven't possibly told Mr. Mwu you'll change your college choice, right?"

Athrun kept silent, but Kira let out an obvious sigh of relief.

Kira took another sip before continuing the conversation. "I don't think you should make Cagalli give up her dream, but it doesn't mean you should give up yours. Or I want you to. I wouldn't want that for either of you. I just want you to be happy. Both of you," he softly said.

Athrun just stared at the can in his hand, not knowing what to reply. Silence fell over them, but it wasn't tense or uncomfortable.

After a while, Kira opened his mouth again. "You aren't the only one who has the desire for his girlfriend to give up her dream, by the way."

Athrun looked at the brunet in surprise. "You mean you want...your girlfriend to quit her job?" He glanced around to make sure no one was listening in on them, even though he didn't mention the name of Kira's girlfriend. It was a secret that Kira was dating the idol.

There were three students, two girls and one guy, within hearing distance, climbing up the stairs toward him and Kira. But the trio seemed to be paying no attention to them, busy talking to each other.

"Yeah, sometimes." Kira sipped his coffee. "We could spend more time together then."

"Have you told her about it?" Athrun asked a little hesitantly but expectantly. If Kira and Lacus had dealt with a similar problem to the one he and Cagalli had been struggling with, he very much wanted to know how they had solved it.

"No...I'm kinda afraid she may actually quit," Kira quietly said. Athrun made a confused face. Kira shook his head. "Never mind. It's not the time for us to talk about it."

Athrun was still puzzled, but nodded. He wasn't the prying type and it wasn't what he wanted to talk about anyway. "How do you cope with your...desire then? Hasn't it become too hard for you to suppress it?"

He didn't think he was less patient than Kira. In fact, he believed he was the patient one between the two of them. And yet, Kira somehow had never seemed to be suffering like Athrun had while trying to support Cagalli. Had Athrun underestimated Kira's patience, or Kira's ability to hide his struggle? ...Or was it because he was more selfish than Kira? Was his desire—his selfish desire—bigger than Kira's? His gaze dropped as his chest becoming heavy with guilt and shame.

After a moment of contemplative silence, Kira said, "Wanting your girlfriend to give up her dream for you is selfish. There's no doubt about it. But is it so wrong?"

Lifting his eyes to look at the brunet, Athrun frowned. "Didn't you blame me for wanting Cagalli to give up going to Tassil?"

"It was more like I was mad because you didn't seem to think about how much it hurt for her to give up her dream. Especially when you had no intention of giving up yours," Kira explained. "I don't really care about which college I'll go to. Sure, it'd be great if I could get into OTC, and into Professor Kato's lab." Kira's first choice of college was Orb Technical College where he was hoping to study under Professor Neel Kato who had won many awards for his artificial intelligence system. "But as long as I can do what I like to do, it's fine with me. I'm sure I can enjoy my college life wherever I go. But you and Cagalli aren't like me. You are more, well, serious. You have more specific dreams, and you're both too stubborn to give it up without a fight."

Kira paused with a thoughtful face before asking, "Wait, what were we talking about?"

Athrun heaved a little sigh. "I asked you how you deal with your selfish desire."

"Right. Well, wanting someone to do something and trying to make them do it are two different things, yeah? I don't think we should feel so bad about just wanting something. Blaming ourselves for having the desire only makes dealing with it harder."

Athrun knitted his brows. "But what is wrong is still wrong even if it's just...a thought." The memory from after his birthday party, which had been kept in the back of his mind for some time while he was preoccupied with other things, flickered to the front before he quickly and forcefully suppressed it.

Kira made a face. "It's your strength you always try to do the right thing and I admire that. But it's also your weakness, I think. Sometimes you're too...righteous? Ah, scrupulous. Making everything either right or wrong. And a bit unforgiving."

Deepening his frown, Athrun opened his mouth to argue, but Kira was faster. "That's why you offered to go to Tassil, I suppose? At least partly."

Athrun was taken aback. "What do you mean?"

"You're punishing yourself for your selfish desire, aren't you?"

"I'm not..." Athrun started, but trailed off as he began feeling unsure. He rubbed his face with his available hand in frustration. "I just thought it was the way to solve this," he muttered defensively.

"It's an extreme way, as I already told you," Kira retorted, then added, "Cagalli doesn't want you to punish yourself. You know that, right?"

Athrun pressed his lips together. He wanted to say that he no longer knew what she wanted. It was true, but not entirely. He knew enough to suspect Kira was right. Still, he didn't want to admit it out loud. The pain from her suggestion that they should end their relationship was still too raw. And he didn't want to think about what she wanted or didn't want, which led his mind to wonder again whether she wanted to break up with him.

A minute passed in silence, and he quietly asked, "You said, both Cagalli and I can't give up our dreams. Then...do you think we don't have a future together?" Was that the answer after all? Was it actually best if he and Cagalli broke up as she had said? It just couldn't be helped?

He wasn't sure what he wanted to hear. A part of him wanted some encouragement, some reassurance that there was still a hope for him and Cagalli; another part wanted Kira to confirm his suspicion if it was the truth, the reality, without letting him hold onto a false hope.

"Why should it be either one of them?"

Athrun gave Kira a frown. "Pardon?"

"Why can't you guys have both your dreams and a future together?" Kira's voice was both casual and sincere. "No one's making you choose, Athrun."

Athrun stared at the amethyst eyes. Kira's words sounded like an encouragement, but not exactly what Athrun had expected. They somehow made him uncomfortable.

After a long moment, the chime to indicate the nearing end of lunch break started, saving him from having to reply.

"We should go back to our homerooms," he told Kira, pushing himself off the wall.

"Yeah." The brunet followed suit without pressing Athrun for a reply, and they started walking up the stairs toward the senior floor.

"So, how's your study going?" Kira asked conversationally. "Are you confident you can get into FMU?"

Athrun just sent the brunet a sidelong look, his eyes narrowed at the fact that Kira had naturally treated Februarius Medical University as Athrun's first choice as if it was a done deal, not something that might be changed. The brunet was likely to be attempting to imprint into Athrun's subconscious that he should go for the university as first planned, or something of the sort.

Kira stuck out his tongue for a second, knowing his trick had been spotted. Or maybe the brunet had never been trying to hide it. He really couldn't have been more obvious. He might have meant it mostly as another reminder to Athrun that it was what Kira believed Athrun should do.

Athrun wasn't willing to find out which was true.

They soon reached Athrun's homeroom and Kira waved a hand. "Later."

Athrun raised a hand in response. "Yeah."

Kira started to resume walking, toward his homeroom further down the corridor, but stopped to look over his shoulder at Athrun. "Do you remember what Lacus said?"

"Sure." Athrun gave a vague nod. The pinkette's accusation wasn't something he enjoyed remembering.

Kira gave back a satisfied nod. "I think she's right. Don't stop thinking." With that, his face turned in the direction of his homeroom.

Athrun's confused eyes followed Kira's retreating back. Had Lacus said something like that? He didn't quite remember. Maybe Kira had not referred to Athrun and Lacus's last meeting, but some other time. Or maybe the brunet was mixing up what he himself had talked with her and what she had said to Athrun. Both sounded likely.

Athrun shook his head, shaking off the confusion, and entered his homeroom to prepare for the next class.

* * *

"Now we've got two graphs on the chart," Mwu said, knocking the blackboard with his finger, "and the tricky part is—"

The bell which announced the end of class and the beginning of lunch break interrupted the teacher. He paused, but continued his explanation on a math problem. There was no booing from the students in the room. There were only a few days left before National Exam for University Admissions which played a major role in college acceptance process; the scores of the exam took up about a half of the entire score which determined whether you passed or failed, the rest being those of the entrance exam each college conducted. At such a time, all students were pretty serious about learning more.

It took Mwu about five minutes to finish the explanation. "Any questions?" A couple of hands shot up. The teacher answered those questions, then asked again for another question. This time, no hand was raised. Looking around the room once more, Mwu clapped his hands.

"Okay, that's it then."

One of the students on day duty called out, "All rise!" then "Bow!"

"Thank you, sir!" The voice of the students roared in the classroom.

As the students straightened themselves and began preparing for their lunch, chatter and the sound of moving chairs and desks filled the room. Cagalli weaved her way through the room toward an entrance to the corridor.

"Mr. Mwu!"

The teacher stopped to turn to her. "You've got a question, Hibiki?"

"No." She shook her head, but quickly backtracked. "I mean, yeah, I have a question, but it's not about math. It's...about Athrun."

He raised a curious eyebrow. "What about Zala?"

"Has he said anything to you about changing his college choice?"

Her question seemed to pique his curiosity even more. "Not that I can recall."

She released a sigh of relief. Kira, who had reconciled with Athrun several days ago, had told her he didn't think Athrun would actually apply to Tassil University. She had still been worried, though. But if his homeroom teacher didn't know anything even though it was already nearly a week since school had begun, it seemed unlikely that Athrun was going to change his college choice. Letting your homeroom teacher know about your choice was the proper thing to do and Athrun was big on properness.

Mwu's face turned sober as he studied her. "Is there anything I should know?"

After a moment of hesitation, she slowly shook her head. "I don't think so. Probably I was overreacting."

She knew the man was concerned about Athrun, partly because he simply cared about his students and partly because Athrun was one of the best students in this school. But she was reluctant to talk to him about the matter if Athrun hadn't.

The blond teacher regarded her with a weighing look some more before nodding. "Maybe you're getting nervous about National Exam. Don't let your nerves get the better of you." With a grin, he lightly flicked her forehead.

She made a pout, rubbing her forehead, but then, gave him a smile. "I know. Well, thanks anyway."

Parting with the teacher, she returned to her desk to grab her wallet, then headed for the cafeteria. On her way, her mind was still on Athrun. If he had given up coming to Tassil with her, one problem had been solved. But their situation had not exactly changed, much less improved. There was still the matter of her college choice.

Reaching the connecting corridor to the cafeteria, she shook her head and braced herself for the cold air. But before she opened the door to the outside, someone called out her name.

She turned to find her green-haired friend coming down from the direction of the school store. "Hey, Nicol." Her eyes fell on some kind of bread and a bottle in his hand. "I didn't know you buy your lunch at the school store."

"I usually don't," he replied. "But I didn't have time to stop by at a convenience store this morning." He showed her his burrito—one with rice and vegetables—and green tea.

"The burrito looks good," she commented. Come to think of it, she had not had a burrito for a while.

"They have a new one in the store." Nicol motioned toward the corridor behind him. "With sausage and extra pepper."

"They do?" She perked up a bit. "I should probably check it out while I can."

She glanced in the store's direction, but Nicol added, "It's probably all gone for today. I think it's better if you wait until tomorrow."

"I suppose you're right." She nodded, then paused before quietly asking, "How is he?"

Since their talk on the phone a week ago, she had not even seen him at a close distance, let alone exchanging words with him. She had been trying rather hard to avoid him and he seemed to have been doing the same.

Nicol thought a little and answered, "He's been in a low mood, and seems somewhat frustrated. Other than that, he looks fine."

She silently nodded. Giving her a reassuring smile, he started walking toward the stairway. "I should go. I don't wanna make him wait for long."

"Nicol," she called out. He stopped and turned his face to her. "Thank you...for being a good friend," she said sincerely.

She had felt a little relieved when Nicol had informed them that he was going to join Athrun for lunch several days after Athrun had stopped coming to the cafeteria. At least, Athrun wasn't alone; he was with a caring friend, someone she trusted.

Nicol smiled warmly. "It's my pleasure."

She returned the smile. They waved their hands and she turned around to the door. Pushing it open, she started running down the corridor to the cafeteria where her brother and her other friends must be waiting for her.

* * *

Thank you for reading. See you next week!

···

Below is the reply to review.

 **To Fuyu Aki:**

Thank you for another review!

Cagalli's suggestion to break up should've been a surprise. I planned it to be :) And I hope it was a good kind of surprise.

By the way, they haven't actually broken up. (I hope this chapter made it clear.) Cagalli just said they maybe should if Athrun is giving up going to the college he wants to. And Athrun hasn't changed his college choice. So, they both think they are still in a relationship. It's just that their situation worsened.

Don't worry. Both the ring and the Haumea's amulet will have their moments. But you have to be patient until the right times come!

* * *

 ***posted 04/07/19***

 ***edited 04/08/19***


	15. Cagalli's Gifts

English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

* * *

 **Season of Farewell**

Chapter 14: Cagalli's Gifts

* * *

"Are you going to apply to more colleges?" her homeroom teacher asked, handing her a couple of copies of her report card she needed to include in an application to college.

"I'm not sure," Cagalli replied evasively. "I just wanted some backups in case I decide to. And I didn't want to come to school just to collect papers, you know."

Murrue nodded with an understanding face. "It's a wise thing to do. As I've told, every year, there are students who call to ask for their report card right before the deadline, and some of them have to give up applying to a college just because they can't get the necessary papers in time." The older woman added with a wink, "I was actually a little worried about you. You seemed like that type."

Fully aware that she was rather—quite—careless, Cagalli gave the teacher a coy smile. "My reputation's been fixed now, right?"

"Hmmm." Murrue put on a thoughtful face before teasingly saying, "I suppose we can't make the final call yet. Just don't wait to send the applications until the last minute. You may forget."

"I'll keep it in mind," Cagalli said, her face sobering. She might actually make the mistake.

The teacher put a hand on her shoulder with a reassuring smile. "I'm sure you'll be fine as long as you get the paperwork done properly—and make it in time for exams. You've been putting such an effort into studying and you did so well in National Exam."

"Thanks, Ms. Murrue." Cagalli smiled back.

Giving her another warm smile, Murrue retreated into the faculty room. Cagalli headed for the senior floor.

As she walked up the stairs to the second floor, two boys trotted down the corridor in front of her from right to left, one boy trying to grab a book in the other boy's hand. Shouting at each other, they disappeared from her sight while she reached the landing. She was turning to keep ascending when a girl's yelp came from the direction the boys had gone, which was followed by some noise. It sounded like many papers had been dropped on the floor.

Cagalli changed her path to see whether a hand was needed. She turned around the corner with hurried steps, then stopped short as she recognized the girl standing several steps away in the middle of the corridor. Many papers, a half-open school bag, and some stuff that had apparently spilled out of the bag were scattered around her. The strawberry-haired girl was looking at the two boys trotting away while still scrambling for the book.

"Sorry!" one of the boys shouted, looking over his shoulder. It seemed the boy had bumped into the girl, which caused this mess. But he kept chasing after the other boy instead of stopping to help her.

Cagalli walked over to the girl.

"Hey, Meyrin."

The younger girl turned around with a start, her pigtails swinging.

"H-hello."

"So rude, huh?" Cagalli nodded in the direction the boys had gone, squatting to gather the papers.

A pout formed on her lips as Meyrin started collecting her belongings as well. "Yes! I can't believe they just left."

"You should smack their heads next time you see them," Cagalli suggested.

"Uh...maybe..." Meyrin replied with an ambiguous smile.

"Are they all yours?" Cagalli asked, indicating the papers which she found out were math tests already answered and corrected.

"My homeroom teacher told me to bring them to the faculty room," Meyrin explained.

"It's rather a lot. It must be hard for you to carry them alone. I think your teacher was a bit thoughtless," Cagalli commented.

"Well, there was actually someone else assigned to this job as well. My day duty partner. But he said he needed to go home fast and just left these and our other tasks to me. And my friends had their own stuff to do and couldn't help me."

Cagalli made a disapproving face. "Your partner just went home? That's irresponsible."

"It is." Meyrin bobbed her head. "Boys are so immature. Well, not all boys, of course. There are mature boys like Athrun-senpai. I wish those childish boys would follow his example."

Hearing the blunet's name, Cagalli stopped moving for a moment. "Yeah..." She unconsciously turned her face away from Meyrin.

"Oh, um, sorry. I mean...you're fighting, right?" Meyrin hesitantly said.

Cagalli looked at Meyrin with a little surprise. "I didn't think you knew." She was aware that most of the seniors had heard about her fight with Athrun, but had not expected even those in different grades to know about it.

But then, understanding dawned on her. "You must've heard it from Lunamaria, of course." The older redhead was Athrun's classmate and friend. It was no surprise that she was concerned about the fight and had mentioned it to her sister who must be concerned as well.

"Ah...yeah, kind of. And I haven't seen Athrun-senpai in the cafeteria for months."

"Right."

With a small sigh, Cagalli reached out for a colorful paper which stood out among black and white papers. Her gaze swept over it, and she did a double take. It appeared to be the front cover of a university brochure, cut out of the booklet and folded up in half. The name of the university was clearly seen on it. As she stared at the name, her pulse accelerated.

"Cagalli-senpai?"

She awkwardly looked at the other girl. "You are going to FMU?" Her voice sounded a bit weird.

Meyrin's face flushed. "I-I want to." She hurriedly continued, "Not the college of medicine, of course. I'm not that smart. I'm thinking nursing or health science. I know it's still difficult. My grades aren't so good and everyone says it's impossible. But...I wanna try, you know? There's still time and maybe I can improve my grades enough if I work really, really hard. Besides, even if I can't get into FMU, I don't think it's gonna be meaningless to study hard for it." She pointed at the paper in Cagalli's hand. "It's kind of my lucky charm. Or more like a reminder to study hard."

"I...see. Good luck with your study," Cagalli said, passing Meyrin the paper.

They kept collecting the papers and Meyrin's personal belongings silently after that, which ended soon.

Cagalli handed the stuff she had gathered to Meyrin who gave a quick bow. "Thank you for helping."

"No problem." Cagalli paused before quietly saying, "You know, Athrun is planning to go to FMU, too."

She looked Meyrin straight in the eye and the redhead lowered her gaze with a guilty expression.

After a long moment of silence, Cagalli put on a smile and opened her mouth again.

"I remember him saying he'll probably look for tutoring jobs after getting into college. He may be interested in tutoring you."

Meyrin looked up with surprise to stare at her. Cagalli put more effort into maintaining her smile.

"And if he becomes your tutor or if you get into the same college as him, please keep an eye out for him, will you? None of his friends are going to college with him, and I'm a bit worried." She casually waved a hand. "Well, if you feel like it, that is. Bye."

As she turned around and began walking, her smile dropped. But she willed herself not to run, though she walked somewhat faster than usual. Her heart bled with each beat and her sight started to blur.

She compressed her lips tightly and held her head high, blinking rapidly. She wouldn't look down or let her tears fall. She owed it to herself.

She had known Meyrin admired Athrun. It had not been difficult to notice it. But she had not realized it was more than that until now, until seeing the look Meyrin had had when she had pointed out that the college the younger girl was hoping to get into was the same as the one Athrun was going to.

The conversation between Athrun and the Hawke sisters she had overheard months ago came to her mind again. It seemed Meyrin had made her college choice because of Athrun.

And it was what he wanted from his girlfriend, wasn't it? It was how he wanted his girlfriend to be.

But Cagalli couldn't be like that. She couldn't live like that. Although she loved Athrun very much and really wanted to stay together with him, it didn't mean she could do anything he asked her of. She couldn't stop being herself even for the sake of love—or especially for the sake of love, perhaps.

Some people, even many people, might say that becoming—or at least pretending to be—the kind of girl Athrun wanted, the kind of girl Meyrin seemed to be, was the way to happiness for a girl, how a girl should be. But Cagalli didn't agree. Her gut was telling her that it wasn't true. Not for her anyway. She couldn't be happy that way. And she didn't believe that loving someone meant becoming unhappy for them.

Athrun might not be able to accept that about her. His offer to go to Tassil didn't seem to her to mean that he accepted her as a whole, including the fact that she wasn't fulfilling his wishes, including her dream and her pursuit of it he didn't like. It had felt more like he was forcing himself to do it because he believed he had to. Otherwise, he wouldn't have offered to do what he actually didn't want to do, what would make him miserable, would he?

The way she saw it, he had not changed much from the time he had been hiding that he didn't like her going to Tassil because he thought voicing it would trouble her, which he probably thought he shouldn't do, and pretending he supported her, even though he apparently didn't want to do that.

To her relief, he didn't seem to be holding onto the idea, the attempt to sacrifice his dream and life, anymore after she had turned down his offer. And hopefully, he was searching for what he needed in order to be happy, and would eventually find it.

And his answer might be breaking up with her. Just like she couldn't fulfill all his wishes no matter how much she loved him, he might not be able to stay together with her no matter how much he loved her, because he needed a different girlfriend in order to be happy. Or he might not want her anymore if she was like this, different from how he wanted his girlfriend to be, determined to not become how he wanted her to be. Whatever the reason was, he might choose to break up with her and date a girl who could give him what she couldn't, a girl like Meyrin.

Learning of the strawberry-haired girl's choice had made Cagalli face the possibility. Seeing with her own eyes that there was a girl who would do it for him had turned it from a mere possibility into the reality, what was quite likely to happen in the future. It had cut her heart deeply.

And yet, she had realized that she still couldn't give up her dream. Ironically, it was the shock of Meyrin's choice that had given Cagalli the final push she needed in order to stick with her plan to go to Tassil.

She had been avoiding Athrun after he had made the offer to go to Tassil mostly because she had been afraid that she might cave in if she talked to him again, not accepting his offer but changing her college choice.

Even after her mind had been settled after talking to Miriallia early this month, there had been a part of her that still considered abandoning going to Tassil University. That part had been small, but existed nonetheless. She had not been able to accept losing Athrun due to her college choice so easily, so completely, even with the certainty that she would regret it if she chose to stay.

That part had become more powerful every time she thought about his offer three weeks ago. Her aversion to becoming the reason why he gave up his dream, hand in hand with her desire to maintain a romantic relationship with him and her terrible longing for him, had been trying to allure her into the easiest path which was giving up going to Tassil. In fact, she had asked her homeroom teacher for additional copies of her report card earlier in case she changed her mind.

But now, that part of her was gone. Her whole mind was set on following her dream, even if it meant Athrun would leave her.

It wasn't an unhappy decision, no matter how painful it was. She needed to do this. For her own sake. For her happiness. And she refused to act like some kind of tragic heroine, because she wasn't one.

As she reached the third floor where her homeroom was, one of her classmates passed by her, waving a hand.

"Bye, Cagalli. Good luck with your exams!" He pointed a finger at her with a wink.

Feeling a smile lifting the sides of her lips a little, she waved back. "Good luck to you, too!"

On her way to her homeroom, then to her desk, she exchanged "Good luck" with a dozen more people. Today was the last day of January, the last day of school for seniors except for the graduation day in March, and this might be the last time they saw each other before their entrance exams.

Cagalli quickly gathered her stuff from her desk and locker, making sure she wasn't forgetting anything, dropped them into her bags, then put on her coat and scarf and hurried for home, all the while continuing to say goodbye and wish luck to any senior student she knew and get a reply in kind. All the exchanges felt like encouragements for her dream, for her choice, and her resolution strengthened each time.

While waiting for a bus at the bus stop, she tapped her foot impatiently. She couldn't wait to put her decision into action.

She ran to her house after getting off the bus. As soon as she reached her room, she strode over toward her desk. Inside the top drawer of the desk was an application form for Tassil University. Placing it on the desk, she let out a long breath.

She considered starting to work right now, but decided she needed to calm down. After all, her handwriting should be neat. She turned on the air-conditioner and went downstairs to hang her coat and scarf she had just remembered she needed to take off, then made a mug of hot chocolate with chili powder to top it off. Breathing in the sweet scent with a hint of spice, she climbed up the stairs, this time with slow steps.

Sitting on her chair, she enjoyed the feeling of the creamy chocolate and the prickling chili spreading in her mouth and then sliding down her throat, warming her body from inside while the air heated by the air-conditioner did it from outside. As she finished most of the chocolate, her body was warm and relaxed.

Deciding she was ready, she put down the mug and picked up a pen to fill the form. Despite the extra care she took in writing, she finished it in no more than ten minutes. It was a pretty simple form. Reading it again to make sure there was no mistake, she nodded with satisfaction.

There was an instruction paper in the top drawer. Opening drawers, she collected the papers required by Tassil University, then put them into a large envelope. Now, all she had to do was paying the application fee and sending the envelope. She could probably complete the task tomorrow morning, or afternoon at the latest. Although tomorrow was Saturday, the post office and banks were open in the morning and she could send the fee into the university's account. She was taking Murrue's advice and determined to get it done as soon as possible.

She leaned back into her chair and picked up the mug to take the last swig. Licking her lips, she started putting the mug back down, but changed her mind. Instead, she held it at her eye level to study its surface.

It was a dark blue mug with white stars painted on it. She had bought it because the color was the same shade of blue as Athrun's hair when the sun was shining upon it, and his hair reminded her of the night sky, especially the winter night sky.

Her mind wandered to the conversation she had had with Meyrin earlier. She felt another stab at her heart, but she didn't regret her words. It was another thing she had needed to do for her happiness. She was truly worried since there would be no one who could pay close attention to Athrun even though he had the tendency to neglect looking after himself.

The worry had not been so big when she had decided to go to Tassil first. He had seemed to have been becoming more open to talking about his problems, albeit little by little. She had trusted him to tell her, or Kira or his other friends, when he was seriously troubled by something, to be able to take good enough care of himself despite that tendency of his. She had thought he would be all right even if she moved away and couldn't keep an as close eye on him as now.

However, it had turned out that he had been making himself suffer by keeping his unhappiness about her college choice to himself, seemingly telling no one. It had made her realize that she had probably been wrong to trust him about looking after himself as well. The worry had started increasing, and grown even bigger after his offer to apply to Tassil University, a proof that he was still not taking good care of himself, that he might not be even trying to.

It was another factor that had been swaying her toward staying here, and although she had discarded the idea, the worry was still bothering her. He clearly needed someone to help him. She knew Kira and his other friends would try to watch out for him, but recruiting one more person wouldn't hurt, especially if it was someone who could stay close to him.

As much as it had hurt to ask another girl who loved him to do so, she also felt relieved that now he would be more likely to be looked after. If Meyrin had romantic feelings for him, she would surely pay more attention to him and gave him more care than just a former clubmate of his who had no special feelings for him would. It didn't prevent Cagalli's heart from breaking, but put some balm on the wounds.

What she had done today might lead to Athrun dating Meyrin someday, which she didn't want to think about. However, although seeing him happy with another girl would probably be tough, it was still much better than becoming the reason why he was miserable, ruining his happiness. After all, his happiness wasn't her unhappiness. His unhappiness was.

She wanted him to be all right and happy no matter what. Even if they broke up, even if they both fell in love with someone else, even if they both started dating someone else, she was sure it would never change. And what she had done today might be the last thing she could do for him.

After gazing at the mug some more, she closed her eyes and softly pressed her lips against the midnight blue surface.

* * *

As soon as he reached Athrun's desk in his homeroom, his best friend placed a bulging plastic bag—which Athrun knew was full of snacks—on the desk, rubbing his eyes and still looking sleepy.

"It's for you."

Athrun simply nodded. "Thank you."

He had expected this when Kira had texted yesterday evening to ask whether he could come to school today. Seniors weren't required to come to school in February so that they could prepare for entrance exams, or a new life in case of those who had already been accepted by a college, in a way each student saw fit. Many students still came, to just study, ask questions to teachers, or meet friends.

Athrun wasn't one of them. He preferred to study at home or cram school, mostly because of the fight with Cagalli. Teachers and students at the cram school were more focused on studying, without letting themselves get distracted by gossips; most of his classmates there were from different high schools and had no idea of the trouble in his love life to begin with.

Today was an exception, however. He had planned to be at school this day even before Kira's text had come; yesterday had been Valentine's Day. Thankfully, classrooms were open for seniors on all Saturdays including today, though there weren't as many students in the room as he had expected, whether because it was Saturday or it was morning, albeit not really early.

Kira cocked his head a little. "I'm just a delivery guy, you know."

"I'm aware of that."

Kira studied Athrun for a moment before nodding. "Do you have anything—any message—you want me to deliver then?"

Athrun silently put the plastic bag into his backpack and pulled out a box of chocolates to hand it to the brunet. Kira looked at the box with surprise, but stashed it into his backpack without asking a question.

The brunet seemed to be trying to just be Athrun's friend recently, rarely mentioning his sister, much less pushing Athrun to take an action, probably because it was really not a good time to be concerned about romance. Colleges had already started giving entrance exams; Athrun had had the exam for his second choice of college earlier this week and was going to have the one for his third choice next week. The one for his first choice—Februarius Medical University—was two weeks later.

He had not applied to Tassil University after all. He had not been able to come up with a way to persuade Cagalli; he had not really wanted to discuss it with her again in the first place for she would probably bring up the idea of breaking up once more. Not to mention he had felt stupid to even consider going to Tassil when she clearly didn't want him there.

So, he had just followed his original plan, which was the easiest way, without talking with her again. He wasn't sure it had been the right decision, but he had not known what else to do. He still didn't.

Forcefully pulling himself away from the thought of his college choice, which could lead to other thoughts that distressed him, Athrun focused his attention back to his friend in front of him. He expected Kira to leave now that his delivery mission was done, but instead, the brunet had taken an empty seat next to Athrun's and was beginning unpacking his stuff on the desk.

Confused, Athrun asked, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to study, of course," Kira replied without looking at him, plucking a mechanical pencil out of his pencil case.

"This isn't your homeroom." Athrun pointed out the obvious.

Kira just shrugged. "It's not like we're taking a lesson. I don't think teachers will scold me if they find me here."

Kira proceeded to open his book and notebook, starting to write down something. After a moment, Athrun returned to his study with a little shake of head. Kira would do whatever he wanted to do anyway. And it wasn't like Athrun had a complaint about his friend's company.

He went over several pages of his World History workbook before taking a bottle of green tea out of his bag and took a sip. As he put it back, his eyes fell on the plastic bag Kira had given him. After a minute of hesitation, he opened it to find a bag of coffee candies in it, just as he had expected.

He ripped the bag open, unwrapped a candy, and popped it into his mouth. Somehow, it tasted sweeter than it was supposed to be.

"Hey, can I have one?"

Kira was holding out his hand, showing no doubt that Athrun would grant his wish.

"You can. But these are espresso candies. I don't think you'd like it." Athrun angled the bag so that Kira could see the package. Kira had sweeter tooth than anyone he knew and couldn't drink black coffee—unlike his sister who preferred her coffee with some milk and sugar, but could drink it black without turning a hair.

Kira's face turned disappointed. A small pout formed on his lips, which was so much like his sister's and pinched Athrun's chest.

"Don't you have anything sweet? Anything a bit sweeter?"

Athrun hesitated. There might be a chocolate in the plastic bag, which Kira would probably like, but he didn't want to share it with anyone.

"I probably have some dried fruits," Athrun offered, feeling slightly guilty for not mentioning chocolate.

Kira perked up. "Sounds good."

Athrun looked into the plastic bag and took out a bag of dried mango to hand it to Kira. The brunet happily took a piece and gave the bag back to him with "Thanks." Athrun put it back into the plastic bag and closed his backpack. They went back to their own studies.

At lunchtime, they went to the school store to buy Kira's lunch—Athrun had bought his on his way to school—since there was no service in the cafeteria on Saturdays. They had studied a few hours after that, then decided to go home since they both had classes in cram school in the evening.

Normally, Athrun would have gone straight to cram school without stopping by at his house. But his grandmother was staying with him until his exams were over, and she had insisted he should at least have dinner at home when he had declined her offer to make him a lunchbox for he didn't want to trouble her.

She came out of the kitchen as he was taking off his shoes at the entrance.

"Welcome home, Athrun."

He turned around with a smile. "Hi, Grandma."

"Have you eaten a proper lunch? If you're still hungry, I baked a carrot cake. How about a piece?"

In fact, the house was filled with a delicious aroma, and he liked the sweets she made which weren't very sweet to suit his taste. Still, he hesitated.

"I'm not really hungry yet," he said. "I'll have a piece after dinner."

His grandmother nodded. "All right. You said you're leaving at six-thirty, right?"

"Yes."

"Dinner will be ready in an hour then. Oh, and don't forget turning on the air-conditioner in your room. You should keep warm not to get a cold."

"I know. Thanks."

He gave her a nod, and watched her disappear behind the kitchen door. He was hardly a fan of being fussed over. It made him feel somewhat like a child. But still, it felt somewhat good, warm. He also liked someone welcoming him home.

In his room, he put his backpack on the floor next to his desk and pulled out the plastic bag. Seated on his bed, he stared at the white, round bag, his hands slightly moving as if weighing it.

A few minutes passed before he tentatively opened the bag to check its content. At the bottom of the bag, buried under protein bars, dried fruits, and salty snacks, was a bag of chocolates as he had expected—hoped.

He had never told Cagalli the exact date his mother had died, but she seemed to know, probably having heard it from Kira or one of his friends from middle school.

After his mother's death, Valentine's Day had become for him a day to visit her grave with her parents. Two years ago, his first Valentine's Day in high school, had not been an exception. He had taken a day off from school and spent the day with his grandparents who visited for the occasion and stayed the night at his house. His father had never joined them. Maybe his father preferred visiting his wife's grave alone; maybe visiting the grave was still too painful for him. Athrun wasn't sure. He had sometimes wished his father spent the day with them, but his grandparents' company was soothing enough. They told him stories of his mother, not sad stories but happy memories from her young days, which made him both pleased and melancholic.

The next day, he had still been thinking about his late mother after arriving at school. Sometime before Morning Homeroom began, Cagalli had come and dropped something large and white on his desk. He had stared at it in surprise to realize it was a plastic bag filled with so many stuff that it was almost round.

He had quizzically looked up at her.

"It's my gift for you since you were absent yesterday," she had explained, loosening the handles that had been tied up and opening the bag to show snacks inside it.

Then, she had stared hard into his eyes and asked, "Are you all right?"

He had looked back, then down at the snacks, and then back into her eyes which were still boring into him as if she could, or at least was trying to, see through him. Instinctively, he had understood she knew about his mother. Instead of discomfort he might have felt if it were someone else, amusement had slowly replaced the surprise and melancholy inside him. Her idea of consoling someone about his mother's death with a bag full of snacks had been unexpected and funny, just like her.

His lips had curved up into a genuine smile, albeit a small one. He had slowly said, "Yes, I'm all right. ...Thanks."

She had studied him for a moment, her eyes still intense, before her face relaxed into a relieved smile. "No problem."

He had glanced at the snacks, then motioned toward them. "Would you like some?" He had offered to share them with her partly because of his gratitude toward her and partly because of his desire for her to stay and spend time with him.

She had shaken her head. "No, it's yours."

He had thought a little. "I don't think I can eat all of them by myself. I'd appreciate some help."

Her face had turned thoughtful. "Well, if you insist..."

"I insist."

"Then, I'm happy to help."

They had shared a smile and started eating, chatting about the usual stuff like school and friends, and continued doing it until it was time for her to return to her homeroom.

A month later, in the morning of White Day, he had brought a box of chocolates to her and said, "This is a return gift for your Valentine's Day gift."

With a slightly puzzled face, she had thought a little. "Do you mean those snacks I gave you the day after Valentine's Day?" He had nodded. "It wasn't a Valentine's Day gift. It was a...get-well gift, kind of. So you shouldn't give me any return gift," she had concluded matter-of-factly.

He had been taken aback, but managed to reply. "Even so, I already bought this. So you should take it."

A crease had appeared between her eyebrows as her lips were pressed into a stubborn line. "No. I can't take it. I have no reason to receive such a thing from you." She had crossed her arms in front of her chest and looked at him challengingly as if he was forcing something very unpleasant on her.

A little amazed and a little annoyed at her obstinacy, he had insisted some more, but she wouldn't back down. Eventually, he had retreated, realizing that he needed to change his tactics. He had gone to her brother instead and handed Kira the box. Leaving out the part how he had gotten it, he had said Kira could have it since he himself didn't really like sweets, but on one condition that the brunet would share it with his sister. Kira had happily agreed with the deal.

According to Kira's report the next day, Athrun's plan had worked. Cagalli had not only accepted sharing the chocolates with Kira, but been taken by cute chocolate dinosaurs, so much so that she was reluctant to eat them, though she enjoyed their taste in the end, after taking some photos of them. Athrun had felt quite satisfied at his success.

The next year, he had been well-prepared. She had brought him a bag full of snacks the day after Valentine's Day just like the previous year.

He had thanked her and accepted it with a smile, and then held out a box of chocolates. "This is a thank-you gift for your concern."

She had looked surprised, then frowned, appearing to debate whether she should take it.

He had pressed, "It's good to know your friend—or girlfriend—has been concerned for you, and I wanted to properly show you my gratitude."

After a moment, she had nodded. "Okay, then." She had taken the box from his hand. "Thanks."

He had smiled, secretly enjoying the taste of victory. He probably should have adopted this strategy the previous year as well, but he had been caught off guard for he had never expected she would turn down his gift.

She had immediately opened his thank-you gift, sitting on the seat in front of his. Inside had been chocolates shaped like sport balls including a volleyball; she was a volleyball player and liked watching sport games.

With a smile and a laughter, she had regarded the chocolates. "This is great. You have a knack for choosing gifts."

Glad that she liked his gift, he had opened hers and found a bar of mint chocolate in the bag. He had wondered whether she had mistakenly put what she had bought for herself there. Other snacks were the kind he usually bought for himself and the chocolate bar had been out of place. He didn't care much for chocolates though he didn't dislike it, and she had said those snacks weren't a Valentine's Day gift.

He had picked up the chocolate bar to show it to her. "Hey, didn't you buy this for yourself?"

Her face had suddenly turned shy, her eyes looking everywhere but him. "No, it's, um, it's yours. It isn't really sweet. I assure you. I ate one myself. And you like mints fine, right? So, anyway, I thought you might like it...and included it." Her cheeks had grown redder as she rambled.

From her reaction, he had assumed that at least the chocolate bar _was_ her Valentine's Day gift for him. By then, they had been dating for nearly two months after all. She probably had not said what it actually was because Valentine's Day was a sad day for him.

Feeling warm and pleased, he had silently accepted her consideration and taken a bite at the chocolate bar.

"You are right. This is good."

A broad smile had suffused her face at his comment, which melted his face into a fond smile.

It had been such a happy moment. Recalling it in this cold room by himself, it felt like it had happened a long time ago, much longer than a year.

Looking down at the chocolates in his hand—this year's Valentine's Day's gift from her—he wondered how she was acting or feeling toward his gift this year. Did she feel relieved like he had? She wasn't disappointed, was she?

His first idea had been a box of animal-shaped chocolates, but it had reminded him of her college choice so much that he abandoned the idea. Instead, he had bought a gift box at a famous chocolate shop. Although those he had given her were fancy chocolates which should satisfy any girl, somehow he suspected Cagalli would have been happier receiving animal chocolates which were less expensive.

The uncertainty about his choice of gift started growing, and he shook his head to cast it off. At least, he had given her chocolates, hadn't he? He had shown her his feelings—just as she had with her own gift.

A part of him was fully aware that just because she had suggested breaking up, it didn't mean she didn't care about him anymore. Cagalli wouldn't just give up on someone she loved. The snacks in his possession right now, not just the chocolates, were a proof.

Another, larger part of him, however, was still bitter and angry. Not to mention he still didn't get why she objected to his going to Tassil, to the extent of suggesting they should end their romantic relationship no less. She had said that she didn't want to cause him to give up the college he wanted to go to. And he admitted that giving up going to Februarius Medical University was giving up a part of his dream and that it wasn't as easy as he had initially tried to make it seem, both to himself and to her.

Still, it wasn't like she was forcing him. He was volunteering. They weren't the same, right? Although he wasn't thrilled about the choice, he had resigned himself to choosing Tassil University, and was still willing to go with her. Why couldn't she just accept his sacrifice, a generous sacrifice at that? Why couldn't she be happy that they wouldn't have to live far away? If she loved him, she would want to be with him, around him, wouldn't she?

Or it was that although she loved him, she didn't love him that much, not enough to try to hold onto their relationship? Was she okay with just letting it fall apart or fade away because of long distance, or because of her stubborn objection?

Sometimes, like when Kira had given him the bag of snacks and when he had found the kind of snacks he had expected in the bag, he felt she was just the person he knew. But other times, like when he thought about her rejection, he felt like he didn't know or understand her anymore.

Or...maybe he was feeling this way because she had changed. Her feelings for him had changed. Maybe she didn't want to be with him anymore now that she had learned how selfish he was. Maybe it didn't matter that he was trying to make amends. Maybe what he had done was unforgivable to her and nothing he did could change it. After all, just because she still cared about him to an extent, it didn't mean she was still in love with him. Maybe she had given him the chocolates this year as well only because they were still in a relationship, though barely, not because she still had special feelings for him. Maybe she wanted to return to friends. Maybe she was trying to break up without hurting his feelings too much, using moving to Tassil as the reason instead of what kind of person he was.

Maybe that was why she had avoided him last month, after their talk on the phone until school had ended for seniors; he had barely seen her and when they ran into each other, she had hurriedly left as if running away from him, clearly trying not to look at him. On top of that, she had not come to give him the snacks herself today. Maybe she didn't want to see him or talk to him any longer after the pain and suffering he had caused her. Maybe she didn't want to be even friends with him, at least for a while.

It sounded both likely and unlikely. He didn't know. He wasn't even sure he wanted to know the answer.

The more he thought about it, the darker his thoughts got. It was partly because he was still agitated after the visit to his mother's grave yesterday. It had been particularly hard this year. He had not just felt sad. The guilt concerning his mother had occupied him again, and he had struggled not to let the feeling overcome him, not to look too miserable; he had not wanted to make his grandparents more worried about him than they already were.

Also, for the first time since his mother's death, he had been glad that his father wasn't spending the day with him. If Patrick had been there, Athrun might have lost his temper. The bitterness toward his father he had realized during Lacus's concert had also risen at the grave, which had already deepened after his brief talk with his father on New Year's Day.

On the day, Patrick had come home early in the evening and they had eaten New Year dishes they had ordered out together, as they usually had when Lenore was alive and Patrick wasn't too busy except for that the dishes had been mostly homemade then. It had actually been the first time Athrun had spent New Year's Day and shared those special dishes with his father after his mother had died. He had been torn between pleasure that came from the situation and anger he had found in him only a little more than a week before.

During the mostly silent dinner, he had tried to suppress his anger, but had not been able to stop himself from mentioning the matter bothering him. A part of him had foolishly hoped that he might find out he was mistaken about his father and his parents' relationship, that his father might have actually been aware of his mother's hardship and feeling sorry for causing it.

"By the way, Father," he had started cautiously, "I was thinking about our move from Junius to here the other day. And I thought it must've been hard for Mother. Her commuting time increased a lot and she often looked tired."

Patrick had not shown even a fraction of guilt. "It might have been hard," he had agreed. "But she chose it. She could've quit or changed workplaces if she didn't want to spend a long time commuting. Yet she didn't." He had furrowed his brow as if he was irritated or frustrated. "She should've done so, in fact, instead of clinging to the job."

Making his own frown, though it was smaller, Athrun had pointed out, "Mother loved the job there. I think she was devoted to the projects she was working on."

"It doesn't change that it was a foolish decision," Patrick had said in a rather cold voice, then shaken his head a little. "I don't understand why she couldn't have made a wiser choice like quitting the job and staying at home to begin with. Well, women tend to let their emotions control them instead of thinking and acting logically. And make such a foolish mistake."

Before Athrun could form a reply, Patrick had stood up. His face had been stern, which was usual, but he had looked even more callous then. "I'm done with the meal."

His father had then stridden toward his study, leaving Athrun disappointed and upset. It had seemed that Patrick had not realized the effect of his words on his son. Maybe because he had not paid enough attention to Athrun. Maybe because he had not cared about Athrun's feelings in the first place.

The conversation had just proved Athrun's suspicion right. Patrick seemed to think it had been Lenore's own fault that she was having a hard time after the move, not even considering the possibility that he was, at least partly, responsible for her suffering. And instead of showing some understanding for her devotion to her job, for her feelings, he had just treated her like a stupid person.

Patrick's attitude had strengthened Athrun's dislike of their similarities and desire to become different from his father. Those feelings had encouraged him to change his college choice though his plan didn't work out, rejected by Cagalli.

At any rate, Athrun didn't want to see his father, especially with both the guilt toward his mother and the anger toward his father renewed after the visit to her grave. He was actually glad that Patrick came home even less often around this time of the year. He had not seen his father since New Year's Day. Most of the times when Patrick had come home had been when Athrun wasn't at home or awake. Once, he had realized his father was back while studying in his room at night by the sound from outside the room, but his father had not come into his room or said something to him through the door; Athrun had done nothing, either.

He was afraid he might act on his anger next time he talked with his father, which he didn't want to do. It seemed too childish and foolish, and was likely to worry his grandmother if it happened during her stay. But he didn't know what to do with the emotion, how to keep it under control. So, he was hoping he could avoid seeing his father until he somehow figured it out.

The bitterness might have decreased if Cagalli had accepted his offer to go to Tassil, if she had let him prove he wasn't like his father. He might not be as different from his father as he would like since he was hardly happy about putting her dream before his, a part of him holding onto that dream of going to Februarius Medical University, that ambition.

But still, he wasn't the same as his father. He was willing to make a real sacrifice for his and Cagalli's relationship, for his girlfriend. He was willing to change his college choice instead of making his girlfriend change hers even now.

There was actually still a way for him to be close to her during their college life. In addition to the main entrance exam in February, colleges conducted another, smaller-scale exam in March so that students could have more chances. It was already past the deadline to apply for even that later exam for Tassil University. But there was a private medical university near Tassil, which accepted applications for its later exam until the end of February. The university was only half an hour away from Tassil University by train.

Although he had given up applying to Tassil University, he had sent for the application form for the private university and gotten it prepared in case she changed her mind. He would take the path if only she started appreciating his offer, his willingness.

But it didn't seem to be happening. It seemed like she would never give him a chance. And he couldn't help wondering whether he could never gain forgiveness from Cagalli just as he couldn't ever gain one from his mother.

The prospect of his and Cagalli's future was so gloomy as far as he could see, and the feelings concerning his parents, which were unsetting enough on their own, added to the distress, almost causing him to reach his limit.

Honestly, he wasn't sure whether he could have been maintaining his somewhat dejected, but calm appearance if this was a different time. Thankfully, however, he had the college entrance exams to prepare for, the non-personal, non-emotional problems to deal with, and they were supposed to be his top priority. All he had to do was do what he should, and studying helped him, taking his mind off the personal, emotional problems, off these emotions.

It had until minutes before anyway, until he had let his mind wander to the place he had been trying hard not to go to: wondering about what Cagalli wanted with him, which was too disturbing, making him feel lost and depressed.

He dropped his eyes to the bag of chocolates he was holding to gaze at it almost beseechingly. At least, Cagalli had not completely abandoned him. Probably he should just focus on that, putting everything else out of his head.

According to the package, the small balls of dark chocolate had peach-flavored filling in them; peaches were his favorite fruit. He carefully ripped the bag open and ate one of the balls inside. The sweetness of peach and the bitterness of dark chocolate filled his mouth. He closed his eyes to savor the bittersweet taste. It somehow pained him and soothed him at once. The smooth, thick feeling and rich flavor started to disappear, and he put another piece in his mouth, then another, and another, until the bag became empty.

* * *

 **A/N** : This fic is set in a Japan-like country. In Japan, Valentine's Day is a day when women give chocolates to men, though nowadays, many women exchange chocolates with other women. On March 14th, a day called White Day, men give return gifts to women who gave them chocolates.

Thank you for reading. See you next week!

···

Below is the reply to review.

 **To Fuyu Aki:**

Thank you for another review!

Kira was leaning toward being Cagalli's brother when he and Athrun talked before Lacus's concert. But after hearing about Athrun's offer to go to Tassil from Cagalli, his attitude toward Athrun softened, and he also started to worry about Athrun. So, now, he is neutral, trying to be there for both his sister and his best friend. After all, he is the closest person to both of them.

Yeah, Athrun has a kind of trust issue. The question is, Why doesn't/can't he trust Cagalli? That's one of the things he has to think about but hasn't.

In the reply to you in Chapter 10 ("The Blind Spot"), I wrote that Athrun and Cagalli have to dig deeply into themselves to solve the problem they are facing. Athrun did it a little in Chapter 11 ("Guilt"), but he barely scratched the surface, and hasn't dug further since. It's partly because he is pretty occupied with handling, or rather, suppressing his emotions. He is the type to try to lock up his emotions and avoid properly dealing with them. So, he doesn't have much experience of sorting out his emotions so that they would calm down to an extent and he could start actually tackling the problem without being blinded by the emotions. And this lack of experience has been influencing his behavior.

Anyway, I can't really explain Athrun's sentiments until he does it himself in the story. If you still don't understand it after that, ask me then.

Yzak is actually going to show up and make some comments on Athrun's problem with Cagalli, playing an important role. But I'm not sure if you will like it.

My fic is clearly influenced by Athrun and Cagalli's story in GSD, but as you pointed out, this fic isn't the same as the original story. There has been some differences, and there will be more. To know how different this fic will end up from the original story, you have to keep reading.

And don't worry about your review being long. It actually encourages me to know that my fic can stir up a lot of thoughts and/or emotions in my readers. Furthermore, knowing my readers' opinions and interpretations helps me improve the fic.

So, don't hesitate to give me a long review! ;)

* * *

 ***posted 04/14/19***


	16. Another Possibility

English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

* * *

 **Season of Farewell**

Chapter 15: Another Possibility

* * *

Stepping out on a sidewalk, Athrun glanced at the sky. It had been raining this morning, but now, patches of blue were found among gray clouds. As he started walking, a familiar voice reached his ears.

"Athrun-san!"

Across the street was a hamburger chain store he sometimes stopped by with his friends from karate lesson. Its doors were open and a girl was standing at the entrance and waving her arm at him.

He raised a hand to show her he had noticed her so that she wouldn't try to come to him. Then he looked right and left. There was no crosswalk on the street, which was a source of concern among parents and instructors at his dojo. He made sure all cars were far away and ran across the street, restraining his bag and umbrella, to stop in front of the brown-haired girl waiting for him outside the store.

"Hello, Mayu," he said with a smile. "It's been a while."

"Yeah, I miss you." She pouted. "I did great at a competition last month and I wish you'd been there to see it."

Softening his face, he gently pushed the younger girl into the store. She wasn't wearing a coat and he didn't want her to get a cold. "Sorry. I've been busy."

"I know. Is your study going well?"

"It is, thanks."

He looked around the store to find her brother sitting at a nearby table. Shinn lifted a hand, drinking from a large plastic cup with a straw. Among the three other seats at the table, two were occupied by the siblings' bags. One empty seat was facing the front wall of the store made by glass; Mayu must have seen Athrun coming out of the dojo from her seat.

Putting his arm around her shoulder, Athrun steered Mayu toward the table. "What are you and your brother doing here?" He looked at her quizzically. Their karate lesson was supposed to be on Saturday afternoon, and today was Sunday.

"We changed our lesson to Sunday afternoon, at least until the end of school year," she explained. "Mom and Dad ordered Big Brother to take some special course at a cram school because his tests were so bad, and it's on Saturday afternoon. So we had to change the time for our karate lesson." Telling him, she sat on a chair, over the back of which her coat was hung.

"You didn't have to tell him about my grades," Shinn grumbled.

Removing her bag from the chair next to hers, she playfully stuck out her tongue at her brother. "I had to tell him it's your fault."

Making a face at her, Shinn looked at Athrun while Mayu was pulling Athrun's arm, nudging him to sit next to her. "Why are _you_ here? I thought it's still too early for you to come back."

As he took the seat and placed his bag on his lap—he didn't want to put it on the floor which was rather dirty with mud—Athrun replied, keeping his tone nonchalant, "I took a morning lesson just for today. I needed some exercise."

He had stopped taking regular karate lessons since December to focus on studying. This morning, though, he had felt he needed a break, from the distressing feelings concerning his parents and Cagalli rather than from studying. The emotions had kept bothering him last night, not letting him sleep well; just concentrating on studying had not seemed enough to lock them up into somewhere deep inside him at least for a while. He had needed another way to let off steam.

So he had gone to the dojo. Focusing all his attention on the forms or the opponents had been refreshing, and relaxing in a way. And he was feeling better now, more in control.

Wanting to change the subject, he turned his face to Mayu. "You said you'd done well at a competition?"

With a smile, he listened to her describe her matches at the competition, offering praises and advices now and then, until Shinn interrupted her, looking up at a clock on the wall.

"We gotta go, Mayu. We're gonna be late."

The siblings hurriedly stood up and collected their stuff, putting back their coats on. Athrun stood up as well, but someone called his name. He turned around to find another familiar face.

"Meyrin? Hey."

The redhead was wearing a uniform of the hamburger chain. He had known she had a part-time job here and seen her working several times, but had not realized she was at work today until now.

She came scurrying toward him and gave a small vow. "Hello, Athrun-senpai." She looked up at him from under her lashes. "I know you're busy, but...can you stay a bit longer? There's something I've been wanting to ask you and my shift ends in fifteen minutes."

Puzzled, he gave a nod. "Sure."

Her face turned into a smile. Thanking him with another vow, she went back to the counter.

The Asuka siblings left the store, waving at him and Meyrin. As Athrun seated himself again, putting his bag on Mayu's former seat, Meyrin came to place a cup of coffee on a table in front of him.

"It's on me."

He started to protest, but she shook her head. "It's just a token of gratitude since you're sparing time for me. You like your coffee black, right?"

He was still hesitant, but, after a moment, conceded. "Yes, thanks." The coffee was already poured into a cup and if he rejected, it would probably be thrown away; he had been raised not to waste food, or drink.

She hurried back toward the counter and he picked up the cup, resting his umbrella against the table. Taking a sip from the cup, he leaned into his seat and wondered how to kill time.

His usual and favorite way was thinking about robots, the one he was working on or what his next project should be. He could kill a long time doing it.

But right now, it wasn't exactly pleasurable. During summer, he had started working on a white lion robot about the size of a cat. He had kept it secret from Cagalli, meaning to give it to her, as a graduation gift if he could finish it in time or her birthday gift next year if he couldn't. After the fight with her, however, he had put it away. It reminded him too much of her, and he didn't want to think about graduation or what came after that.

And he had not been able to come up with a new project, partly because he had already spent most of his robot budget for months on the lion robot. It wasn't exactly that he didn't have money. He had free access to his father's bank account and his father wasn't interested in checking how much money Athrun spent or on what as long as the overall expense fell within reasonable range. But Athrun had made his own rule about how much he could spend on hobbies, and been sticking with it.

So, his budget was tight, in addition to the fact that the thought of creating a new robot almost always ended up returning to the lion robot, partly because he didn't like quitting in the middle of things.

During the past few months, when he wanted to do something robot-related as a breather between studying, he had tried to improve old programs or disjointed old robots, sometimes just putting it back together afterward and sometimes sorting out the parts and stashing them so that he could recycle them for another robot in the future. He had even borrowed Torii from Kira at the end of last month just so that he had something to work on.

In short, he didn't have much robot stuff to think about, not if he wanted to stay away from any thoughts related to his and Cagalli's future anyway.

Sighing, he decided to check his phone. There might be new texts from his friends to read, or he could use some study applications. Kira had sent him some funny video, but Athrun didn't have earphones with him and didn't like to make people around him hear videos he was watching. He would watch it later and send his opinion to Kira.

Yzak had sent him the link to a chess puzzle, along with the time it had taken the silver-head to solve it. They were both chess players, Athrun a little better, and often sent each other a chess puzzle they had found, competing how fast they could solve it.

The puzzle had taken Yzak eleven minutes, about the time Athrun had to kill. He opened the link and glanced at the time, sipping his coffee, then began solving it.

"—pai, Athrun-senpai?"

He blinked, and looked up, dragging his mind back from chess moves and strategies.

"Meyrin? You..." He glanced down at the time on his phone. "You are early." It was five minutes earlier than he had expected her.

"Ah, yes. My manager"—she motioned toward the counter—"said I could leave early since it's just five minutes or so and there isn't much to do." There were only a couple of customers aside from Athrun inside the store.

"I see..." He glanced at his phone again, most of his mind still on the puzzle.

"Did I interrupt something?" she asked, and offered, "I can wait if you need some time."

"Well..." He hesitated, but couldn't resist the offer. "Will you give me five minutes?"

"Of course." She sat opposite him and he returned to the puzzle.

In the end, it had taken him thirteen minutes to solve it, though it would've been shorter if he had not been interrupted. Holding back a sigh, he sent the time to Yzak who would surely send back a couple of gloating comments. He shouldn't have started solving it in a place where someone could interrupt him.

He made a mental note for future reference and turned his eyes to his companion to meet blue-gray eyes. Meyrin seemed to have been watching him. She bashfully smiled at him, which he met with an apologetic smile.

"Sorry for the wait. Shall we go?" He stood up, picking up his bag and umbrella.

"Oh, don't worry about it. I asked you to wait in the first place." She stood up as well, a pink umbrella in her hand and a white bag over her shoulder. "I'm sorry for asking you to spare me some time when you must be really busy studying, but I didn't know when I could see you again. I mean, I know you'll come to school for the graduation ceremony, and I'll see you at the farewell party of the robotics club. But I suppose you're gonna be busy and wasn't sure if I'd have a chance to talk to you about this." She seemed a little nervous, or excited.

"It's all right. Don't worry," he replied.

They went out of the store and he automatically looked up. Dark clouds had taken over the sky now and he couldn't find the blue behind them. He just hoped the rain wouldn't start again. As they started walking toward the nearest subway station, a gust of cold wind came. With a gasp, Meyrin tightened her scarf around her neck.

Glancing at her, he noted she was wearing a coat and a scarf, but not gloves—just like Cagalli.

Meyrin massaged her hands. "It's so cold, yeah? I shouldn't have forgotten my gloves. Well, at least the rain's stopped now."

"Yeah..." he absentmindedly said.

Cagalli didn't like gloves for they interfered with things she did with her hands. He had advised her to buy fingerless gloves a couple of times, but she made do with pulling down her sleeves to cover most of her hands; he had not pushed. And after they had started dating, he secretly appreciated her lack of gloves since it made it easier for him to hold her hand.

But she usually started to wear a scarf around the middle of November, tightly wrapping it around her neck. She didn't like the cold weather much, her favorite season being summer. Although she had a few scarfs, her favorite was a light green one with a picture of orange hibiscus stitched on it.

In the winter of their freshmen year, she had said, smiling and waving the edge of the scarf where the flower was, "I bought this because hibiscuses are one of my favorite flowers. And the flower reminds me of summer even in winter."

The other favorite flower of hers was some kind of lily, but he couldn't recall the name.

He unconsciously knitted his eyebrows. He didn't like the feeling that it was just there but stuck and wouldn't come out. The name meant "white," he was sure, but it wasn't English. And the name meant something more, having another word—

As someone grabbed his arm with a yelp, he was pulled out of his thoughts. He looked to his right.

Still hugging his right arm, Meyrin shyly smiled up at him. "Sorry. I lost balance. I thought that car was going to splash me and tried to avoid it." She glanced over her shoulder at a car driving away.

He realized there were puddles on the road near the sidewalk; when a car drove by, it splashed pedestrians with muddy water.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let you walk that side." He placed a hand on her back and gently steered her to change their positions. Now he was closer to the road.

"Oh, thanks." Her cheeks turned pinker.

As they resumed walking, he asked, "So, what was it that you wanted to ask me?" He felt a little bad that he had been distracted and more or less ignoring her.

"Well, I was talking to Cagalli-senpai last month—actually, the last school day for seniors—and she said you're considering getting tutoring jobs when you become a college student."

"That's right." He half-heartedly nodded. Cagalli had been talking about him, not about their fight but him.

"Then, will you—do you mind tutoring me?" Meyrin asked nervously.

A little surprised, he considered it. Except for sending the snacks through her brother, Cagalli had tried to have no contact with him, shown no sign of changing her attitude toward his going to Tassil. It was very unlikely that he would apply to the private university near Tassil, which was their last hope to stay close during college.

And all the colleges he had applied for so far were around here and wouldn't require him to move out of his house. It meant he could probably take Meyrin's offer whichever college he would be going to. It also meant he and Cagalli would probably live far away from each other after graduation—whatever the status of their relationship was.

He stamped on the depressing thought and tried to distract himself with the idea of tutoring Meyrin. It actually seemed like a good idea. Getting along with new people wasn't his forte. He didn't think it would be a big problem while getting tutoring jobs; he would be their tutor, not their friend. But if he could get a job with someone he already knew and got along well enough with, it would be better.

He looked at the redhead. "It sounds good. I can probably do that."

Meyrin's face lit up. "Thank you!"

"Though I can't make a promise until...I'm sure about my college situation, like which college I'm going to," he cautiously said.

He didn't want to get Meyrin's hopes up in case something changed his situation with Cagalli and he would end up moving away with her even if the chance was so slim.

"Of course." Meyrin didn't seem to be deflated. "Still, thank you."

He gave her a smile. "Actually, I thank you for the offer. It'd be helpful to me."

"I'm really glad to hear that." She appeared genuinely excited, her steps nearly bouncing. It heartened him that someone appreciated him, that at least someone needed him even though it was only as a tutor.

As he turned his eyes forward, they fell on a pool of water on the sidewalk only several steps before them. It was on the side Meyrin was walking on and looked too large for her to step over.

"Watch your step."

Seeing she wasn't paying attention to the ground, he placed an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close so that she could walk around the pool. She thanked him again, her face flushed.

He let go of her after passing the puddle and they silently walked for a few moments. Then she opened her mouth again.

"Do you think it's possible for us to start during spring break? I mean, assuming you become my tutor?" she asked a little tentatively. "I know you'll be busy preparing for the college life and all, but I wanna start as soon as possible."

"I can't say for sure yet, but I'll keep it in mind," he replied, appreciating the enthusiasm of his possible future student. "Have you picked colleges yet?" If she had, he could check the information and create a study plan specific to the colleges' entrance exams when he was done with his exams and had more time.

She averted her eyes, her face growing red. "I...um...I'm actually hoping to get into...FMU. Nursing or health science." He was slightly surprised. Before he made a comment, she looked at him and continued with haste, "I know it's gonna be difficult. But I promise I'll work hard and do everything you say. So...can I at least try, please?" She gave him a beseeching look.

He smiled to show her his approval. "Of course you can. It's always good to have a higher aim, and your determination to work for a tough goal should be praised."

She looked greatly relieved, almost near tears. "Thank you," she said in a small voice.

"I can't promise you'll surely get accepted, but I promise to give you as much help as I can."

He tried to make his smile and voice as reassuring as possible. He knew aiming for a difficult goal wasn't always understood or appreciated. By the look of her, she had probably been told to give up by some people. They might have meant well; he couldn't say since he didn't know how good—or bad—her grades were.

But you could never tell how high people could reach until they put all their efforts into it. He had learned that mostly from his experiences with the Hibiki twins. Although they had never been students with outstanding grades, they could do surprisingly well in tests or projects when they set their mind to it, which often amazed Athrun. He was sure about their success in college entrance exams—which meant Cagalli was going away for sure.

He quickly did another suppression of thought, trying hard to maintain his smile. Now wasn't the time to think about it. He didn't want to think about it ever, if possible.

He forced his mind back to helping the girl in front of him. Thinking about it was a lot easier and somewhat soothing. "I'd like to know your scores for end-of-the-year tests. Then, I could create a better study plan. Do you still have my number?"

They had exchanged their phone numbers along with other members of the robotics club so that they could share information on club activities. But they had never exchanged personal messages and she might have erased his number after he had retired from club activities.

Meyrin bobbed her head, her eagerness back. "Of course! I'll text you the scores as soon as I have them!" Her smile looked both relaxed and excited. "And thanks for what you said. It means so much to me you support my decision. I wanna go to FMU because of you," she said casually.

After a few steps, she stopped cold. He took two more steps before stopping and turning to look at her.

She was staring at him with a horrified face. "I...I..." she stammered, seemingly unable to continue.

Confused, he regarded her. Aside from the obvious panic, there seemed to be some guilt in her expression as if she had done something she shouldn't do, or said something she shouldn't say. His mind automatically began going over what she had been saying and doing before she had suddenly started acting weird.

He blinked as a thought occurred to him.

But it wasn't possible, was it? She couldn't have meant it that way. She must have meant just that he had inspired her to aim high or something of the sort, and be acting like this for an entirely different reason. He was only misinterpreting things because he had been struggling with the problem concerning Cagalli's college choice. The stress must have gotten the better of him, making him see a connection to his problem in everything even when they were completely unrelated.

He shook his head a little, abandoning the attempt to understand Meyrin's behavior. Slightly turning his body forward, he prompted her, "We'd better get going."

Before he fully turned his back to her, a frantic voice came.

"A-Athrun-senpai!"

He slowly looked over his shoulder at her, and seeing the look on her face, felt a slight sense of dread he was rather familiar with. He forced a smile, still hoping he was mistaken.

"Meyrin, we need to hurry. Your family must be waiting for you for lunch, I suppose?" He didn't mention his grandmother was also waiting for him to have lunch together since it seemed impolite.

Meyrin's face faltered, becoming uncertain, and for a moment, he was relieved, thinking she would just go along with him. But then, her face turned hurt and sad. She looked down as if trying to hide her face from him.

Feeling at a loss, he turned toward her to stare at her, acutely aware of the curious looks of passersby. If there was any solace, there weren't many people around and no one seemed interested enough to stop to watch them in this cold weather.

After a while, he hesitantly opened his mouth though he wasn't sure what to say. "Meyrin..."

"I...I'm okay," she replied with a sniffle, which caused his heart to sink. Her hand rubbing her face, she continued, "I knew it. I mean, you're dating Cagalli-senpai." She hastily looked up, her eyes wide, her expression somewhat frantic. "I didn't mean to steal you from her or anything. Please don't think that. I didn't even mean to say it. It just...slipped out. I'm sorry..."

He dropped his gaze. "No. I am sorry...I didn't know."

He had known her for years since middle school. But she had always been Lunamaria's younger sister who was polite and rather shy—except for when talking to her sister, perhaps—or an obedient junior good at programming. Although they had belonged to the same club for one and a half years in high school, he had never worked closely with her. He had worked mainly on robots' bodies while she worked on programs and he had always gone to Kira when he needed a programmer. He didn't even see her as an actual friend and he had never sensed she liked him that way.

"Yeah...I know," she said weakly.

He swallowed before continuing, "And I'm sorry I can't return your feelings."

A painfully long moment of silence passed, then she said in a small voice, "I still want you to tutor me...will you?"

He lifted his eyes, his eyebrows furrowed. He had actually been considering turning down the offer after all. It didn't feel like a good idea anymore.

He started to say so, but she beat him. "I promise I won't make things awkward for you. If you don't wanna be alone with me, I can ask my sister to be there. Or my mom. She's usually at home and we can study in the living room while she's doing housework or something. Please..."

She sounded desperate with a begging look on her face, and he felt bad about rejecting her again, hurting her feelings twice. And unlike the other thing she apparently wanted, he could give her this one. Not to mention he had given her his word that he would help her as much as he could, and she needed him to follow through on it—needed him—so much.

He stiffly nodded. "Okay."

The tutoring wouldn't start at least another few weeks. Hopefully, her feelings for him and her pain from his rejection would somewhat fade by then, or even better, she might change her mind about being his student. If these things didn't happen, then he would act strictly as her tutor so that she didn't get any wrong ideas.

He wondered whether she wanted to change her choice of college now that she knew he couldn't accept her feelings, but he didn't want to prolong this conversation more than necessary. He could ask her about which college she was aiming for now later, when she sent him her scores, perhaps.

She let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you. I really appreciate that." A pause. "I...I just remembered I forgot...something at the store, so..." She motioned her hand backward.

He nodded, glad that they didn't have to bear an awkward walk to the subway station. "Goodbye, then."

"Goodbye...and I'm really sorry I disturbed you at such a time." She vowed deeply before turning around and running away.

With a sigh and slumped shoulders, he turned around and resumed walking toward the station, his eyes on the ground.

Although he was used to receiving love confessions—despite his wish—it always lowered his mood. He didn't like to see people sad, especially women. He hated to be responsible for their pain or tears. He didn't want to hurt a girl's feelings, and yet, when she asked him out, he had no other choice but to do that.

The desire to see Cagalli swelled up within him. He wanted to hold her in his arms, which would comfort him. _She_ would comfort him. He just wanted to be with her, feel her with his whole being, body and heart. Right now, he wanted it more than anything. But he couldn't have it.

He shivered, feeling like the temperature had suddenly dropped.

His mind wandered back to the beginning of last year. In the end of January, his mood had begun declining as his mother's death anniversary neared and he thought about her more often. A little later, Cagalli had started to hug him much more often and for no apparent reason. It had been a surprise for she had been somewhat shy about their physical contacts since they had started dating about a month before, which was actually adorable. She had told him she just felt like it even though her face was always red while hugging him and she still acted like just touching him, let alone hugging him, made her quite jittery.

He had never asked, but sensed that the change in her behavior came from her desire to comfort him. Her affectionate gestures had pleased him; her concern had warmed and comforted him, protecting him from the sadness to an extent.

But now, the memories brought him neither pleasure nor comfort. They just reminded him of what he was losing, what was slipping out of his hands, and that he probably couldn't keep it no matter how tightly he tried to hold onto it.

He took several more steps, then stopped short. "Casa Blanca."

It was the name of the other favorite flower of Cagalli's. She had told him it was actually her grandfather's favorite and it had rubbed off on her. She was a grandpa's girl.

He felt a little pleased that he had found the answer to a question no matter how trivial it was. But the thought of the flower strengthened his longing for Cagalli. And its name—"white house"—reminded him of the dream he had entertained before this Tassil thing happened: sharing a home with her someday.

Wishing he could find out the answer to his problem with her just as easily, he let out a long breath which became a white puff to quickly dissipate into the air. His dream of living together with her was probably just as feeble, destined to disappear without never taking an actual form.

Closing his eyes so that he didn't have to see his breath, he heaved an even heavier sigh.

* * *

"So you're gonna be a doctor, huh?" his orange-haired friend said, scratching his arm and trying to poke his finger under his cast.

"That's the plan," Athrun replied, sitting on the floor near Rusty's desk.

"Then, next time I get my arm or leg broken, maybe you can be my doctor." Rusty threw Athrun a grin from his chair.

"You know, it sounds like you're planning to break it," Yzak pointed out, sipping from his cup of tea.

"Yeah, I thought you hated wearing a cast," Dearka chimed in, sitting on the bed and looking up from a magazine he had borrowed without asking the owner.

"Well, if I get to be a professional player, I'm gonna have more chances of injury, I guess." Rusty shrugged, his unharmed arm playing with a soccer ball signed by some famous player.

"I don't think you should take injuries lightly," Athrun said a little warningly.

"I know, I know." Placing the ball on his desk, Rusty reached out to pat Athrun's shoulder with an easygoing smile. "Don't worry, Doc."

"I hope your injury won't affect your college acceptance, will it?" Nicol asked with concern. Rusty had told them he had been accepted by a college because of his soccer skills.

"Nah. My doctor assured me my arm will be completely fine. Though it sucks I can't really play until it becomes better, you know? Getting injured, I don't mind so much. Having to rest and go to hospital is the worst part. It's so boring." Rusty moved his legs as if he was imagining playing soccer.

Athrun's face softened. Rusty somewhat reminded him of Cagalli. In fact, when Athrun had broken his leg about two years ago—and after they had gotten over a fight concerning his injuries—she had kept asking him whether he wasn't bored and trying to entertain him even though he didn't mind spending time indoors or going to hospital much.

"I remember when—" He started with a small smile, but quickly broke off, his face tightening. He shook his head. "Never mind."

His friends were looking at him curiously. Careful not to meet any of the gazes, he stretched out his hand to grab a cup of warm tea on a tray on the floor, which Rusty's mother had brought a little while ago.

"I met Miguel-senpai the other day, by the way," Nicol said. "Did you know he's the lead singer in a band? He invited me to his concert next week."

"Huh, that's cool," Rusty said in an impressed tone. "Come to think of it, he was pretty good at singing. Remember the school festival in our junior year?"

Relieved, Athrun listened to his friends talk about their middle school days, occasionally joining the conversation.

Two days ago, Sunday evening after Valentine's Day, Nicol had texted the other three about Rusty's injury another old friend had told him. They had agreed to pay a visit to their old classmate—all four of them had shared a class with Rusty in middle school though not at once—and managed to visit together despite their busy schedules. And it turned out to be a chance to share reminiscences, which was a welcomed distraction for Athrun.

Although it was a pleasant time, they ended the conversation before long. After all, Athrun, Yzak, and Dearka still had a couple of entrance exams to prepare for; the blond even had one tomorrow.

"Thanks again for coming, guys," Rusty said, standing at the entrance of his house to see them off. "I really appreciate it. And good luck with your exams."

They said goodbyes and started walking toward a subway station nearby, continuing to talk about the past.

About halfway to the station, a melodious sound came and Dearka fished out his phone to tap the screen. "Huh? What's this?"

"What is it?" Nicol asked.

"I asked Miri for some photos from New Year, but she sent me one of some runner." Dearka moved his fingers, seemingly enlarging the picture. "Wait, isn't this Cagalli?" He turned his phone screen to Athrun.

A person with golden hair was running on a bridge. The face was still blurry even though the picture was enlarged, but Athrun could distinguish her.

"Yeah, it's her," he quietly answered, feeling a mixture of longing at seeing such an ordinary sight of her and discomfort at talking about her.

His problem with her and the negative feelings related to it, which had been pushed to the back of his mind for a little while thanks to their recollection of past events, came back and started lowering his mood.

Looking weirdly at Athrun's face for a moment, Dearka shrugged. "I guess Miri mixed up photos." The blond dropped his gaze on his phone, tapping the screen.

After a moment of silence, Nicol opened his mouth. "So, Yzak, you said—"

"You're still fighting with Cagalli, huh?"

Athrun stopped dead. The other three did the same. The air around them turned tense.

"It's been what? Three months? Four?" Yzak threw Athrun an annoyed look. "Whatever it is you're fighting about, can't you just get over it?"

"That's none of your business," Athrun returned in a hardened voice.

"You make it my business when you act weird about her and make us tiptoe around you."

"I didn't ask you to do anything."

"No, you just sulk and expect others to get the hint," Yzak jeered. "How long are you going to continue? Until Cagalli grovels for your forgiveness?"

Athrun deepened his frown. "Stop assuming I'm the one dragging this. You don't know anything."

Yzak lifted his shoulder. "I know Cagalli doesn't hold grudges. So it should be you dragging this fight out for so long."

Yzak and Cagalli often argued, both being blunt and short-tempered. After they got it out of their systems, though, they easily returned to peaceful exchanges, until they found something else to argue over. Therefore, Yzak might know Cagalli better than Athrun did with regard to this kind of stuff, which irritated Athrun.

"You wouldn't be happy either if your girlfriend was going to a college far away," Athrun shot back.

He didn't like revealing his personal affairs, even to his friends. But right now, the desire to shut Yzak up was stronger than the desire to keep his love life private.

He probably wouldn't be so annoyed if it was someone else, but he was sure Yzak wasn't the type to easily accept his girlfriend choosing her dream over him any more than Athrun was.

Yzak quirked an eyebrow. "Is that what this is about?"

Thinning his lips, Athrun met the blue eyes with a glare, silently challenging Yzak to counter his words if he could.

Yzak studied him for a moment, then snorted. "I wouldn't be in your position to begin with because I know what I want."

Taken aback, Athrun stared at the silver-head with confusion.

"I wouldn't date Cagalli," Yzak continued bluntly, "because I know she isn't like me. And you knew what kind of girl she was when you started dating her. If you have a problem with it, why did you choose to ask her out in the first place?"

Yzak sounded more accusing than taunting. Athrun was speechless.

"And if you've decided you want a different kind of girlfriend after all, why don't you just break up with Cagalli and date a girl who fits what you want? Just save all of us from your drama."

"Yzak." Nicol's voice was disapproving.

The silver-head shrugged. "What's the point of having a relationship if you can't get what you want from it?

"Besides, it'd be good for not just Athrun, but Cagalli too. Athrun'd get to have a girlfriend that satisfied him. Cagalli'd get to be free to do what she wanted to do, and without listening to her boyfriend complain. I say it'd be much kinder to her."

Silence hung over them for a long moment until Dearka made a whistling sound. "Since when did you become such a relationship expert?"

Yzak sent the blond a dirty look. "I'm just saying what anyone could think of if they got any brains."

The silver-head shot a scornful look at Athrun, now seemingly just trying to provoke him. But Athrun wasn't in the mood to argue and simply looked away.

Everyone turned silent again, then Dearka said, "So, can we get going now?"

"I believe we should. You guys still have to study, after all," Nicol replied.

"Don't remind me that. I'm sick of studying," Dearka lamented as they resumed walking.

"I'm sick of hearing you whine," Yzak said snappishly.

"Hey, don't blame me for being delicate."

The silver-head scoffed, "You may be a little bit more delicate than those slugs under a stone. You're just as lazy anyway."

The blond feigned a pained gasp. "You wound me." Yzak just snorted.

"Well, it's good to see you two are managing the stress of studying well," Nicol said wryly.

"He isn't managing stress at all. He's just taking it out on me," Dearka argued.

"The only stress I'm feeling right now comes from having to talk with you," Yzak returned.

"See? You need a stress reliever. Nicol, maybe you should burn him that CD you said. One with soothing music?"

"I can do that. It makes a good practice for me as well," Nicol said kindly.

"As long as this dickhead quits getting on my nerves, I'm fine," Yzak firmly said.

Athrun silently followed his friends to the subway station. As soon as they passed the ticket gates, Yzak and Dearka went down the stairs to get to their line. He and Nicol walked down a corridor a little more, then reached a fork where he went right and Nicol went left.

"See you then," he quietly said, still distracted by the earlier incident.

"See you, oh, and Athrun?" He diverted a little more attention to his brown-eyed friend. "As you know, I don't have any exams to prepare for and have lots of free time." Nicol had already been accepted by a music college last fall. "So if you're tired of studying and want to do something for a change, or just want to talk, give me a call." Nicol's smile was warm with a hint of concern.

"Yeah...thanks." Athrun put on a small smile. Nicol nodded and they parted ways.

On his way to the subway station nearest his home, Yzak's words were roaring in Athrun's head.

Should he break up with Cagalli and date a girl who put their relationship first? The face of a girl with red pigtails popped into his head. Meyrin seemed like that type and she liked him. She had said she had made her college choice because of him, after all. She also seemed rather meek and girly, like the type of girl he could have an easy relationship—a simple, quiet, and peaceful life—with. And he already got along with her to an extent.

It was only a couple of days since she had accidentally confessed to him and he had rejected her; she must still have feelings for him. Perhaps she was willing to get into a relationship with him. He wouldn't have to look any further then. He could have a girlfriend who would satisfy him right away if he wanted. And things must be less complicated with Meyrin. It would probably be a lot less painful, too, without these distressing feelings and thoughts. He might not have to have ugly, selfish desires, even.

He couldn't forget the disgust he had felt toward himself at the realization that he had considered getting Cagalli pregnant deliberately and without her consent. Granted, it had been only a thought, a fleeting one at that. He had not actually tried to do anything. As Kira had said about a month ago, thinking about it and trying to make it happen were two different things. But still, Athrun couldn't really forgive himself.

He wanted to forget all about it, forget that it had ever happened. But he had not been able to yet. He had not been able to overcome it yet. Even if he and Cagalli made up somehow, could he have sex with her again? He was afraid that he might have to fight the horrible desire every time he tried to sleep with her in the future, that he might have to be forced to face his ugliness every time. He might never be able to be free from it as long as he was with her.

He had never thought of breaking up with Cagalli and dating another girl. Such a possibility had not even crossed his mind while he was suffering because of his relationship with Cagalli. But now that he considered it, being with a girl like Meyrin might actually be better for him.

And it seemed Yzak was right about Cagalli. She would probably be better off without Athrun if he kept complaining about her choice, if he couldn't completely accept her choice, which he had realized he still couldn't do. She deserved better than that, much better. She deserved an understanding, supportive boyfriend, not someone who just pretended to be like that, much less someone who failed at even pretending.

Should he let her go so that she could have such a boyfriend? Should he end their romantic relationship so that she could be free? Was it what he had to do if he truly loved her?

A surge of pain shot through his heart and he tightened his hands into fists, clenching his teeth.

Leaning back against his subway seat, he stared into the darkness outside the windows, which was just befitting to his mood.

Why was this so painful? Shouldn't love feel better, make him happy?

He was hardly an expert on romance and relationships. Although he had received a fair share of love confessions, Cagalli was his first girlfriend and the first girl he had fallen in love with. The struggles concerning romance he had experienced were those to make Cagalli notice his feelings for her. They had been futile and he had decided to spell it out for her, which successfully got them into a relationship. After that, he had not had much trouble, let alone something huge like this.

He couldn't tell whether this pain was normal, what everyone in a romantic relationship experienced. But if so, why did so many people want a romance? What was so great about it? Was it worth all this pain and suffering?

He might have been able to come up with some answer before. But he no longer could. He wasn't sure anymore whether there really was something worth all of it, why he had to keep doing this, why he kept holding onto his relationship with Cagalli when it seemed like the only thing it gave him was anguish. Even the thought of letting go of it, letting go of her, was painful, yes. But was the agony of doing it really worse than that of staying in the relationship?

Yzak had turned Athrun's eyes to a path he had not seen before, a path that felt like an escape route. And once he noticed it, Athrun couldn't get the idea of taking it out of his mind.

* * *

Thank you for reading. See you next week!

···

Below is the reply to review.

 **To Fuyu Aki:**

Thank you for another review!

The thought that the chapter title might mislead readers actually occurred to me a little before uploading the previous chapter. But I couldn't think of a better title, and also thought that if the title reminded readers of the amulet, it might be actually good. So, I decided to stick with the title.

Yeah, my fics tend to heavily lean on characters' thoughts instead of actions. Well, I hope this chapter was a bit exciting, whether in a good way or in a bad way.

As for chocolates, the only chocolate Kira delivered to Athrun was Cagalli's. It was inside a plastic bag full of other snacks, all of which were Cagalli's gifts for Athrun. And the chocolate was not one piece, but a bag that contained a handful of small pieces of chocolate with peach-flavored filling.

And don't worry about being confused. I totally understand the difficulty of reading in a language which isn't your mother tongue, since English isn't my mother tongue, either. Plus, my writing isn't the easiest to understand to begin with.

So, if you have a question, don't hesitate to ask. I appreciate questions for they help me see my fic from a different viewpoint.

* * *

 ***posted 04/21/19***

 ***edited 04/22/19***


	17. The Confrontation

English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

* * *

 **Season of Farewell**

Chapter 16: The Confrontation

* * *

For the umpteenth time, Cagalli eyed her phone on her desk. She had made a call an hour and eight minutes ago, and Todaka, his secretary who had been in charge of his phone, had told her he would be available in about an hour. She knew Todaka's words couldn't be completely accurate, but was still getting impatient.

She was dragging her eyes back to the geography study guide when a classical melody began. The music promptly stopped as she tapped the phone and grabbed it.

"Grandpa?"

"Hello, Cagalli." A calm, deep voice so familiar to her ears came.

Her body automatically relaxed. "Hi. How long can we talk?"

"About thirty minutes. Is it enough?"

"I think so." She leaned back into her chair. "Do you remember I had a fight with a friend in November?" She had told Uzumi about it when they had met during New Year holidays. Not much, just that she had had a fight and that that was why she was down.

"I do."

"I want to talk about that fight. We haven't made up yet. Oh, and actually, it's not with a friend, but, well..."

"It was with your boyfriend." It wasn't a question.

"Yeah."

She sighed at her seemingly futile effort to hide her love life from her grandfather. He knew her too well. Or it was probably partly because he was a politician and good at reading people. Or was she too open a book? She wondered a little, but soon dismissed the thought. She had something much more important to think about.

She quickly summarized her situation for Uzumi: her fight with Athrun, his offer to apply to Tassil University along with her, her rejecting it, his displeased reaction, her decision to not give up going to Tassil University.

"...and I haven't seen him since school ended last month. And we haven't really talked since he said he would go to Tassil with me." She let out a sigh. "I know I need to talk to him, but..." She bit her lower lip.

"You know what you want." Again, it wasn't a question.

"I do."

"Don't hesitate to go for it then. You don't have to be sorry for being happy or wanting to be."

"I want to...but I'm scared," she said in a small voice, feeling somewhat embarrassed.

"It's all right to be scared," Uzumi said gently. "Everyone gets scared when facing an important decision. Being brave doesn't mean you never get scared."

"You get scared, too?" She couldn't believe it. Her grandfather was always composed, confident, and strong.

"Of course. I'm scared right now that I may give my granddaughter a wrong advice which results in her broken heart."

"But you don't sound scared," she said with a small pout.

He chuckled. "I have much more life experience than you and am better at masking my feelings."

"Does that mean I get to be as good as you someday?"

"If you try to."

"Hmmm." It was an interesting prospect.

"Can we return to the subject?"

"Huh?" She blinked a couple times.

"We were talking about fear and bravery," he reminded her.

"Oh, right."

"Fear isn't necessarily a bad thing, nor is it anything you should be ashamed of feeling. You are scared because you care. About yourself or other people. Your dream or other things. It's better than caring about nothing."

She thought for a while before asking, "Then how do you act bravely?"

She had never really thought about being brave, much less how to be brave. For her entire life, she had been told that she might be a little too brave and should be more cautious. She wasn't used to feeling as uncertain, as scared as she was now, as she had been during this conflict with Athrun.

"I believe one of the keys is love," Uzumi replied. "Do love, and know you are loved. It gives you the courage to fight not to let fear control you. You are a brave girl, my dear. Just remember to be yourself."

As she listened, she felt like everything was going to be all right, and exhaled a long breath. "Thank you, Grandpa," she said with sincerity.

"I'm glad I was able to help," he said softly.

She thought he was going to say goodbye and hang up. He was a busy man after all. Although it was already past ten at night, he probably needed to research for tomorrow's debate in the Diet or meet someone to discuss legislations or that sort of thing.

But he continued, "And if you like to get away for a while, you can go to my estate. I can't be there, but Myrna will be excited to have you."

Warmth spread in her chest. "Yeah, I may need it," she said, a smile on her lips. "Thanks. I love you, Grandpa."

"You too, Cagalli. Well, I should go now. Say hello to Kira and your parents. Ah, tell Kira also that thanks to Amagi, I've already had the reservation made for the new laptop he wanted for the gift for entering college. So he'd better pass the entrance exam for his first choice."

She giggled. "Yeah, I bet hearing that will make his motivation skyrocket." Then she asked, "My DVDs are being fine, right?"

There was this DVD box set, a collection of DVDs recording the best games of the White Lions, her favorite baseball team, and DVDs featuring the best players in the team's history. The collection had come out three years ago, in fact. She had not known its existence until some time later and they had been too expensive for her to buy anyway.

But several months ago, a little after the summer break, she had found a used box set on an Internet auction website, labeled as "mint condition." The only problem had been that the bid price was already high and getting even higher, more than she could afford.

She had hurriedly called her grandfather and asked him to buy it for her as his gift to her for entering college, which she had not decided what would be yet. He had agreed and successfully acquired it, and assured her that the DVDs were indeed in good condition. However, he had also told her that she couldn't have it until she passed the entrance exams; she had begrudgingly accepted the condition.

"They certainly are. They've been kept safe and sound as I promised," he assured her.

She had known he wouldn't break his promise to her; she had just wanted to make sure. "That's good. I can't wait to watch them."

"Then, don't get distracted from studying too much," he warned in a gentle but firm voice. "I understand you are having a hard time due to that fight with your boyfriend. But still, you shouldn't forget about other parts of your life."

"I know. I promise I'll do my best to pass the exam for Tassil Uni. I'm studying hard."

"I know you are," he tenderly said.

They exchanged "Good evening" and hung up.

She pressed her phone against her chest and closed her eyes, relishing the feelings filling and surrounding her. She felt protected and loved, the way her grandfather always made her feel. She felt strong.

There was nothing she could do if Athrun wanted a girlfriend who put him before everything else, who gave up her dream to stay around him. She wouldn't try to change him if that was the case, which she knew would just make both of them unhappy. She wanted to be happy, and needed him to be happy because his happiness was a part of hers. She would do anything to protect it, both of their happiness, even if it meant she had to part ways with him.

However, she didn't know whether she had to do it yet. She didn't know for sure whether she really couldn't have what she wanted more than anything. In order to know the answer, she had to confront Athrun. She couldn't just keep avoiding talking to him. She needed to know what he wanted, whether he was willing to work for the same future as she wanted.

She was scared even now. The chance that she—they—could have it seemed quite slim. At the same time, there was still a hope inside her. She didn't think everything she and Athrun had shared, everything Athrun had given her, had been false. There must have been some amount of truth in it even if it wasn't as much as she would like, even if it wasn't enough for them to have the kind of relationship she wanted.

In a way, however, the hope was one of the factors that caused her this much of fear. She was afraid of having the hope dashed, of being made to realize that there was no hope for her and Athrun to have a happy future together. Although the uncertainty, not knowing whether her hope was real or not, was frustrating and agonizing, the pain the truth would bring her might be even greater. The possibility had been preventing her from taking an action.

Nevertheless, she had to be brave, fight for herself, for what she wanted, for her happiness. She _wanted_ to, and the desire had been growing and growing. That was why she had called her grandfather, and he had given her exactly what she had hoped for, and more.

Opening her eyes, she went to sit on her bed next to her laptop. Her finger pushed the power button and the computer came to life. She clicked an icon on the desktop and a video started playing.

It was a slide show of scenes from volleyball matches, sport festivals, and games she had played with her friends, set to "Gate of Flames," one of her favorite songs. Miriallia had sent it to her several days ago.

The final image was from the last volleyball match before she had retired from club activities last summer: one of her cheering her teammates on. Then, words appeared on the screen, referring to the match: **Don't give up. You are our captain who wouldn't lose her fighting spirit even when it's 6-24 with a set already lost.**

In that last match of Cagalli's high school volleyball life, their second match in the regional championship, the opponent had been a powerful team which had won the championship many times, and won it the last summer's after defeating her team. The SEED High team had lost big, which destroyed their dream to go to the national championship. To tell the truth, the chance they would make it had been slim to begin with; after their seniors had retired the previous summer, the team had not been quite strong.

It had still been hard for Cagalli when they had lost. She had really wanted to fulfill their dream and cried a lot at the loss. Nevertheless, it had not taken her long to accept the result. She had known she had done everything she could do; she had practiced as hard as she could, trying to overcome both her weaknesses and the team's and develop the merits, and played tenaciously in the matches, not giving up until the last second. Although she had failed to achieve her goal, she had no regrets.

Well, not exactly. She had some things she wished she had done better or differently. But she wasn't bitter about them. Even if they had been mistakes, wrong decisions in retrospect, they were a part of who she had been then. She had faced her situation with everything she had, everything she was, without holding back anything. So she could accept even her regrets and move forward to the future.

And that was how she should fight in her relationship with Athrun as well. She should go for what she wanted instead of waiting for it to come her way. She couldn't expect him to understand her sentiments without an explanation.

The last time they had had a big fight—though it had lasted only for five days, much, much shorter than this time—he had come to see some of her points during the time they had not really talked to each other, then approached her to reconcile. Likewise, he had changed his attitude about her college choice while they weren't talking to each other, and apologized to her about trying to make her give up going to Tassil two months ago. Well, he might have done so just because he felt he had to, but he had still done it. It was possible that he would come around once more if she just waited patiently. And he might truly understand her this time.

Even if it was actually happening, however, she shouldn't choose the path. She shouldn't always let him take charge, always let him be the one to approach her. It wasn't how she wanted their relationship to be, how she wanted to be. This was about _her_ life, so it was _her_ job to take charge of it. This was about _her_ wish, so it was _her_ job to make the effort to fulfill it. Plus, it had been her original mistake to begin with: relying too much on his understanding.

Therefore, she was going to him.

Her eyes still on the computer screen, on the video which was playing again, she squeezed her phone. Even if her heart got broken, even if she couldn't have what she wanted, she knew how to stand up, then jump again after being crushed to the ground. It would be tougher than in the volleyball court, but she believed she was capable nonetheless. She had a place she could go to heal, where her grandfather's housekeeper would undoubtedly pamper her. She had her family and friends who would help her pick up the pieces. She wasn't alone, surrounded by so much love.

So she could do this.

* * *

Athrun sent another glance at the text on his phone screen, which Cagalli had sent three days ago.

 **Can you spare me a few minutes? I'll come to your house. But if you are too busy, I can wait.**

From the simple sentences, he couldn't tell what she wanted, what he should feel about her request. Had she changed her mind about his going to Tassil? Or had she decided to break it off with him? Her seeming lack of urgency seemed to indicate the latter.

He wasn't sure whether accepting it had been a wise decision. But he couldn't keep avoiding her. Unless he was willing to cut her off his life—which he fervently hoped he wouldn't have to, no matter how their relationship would turn out—he had to face her at some point.

And their situation couldn't get any worse, could it? Even if she was coming to officially break up with him—his heart twisted at the thought—it wasn't like it would largely change anything. They had been acting like they had already broken up, barely talking for months. Making things official might actually make him feel better, put an end to his misery to some extent. At least, then he wouldn't have to be distressed over what he should do anymore.

Thus, after two days of agonizing, he had decided that meeting her now instead of after he was done with the last remaining exam and had more free time was probably better than being kept in suspense, which might interfere with his exam. Yesterday evening, he had sent her a text and she had agreed to meet this afternoon.

Although he was having second thoughts, it was too late to cancel their meeting. Cagalli should be in a bus on her way. In fact, she might have already gotten off the bus and be walking to his house.

Gripping his phone, he slowly climbed down the stairs. He had told his grandmother his friend was coming and so he was going to answer the doorbell, but he wanted to wait at the entrance to make sure he would be the one to welcome Cagalli.

He didn't have to wait long before the doorbell rang. He opened the door, and came face-to-face with Cagalli for the first time in months. His eyes drank in every detail of her: her golden hair a little disheveled probably because of the wind, her cheeks and ears red from cold, her green scarf with a hibiscus picture around her neck, her white coat with gray lines at sides, the belt of her khaki bag diagonally crossing her body, her bare hands which were half hidden by the stretched sleeves of her sweater and rubbing each other before her stomach. And more than anything, her amber eyes staring at him as if she had been craving for the sight of him, which he didn't know how to interpret. He wasn't even sure whether he wanted to try. He didn't want false hope.

"Is that your friend you said was coming, Athrun?"

He blinked at his grandmother's voice, and looked back over his shoulder. "Ah, yes. It is."

Standing in front of the door to the living room, she quirked an eyebrow at him. "Aren't you inviting them in, then? It must be freezing outside."

"Right. Come in." He directed the latter part at Cagalli who looked surprised for some reason.

She stepped into the house, letting the door shut behind her, and lightly bowed to his grandmother. "Ah, hello." The surprise was still lingering on her face as she lifted her face.

Belatedly, he realized she probably had not known about his grandmother's stay. He didn't remember telling Kira about it. He and Kira didn't talk as often now that they were even busier studying and actually taking entrance exams, and when they did, they mostly talked about their exams or some fun stuff that took their minds off studying for a little while.

Plus, his grandmother's stay had not been planned—as far as he was concerned anyway, though he had a suspicion that she had planned it all along and pretended she had just come up with the idea right before proposing it to him during their visit to his mother's grave on Valentine's Day—and she had been staying for only a little more than a week.

"Grandma is staying until my exams are over," he hurriedly explained.

Cagalli glanced at him, then looked back at his grandmother, and a soft, somewhat relieved smile lifted her lips.

"I see. It's nice to see you again, ma'am. I'm Cagalli Hibiki. We met before."

She, Kira, and their mother had come to his house and met his grandmother when he had gotten injured two years ago, though Cagalli and he weren't dating then.

"Yes, yes, I remember." His grandmother nodded, having brightened up at hearing the blonde's name. "You are Athrun's girlfriend, aren't you?"

"Um...yeah..." Cagalli sent him an unsure look.

He nodded, both at Cagalli and at his grandmother, though it was also uncertain. He wasn't sure he could still call Cagalli that, considering the coming talk where she might break up with him, but he wasn't willing to tell his grandmother about his and Cagalli's situation. Cagalli seemed to be feeling the same.

So, they put on evasive smiles and retreated into his room.

Entering the room, he walked toward his desk to pick up a bottle he had prepared, exchanging it with his phone. "Here. If you are thirsty," he added a little hurriedly, handing the bottle to Cagalli.

His sharp eyes didn't miss that her face softened at seeing the bottle of lemon-flavored sparkling water.

She gave him a small smile. "Thanks."

As she loosened her scarf and opened the bottle to take a sip, his eyes almost automatically shifted toward her left hand, which was now completely out of her sleeve.

He nearly started in shock, his eyes widened.

There was no ring on her finger.

His heart, which had stopped for a moment, started thudding, his dismay increasing with each beat.

He told himself it didn't have to mean anything. She might have just forgotten to put on the ring when she woke up. Or maybe she had taken it off when washing hands and left it somewhere. It seemed exactly like something she would do.

Given their current situation, however, his mind couldn't help but come up with the worst-case scenario: she had stopped wearing his ring because she didn't want to be tied to him anymore, because she wanted to be free from him.

How long had she been without the ring? He couldn't tell. He had not been able to see her finger at Lacus's concert and aside from the concert, today was the first time he had met her outside school, where she couldn't wear rings even if she wanted to, after the fight.

He had thought he was prepared enough to hear her goodbye, but maybe he wasn't. Maybe seeing her today had been a bad idea after all.

"Athrun."

At her voice, he dragged his eyes away from her left hand to her face. She was looking at him with a serious, determined expression. His hands began feeling clammy and he half-heartedly wiped them with his pants.

"I'm going to Tassil tomorrow." Then she added, "To take the entrance exam," as if it wasn't obvious. He was all too aware that the entrance exam was held two days later. She must be going there one day early because she couldn't get to the exam room in time otherwise. "I wanted to talk to you before I go."

Not trusting his voice, he gave a nod. The movement had probably been awkward, but she didn't seem to mind.

"When I said we'd better break up, I didn't mean I'm happy with it," she continued. "I think I said it rather carelessly...and I'm sorry I hurt you. But that's not what I want, you coming to Tassil for me."

She took a long breath. "I don't want us to stop being ourselves to be together. I want us to be ourselves, following our own dreams, _and_ still be together. I know it will be hard. Long distance and all," she hurriedly added. "But I want to try. I want to fight for us. I don't want to give up on us as much as I don't want to give up my dream."

Her eyes were intent, gripping him. "I believe in us, Athrun. That we can get through this. That we can be both ourselves and happy together. We are strong enough. We can be"—she swallowed—"if...we both want it, that is."

She took a step toward him, her eyes brimming with tears. "I...I want to believe. And I want you to believe too."

She closed her mouth and stared at him with wide eyes. She wasn't desperate. She wasn't pleading. She was more like asking, and hoping.

He tried to gather his thoughts, figure out what to say, but her empty finger kept ruining his focus, messing up his head. He seemed unable to form a response. All words and thoughts were stuck, refusing to come out.

She stood still, waiting. A minute passed. Then another. And another. Her gaze faltered, and then, dropped to the floor.

After another moment, she quietly resumed, "Well, that's what I wanted to tell you. So...I guess I'll see you later, after our exams are over. And...we can talk again." She looked up at him with a forced smile. "Sorry for taking your time. And good luck with your exam." Februarius Medical University had the entrance exams three days later, the day after Tassil University's.

He gave a stiff nod. "Thank you," he managed, his voice tight and low.

As they silently left his room and went downstairs, she didn't look disappointed, just sad. He didn't know whether it was a good thing or a bad thing. It felt like his brains were refusing to understand anything anymore, when it came to her anyway.

Cagalli was putting her shoes back on when his grandmother poked her head out of the kitchen. "Are you already leaving? I thought I'd get you snacks and something to drink."

Cagalli turned to the older woman. "Thank you, but I better go. I just came to...talk to Athrun. Um, and to wish him good luck. I'm flying somewhere for my exam tomorrow. And I still have to pack my bags."

"I see..." his grandmother said with much disappointment. "Well, good luck with your exam, and your trip then. I hope we will meet again soon and have some chat. I'd really like to get to know my grandson's girlfriend." She threw a teasing look at Cagalli and him.

He felt his face stiffen though he tried not to show it. A pained look crossed Cagalli's face as well, but she quickly put on a polite smile.

"Thank you. I'd be happy to have a chat if...well, if I had a chance."

Her smile and voice were hardly perfectly composed despite her clear effort, but his grandmother didn't seem to find the blonde's attitude odd. She didn't know Cagalli after all.

"Then I'll leave you two alone. You'd probably like a proper goodbye," his grandmother said with too much understanding before disappearing into the kitchen.

Her behavior might have embarrassed or flustered him in a different situation. But now, it was just painful. It must be the same for Cagalli as well. They stood in a heavy silence for a little while until she spoke.

"Well...I'm going then."

"Yeah..."

He didn't offer to walk her to the bus stop, which he had always done before even if it wasn't dark outside. She didn't look surprised or disappointed at the lack of offer.

She started to turn around, but then, stopped. Her body faced toward him again and their eyes met. The two ambers gazed at him intensely, as if she was trying to memorize every detail of him—as if this was the last time she saw him. His heart fluttered. He felt he had to say something. He wanted to say something. He needed to say something. Yet, he still couldn't find the words.

A moment passed, which felt to him like hours, even days, and yet still too short. And she put on a somewhat forlorn smile.

"Bye, Athrun."

Then she left.

* * *

"Would you like some snacks, Athrun?"

It took him a minute to tear his eyes off the closed door where his gaze had been staying after it had hidden Cagalli from him. His grandmother was curiously studying him from the door to the kitchen.

"Or do you want to continue missing your girlfriend a little more?" she teasingly added.

He barely caught himself from grimacing. "I'm not...no, I don't feel like eating. I just...go back to my room."

He half-heartedly motioned toward upstairs, and was glad she just let him scurry up the stairs.

As he closed the door to his room, the farewell a few minutes ago returned to his mind, and he began feeling restless. He felt he had to do something before it was too late even though he wasn't sure when the deadline would be. He wasn't sure exactly what to do, either. Maybe figuring out what to tell Cagalli.

He had to give her some kind of answer before she moved away to Tassil at the latest...or maybe he could just let their relationship—their romantic relationship—fade away. It was probably the easiest path.

Not that he wanted to choose that path. He didn't. It would be unfair to Cagalli who had come to tell him about her feelings face-to-face. He wanted to at least do the same thing for her, even if his answer was breaking up with her. Except he couldn't see what his answer would be.

And he had no idea how to figure it out. He had been trying to sort out his situation for months, and not yet found the answer to what he should do, not other than going to Tassil with her anyway. Then, would another month of agonizing really make a difference?

He tousled his hair in frustration. He didn't even feel relieved that she had said she still wanted to be with him. A part of him even wished that it had been the opposite, that she had just ended their romantic relationship. It would've caused him pain, but it would've been a cleanly cut wound, something easy to understand, something easier to deal with. Instead, she had just let him remain a mess, if not made him a bigger mess.

It wasn't just that he didn't know how to answer her. Although she had told him what she wanted, he wasn't sure he had really grasped the meaning of it, either. His thoughts were cluttered, the sight of her empty finger still repeatedly coming back to muddle his head, and he couldn't even begin to organize them. He didn't even know where to start, how to sort out this mess. He felt so lost and stupid, and almost resented her for putting him into this position.

Instead of sparing him from answering this extraordinarily tough question, she had given him the right to make—or the burden of making—the final decision. Normally, he would prefer to be in charge, but not now, not about this.

His disconcerted eyes were drawn to his phone on his desk. Then, the concerned face of his green-haired friend crossed his mind. Nicol had seemed willing to listen to him, and already somewhat knew about the problem Athrun was struggling with anyway because of Yzak. Maybe Athrun should give Nicol a call and ask for his opinion? He was actually desperate for someone, anyone, who could help him solve his problem, or better yet, who could tell him the answer, though he wasn't sure Nicol could be that someone.

Furthermore, talking to someone was what Cagalli always advised him to do when he was agonizing over something with his thoughts not going anywhere, when he was "being like a hamster on a wheel" as she put it. And it was true that talking with Kira and Lacus, then with Yzak about this problem had made him realize some points he had not seen before. Then again, they had not exactly led him to the answer, had they? If anything, it felt like they had just complicated the matter, adding to his distress.

Still wavering, he walked to the desk to tentatively pick up the phone. There was a new text, and he automatically tapped to open it, somewhat relieved for a distraction. But then, noticing the sender's name, he quickly closed the window without actually reading the text. In a way, it was the last person he wanted to think about: Meyrin Hawke.

Seeing her name had reminded him of the question Yzak had put in his head several days ago: Was it best for everyone if he broke up with Cagalli and dated Meyrin?

Staring at the phone screen, he felt cornered. It was as if everything in the universe was pushing him to face the question, to make the choice, which he had been avoiding.

Or...could this be the help he had wanted? Maybe this was the universe's way to tell him the answer. He had never believed in something like fate, but maybe, just maybe, such a thing actually existed and it was showing him Meyrin was the girl he should choose, the girl he was meant to be with.

It actually felt like an appealing idea that everything was determined by fate. Maybe it wasn't his fault that his and Cagalli's relationship had been falling apart. Maybe the relationship was simply destined to fail no matter what he did or didn't. Maybe he had been this distressed because he was fighting against fate, against the undefeatable. Maybe he should just give up, accept the reality and stop the meaningless fight. Maybe it was the wise decision, the right way.

Maybe that was why romance, the thing many people praised and seemed to crave for a lot, had been causing him so much anguish. The relationship people had in mind when they talked about romance was probably the kind he could have with Meyrin: easy, simple, and peaceful. It was the ideal, wasn't it? What everyone wanted—was supposed to want.

But he had not been looking for one. He had not thought about whether he could have that kind of relationship with Cagalli before asking her out. He had just gone for her carelessly and thoughtlessly. That might be how he had strayed into a wrong path. Maybe that was why he had been suffering like this due to the relationship. Because he had been wanting a wrong thing.

And this, Meyrin's confession, might be his chance to go back to the right path, chance to right the wrong.

Moreover, if he wanted someone to tell him what to do, shouldn't he follow Yzak's words? The silver-head had told him to break up with Cagalli. Shouldn't Athrun listen to the only person who had shown him a path he should choose?

The path Yzak, or fate or the universe or whatever, had shown him seemed reasonable: let go of someone leaving his side and be with someone willing to stay, someone who was probably willing to follow him anywhere, someone who probably would never abandon him. Someone who would never cause him such distress.

It wasn't just an easy way out of this agonizing situation. He probably could find comfort down the path. Meyrin, or a girl like her, seemed like a safe choice. She probably wouldn't shake him like Cagalli had been doing. She probably wouldn't defy his expectations and would stay where he wanted her to be. The calmness and ease the prospect offered was overwhelmingly tempting in the midst of this emotional storm.

...And yet, there was a part of him that was clamoring "No!" with all its might, fighting tooth and nail against the part that wanted to just go for the easy path. Only that part didn't show him an alternative.

No, it was more like although he could see another path, he couldn't see why he had to choose that path, turning his back to the quiet and peace awaiting him down the other path. There were many reasons why he should choose Meyrin, but there was only one reason why he shouldn't. And the only reason, the part of him strongly against the idea of letting Cagalli go, was completely unreasonable. It just didn't want to do it, having nothing more—no reasonable argument—to offer. Such an irrational objection wasn't enough to convince him, and yet, it was somehow enough to make him hesitant, make him keep wavering between the two paths, between the two girls.

After some more agonizing, he slowly sat at his desk, put his phone on the part of the desk farthest from him, and took out a workbook with the toughest math problems that had ever been in college entrance exams. Opening the book randomly, he moved his eyes over the numbers and symbols, finding comfort in them. Math problems were much easier to deal with. No matter how complicated they were, there was always a clear logic behind them instead of confusing emotions seemingly impossible to sort out.

If there was anything he could be sure about, it was that regardless of the state of his love life, he had to study for the coming exam. In addition to it, he probably needed to put some space between himself and the problem he was having a hard time solving. It would help him look at the problem with fresh eyes, which hopefully would lead him to the right answer. Therefore, what he was doing, putting aside the problem concerning his romantic relationship in favor of studying, wasn't wrong in any way.

Telling himself so—though it sounded like a pathetic excuse even to his own ears—he picked up a mechanical pencil, then threw himself into solving the math problems in the book.

* * *

 **A/N** : Cagalli meeting Athrun's grandmother was briefly mentioned in Chapter 3 of "Boy of Winter" in which Cagalli recalled her memories with Athrun.

Thank you for reading. See you next week!

···

Below are replies to reviews.

 **To Fuyu Aki:**

Hello, thank you for another review!

I'm glad you liked Athrun and Yzak's exchange. I was a little worried about readers' reaction toward the scene since Yzak's words are swaying Athrun toward breaking up with Cagalli. I suppose there are readers who dislike Yzak for it. But now I know some people actually like that scene, which is a relief.

I don't like Meyrin's behavior in GSD episode 41, either. Well, I think I can at least understand why the creators made her act like that, though.

It seems to me that Meyrin was depicted as a girl who is opposite of Cagalli, at least regarding to their relationships with Athrun. In fact, the scriptwriter said in an interview that Meyrin was an "another possibility. Mostly for Athrun." (I took the title of the previous chapter from those words of hers.)

While Cagalli chose her country and job over Athrun by deciding to marry Jona, Meyrin abandoned her job to help him, and decided to fight together with him against her country.

And in GSD episode 41, while Cagalli was being strong and independent, leading an army and a country even without Athrun (she didn't know Athrun was joining the Archangel crew to fight for Orb when she decided to pilot the Akatsuki or she took back authority from Jona), Meyrin was being weak and dependent, begging Athrun not to leave her behind while crying and clinging to him.

I think Athrun kind of liked Meyrin's attitude, or at least didn't dislike it. I see him as the type who depends on being depended on, the type who needs someone to need and depend on them. That's one of his flaws, or at least weaknesses.

And he tends to be controlling. Someone who is weak and dependent is someone easy to control. Meyrin's attitude in GSD episode 41 must've been appealing to him in that sense as well.

You read my blog, right? In the analysis of Athrun's love life, I wrote that while Cagalli is the kind of girl he falls in love with, Meyrin is the kind of girl who he thinks is good for him. In other words, Meyrin is the type who has characteristics he wants in his girlfriend, the type who meets his criteria.

It seems like one of the questions Athrun had to answer in GSD was "Which will you choose, a girl you love or a girl who meets your criteria for girlfriend?" That's why the scriptwriter called Meyrin another possibility for Athrun, I suppose. Except the creators didn't clearly show this question, and made Athrun's answer, which girl he chose, look confusing.

Anyway, that's how I tried to depict Meyrin in the previous chapter, in Athrun's eyes: a girl who seems to meet his criteria for girlfriend.

As for Yzak's love life, it won't be mentioned in the fic and I don't think it makes much difference whether he is dating a girl or not. So, feel free to fill in the blanks with whatever you like :)

 **To BlueberriesGoneBad:**

Thank you for another review!

And sorry this was another angsty chapter where Athrun is just moping :P

But that's how I see him. He seems to often put off taking an action, or making a decision, until he is pushed to. It's probably partly because he is used to following someone else's directions and partly because he is the cautious type. Cautiousness and indecisiveness are two sides of the same coin.

So I'm pushing him, or rather, making other characters push him. And he has to make a decision soon.

As for love rivals, Meyrin kind of made another appearance without actually showing up in this chapter as you see, and Ahmed will have another appearance in a later chapter. But there won't be someone else.

* * *

 ***posted 04/28/19***

 ***edited 04/29/19***


	18. The Answer I

English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

* * *

 **Season of Farewell**

Chapter 17: The Answer I

* * *

Sitting on his chair, Athrun gave a sidelong look to his phone on the corner of his desk. He had succeeded in pushing the text from Meyrin to the back of his mind while dealing with the math problems. But then, his grandmother had kept bringing Cagalli up at dinner, which inevitably reminded him of the problem in his love life. And during bath time after that, a thought that the way he was handling the text might be rude had started bugging him.

Since he had opened the application to check the text, there must be a read icon on it. Meyrin might be wondering whether he was ignoring her. Even if she wasn't, he couldn't possibly keep postponing replying to the text until he was completely ready, which could take weeks, if not months. It was beyond rude; his upbringing wouldn't allow him to behave in such a way. Then, he might as well get it over with.

Letting out a long sigh and bracing himself for whatever was in the text, he reluctantly picked up the phone and tapped the screen. His mouth slightly opened as he read the text.

 **Hello. I hope your study is going well.**

 **I forgot to mention the other day, but Cagalli-senpai asked me to keep an eye out for you because none of your friends will be in your college.**

 **Good luck with your exams.**

His eyes moved over the sentences again and again, almost disbelievingly. As the meaning of the text, its implication, slowly sank into him, it shook him so much that he didn't even feel relieved that she had not mentioned anything about her confession or her feelings for him. His throat closed up and there was a burning sensation behind his eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut and took several deep breathes before writing a return text.

 **Thank you for telling me.**

His hands trembled a little as he typed and sent it. Then he let go of the phone and leaned against his seat. As he stared at the ceiling, his eyes were moist.

Cagalli had been thinking about him, about what was good for him, while he was absorbed with himself, struggling with his selfish desire or wallowing in self-pity, even after she had learned that he was selfish enough to try to make her give up her dream for him. She had accepted the selfishness as a part of him and still cared about him. What he had not been able to comprehend during the earlier talk with her was finally driven home to him: she still cherished their relationship. And she cherished him.

She had been working on helping him, trying to make sure he would be all right while following his dream when he couldn't even completely accept her following her dream, let alone support her or help her. She had done so with no regard to whether they would still be in a relationship in college, with no regard to whether he gave her what she wanted. When they had talked this afternoon, he had sensed that she wasn't certain about his answer, that even though she was hoping it didn't turn out that way, she was prepared for their romantic relationship to end if he chose it.

And most certainly, she had not even considered letting him know about her effort to help him. She wasn't doing it because she wanted him to thank her or she wanted something in return. She was doing it because she cared and loved. Because she just wanted him to be all right and happy. It was the kind of person she was.

The emotions swirling inside him were so intense that he felt a little dizzy. He was embarrassed, almost ashamed, that he had been so selfish, especially compared to her. He was angry at himself for not having been a better person, not having been acting in a better, maturer way. He was grateful for what she had done for him. He was happy she cared about him so much.

More than anything, he was in love.

It was as if Meyrin's text, Cagalli's action it told him, had unlocked the gate inside him which had been holding back his feelings for Cagalli and the feelings were bursting out, filling his whole body, whole being, and then pouring out to warm and light up the air around him.

His arms were aching for her, wanting to embrace her with all their might. His entire body was aching for her, wanting to connect with her so deeply that it felt like they were one. His heart was aching for her, wanting to show her how strong and deep his love for her was. He wouldn't mind cutting open his chest and pluck out his heart to lay it at her feet in order to prove his love to her.

A smile tugged at his lips. But then, she wouldn't be happy if he did such a thing. Many girls might be touched by such a grand gesture of love, but not his girlfriend. Not Cagalli. She would be infuriated that he was hurting himself, for her no less, and order him to put his heart back in place right away so that they could take care of his wound—unless she was already trying to put it back herself, that is. He was sure about it.

That was how she was. That was the girl he loved.

He closed his eyes, his mind wandering back to the beginning of their relationship, the first time he had felt longing for her. It had not been nearly as intense as he was feeling right now, but it was still significant. He had already been somewhat attracted to her the first day they had met, or maybe even before that. But it was in the end of April of their freshmen year, about three weeks after they had met, that he had started to feel something more powerful and deeper, a stronger pull.

At that time, he had been quite busy preparing for the school festival. Dearka, who had offered himself to become the representative of their class for the School Festival Planning Committee, had often skipped the committee meeting. As the president of their class, Athrun had had to step in for the blond at the meetings or take care of the tasks assigned to the blond.

Not to mention Dearka had often come up with crazy ideas like using fireworks while some of their classmates were dancing and playing music on stage or letting those who performed on stage wear flamboyant costumes which were too expensive to order and too time-consuming and complicated to create, and Athrun had had to turn it down each time.

He had been tired and frustrated, working as a substitute for a planning committee member while doing the job for a class president. And he had been the class president only because Dearka had nominated him for the job and there had been no other candidate.

Cagalli had also been in the planning committee. Loving festivals, she had nominated herself as the representative of her class. They had sometimes worked side by side.

One day, they had been making decorations together and their conversation had somehow led to her commenting, "I'm impressed you manage working two jobs. I'd probably be freaking out with all the tasks and deadlines if I were in your position."

He had replied, "I don't have any other choice because Dearka is neglecting his responsibility." His voice had revealed a lot more irritation than he had meant.

Her face had appeared a little surprised. He himself had felt surprised, then embarrassed. She had the tendency to make him more at ease, more open, than usual, but he had not been used to it yet.

He had been about to offer an apology when she had asked, "Can't someone else in your class fill Dearka's role? Then, you wouldn't have to work so hard."

He had hesitated. "Well...I don't know who I can count on, who is reliable. I don't know my classmates well yet, you know."

In addition to his general reluctance to ask for help, he had not yet had a friend in his class, except for Dearka, since school had begun only less than a month ago. Though he had had no intention of revealing that much.

She had casually said, "Just go with your instincts then. Ask someone you think is nice, and if they refuse to help or turn out unreliable, you can ask someone else. Eventually, you'll find someone you can count on, yeah?"

He had been a little taken aback by the suggestion which seemed like a rather too straightforward approach to the matter.

"And you can get to know your classmates through the preparation," she had continued. "Through working together. After all, that's why we have the school festival at this time of year, right? To make it easier for us to become friends."

He had blinked. That thought had never occurred to him, but it actually had made some sense.

Regarding his amazed face, she let out a chuckle and patted his shoulder. "You're rather stiff, huh? You should loosen up a bit."

He might have felt somewhat offended or embarrassed if it was someone else. However, there had been something about the way she had said it or acted that made him feel relaxed. He had felt she was simply acknowledging that was how he was and taking him as he was, not looking down on him or making fun of him. So he had just replied that he would think about her suggestion.

Two days later, the planning committee had assigned some new tasks to him—well, to Dearka to be exact. The tasks had not been impossible for him to handle by himself, but it had felt to him like the time to seriously consider getting some assistants. Cagalli's simple thinking, the way she had treated his situation as if it was nothing to ponder about, had probably affected him.

Thus, he had picked several classmates with whom he had talked before and who seemed okay, and politely asked them to assist him in the tasks for the committee. He had thought that even if they refused to help or turned out to be slackers, the situation wouldn't be much worse than now, especially since he was asking several people, not one person.

It had been easier than he had expected. Most of them had readily agreed to lend a hand. One of them had even admitted she actually had been wanting to help but had not known how to approach him. He had made a mental note that he probably needed to learn how to delegate better, silently thanking Cagalli for her advice. With the help of those classmates of his, the tasks had been completed soon.

A couple of days later, Cagalli had brought him another surprise. She had scolded Dearka for not fulfilling his duties and dragged him to Athrun's desk, then made Dearka apologize and swear he would work harder in the future.

It seemed to have helped that Yzak and Miriallia, overhearing Cagalli and Dearka's exchange, had also berated the purple-eyed blond for slacking off. After that, Dearka had done a better job as their class' representative in the committee, though Athrun still had to give his help.

In the middle of May, the school festival had been held and the dance and music show their class performed had been successful. Athrun had enjoyed a feeling of accomplishment, thinking all his hard work had paid off.

He had also been amazed and moved by what Cagalli had done. Being in a different class, she had not had to concern herself with what was going on in his class. There had been no reason for her to try to improve the situation. Athrun could have probably managed the committee work without her intervention; she wouldn't have been troubled by Dearka slacking off.

But Cagalli wouldn't leave someone alone in trouble, especially her friend. She was a loyal friend and a compassionate person who went out of her way to help others.

And after the show, she had sought him out to congratulate him and praise him for his effort. There had been a wide smile on her face; she had looked so happy about the success of the show, as if it was her class that had performed.

Their conversation had been brief, and she had taken off with haste to fulfill her duties. With disappointment, he had stared at her back disappearing into the crowd. He had wanted her to stay, look at him and smile at him again. He had even felt like chasing after her, though he couldn't since he also had some duties to fulfill.

While he was taking care of the tasks, the longing for her had not been gone. From time to time, he had glanced around to check whether she wasn't around. She had reappeared in his sight several times though they didn't have another chance to properly talk that day. Most of the time, she had even been too busy working to notice his gaze. Still, getting a glimpse of her had made him feel satisfied, though it made him want more at the same time.

Since then, he had felt more compelled to spend time with her and tried to, which wasn't difficult for they were no longer busy preparing for the school festival. It had been comfortable to be with her.

He didn't have much idea on what to talk with girls about except school or club activities. But he had never had a trouble finding a topic while chatting with Cagalli. Partly because she had many topics to offer thanks to her curious nature; partly because her interests weren't girly stuff: sports, adventures, animals (not just cute ones, but rather big and wild ones), action movies, and so on. She was also eager to both try for the stuff her friends liked and introduce her friends to the things she liked, eager to find more things they could enjoy together. And she was simply easy to talk with, and fun to listen to.

One of the interests they shared was mystery fiction. He mostly read novels while she usually watched TV shows and movies and read mangas. Early in their friendship, even before the school festival actually, he had found out that there was another big difference. He liked the genre because he enjoyed trying to solve the mystery; her reason was because bad people got punished in the end most of the time, which gave her satisfaction. Learning of the difference had been surprising, but somewhat refreshing and interesting, as with her viewpoint on other subjects. He had also been able to share her frustration and anger toward bad people running around freely, though he himself didn't mind it much when it was fiction. He cared more about whether the story was good and logical.

A little after the school festival, he, on a whim, had made a list of some mystery novels he had read and thought she might like, then texted it to her. She had texted a thanks. A few days later, however, Dearka, somehow having heard about it, had lectured him that it was nerdy, and pushy not in a good way, and wasn't the best approach to get close to a girl.

Although he had dismissed the comment for he had not done it to court her, Athrun had started to worry he might have been a little intrusive. Dearka knew girls better than he did after all. When he had run into Cagalli later, he had told her that she didn't have to read the books on the list and could erase the list if she wanted.

She had given him a confused face before saying, "Why would I want to erase it? It seems like a good list. In fact, I just used it." She had just come back from the school library and the book in her hand had been one of those on the list. With a smile, she had continued, "The title and the synopsis sound interesting and I'm looking forward to reading it. Thanks again for the list, Athrun." He had felt quite relieved.

Returning the favor, she had lent him DVDs: one from a detective TV show and the other an action movie "everyone should watch." He had enjoyed both of them enough. They had kept exchanging the names of books, movies, TV shows, and sometimes even mangas though he usually didn't read them. Those had not been limited to mystery, but been of various genres. And they had exchanged their opinions on them as well.

They had also gone out often, mostly with their friends or at least Kira, but sometimes alone. One of the times when they went to a movie theater without others, they had come across a storm. The storm had started up while they were watching a mystery movie. As they debated whether to leave the theater now or wait, the sound of thunder had roared, lighting striking somewhere near. Startled, she had hugged his arm, her body tense and her eyes nervously scanning the sky through the window, her face half scared, half annoyed.

Cagalli didn't like thunders, though she insisted they just surprised her rather than frightened her. He had seen her cling to Kira or her friends at the sound before. But it had been the first time she had done it with him; he had felt strongly protective of her. Putting his hand on her back, he had gently steered her toward the stairs, suggesting they stay at a cafe upstairs until the storm calmed down. Relief evident in her face, she had agreed. They had ended up talking in the cafe for nearly three hours, which he thoroughly enjoyed. Such a thing had never happened to him before except the times when he was discussing robots with Kira.

He had liked spending time with her, not even once feeling uncomfortable in her presence. Even after he accidentally showed her his vulnerability.

In the beginning of August that year, the Hibiki twins had taken him and their other friends, including some from their middle school, to their grandfather's villa on a beach. They had even invited Lacus whom Athrun had just introduced to them a little before that.

On the third day, he had gone strolling the beach with Cagalli, Yzak, Dearka, Miriallia, Miriallia's boyfriend, and two girls while Kira, Nicol, Lacus, Fllay, and two boys stayed at the villa. They had had their lunch at a small eatery which looked half deserted.

At the time they entered the eatery, Athrun had been particularly tired partly because of the heat and partly because Yzak had been more irritable than usual, trying to pick a fight with Athrun at every chance he got. Athrun had ignored the silver-head's attitude as he usually did, but it didn't change it had been bothersome.

When he was almost done with his meal, his body had started itching here and there, along with nausea inside, which he identified as allergic reactions. The menu had not said potatoes au gratin he had ordered contained fish to which he was allergic. He still should have asked, but had been careless because of weariness.

Not wanting to trouble the others, he had excused himself to go to the bathroom which was located outside, meaning to stay away from them until the reactions calmed down. As he went out under the blazing sun, however, he had felt dizzy and lost his balance. He had bumped into someone, and feeling a sharp pain on his head as his body hit something hard. He had tried to keep standing, but his body had not listened to him, sliding down the wall to the ground. Although he had felt people gathering around him, including his friends judging from the familiar voices coming near, he had not been able to lift his face. The rest was blurred. He remembered being carried into a car by a few people, but he had passed out not long after it started moving.

When he regained consciousness, it had already been at sundown. He had been lying on a hospital bed with Cagalli sitting on a chair next to the bed. Handing him a bottle of water, she had explained that he had hit his head on the eatery's wall and had been brought to a hospital. His friends, including her, had been aware of his allergy and doctors had treated it as well as a bump on his head. Doctors had preferred him to stay for the night, and their friends had gone back to the villa except for her. Although the hospital normally didn't allow visitors to spend a night there, the owner was a friend of her grandfather's and she had let Cagalli stay.

Still feeling tired and nauseous, he had released a deep sigh and said, "I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" She had sounded puzzled.

"This shouldn't have happened. I'm usually careful and good at avoiding fish. ...I hate this," he had said bitterly. He had hated the situation, helplessly lying on a bed and being looked after because of mere fish. He hated being allergic, being so vulnerable, especially in front of other people. He should be stronger, not so weak, especially in front of girls.

She had seemed to still not understand. "But it's not your fault the menu didn't say the dish contained fish. Or that you have an allergy." She had paused, then added, "You have a tendency to make a weird apology, don't you?"

He had been silent for a while, unsure how to respond. "But I ruined your vacation...or at least your day. You could be doing something fun instead of being stuck here with me."

As he glanced, she had shrugged. "I could be out there doing something else if I wanted. I'm here because I want to. So it's nothing you have to feel sorry for, either."

Unable to find any more things to say, he had just looked at her. She had looked back as if he was a handful child, which no one had ever treated him like, and reached out to gently caress his hair.

"Stop beating yourself up and go back to sleep. You still need to rest."

Her voice and the way she stroked his head had also made him feel like a child, which he normally didn't like. And yet, somehow he had felt comfortable, even safe. Soon, he had drifted into sleep.

The next morning, when he woke up again, he had felt embarrassed not just because he had collapsed but also because he had shown such weakness to her during the conversation afterward. However, after asking him whether he was all right, she had acted like nothing—aside from his injury and fainting—had happened. She had not been pretending to make him feel better. She was easy to read and he probably could have told.

It had seemed that what had happened the previous day, including comforting him, had truly been nothing exceptional to her. Her attitude had been a little confusing, but relaxing, and he had not been able to hold onto his mortification for long despite Yzak and Dearka making fun of him.

He had also learned from Lacus a couple of days later that Cagalli had called the eatery and asked the owner to note on the menu that the dish contained fish oil. When he had mentioned that, Cagalli had said with a reassuring smile, "If we went there again and had forgotten it contained fish, you'd be fine now."

He had not thought he would possibly forget, but had thanked her anyway, feeling a little amused. Though he became a little concerned later since it seemed to mean she would forget it if it were her, which could be dangerous. He had decided to put more effort into watching out for her.

After the incident, or rather their exchange at the hospital, he had felt closer to her, felt even more at ease around her. That might be why Kira had asked him whether he romantically liked Cagalli in the end of August. Athrun had avoided answering the question for he honestly didn't know the answer.

He had been clearly attracted to her. He had been aware of it. He had quite liked her and wanted to spend time with her. He had not minded dating her, holding her hand and kissing her and more. He had actually liked the idea of touching her in a more intimate way. He had been feeling like that for a while.

Still, he had not known whether it meant he was in love with her. Cagalli had been one of the closest friends he had ever had, and the only girl he had become that close to. He had thought he might be feeling that way because of the closeness he had never experienced.

And he had heard that attraction could fade after some time, which often led to the end of the relationship. In the case of some of his friends, like Dearka, Rusty, and Miguel, attraction had seemed to last for a particularly short time. They had flirted with a girl and gone on dates, then become disinterested in her after a few months, sometimes just after a few weeks, which often made the girl cry or angry.

In middle school, Athrun had once witnessed a girl with angry tears slap Miguel—who was senior to Athrun by a year and in the student council along with Athrun, Nicol, Yzak, and Dearka—in front of the student council office after such a relationship, or whatever they called it. Not that Miguel had been a bad person. He had been a reliable and generous guy, well-liked by people around him, especially his juniors. From the older guy had said, he had just been "not good at serious relationships."

Dearka's record with girls had not been any better. Even Athrun, who wasn't interested in gossips, knew that the blond was infamous for breaking girls' hearts. In Dearka's case, the problem had seemed like the lack of interest in anything serious.

At least, Rusty had appeared to have never had serious, and messy, conflicts with a girl. He was the kind of person who got away with almost anything thanks to his charm, whether the trouble was with girls or classmates or teachers. All the same, the orange-head had had only short-term relationships or casual dates with one girl after another, except that he was usually in good terms with those girls after their "breakup."

Having seen their behaviors at a close distance throughout his middle school years, Athrun had had little faith in attraction. It had not been like he didn't believe in having a serious relationship or all of his friends weren't capable of it. Nicol had dated one girl—a nice girl who was in the same class as Nicol in their senior year in middle school and made a cute couple with him—for about a year before they broke up during the summer break of their first year in high school, a little before Kira questioned Athrun about his feelings for Cagalli, in fact.

It seemed like between going to different schools and Nicol being busy with his piano practice, they had not been able to spend much time together and the girl had felt too lonely. Nicol had looked sad while talking about the breakup. Athrun knew Nicol had really cared about the girl and still cared about her after they had broken up.

He just had not been sure whether his feelings for Cagalli were something lasting like Nicol's feelings for his girlfriend or something short-lived like his other friends' feelings for many girls. He had not wanted to disturb his relationship with Cagalli, or that with her brother, because of such an uncertain feeling. Both of the twins had been too important to him to act carelessly. She had been too important.

Although she had strong opinions and they had sometimes argued, she wasn't unreasonable, honestly admitting her mistakes and acknowledging his point. She was competitive, but not a sore loser, openly praising her opponent, and even their victory, when she admired their skill. She was open and sincere. Her words and actions were uncomplicated, though sometimes weird, and never malicious, though sometimes too straightforward. She had a quick temper, but was just as quick to forget or forgive. She could be childish and handful, but was amusing and endearing.

And she cared and loved fiercely.

In the end of September, during the preparation for the sport festival, a senior guy—whose last name they learned later was Sabnack—who was carrying lumbers for platforms had knocked Kira over with them, too engrossed in his conversation with his friends to pay attention to his surroundings. Athrun and Cagalli had been with Kira when it had happened.

It had been an accident and Kira had not gotten injured much: just a bump in the head and scratches from falling on the ground. The problem was that the Sabnack guy had refused to apologize, saying that it wasn't his fault and that Kira shouldn't have been loitering like a fool. The guy had even laughed and commented that Kira would probably look more like a man if he had a scar and that he could knock him down again if Kira wanted.

The comments, or rather the whole attitude of Sabnack's, had made Cagalli furious. She had marched up to him who was laughing with his friends and grabbed his shirt, demanding for an apology. He had looked surprised, then become angry, shoving her hand away. He had probably been humiliated that a girl, a freshman girl no less, had confronted him like that in front of his friends. Making a fist, he had threatened her that if she wasn't a girl, he would punch her in the face. Making her own fist, she had told him to go ahead, and that she would punch him back.

Belatedly, Athrun and Kira had rushed to her sides and grabbed her, trying to drag her away. She had refused to leave, yelling at them to let her go and struggling hard to free herself. Before she broke the hold, though, a teacher had noticed the ruckus and come to scold them.

Athrun had thought it was over then. He had been mistaken. The next day, Cagalli had gone to the senior floor, found Sabnack, and challenged him to a race. The rule had been simple: If she won, he would apologize to her brother; if he won, she would do whatever he told her to do. From what Athrun heard later, it was Nicol who had suggested to her to take a more peaceful approach than an actual fight. Sabnack had accepted her challenge.

Hearing the news, Athrun had felt conflicted. He had been relieved that it wasn't a fist fight; he had been worried about what the guy would make her do if she lost. Together with Kira, he had tried to talk her out of it, but she had been adamant.

"I can't just let him get away with such a behavior. It's also my job to protect, and take care of, my little brother," she had declared.

"I don't care about what he says, Cagalli," Kira had said, "or if he apologizes. It's really not a big deal." Despite his attempt to persuade his sister, he had looked almost resigned as if he knew his words couldn't change her mind.

And she had not seemed to be wavering at all. "It _is_ to me. I'm not okay with someone treating my brother like that even if you yourself don't mind it."

Sensing that it would be futile to try to stop her, Athrun had offered, "If you really want to get that guy to apologize, then let me run against him in your stead." He had meant to take on the price of loss as well if he lost, though he was pretty confident he could win.

Her response had been, "No, Athrun. This is my battle to fight."

He had been momentarily speechless, awed by the blazing fire in her eyes. The amber eyes had looked as if they were made of gold, bright and firm, though they were too full of life and passion to be made of metal.

Kira had also offered to run since it was about him after all. She had looked at her brother as if he had said a stupid thing and told him he couldn't win. She had probably been right; although he was fine at sports, Kira wasn't an athlete or competitive. They had heard the Sabnack guy was a member of the swimming club. Although he was probably not excellent at running, the guy had still been an athlete and must have known how to compete.

The race had been held after school a week later. Meanwhile, Cagalli had asked one of her classmates who belonged to the track club to teach her how to run faster; she had come early to school and spent the time before class began preparing for the race even though it must be tiring since she had volleyball practice every day after school and practice for the games she was going to participate in in the sport festival often during lunch breaks. She had always looked sleepy and Kira had told Athrun that she was sleeping most of the time at their home. But her stubborn effort to win had continued until the day before the race.

The weather had been fine on the day of the race and there had been a crowd not just on the school ground but by classroom windows facing it. Even teachers had been watching the race curiously. Cagalli had somehow talked two teachers into the race as neutral judges: Mr. Fllaga and Mr. Waldfeld. Then again, it probably had not taken her much effort, considering both of the teachers liked to watch commotions, if not joining them. Athrun and Kira had decided to wait at the goal with anxious faces.

It had been a quite close match. The two runners had been neck and neck. It had looked like they had made it to the goal at the same time and only the stopwatches in the teachers' hands had told them Cagalli was the winner.

Both Cagalli and Sabnack had just panted for a while before she walked to him and demanded he keep the promise. He had been silent for a little more, sitting on the ground and looking at the dirt. Then he had glanced around before slowly standing up to say he was sorry, though he didn't really look sorry. She had told him, "Don't apologize to me. It's my brother you should apologize to," pointing a finger at Kira. Sabnack had given her an irritated face, but walked over to Kira and repeated the apology. Watching it, Cagalli had smiled a bright, satisfied smile. Noticing the happy ending, the audience had cheered and applauded.

Athrun had been one of the clapping ones. Although he still thought this whole thing had been reckless, he had felt great admiration. She had gone through all the trouble to achieve her goal, and it had not been for herself, but for someone she cared about. She was a fighter, determined to do what she believed in and protect her loved ones.

He had not been able to take his eyes off her and his pulse had accelerated as he walked over to her. She had turned the bright smile to him, which became even more brilliant as he congratulated her. The smile had been so precious. _She_ was so precious. No one had ever moved him like she did. His heart had swelled with affection—and love. The feeling had been so strong and clear that there was no longer a doubt in him.

He had almost hugged her right then and there, and told her how important she was to him. But before he had taken an action, her friends and classmates had rushed to their sides, praising her and unknowingly interrupting him.

And as time passed, he had had second thoughts about confessing his feelings to her. His love for her had been firm in his heart now, and he had been certain that it was nothing temporary. That it was true and deep, and surely going to last long. But knowing it had made him afraid. She had not seemed to be looking for a romantic relationship. Nor had she ever shown that kind of interest in him. He had been worried that his confession might drive her away. He had never wanted to lose her from his life, and had thought it might be best if he pretended he felt only friendship toward her.

But then, after the sport festival, the Sabnack guy had asked Cagalli to be his girlfriend, which Athrun heard from Kira. Athrun didn't know whether the guy had been actually taken with her or just tried to play a prank on her as a revenge, though Kira was sure it was the latter. He didn't know which he would prefer, either. He would be angry if Sabnack had just tried to toy with her, meaning to hurt her; he would be jealous if the guy had had genuine feelings for her. Either way, she had turned Sabnack down without hesitation. Athrun had been greatly relieved to hear that.

The incident had made him realize the grim possibility that she might date someone else someday, which he didn't like at all. Just thinking about the possibility had made him sick and bitter. He had been conflicted between wanting to take the chance that she would agree to date him so that he could keep her to himself, and wanting to protect his relationship with her even at the cost of having to watch her dating another guy.

He had never been the type to eagerly take risks; he preferred to play safe. Staying friends with her had been the safer option; he could probably secure her presence in his life that way. But then, the possibility that she might agree to get into a relationship with him had been too appealing to dismiss easily; he could feel safer, no longer having to worry about losing her to her boyfriend someday. He had known the gain would be much bigger if he took risks. He just had not been able to gather the courage to do so.

Until his birthday that year. The day before, he had been invited to Lacus's home to find that his friends had planned a surprise birthday party which was also a slumber party. They had spent the night at the house.

He had shared a bedroom with Kira and Nicol; they had let him take the bed since it was his birthday party. As they were preparing for bed, Kira had casually told him that it was Cagalli who had come up with the idea of surprise party and done most of the preparation. She had not wanted Athrun to spend his birthday alone; he had told her a few weeks ago that his father would be neither interested in his birthday nor at home on the day.

Kira's words had been unexpected and touching. Athrun had not thought much about it when he had confided in her. He had just wanted her to listen for it would make him feel a little better, and give him some comfort, which she did. He had not expected her to do anything more than that.

Then again, probably he should have known. She wasn't a person who would leave someone, especially someone she cared about, unhappy. She would try hard to make them feel better. As he had thought even before actually knowing her, she was like the sun: bright and warm. And like fire, her namesake, she brought light and warmth to night, protecting him from the dark and the cold.

Standing in the bathroom of a guestroom at Lacus's house, he had closed his eyes, basking in the warmth, and opening his eyes, felt that the world looked brighter. He had known it was a silly illusion, but not really cared. He had just wanted to hug her as tightly as he could and kiss her with all his feelings.

And he had realized that he didn't want to remain friends with her. That he wanted more. He had wanted to be as close to her as possible, in every way he could. That night, he had made up his mind that he was going to go for her.

He had not planned to do it soon, though. He had had to be cautious so that he wouldn't ruin his relationship with her. He had decided that the best way was letting her know his feelings little by little, which hopefully made her develop the same feelings for him. He had been grateful to Kira for telling him about Cagalli's role concerning the surprise party when she wasn't around. If she had been there, he would probably have succumbed to his desire to hug her and kiss her, and scared her away as he had been afraid.

Since Kira had unknowingly prepared him, however, he had been able to keep his calm appearance when he had seen her the next morning. Catching sight of him, her face had morphed into a wide smile. She had come trotting to shout, "Happy birthday, Athrun!" She had looked quite happy to celebrate it with him, almost as happy as he was feeling, which made him even happier.

He had not been able to help smiling widely and affectionately as he replied, "Thank you. And thank you for the party, too. Kira told me you'd planned it and did a lot of work to make it happen."

They had been in Lacus's sunroom. Under the morning sunlight, Cagalli's hair had been shining brightly, almost radiating, her eyes deep and pure gold with a fire glowing inside them. She had looked more beautiful than ever and he had not been able to believe his fortune, how lucky he was that he had met her. It had felt like there was nothing more amazing than the fact that she was in front of him, in his life.

As if drawn to her, his hand had cupped her cheek; he had barely restrained himself from doing more. Her skin had been warm and soft. It had not been the first time he had touched her. It had still felt special and his heart had beaten fast.

She had not pushed away his hand or replied to him, just staring at him. He had not been quite able to understand her expression. Confused, or maybe dazed. He had not really tried or cared. The only thing that had mattered to him at that moment was that she was there, where he could touch her. Everything else had seemed so trivial.

He had felt lightheaded, as if he was floating in the air, and settled, as if he had found a place to anchor after being adrift for some time though he had not known he was drifting, all at once. She lifted him up and got him connected. The two feelings had seemed almost contradictory and yet gone perfectly with each other, creating a sweet, wonderful sensation together. He had not minded staying that way, savoring the sensation and the feel of her skin, for hours, even days.

However, to his great disappointment and annoyance, Yzak had come from somewhere and said something, which Athrun didn't quite get for all of his attention was on Cagalli as if, like the sun, she attracted everything toward her. Even with the interruption, he had still been half feeling like he was in a blissful world where only he and Cagalli existed or mattered.

But she had jumped, looking as if she had been pulled out of a daydream. She had looked back and forth between him and Yzak, blinking rapidly, before giving her head a hard shake. Then she had almost shouted she was hungry and dashed to the table where the others were sitting. For some reason, though, she had gone straight to Kira to hug her brother as if asking for help, instead of grabbing some food. She had made Kira nearly choke on the croissant he had been eating.

Going to get something to eat himself, Athrun had sent puzzled and longing glances to Cagalli whose arms were still around Kira's neck. She had appeared like she had had quite a surprise though he wasn't sure why.

She had continued to act weirdly until they parted that day, not meeting his gaze, which was quite unusual for her. He had become worried, wondering whether he had done something to offend her without realizing it. But when they had met the next day at school, she had almost returned to normal and the awkwardness had soon disappeared, to his relief.

A few weeks later, he had told Kira that he wanted Cagalli to become his girlfriend. He had been nervous. Although they had been friends for years, he had known his best friend was quite protective of his sister, which Athrun could understand. He had prepared himself for things between him and Kira becoming awkward for some time.

After Athrun had closed his mouth, Kira had studied him for a moment, then asked, "Are you serious about this? I mean, I know you are. But how serious? Will you give up if I say I don't want you to pursue her?"

Athrun had swallowed hard, but he had expected that much. "No," he had said without hesitation, then added hurriedly, "I respect your wish to protect your sister. And I'm not making light of our friendship. But...I really like Cagalli." His cheeks had warmed up at the declaration. "I'm not going to do anything any time soon if you aren't okay with it. However, I'm not going to give her up." He had just hoped Kira would come around after a while.

A dozen of heartbeats later, Kira had simply said, "You're saying it to the wrong person."

"Huh?"

"You should say it to Cagalli instead of me."

Athrun had stared at his friend for a minute before asking, "Does that mean you are fine with this?"

Kira had casually lifted his shoulder. "Yeah. You're a good guy. I think I can trust you with my sister." A pause, then he had added a little warningly, "I won't forgive you, though, if you make her cry."

With a nod, Athrun had said earnestly, "I know." He had had no intention of doing such a thing.

"Okay then." Kira had given a pat to Athrun's shoulder. "Good luck. When are you going to ask her out?"

His shoulders sagging with relief, Athrun had told Kira about his plan to make her gradually notice his feelings. Kira had not really agreed with him, saying it was a too roundabout approach. Still, Athrun had been adamant about going as planned.

The death of Tolle, the twins' childhood friend and Miriallia's boyfriend, had actually affected his plan. Toll had died in a motorcycle accident in the beginning of the next year, a little before the winter break ended.

The news had been shocking even to Athrun; he had met Tolle during summer break since they both had been invited to the twins' grandfather's villa. Unsurprisingly, both of the twins, let alone Miriallia, had been depressed.

On the first Sunday after school had begun, Cagalli had asked him to accompany her to a sports facility. There had been no club activities since it was before after-break exams, but she had wanted to do some exercise. He had quickly agreed, partly because he didn't need to cram before exams as much as most students did for he studied every day and partly because he was quite worried about her.

They had played tennis in an indoor court for a while, and had been resting, leaning against the wall near bending machines and drinking from their bottles, when Cagalli spoke.

"I never experienced the death of someone close to me before. My mom's mom died before Kira and I were born and our other grandparents are still okay. So I didn't know how...how it feels..." She had bitten her lower lip.

He had touched her arm, trying to console her. In response, she had rested her head on his shoulder. They had been silent for a minute. Then, she had suddenly straightened up and looked up at him.

"Are _you_ all right?"

He had looked back at her, confused. "What do you mean?"

"Kira told me before your mom died in a car accident. This must be hard on you, too, even though you didn't know Tolle well." Her face had been more concerned than sad now. "If you need to talk to someone, I'm here. You know that, right?"

The sincerity in her voice and face had squeezed his heart and he had not been able to stop himself from pulling her into a hug.

"A-Athrun?" She had seemed surprised, flapping her arms as if she didn't know how to react.

"I'm all right. ...Thank you," he had said in a low voice.

She was such a selfless person, thinking about someone else's pain even when she herself was hurting. The admiration and affection in him had been so strong that he could barely contain the feelings. But he had not been able to allow himself to reveal his feelings to her then, not just because of his plan but mostly because he was worried it might add to her distress, which he didn't want. Plus, confessing to her when she was in such a vulnerable state had felt like taking advantage of her.

Therefore, he had put all his strength into keeping the hug friendly and comforting, caressing her back.

"I'm here for you, too," he had told her, trying to make his voice as gentle as he could.

His attempt had seemed successful. She had calmed down and hugged him back. "I know. Thanks." Sniffling, she had snuggled against him.

His pulse had increased and it had taken every drop of his willpower not to squeeze her more tightly than a friendly hug allowed. He had been somewhat worried that his fast heartbeat might make her suspicious of his feelings, but she had not shown any signs. He had felt half relieved and half disappointed.

They had remained that way for a while until she stepped back and put on a smile, rubbing her eyes. "Ready for another game?"

Missing the feel of her body in his arms, he had smiled back. "If you are ready." Then they had returned to the court.

After that, he had strengthened his resolve to wait to ask her out, until she somewhat recovered from grief at the very least. It had not felt right to pursue her romantically when she clearly needed a friend she could trust and turn to. He had been willing to be one even if it meant hiding his feelings longer. Besides, it was what he had wanted in a way. He had wanted her to rely on him, not someone else, for support.

He had made no attempt to make her see his feelings for months and their relationship had remained just friendly, and peaceful, until when they got involved in an accident in the end of February.

Cagalli had slipped on the stairs of a pedestrian overpass and fallen to the ground. Trying to protect her, he had grabbed her body and ended up on the ground along with her. His attempt had been successful; she had had only minor injuries though he had gotten a cut on his head and cracked his leg. He had been satisfied with the result, not caring about his injuries.

However, finding out that he had intentionally covered her body with his so that he would take most of the damage, she had become angry, insisting he shouldn't have done that. She had been so upset, crying and yelling at him, that Kira dragged her out of Athrun's hospital room and took her home.

Her reaction had disturbed Athrun, partly because he didn't think there was anything wrong with what he had done and mostly because she was the girl he loved and wanted to protect most. He had felt as if by disapproving of his attempt to protect her, she had rejected his love. His desire to protect her was that important a part of his love for her. He had even hesitated a little before saying he had wanted to protect her because he cared about her—well, he had actually simply agreed with Kira who had said it for him, but anyway—because it somewhat felt like confessing his love to her.

He had known it was illogical of him to take her rejection that way since she clearly didn't suspect the true nature of his feelings for her, the reason why he had wanted to protect her so much. Still, he had not been able to concede.

She had not changed her opinion, either, and they had not really talked for days, though it was obvious that she was concerned about his injuries and the troubles they caused him.

He had missed a day at school because of the injuries. During the lunchtime the next day, he had been leaving the cafeteria before his friends did in order to talk to some of his teachers about the lessons he had missed. He had stood up from the table, using his crutches, and slowly picked up his tray with plates and utensils. Balancing the tray and the crutches had not been easy, but he had managed it.

Suddenly, Kira had given a yelp, which drew Athrun's attention. The brunet had been rubbing his side, frowning at his sister sitting next to him. "What was that for?" It had seemed she had elbowed him.

With a frown of her own, Cagalli had moved her chin in Athrun's direction a couple of times, her eyes on Kira, clearly telling something to her brother without words.

Kira had looked between her and Athrun who had no idea why he was a part of it, then understanding had spread over the brunet's face. "Oh." Kira had turned to Athrun. "Do you have to leave now, Athrun?"

"Yeah. I need to talk to teachers," Athrun had replied, still confused.

"Wait a second, then." Kira had quickly finished his juice box before standing up. "I'm going with you."

Kira, who had been sitting at the opposite side of the table from Athrun, had come to Athrun's side, then took Athrun's tray to place it on his own.

Athrun had knitted his eyebrows. "Kira, you don't have to..."

He had appreciated his friend's intention to help, but had not felt comfortable being looked after like that. Nicol had actually offered to help before Athrun had stood up, but he had declined it.

Kira had moved the trays to avoid Athrun's hand stretching toward them. "Just let me, okay? If you care about my well-being," Kira had added, and dramatically given another rub to his side, skillfully managing to hold two trays with plates and utensils with one hand, as he sent a meaningful look to his sister who made the show of looking away.

Athrun had looked between the twins several times, then heaved a sigh. "Fine. Thanks."

He had been quite aware of the twins' stubbornness and it had felt like a waste of time to argue with them over such a trivial matter, especially since he had some errands to take care of. It had also warmed and relieved him that despite avoiding talking to him, Cagalli was clearly trying to help him—well, make her brother help him, to be exact, but it was just a minor difference. Previously, he had been a little worried since they had never had such a fight. In fact, he wasn't really used to engaging in a fight with anyone.

Their fight had still continued for a couple more days. But then, he had talked about his injuries with his father and grandmother, which led him to realize how much distress his injuries had caused in people around him. He still had not thought he had been wrong in protecting Cagalli, but he had had to admit it didn't change the fact that he had made them worried. The realization had helped him see Cagalli's reaction from a new angle. Also, it had belatedly occurred to him that her friend's death no more than two months before might have affected how she had reacted to his injuries.

Taking those things into consideration, he had decided to approach her and apologize for causing her worry. He still had refused to make a promise that he wouldn't try to protect her again, but had promised to avoid getting himself injured in the process as much as he could. She had accepted that.

After the reconciliation, she had given him an amulet of a goddess, Haumea, explaining that it would protect him. She had then added warningly, "You have to try to protect yourself first, though, before turning to Haumea. Gods are supposed to help you only when you can't do it yourself. So, don't forget to take better care of yourself."

He opened his eyes, pulling himself out of his reminiscence, and slowly straightened up, then opened the second drawer of his desk to pull out the pendant. He gazed at the red stone he had been keeping safe since that day.

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 **A/N** : At first, "The Answer" was one seamless chapter. But since it was really long, I decided to cut it into two and upload both at the same time. Besides, I think having an interval makes it easier for readers to focus on Athrun's sentiments which will be explored in the next chapter.

Anyway, so, don't forget to read the next chapter!

And if you want to know the details about Athrun and Cagalli's fight which led to her giving him the amulet, you can read Chapter 3 of "Boy of Winter," which is from Cagalli's perspective. Athrun's exchange with his father and grandmother concerning the accident was explained in Chapter 11 of this fic ("Guilt").

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 ***posted 05/05/19***

 ***edited 05/06/19***


	19. The Answer II

English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

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 **Season of Farewell**

Chapter 18: The Answer II

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Athrun had never really believed in gods. The only time he had earnestly prayed to God and stars, and anything that would listen to him, was when his mother had been dying, and his prayer had been unanswered. The Haumea's amulet was important to him because it represented Cagalli's concern and love for him, not because it had a special connection to a goddess.

Every time he looked at the stone, he thought about Cagalli, not Haumea, and this time wasn't an exception. In his head, he saw her faces full of concern for him. Some of them were even angry, like the one she had had when she yelled at him in his hospital room about a week before she gave him the red stone.

For some reason, he wondered whether his instincts might have been right after all. Perhaps, she _had_ rejected his love in a way at that time without realizing it. Maybe she had rejected the way he loved her, the way he treated her, and himself, in the name of love.

He had taken his own safety rather lightly, not putting as much effort into protecting himself as into protecting her, not trying hard to keep both of them safe. Also, he had kind of brushed off her concern for his injuries, and her wish not to become the reason why he got injured, not taking them seriously. And she had objected to that attitude of his.

The past several months flashed through his mind. What he had said and done. What she had said and done.

As his mind returned to today, the text from Meyrin and what it had triggered in him, he let out a very long sigh, emptying his lungs. He couldn't believe how he had been able to be so utterly stupid. Now that he thought about it, he shouldn't have been surprised that Cagalli had rejected his offer to go to Tassil with her. Of course she did. That was the Cagalli he knew, the Cagalli he loved.

He felt like his eyes had been—finally—opened.

For nearly half a year, he had not been seeing Cagalli. Not really. All he had seen was himself, his own feelings and desires, even after realizing his ignorance of her feelings in the end of December. He had just shifted to dwelling on his feelings of guilt and his desire to redeem himself without thinking about what _she_ wanted, what made _her_ happy.

That was why he had made such a foolish mistake. He had believed he offered to go to Tassil for her. But in actuality, he had made the offer for his own sake, so that he could get rid of, or at least lessen, the feelings of guilt, so that he could believe he was a good person, a good boyfriend who made sacrifices for his girlfriend. His desire to be different from his father had influenced the decision as well. And perhaps, his rebellious desire to irk his father by choosing a college that didn't meet his father's standards, which stemmed from the bitterness toward his father.

It wasn't what he really had to do. He had to think about what Cagalli wanted if he truly wanted to do something for her. And in order to give her what she wanted, he had to think about what he wanted as well. Because she wouldn't want him to abandon his own dream, his own happiness. She wanted him to fulfil his dream and be happy. He couldn't make her happy if he neglected trying to make himself happy. If he still insisted on going to Tassil, it should be because the decision would lead to his happiness, not because he valued being with her or around her more than his happiness.

Closing his eyes again, he knitted his eyebrows in concentration. With as much effort as he could manage, he pictured his life in Tassil University, only to realize that he had not sincerely tried it before, even when he was sure his going to Tassil University was the solution to his and Cagalli's problem.

Maybe he had been hoping, deep down, that she would be touched by his offer so greatly that she gave up going to Tassil so that he wouldn't have to give up his dream. Maybe that was why he had abandoned the idea of going to Tassil University so easily after her rejection, without even trying to convince her. After all, he would have made more effort, tried harder to change her mind, if he had really wanted her to accept the offer, wouldn't he? And if he was completely honest with himself, there had been a part, a not-so-small part, of him that was actually relieved at her rejection, relieved that he seemed able to go to Februarius Medical University, even when he was telling himself that he was willing to give up that dream if Cagalli let him.

At the very least, he had not exactly treated his decision seriously, not properly considering its impact on his life and future. He more or less had tried to carelessly throw away his life just so that he could run away from the distressing feelings, whether it was guilt or anger or fear. No wonder Cagalli had become so upset at his offer.

He sighed at himself before pushing away the feeling of shame. This wasn't the time for self-loathing. He had done it enough by now, and he had something more important to do, something far more important to think about.

And he had to think, really think, instead of just circling around negative thoughts and emotions as he had been doing for way too long.

He returned to the imaginary life in Tassil University, and examined every aspect of it, considering every possibility. Then, he asked himself whether he could go to Tassil while protecting his happiness.

The result was just as expected. No, he couldn't move to Tassil only to be around Cagalli. He couldn't be happy just because he had her around. He wanted more. He needed more. He needed his dream that was going to the best college and learning under the best teachers.

There was a possibility that he was going to find a goal he could pursue with passion in Tassil University. But even then, he wouldn't be able to stop comparing his current life in Tassil University to the life he could have had in Februarius Medical University. A part of him would probably always keep wondering and regretting not going for it, resenting himself for giving up such a great future and resenting Cagalli for causing him to make the choice. Not to mention he would feel embarrassed, even ashamed, every time he explained why he had chosen Tassil University. The successful escape from guilt and the satisfaction of becoming a good boyfriend unlike his father might make it easier for him to live like that, but they wouldn't make him happy.

It wouldn't be like that if Tassil University was the best medical college he could get into, due to either money or his grades. Then, he would be more than happy to go there.

This was different, however. He would have to deliberately give up his dream, his ambition, even though it was within his reach. Some people—some guys might be able to do it. But he couldn't. Not like this. Not to just follow his girlfriend around. It wasn't the kind of guy he was. It wasn't the kind of man he wanted to be. He couldn't give it up, change himself that much. Not yet, anyway.

It might be petty of him. It might make him a failure as a boyfriend. At least, it wouldn't be how an ideal boyfriend was, he supposed.

However, this was who he was, and he probably had to accept that.

 _"Why can't you guys have both your dreams and a future together? No one's making you choose."_ Kira's voice came to his mind.

That was true. He was the one who had been creating the choice, making Cagalli or himself choose between their dream and love. He just had not wanted to see it, see that he was the one responsible for his situation.

But just because it was tough, requiring them a lot of effort, it didn't mean it was impossible. Even if many people said it wouldn't work out, even if it was true for many couples, it didn't mean it was true for him and Cagalli. It was possible that they could have both their dreams and their romantic relationship. He could have both Cagalli and his dream. He could be with her while being himself.

She knew how he was, knew that he wasn't, and probably couldn't be, an ideal boyfriend. She still loved him. It didn't matter that she had not been wearing his ring, or that she didn't do what he wanted her to do. It didn't matter that she wouldn't try to hold onto him with desperation, promising to do anything if he stayed with her including throwing away everything else. Some people might say acting that way was the proof of love, even the only proof. He might agree; a part of him wanted it, at least. That was part of the reason he had had such a hard time understanding why she rejected his offer to go to Tassil. Because he would be happy if she made a similar offer, he had assumed that she would feel the same, that she _had to_ feel the same even.

However, it wasn't her kind of love. It wasn't how she loved. Her love was cherishing each other not because of what the other gave them, what the other did for them, but because of who the other was. Her love was giving gifts and becoming happy instead of giving sacrifices and becoming unhappy, empty or miserable or resentful or all at once. Her love was wishing for each other's happiness not because they were in a romantic relationship, but because they loved the other no matter what. Her love was freely choosing to stay together instead of putting each other on a chain.

It was the love she wanted to have with him.

Now, he understood. Now, there was no doubt in him about her feelings. She loved him for who he was. And she had said she still wanted to be with him. All she asked of him was be himself, let her be herself, and fight together with her for their relationship.

The question was, Did he want it? Was he willing to make the necessary effort?

 _"What's the point of having a relationship if you can't get what you want from it?"_ This time, it was Yzak's voice that echoed in his head.

What Yzak had said made sense. That was why it had shaken Athrun, and he could still see the reason in the words. Why did he want to keep his romantic relationship with Cagalli if he couldn't get what he wanted?

But now, he knew the question he had to ask himself before asking that one: What did he want to begin with?

He wanted Cagalli to be with him, to be around him. He wanted her to love him enough to put him first, enough to sacrifice everything else for him. However, he couldn't have it. Because this wasn't the matter of how much she loved him. Now he saw it. She had not chosen to go to Tassil because she didn't love him enough to want to stay around him. She had made the decision because it was how she was, who she was.

It didn't matter that some girls, or many girls even, might be all right with giving up their dream for their romantic relationship. Because Cagalli wasn't just any girl. She was different from any other girl, different from any other person. She was just herself—one and only existence in this universe just like everyone else was—and what was important was how _she_ was, not how girls, who just happened to share gender with her, were or how girls should be.

And he knew the kind of person she was. Like he couldn't choose to go to Tassil with her while pursuing his happiness, she couldn't choose to stay around him while pursuing her happiness. It was the kind of person they were. Like he didn't wish to become a doctor or go to Februarius Medical University because he was a guy, she didn't wish to become a veterinarian or go to Tassil University because she was a girl. They were just being who they were. They were just the same, regardless of the fact that he was a guy and she was a girl.

He had not really understood that even after Kira and Lacus had made him realize he had been seeing Cagalli's dream as less important than his.

Before her decision to go to Tassil, he had genuinely supported her dream. But he had done so on the condition that she would stay where he wanted her to be, that her following her dream wouldn't interfere with his future plan. He had just been completely ignorant of what he himself was doing, and naturally, she had also been unaware of it. But he had been trying to limit her options, trying to push her into the confines of his expectations.

And that was the major reason why her choice to go to Tassil University had disturbed him so much. Because it was a symbol of the facts that he couldn't control her, that she wasn't the kind of person who obediently followed his directions. That she could and would do something he didn't want her to, like leaving him, if she wanted.

That was what he had been having a problem with: her being her own person, being herself. That was what he had not been able to accept: her freely living her own life, making her own decisions. Partly because he didn't know how to be with someone like that. Partly because it wasn't how he thought—how he had been taught a girl should be.

He was so used to control. He had spent his entire life under his father's control, hardly deviating from his father's expectations, never clearly defying his father. And his mother had appeared to have a similar relationship with his father, always demurely accepting his father's domineering way; when she disagreed with him, she had gently and respectfully suggested another option, the option she preferred or thought was better, and roundaboutly steered Patrick in that direction instead of protesting in an outright way that challenged her husband's authority—a way Cagalli would surely choose if she were in Lenore's position.

That kind of relationship, simple and traditional with no conflicts on the surface, was the normal and the ideal in Athrun's world.

Although he knew its existence, he didn't really know a relationship where two people stayed together even though they weren't bound to each other by a chain, even though one wasn't controlled by the other. He didn't really know how to trust someone he loved not to leave him when they weren't chained to him, when he wasn't restraining them so that they couldn't leave.

That was why the realization that he didn't have Cagalli under his control had made him feel quite insecure, so much so that he considered tying her to him with a baby. Although the idea had been too disgusting for him to put into action, he had still tried to make her change her mind about going to Tassil.

But it had not really been about her college choice. It had been more about his desire to feel secure.

He didn't want her to be around him so much as wanted her to obey him, to become a girl who would obey her boyfriend. He had tried to change her so that she would fit into his expectations because then, their relationship would be familiar and he could feel safe. Kira had been right. Athrun had been trying to put Cagalli in a lower position than his, not seeing her or treating her as his equal.

And he had been still trying to control her when he made the offer to go to Tassil. He had used the offer as a tool to gain her forgiveness, to control her to give him what he wanted.

He was no longer sure how serious he had been about his offer to begin with. But even if he had been genuinely willing to follow through with it, it was probably because it had been another attempt to put her on a chain. He had not consciously done it, but he might have been trying to use his sacrifice as a tool to bind her to him. The bigger sacrifice he made, the more grateful or guilty she would feel. And it would be difficult for her to leave someone who had sacrificed his brilliant future for her even if she felt like ending her relationship with him someday.

He would have succeeded in tying her down whether she accepted his offer or she gave up her dream to stop him from sacrificing his. It had been such an insincere offer, entirely made to benefit himself but disguised as one for her.

He didn't know she had been aware that if she approved of his offer, he could have some control over her in one way or another. Probably not. At least during that conversation, she had seemed focused solely on the fact that it was different from what he wanted, that it was going to make him unhappy. Still, unconsciously, she had protected her freedom as well.

Then, he had become angry, not just because of her proposal to break up, but also because her reaction had been different from what he had expected, because she again differed from his expectations, choosing not to go along with his plan once more. Because she defied him even when he was offering such a huge sacrifice.

At that point, his way of thinking, and acting, had not changed much from before.

He had still mistakenly believed that the sacrifice he was making was for her when it was actually for himself. Instead of trying to make her make a sacrifice, he had tried to force his sacrifice she didn't want on her, not listening to her. He had still thought he was the right one and she was the wrong one even when it was supposed to be about what she wanted, what made her happy, since he had meant it as an attempt to make amends to her.

Until she brought up breaking up with him, however, he had been attempting to follow through with his plan despite her objection, as if her words that she didn't want it didn't mean anything, as if he knew what she wanted better than she herself did, as if she had to be told what she wanted—what she should want, as if she was a child who had to be led in the "right" direction by someone who knew better, someone who was superior to her.

And he had blamed her for not being that kind of girl, the kind of girl who obediently and gratefully accepted what a man—who was naturally her superior—gave her even if it was different from what she truly wanted, or the kind of girl who felt happy with such an offer, such a sacrifice, from her boyfriend.

It had been the same when they had talked earlier today. The fact that she wasn't wearing his ring had shocked him to the extent that he couldn't properly think because it was a symbol of her being different from the kind of girl he wanted her to be, the kind of girl who accepted his control or the kind of girl who clung to their relationship tightly even when it was harming her or both of them instead of letting it go to protect their happiness. He had not been able to accept that she had accepted the end of their romance as an option, seemingly with such ease at that. He still had not been able to accept her just as she was.

One of the roots of his problem was that he had not been able to let go of the kind of relationship consisting of control and sacrifice, where one of them, usually the one in the lower position, had to make sacrifices for the other, the kind of relationship he knew best. He had not been able to even consider having a different kind of relationship, one where two people equal to each other tried to find a compromise together when a problem arose, the kind of relationship Cagalli probably wanted to have with him, the kind of relationship they probably couldn't have unless he accepted her wholly and unconditionally.

Since he had not been able to do that, however, he had had no words to answer her this afternoon.

Although he had known he had made mistakes, what he had been doing was wrong, after Lacus's concert, he had not yet known exactly what was wrong with his ways. Thus, he had only used a different approach based on the same thinking instead of truly changing—improving—his way of thinking and his behavior, then ended up just making another mistake.

But now, he truly understood the flaw in his ways. Trying to put her under his control meant denying her being herself, which would just hurt her and ruin their relationship. Trying to mold her into his idea of ideal girlfriend wouldn't lead them to happiness. Like tying her to him with a baby, chaining her to him against her will, wouldn't.

Those desires of his to control her and change her were the source of his pain and suffering, and hers. He had been making both himself and her miserable by trying to fulfill them. Did he want to still continue the attempt?

The memories of her flashed in his mind again, one after another. All the memories from the three years since they had met. Her words followed: _"I don't want us to stop being ourselves to be together."_

Did he really want her to stop being herself so that they could be together? Did he truly prefer her to become someone else, different from how she was now?

The feeling that she was so precious came back to him vividly. The answer was simple again.

No. He wanted her to be herself. It was what he had wanted in the first place. He had wanted her, wanted to have a romantic relationship with her, because she was herself, not because he thought she could become a good tool to fulfill his desire for ideal girlfriend.

There might be a part of him that had been attracted to her because she fulfilled his needs and desires, even those he didn't realize having, or especially those. But then, she had not done that to become his ideal girlfriend. She even had not done most of it because he was someone special to her.

She had done so because that was how she was, and that was what attracted him to her most. That was partly why she could touch his heart so deeply, move him so strongly. Because she was so genuine. Everything she had given him—words, concern, comfort, admiration, affection, love, and even anger—had come from her heart. He loved her for that, for her heart.

Once she started acting in accordance with his wishes, living in order to fulfill his needs and desires, however, the fire inside her he cherished from the bottom of his heart would probably diminish, or even worse, die out. It wasn't what he wanted. He wanted the fire to keep burning, brightly and warmly.

It didn't exactly mean he no longer had the desire to change her. However, he probably had to accept that it was never attainable. He couldn't pick some parts of her he liked and discard other parts he didn't like, couldn't keep the fire as it was while turning her into a different person. Her fire couldn't be turned on and off at his convenience. It surely didn't work like that.

And he was certain that he would regret for the rest of his life if his attempt to make it happen destroyed her, turning her into a puppet who existed only to satisfy him without her own will and wishes. With all the mistakes he had made and all the pain and suffering he had caused her, he still loved her and cared about her. He wanted her to be happy. He had never wished otherwise.

So he knew he had to let go of the desire to mold her to his liking. If there was a sacrifice he had to make for love, this was probably it.

Then again, it was probably not exactly a sacrifice, not one for her anyway. Because he was doing it for his own sake, for his happiness, as much as hers. He couldn't possibly be happy if he ruined her happiness, ruined someone he loved, by his selfishness. Then, it was probably just another effort to make himself happy.

He let the realization sink deep into him, permeate every corner of his mind, before he moved on to the next step.

If he wouldn't pursue that wish to change her, then what was he going after? What did he want now?

He had two options: giving Cagalli up and choosing to look for a girl who fit his idea of ideal girlfriend; giving up the idea and choosing to stay with Cagalli. He had to choose between Cagalli and the ideal girlfriend. It was the choice he truly had to make. He had to decide which was more important to him, which he wanted more, which he could give up and which he couldn't. Which made him happy, or happier.

It would be easy and probably gave him satisfaction and a sense of security to be with someone who played the role of his ideal girlfriend well. A girl he could control easily, a girl who would accept being lower than him and never threaten his position as her superior, a girl who would do everything he wanted her to and do nothing he didn't want her to, a girl who even felt happy doing so.

Having a girl—a woman—under his control was also what a full-fledged man should have in the viewpoint of men like his father which seemed to be most of the men from older generations. It was what was necessary, almost essential, to get their approval. It was the kind of happiness he had been taught—albeit indirectly—to desire and go after, what people said was _the_ happiness.

And it simply seemed...soothing to have someone who would always be under him, which would probably make him feel like a better, larger man.

On the other hand, it would be tough and probably often frustrate him to be with Cagalli. Their relationship would be the kind he wasn't familiar with, not the traditional kind, not the kind many couples seemed to have, not the kind he was supposed to have with a girl. And he would probably have to keep struggling to figure out how to be in such a relationship, at least for a while.

It might be best for him if he and Cagalli broke up and went back to friends. He was sure she wouldn't deny him her friendship, care, or love—albeit a different kind. He could still have her in his life, receiving her warmth and light, while having a girlfriend who fit into his expectations. Even if it pained her, she would forgive him for pursuing his own happiness.

And he knew Cagalli was strong and could be happy even if they parted ways. Therefore, he didn't have to hesitate because he was worried about what would become of her after he left her. He couldn't use it as the reason of his choice, as an excuse.

With some other girl who was weaker, he might have—would probably have done that. He would have decided to stay in the relationship, saying he couldn't abandon her, and deluded himself that he was acting for a noble reason—for a reason that people said was noble and right—making a sacrifice for her, when he was actually just escaping from sincerely thinking about the matter, from properly facing himself and his desires, from shouldering the burden of living his own life, using the girl as a tool. He had nearly done a similar thing when he had offered to go to Tassil with Cagalli.

However, Cagalli wasn't weak enough to let him use her like that. She didn't let him run away like that.

He felt a pang at the thought, at admitting that she didn't really need him, not the way he wanted her to anyway, the desperate way that wouldn't allow her to leave him no matter what, that would satisfy his need to feel needed and erase his fear of being abandoned by her. It wasn't like he had not already known it. Acknowledging it still hurt, nonetheless. But dealing with it, another difference between her and his ideal girlfriend, was easier now that he had accepted her for who she was. Or at least he was getting there.

At the same time, he couldn't just dismiss the pain. Although it would probably subside over time, and hopefully be gone eventually, it was still a part of being with Cagalli, a part of the cost of choosing her. He had to take it into consideration in order to find the right answer. If he ignored it, or trivialized it, he was likely to falter after making the choice, which would do no good to anyone.

After all, it was what he had been doing for the past several months. He had not given a proper thought to what it meant to be with her before asking her out, or even after starting to date her, and his negligence had ended up hurting both of them badly. He couldn't repeat the same mistake. This time, if he was going to choose her, he had to do it while being fully aware of what he was getting into.

He breathed in, then out, and repeated the process several times before returning to the problem solving.

The fact was that he owed Cagalli nothing, much less staying together with her. To be honest, he didn't exactly feel that way, given all the kindness and help she had given him. But he knew that was how she saw it. Everything she had done for him was her gift freely given, not favor he had to repay her for. She would never place him under indebtedness, restrain him like that. Probably the only way he could pay her back was to face head-on this task of figuring out what he should do to be happy.

And in order to do so, he had to make his own choice instead of running away from taking responsibility for his own life and letting someone else, or something like fate, make the choice for him.

It wasn't easy. No, it was disturbingly difficult. He had been raised to follow other people's expectations, do what they wanted him to. Thinking about his own happiness, and pursuing it, didn't just make him feel selfish. It was actually scary. He was walking into an unknown territory.

Meeting expectations, doing what he was supposed to do, was safe. It protected him from blame or the heavy responsibility of deciding his own life. It was also satisfying, making him feel needed. But he couldn't stay there. He had to move forward, no matter how frightening it was, no matter how vulnerable it made him feel. There were things he couldn't obtain otherwise, and he wanted them. Therefore, he had to go, leaving the comfort of the familiar.

At least, he wasn't alone. He felt like the amulet in his hand was emitting heat and light, reassuring and encouraging him. He knew it was just his imagination. But he also knew the imagination wasn't baseless.

No matter who blamed him for selfishness, Cagalli wouldn't. She would give him all the support she could in his pursuit of happiness. Knowing it gave him the strength to follow through on this struggle for the answer, to confront the hardest part.

What made him feel selfish most was to consider the idea of dating another girl while keeping Cagalli in his life. For some reason, it made him feel like a two-timer even though he would never do such an immoral thing like cheating on his girlfriend.

Despite the discomfort, though, he had to explore all his options thoroughly. It was necessary in order to find the best answer to a problem, even if it meant facing the ugly sides of himself. They were his honest desires; he wanted a girlfriend who fit his ideal and still wanted Cagalli in his life even after breaking up with her. Therefore, the situation he was considering was likely to happen if he chose the ideal girlfriend over Cagalli. He had to accept that, accept those desires of his, accept the fact that he was the kind of person who wanted such things, instead of trying to look past them.

Pressing his lips together tightly, he willed himself to focus. Whether he felt comfortable with it or not, he had an option to have both Cagalli—as a friend—and a girl who satisfied his desire for ideal girlfriend if he wanted. Then the question was...If friendship was all he could have with Cagalli, would it be enough for him? Did he want an ideal girlfriend enough to give up what he could have only when Cagalli and he were more than friends?

An image of Cagalli popped into his head, smiling affectionately at him. In his mind, he cupped her face with his hands. Her smile became wider and she giggled as his thumbs softly moved over her cheeks pushed up by the smile, enjoying the feel of her sun-kissed skin. He closed the distance between their faces and her face turned pink. Her eyelids shut a little hurriedly. Her face slightly tilted up, ready to accept him, which filled his chest with happiness. Her lips and mouth were soft and warm and sweet. As he messed with her hair in an attempt to kiss her more deeply, his nostrils caught a waft of her citrus shampoo. Her hands tugged at his shirt and her body leaned into him, pressed against his and perfectly fitting into it. He slipped a hand under her shirt to caress her silky skin. She sighed into his mouth and he swallowed it, feeling like he had just taken in a part of her.

It was as if all of her was laid bare in front of him: her mind, her body, her heart, even her soul. They were there for him to take—to share, entrusted in his hands so unguardedly, so boldly.

An awed breath escaped his lips. He had never realized the true value of those exchanges when he had actually had them.

 _"Bye, Athrun."_

As her voice rung in his ears, the image in his head was replaced with the forlorn smile and the intense eyes, then her back disappearing behind the door.

Even that image soon vanished from his mind, and the feelings the imaginary exchanges with her had brought to him seconds ago were gone as well.

He dropped his gaze at the amulet in his hand, then gripped it and pressed his fist against his chest—his heart. He wanted strength, needed it, and there was nothing more suitable to draw it from than this stone.

After a long while, he slowly reached out for his phone to type a text with his left hand, his right one still securely holding the pendant.

 **Are you awake?**

It was almost midnight—he vaguely remembered his grandmother saying good night from the entrance of his room and his absently replying in kind hours ago—but he knew there was a high chance of it.

He kept his eyes on the phone, his right fist still attached to his chest. About six minutes later, a return text popped up.

 **What's up?**

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Thank you for reading. See you next week!

···

Below is the reply to review.

 **To Fuyu Aki:**

Hello, thank you for another review!

Sorry Athrun in "The Confrontation" wasn't exactly likable. But I needed to show that side of him, his weakness that sways him to an easy path. Hopefully, it's more understandable after you read this chapter. This chapter is supposed to explain Athrun's behavior and sentiments and clear readers' confusion. Most of them anyway.

Well, I suppose you still have questions regardless. So, don't hesitate to ask them in your review or PM :)

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 ***posted 05/05/19***

 ***edited 05/20/19***


	20. To the Future

English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

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 **Season of Farewell**

Chapter 19: To the Future

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"All right. It looks like you have everything you need." With a satisfied look, her mother handed her crossbody bag back to her.

"Told you, Mom," Cagalli said, making a face and slinging the bag over her shoulder.

She was going to leave for Tassil soon and her whole family gathered at the entrance of their house. Her mother had insisted on checking whether Cagalli had packed all necessary things.

"If you've forgotten something, you can buy it as long as you have your debit card," Kira suggested to her in an easygoing manner, yawning. "Except your student ID, that is."

"That's a brilliant idea." Cagalli gave an impressed look to her brother. "Maybe I didn't need to pack so many things after all."

Via shook her head. "I suppose it's a good thing you kids seem to be rather at ease instead of being all nerves."

"You need some tension to do good work, though," her father cut in. "Stay focused."

"I know, Dad." Cagalli smiled widely at Ulen.

Her father was a busy man who hardly came home. He had spent even less time at their house than usual after giving up his attempt to make Kira change his college choice last month; there was still some tension between her brother and her father.

But Ulen had come home last night and delayed going to work this morning to see her off, and she was a little excited. Not that she expected this attention to last long, or their relationship to start changing. Still, it didn't feel bad to receive the attention anyway, no matter how brief it would be.

Her mother took Cagalli's arm to see the watch on it. "It's already past seven thirty. We'd better get going." Via picked up her car key from a tray on the shoe cabinet.

"Just do your best, then you should be fine." Her father nodded at her and she nodded back.

"Thanks."

Kira hugged her. "You can do it, sis."

She returned the hug. "You too, little bro. I'm sure you'll pass your exam with flying colors. You've been working hard for this, for your dream."

Kira had an entrance exam for his first choice of college tomorrow like her. She knew that her grandfather would call Kira to give a word of encouragement tonight just as Uzumi would with her and that her mother would give Kira another pep talk tomorrow morning like she had with Cagalli a little while ago.

However, she didn't know whether her father was going to say something reassuring to her brother concerning his exam for a college Ulen didn't approve of, or be at home tomorrow morning to see Kira off. She was hoping Ulen would act in a maturer, more fatherly way than that, but wasn't so sure about it. If her suspicion turned right, she was determined to give her father a piece of her mind after coming back from Tassil. Now, she put extra encouragement into her voice, squeezing Kira harder than necessary, so he would have enough moral support to help him get through the exam even with Ulen showing none.

As they pulled away from each other, Kira chuckled. "You never miss a chance to claim you're the older one, do you."

With a grin, she waved a finger at him. "Truth should be spoken, baby brother. That's how we create a better world."

He shook his head, exactly like their mother had earlier, with a smile on his face.

She adjusted her backpack and crossbody bag, then put on her shoes. "Bye, guys!" Waving at her brother and father, she opened the door.

"Cagalli." As she stepped out of her house, her brother called out.

She looked over her shoulder at him. "Yeah?"

Her mother passed her, walking toward her car, and her father was already heading toward the stairs, probably to prepare for going to his workplace.

Rubbing his arms due to the cold air flowing into the house from the open door, Kira started to say something with a weighing look, but then, shrugged.

"Well, have a nice trip."

He appeared to be hiding something, and she narrowed her eyes. But there wasn't time for her to interrogate him. So she decided to let it pass for now, said "Sure," and followed her mother.

Her mother and she picked up Ahmed and headed toward the nearest bus stop for the shuttle bus to Kaguya Airport. Ahmed and she were going to take the bus to the airport, then a plane to Tassil where they spent a night at a hotel so that they could prepare for the entrance exam tomorrow.

Via parked her car across a street from the bus stop and turned her body to look at Cagalli and Ahmed in the back seat.

"Have a safe trip, and call me when you arrive at the hotel, okay?"

"Okay, Mom." Cagalli stretched out a hand to touch her mother's shoulder. Via squeezed it.

"Bye, Mrs. Via. Thanks for the ride!" Ahmed waved at her mother before getting off the car. Cagalli followed suit.

Nodding at them through the car window, Via drove off. Cagalli looked right and left, making sure that cars weren't near, then dashed across the street, not bothering to walk down to a crosswalk which was in the opposite direction to the bus stop and too far away in her opinion anyway. Ahmed was right behind her.

She jumped onto the sidewalk on the other side of the street. The bus stop was only a dozen strides away. She turned her eyes in the direction, then froze, noticing what she had been missing, or rather, paying no attention to.

Someone was standing at the bus stop. Someone she knew very well.

He slowly walked toward her, his gaze capturing hers. She was paralyzed, not knowing what to do, whether she should run toward him or run away from him.

"Hey, that's your boyfriend, right?"

Her friend's voice pulled her out of the shocked state, to some extent anyway. She looked at Ahmed, then back at the person coming to her. Athrun was already in front of them and stopped.

"Good morning, Cagalli...Ahmed," he said in a calm voice.

She hesitated for a moment. "Morning...Athrun." Her uncertainty was clear in her voice.

"Morning. Nice to see you again," Ahmed said, then sent her a questioning look. He knew she and Athrun had not reconciled yet.

She inhaled a long breath. "Athrun, why are you here?"

"Kira told me about this bus stop and what time you are leaving at. I'm going to the airport with you."

She gave him a puzzled face which quickly turned into a frown. "You didn't apply to Tassil Uni, did you?"

He shook his head. "I just want to talk with you, and see you off. Then I'll go home."

Her pulse accelerated even further at the mention of a talk. There was only one possible subject, and she was hardly prepared to talk with him about it. She had expected to hear his answer—which seemed likely to be a goodbye, judging from his reaction yesterday—after she came back from Tassil, not even before going there.

Fear was squeezing her heart, almost crushing it, and her knees felt weak, nearly useless.

But this was what she had wanted, what she had asked for, wasn't it? She was the one who had tried to settle the matter before the entrance exam for Tassil University by going to his house and have a talk with him. Taking the exam felt like a symbol of her choice to follow her dream instead of complying with his with; this time, she had wanted to talk to him about it before actually doing it, trying not to repeat the same mistake as when she had decided to go to the university without talking to him.

Undoubtedly, he was here because of that, because of her action, because of her decision. Then, she had to face up to the consequence.

She had told herself so, recalling her grandfather's words and summoning her courage. Then, trying to calm herself down even if just a tiny bit, she swallowed hard and opened her mouth.

"Okay." Her voice sounded weird as she was still shaken by this unexpected turn of events.

But there was no room in her mind to care. All her attention was on what was coming out of Athrun's mouth, which determined their future, which could break her heart.

Before he uttered a word, however, Ahmed's voice came to seize both her and Athrun's attention.

"Hey, that's our bus!" He was pointing a finger at a bus coming toward them.

They hurried toward the bus stop and got on the bus. Paying the fee, Ahmed looked at her over his shoulder.

"I'm gonna have this seat." He patted one of the chairs nearest the door. "You two better go to the back. Looks like no one's over there."

She blinked up at him as he gave her arm an encouraging squeeze. "Um, thanks." It was thoughtful of him to give privacy to her and Athrun like that.

Ahmed replied good-naturedly, "I wanna sleep until we get to the airport anyway." He hopped into the seat, tossing his bags on the one next to his, and waved a hand at the other two. "Go ahead and make out as much as you want." He gave them a smirk before closing his eyes.

"We're _not_ going to make out," she insisted with a red face, which Ahmed ignored, whether pretending to be sleeping or actually having fallen asleep already.

With a small, annoyed pout, she walked forward. There were only a few other passengers in the whole bus, and no one at the back. She slipped into one of the seats before the long back seat, shoving her bags under the seat in front of hers. Athrun sat next to her, his face still pink from Ahmed's teasing like hers.

The bus started moving. Athrun cleared his throat.

"So, ah, I wanted to talk."

The anxiety returned and her heart immediately started racing again. She held her breath, practically stopping breathing.

She had actually found hope in this situation during the short time since she had seen him at the bus stop. He might not be going to reject her, break up with her, after all. If that was what he wanted to tell her, he wouldn't bother to come all the way to the airport, would he?

...But then, Athrun was big on being polite and proper. Maybe he had thought this was a proper way to say goodbye: ending their romantic relationship before her exam so that she could focus on her new life, and seeing her off to that life.

Normally, she wasn't a pessimist. She could find a positive side to almost anything. In fact, people, including Athrun, sometimes reprimanded her for being too optimistic even. But now, more and more negative thoughts were filling her head, squashing the hope she had found.

The only thing she could do was nod and look at him with wide eyes. Her clammy hands gripped her thighs tightly.

He looked back with a serious face, and slightly leaned toward her to look into her eyes, deep and straight.

"I do." His voice was clear and firm, his eyes intense. "I want this, and I believe in us, too. I'm in."

A still moment passed, then, as she started breathing again, a teardrop fell from her eye. They were such simple words, yet everything she wanted to hear, everything she wanted him to say.

She felt dizzy though she wasn't sure whether it was because of relief or because she had stopped breathing for too long. She couldn't care less. Unable to voice anything, she threw herself to him, clutching his neck with her arms. His firm body received her and his strong arms safely held her.

"Sorry it took me so long to reach the answer and I made you wait and worry," he said into her hair.

She just shook her head no. He was here now. He was going to be here, at her side. He was willing to fight for their relationship, fight along with her. That was more than enough for her. That was all that mattered to her.

After a couple minutes, he gently pushed her away. She looked up at him with a pout, not understanding why he was doing it.

He caressed her cheek in a pacifying way and took something out of his coat pocket. "I wanted to give this to you." It was the Haumea's amulet she had given him two years ago. "It will probably help you safely reach Tassil and then the exam room." Then he hurriedly added, "But I want it back after you come home. I'm just lending it to you, not returning it."

She thought a little before shaking her head. "No, you keep it for your own exam. I don't need it." Slipping her hand under her clothes, she pulled out a chain she was wearing on her neck, which was a bit difficult since she was tightly bundled up with her scarf, coat, sweater, blouse, and so on. "I have this."

Noticing the ring dangling from the chain, his eyes enlarged. He stared at it for a while, looking almost wonderstruck, before gingerly touching it.

"You were bringing it with you to Tassil?" He looked at her like he wanted to hug her and kiss her right now if they weren't in a public place.

She smiled at him. "It's kind of my lucky charm."

She had not been able to wear the ring with a red gem on her finger after the fight, too uncertain about his feelings for her. But still, she had wanted to keep it close. Although it sometimes pained her to look at the ring, it also helped her keep believing in their relationship.

She had known that Athrun wasn't the kind of person who gave a ring to a girl randomly, without any deep meaning. Some strong emotion must have caused him to give her the ring; the reason, or at least part of it, must have been his love for her, even if it wasn't as large a part as she would like or it was a different kind of love from what she wanted, she had supposed. And she had wanted to believe in that love of his, believe in him, until he himself denied her beliefs.

So, instead of only at school, she had begun wearing it on a chain all the time.

His eyes still on her face, he circled his hands around her neck and unclasped the chain. Gently, he took her left hand to slid the ring on the fourth finger. He dropped a kiss on the ring, then gazed into her eyes.

"I wish you the best of luck."

Her eyes became teary at the sincerity in his voice.

"Thank you," she whispered before hugging him again, burying her head into his neck.

* * *

Cagalli shook his shoulder for a while, calling his name several times, and then smacked his head hard before Ahmed finally opened his eyes.

"Stop hitting," he mumbled sleepily.

"We're already at the airport," she nearly yelled into his ear.

"But it can't be. I went into sleep just a couple minutes ago, I'm sure."

He looked around with disbelieving, drowsy eyes. All the other passengers were gone; they, including Athrun standing next to her and apologetically bowing to the bus driver, were the only ones left.

"Just get up. Or we're going to leave you behind," she threatened. Ahmed obediently stood up and started to climb down the short stairs to get off the bus.

"You are forgetting your bags," Athrun pointed out, grabbing the bags.

"Oops, my bad." Scratching his head with a sheepish grin, Ahmed took them from Athrun's hand. "Thanks."

Athrun politely shook his head. "No problem."

"So, did you have a good making out session?" Ahmed asked as they passed through the entrance of the airport building.

She sent him a dirty look. "We. Did. Not. Make. Out."

Athrun and she had just told each other about things that had happened during the time they had few exchanges. Although they had shared a couple of hugs, and while talking, she had rested her head on his shoulder and their arms had been around each other's waist, it didn't count as making out. Totally not.

"If you say so," Ahmed said in a singsong tone, smirking.

"I _do_ say so," she shot back.

Athrun coughed, not looking at either Cagalli or Ahmed. "Your airline is Astray Airlines, right? Their counter is over there." He pointed a finger in the direction.

"Actually, I'm getting a bit hungry. I only had a bowl of cereal for breakfast." Ahmed rubbed his stomach, looking around. "Wasn't there a cafe or something here?"

Cagalli started to cast around as well, but Athrun said disapprovingly, "No, the airline counter first. They will tell you if there is a time change for your flight, or some other problem. If you learn it later, you might panic, or worse, miss your flight. So check in now. Then, we can go to the cafe." He sounded like a teacher leading a bunch of students for a school trip.

Ahmed leaned toward her and whispered, "Is he always like this?" though his voice wasn't so low that Athrun couldn't hear it.

She whispered back in the voice about as low, or as loud, "Yeah, told you he's a worrywart, and a bit of a control freak."

Athrun sent her a narrow-eyed look. "I can hear you."

Sticking out her tongue, she pulled Ahmed's arm. "Come on. We better go before Mom gets mad."

"I hear that, too."

Refraining from responding to Athrun, she and Ahmed hurried toward the counter where they were told there had been no change or problem concerning their flight so far.

Afterward, they went to the said cafe to satisfy their hunger. Ahmed was starving, and she wasn't the type to say no to snacks though she had had a hearty breakfast her mother had made specifically for the occasion, especially after she found Spicy Chili Dog on the menu.

"Are you sure about it?" Athrun asked with a crease between his brows. "You said you'd had a proper breakfast. You may not be able to finish it."

She shrugged carelessly. "Then I'll take it to the plane and finish it later. Have you decided?"

He still looked dubious. "I don't think bringing a chili dog inside a plane is a good idea. There may be some people who don't like the smell. And I'll just have a cup of coffee. I'm not really hungry."

It was her turn to frown. "Did _you_ have breakfast?"

"Well, I—"

"Protein bars don't count," she cut him off. "Nor bananas."

He exhaled. "Fine. I didn't. I left my house early and didn't feel like eating," he added a little defensively.

"You should order something then. Or share my chili dog," she demanded.

They engaged in a brief staring contest until he let out a resigned sigh. "All right, I'll share."

She gave him a satisfied nod and looked at Ahmed. "You ready?"

"I'm ready to eat this table," he replied, curiously watching her and Athrun.

"Don't. You're going to have stomach trouble," she deadpanned, waving a hand to a waitress to place their orders. Athrun asked for an extra knife.

The waitress soon brought their meals.

"Take a half." Cagalli pushed her plate toward Athrun. She didn't mind just breaking the hot dog in half with her hands, but she knew he would prefer cutting it properly and precisely even without witnessing him asking for that knife.

He quickly measured the hot dog with the knife and his fingers, at which she rolled her eyes, and then cut it into two.

She took a bite into her half and smiled with satisfaction, then thought a little, carefully tasting it. She turned her face to Athrun who was sitting next to her.

"Is it too hot for you?" she asked, wondering whether it was better if she took more than a half.

He swallowed, then answered, "Not really. I prefer it to be less spicy, but it's good enough." She nodded, glad that he could enjoy it as well.

The meal didn't last long. She and Athrun had just a half of a hot dog each, and Ahmed wolfed down his pancakes. But they lingered at the cafe; since there weren't many other customers and most tables were empty, the waitress didn't seem to mind it.

They chatted, and after a while, Cagalli started assuring Athrun that she and Ahmed were planning to actually take the route from their hotel to the university building where they took exams this afternoon so that they would be familiar with the way and wouldn't get lost tomorrow on the exam day. That was partly why they had gotten a morning flight.

As she finished, Athrun gave a nod. "It sounds all ri—"

"Ah! There's something I wanted to tell you, Athrun," Ahmed cut in, jerking up from his seat where he had been sprawling.

He leaned toward the other two sitting at the opposite side of the table. "Hey, I can call you Athrun, right?" The blunet hesitantly nodded with a confused face. "Good. Well, since I'm not sure when we meet next, I think I better say it now."

The two pairs of green eyes—emerald green and forest green—locked with each other, and Athrun's body straightened up, his face a little tense for some reason. He probably still felt somewhat shy with Ahmed, Cagalli assumed. She had not had a chance to get them close as she had planned last fall. Well, she had been rather too preoccupied.

"Don't worry about Cagalli after she moves to Tassil," Ahmed continued. "I'll chase guys away from her in your stead. Kira told me to anyway." Ahmed paused, then added with a smirk, "Well, guys with a taste for weird girls."

While Athrun was blinking with a blank face, she stretched a hand to hit Ahmed's head with a scowl. "You were one of them, remember?"

With a mock offended face, Ahmed raised both his hands in protest. "Don't hold it against me. I was young then."

He turned his face to Athrun who looked like he wasn't sure how to respond. "Anyway, I'll take care of her. Oh, and don't worry about me. I already got over my feelings for her. Now she's like a sister to me."

"I don't need any more overprotective brother. One is bad enough," she grumbled. It seemed her brother—the real one—had had a somewhat different idea from her when he had said he was glad, like her, that Ahmed was going to the same university with her.

"Ah...thank you," Athrun said, still looking slightly confused.

"You're welcome." Ahmed gave the blunet a friendly grin.

"You know you can't do it unless you pass the entrance exam as well, right?" she teased.

"Hey, your lack of faith in me is shaking my confidence." Ahmed pointed an accusing finger at her.

She swatted his hand. "I'm just saying."

He stuck out his lower lip in a mock pout. "You're supposed to support me and encourage me."

"Sure, sure. I'm going to hold your hand until the exam begins." She half rose from her seat to tousle his hair with a grin.

"Or you can buy me a big dinner so I can feel good," he suggested, grinning back.

She opened her mouth for another retort, but Athrun cleared his throat.

"I believe we should be going now."

"Oh, already?" Ahmed collected his phone on the table to look at its screen.

"About time. I'm totally ready." She stretched a little before gathering her bags and coat which she had taken off some time ago.

They walked out of the cafe and toward the security gates. A few meters before the lines, they stopped.

Athrun turned to her and brushed her hair away from her face. "Good luck," he said with a smile, then turned his face to Ahmed. "Both of you."

"Thanks, buddy." Ahmed lightly bumped his fist against the blunet's arm. A small smile crossed Athrun's lips. He seemed to be warming up to Ahmed, and Cagalli made a little, satisfied nod while watching. She had known the boys could become good friends.

"Let me know when you arrive at Tassil Airport, or your hotel at the latest," Athrun added, looking back at her.

Opting not to mention that her mother had said the same thing, she nodded. "I will. And thank you, Athrun, for coming here."

His face softened with warmth. "No problem."

Waving at him, she and Ahmed started to trot toward a security gate, ready to fly to the place where their futures were waiting.

* * *

 **A/N** : I added some sentences concerning the ring to Cagalli's part of Chapter 9 ("The Fight"). The idea came to me while I was editing this chapter a few days ago.

And next week, on Cagalli and Kira's birthday, I'll upload the final chapter and the epilogue, and then, this fic will be over. So, if you have any questions, ask me now! (Or you can always send me a PM, of course.)

Thank you for reading. See you next week!

···

Below are the replies to reviews.

 **To BlueberriesGoneBad:**

Thank you for another review!

I actually see many similarities between Athrun and myself. So it's easier for me to understand him than for many people, I guess. Though it also means I have to regularly remind myself that no matter how similar we may be, he isn't me. I try not to let my belief about our similarities misjudge him when I analyze the original series, and try not to make him too much like me when I write him in my fics.

Anyway, I hope you liked Cagalli and Athrun's reconciliation in this chapter.

 **To Fuyu Aki:**

Hello, thank you for another review!

I'm glad you liked the previous chapters. They are the most important part of this fic, especially "The Answer II." I think what readers think of the chapter greatly affects what they think of the entire fic. So, I'm relieved to see a positive review :)

And you are right. This is sort of a high school version of Athrun and Cagalli's story in GSD. Since I've made some changes, the story isn't exactly the same as the original, but the themes are the same.

As for their beliefs, it's clear in the original series that Cagalli believes in a goddess called Haumea to an extent, though I'm not sure how devoted she is to the faith. And the faith in Haumea seems like the most prevalent and influential religious belief in Orb, or at least among its noble families since Cagalli and Jona were going to make a wedding vow to the goddess.

Athrun's beliefs are unclear in the anime. ZAFT soldiers say things like, "Heavens (which can be also translated as "the sky" that can mean "the universe" since we are talking about the people who live in space) bless us," and "Stars bless our justice." So, there appears to be a whole new religion in PLANT related to stars and the universe, maybe one uniquely believed by Coordinators. But Athrun doesn't strike me as the religious type. It seems most likely to me that he is uninterested in religions, if not skeptical of them. So I write him that way.

* * *

 ***posted 05/11/19***


	21. The End and the Beginning

English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

* * *

 **Season of Farewell**

Chapter 20: The End and the Beginning

* * *

"Athrun," she moaned. "I...can't..."

He knew Cagalli was near her limit, almost toppling over the edge. He could feel it by her whole body tightly clinging to him. But he didn't want to reach the end just yet. He wanted to still bask in this feeling of being one with her.

"Just...a little more," he pleaded.

With a shuddering breath, she dug her nails into his shoulders and bit her lower lip, trying to hold back. His love for her flared up, which affected his performance. Soon, she screamed into his mouth, reaching the climax, taking him with her.

After the blinding bliss passed, he remained still for a long moment, his breath rugged, until her hold of him loosened. Despite the fact that every part of him—not just his body—was demanding him to stay, he pulled back, gently peeling her body off his.

Her eyes fluttered open and the amber gaze followed him wistfully. His face softening, he quickly cleaned up to return to her side as soon as possible.

As she plastered herself against him with a contented sigh, he held her firmly. She loved cuddling afterward and he loved that she loved it.

Since their reconciliation, sex with her had been even better than before, amazingly good. He felt they could connect more deeply now. And it seemed to be getting even better every time, though it was still not really enough. Then again, it would probably never be enough. He didn't think he would ever feel that it was enough and that he would need it no more.

At the same time, the yearning wasn't as desperate as before. Probably because now, he was much more certain about her love for him; or because his love for her was stronger and firmer. There was something so sure in him—about her, about them, and about himself—which reassured and soothed him enough for his desires not to spiral out of his control.

Caressing her slick skin, he buried his nose into her damp hair. "I'll miss this."

He breathed in her scent, trying to commit it to memory as vividly as possible. The feel of her body in his arms as well. Both of them had been accepted by their first choices of college, and so, they were going to start living far away soon. Although he could hear her voice and see her face via phone and video chat, he wouldn't be able to touch her or smell her for a while.

She slapped his arm lazily. "You'll miss only sleeping with me?"

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah..." With a sigh, she snuggled deeper into his chest to nuzzle her nose against his body. "I'll miss you, too."

Silently, he squeezed her. She squeezed him back.

Even now, a part of him doubted whether he could really fight through this. His jealousy toward Ahmed had diminished after the brunet's reassurance that he didn't have romantic feelings for Cagalli anymore. Plus, Athrun couldn't seriously doubt Cagalli's love and willingness to maintain their romantic relationship after everything they had gone through, after she had still chosen to be with him despite everything.

Not to mention the reason why his jealousy toward other men around her had become so strong was that they reminded him of the possibility that she might leave him because he couldn't control her. But now, he accepted her as a person who had her own will and wishes, who had—and should have—the freedom to do what she wanted to without being restrained. He had made peace with the real problems that were his desire to control her and the frustration over the fact that he couldn't. Therefore, he didn't have much difficulty dealing with his jealousy anymore.

With the jealousy properly kept in check, however, there was still the difficulty of long-distance relationship. It had not changed at all. The difficulties of being with someone who didn't fit into his ideal and having a kind of relationship not many couples seemed to have or succeed in keeping hadn't, either.

Staying together with Cagalli would be a hard fight, and he couldn't say he had absolute confidence that he was strong enough to win it.

It was tough to admit that he might be too weak to achieve his goal, to have what he greatly desired, but he had to be truthful. He couldn't fight well, let alone put up his best fight, without properly acknowledging and dealing with his weaknesses. He had been taught so in his karate lessons and learned the trueness of the teaching during his attempt to become a better fighter.

And even if he wasn't sure about his own strength, Cagalli was worth the fight. What they had was worth the fight. They were worth all the efforts he had made and was going to make in the fight. That, he believed with all his heart.

He preferred to avoid risks, which might be another reason why he had wanted to put her under his control so much. He had wanted a reassurance that she would never break up with him. He had wanted to live without worrying about the risk that she might someday, the risk that existed because she was free. And so, he had tried to eliminate the risk, putting her on a chain so that she could never leave him even if she wanted.

He still didn't like taking risks. He just knew now that some risks were worth taking. Some battles were worth fighting even if you couldn't be sure of winning. At least, he was certain that she was too important to him to give up without a fight. That he would always regret it if he gave her up just because he was afraid of risks. He wasn't the type to be able to accept giving up what was so important so easily.

And the fact that she felt the same about him helped him maintain the determination to fight. He wasn't fighting this battle alone. She was in it with him.

Moreover, as impossible as it seemed since his love for her was almost unbelievably huge and intense, her love for him might be even bigger and stronger, or deeper.

She had admitted to knowing Meyrin's feelings for him when he had confided in her about the redhead's confession, not feeling comfortable tutoring a girl who had had, or still had, romantic feelings for him without letting his girlfriend know about the situation. But he had turned out to be the one who got surprised.

Cagalli had been calm about the news of Meyrin's confession, and even revealed that it was actually she who had come up with the idea of his becoming the redhead's tutor; she had added that therefore, she had no problem with his tutoring the younger girl.

It must have been painful for Cagalli to give the idea, the chance to spend more time with him, to Meyrin, a love rival. He didn't think he could have done the same for her if he were in her position. Yet, Cagalli had done it, because she loved him that much. Knowing it made him more grateful, and happier.

Almost impulsively, he opened his mouth again. "I...have something to confess."

"Hmm?" Cagalli sounded sleepy.

His heart, which had somewhat calmed down, started to accelerate again, anxiously this time. But the urge that had just occupied him wasn't leaving.

So, he said in a low voice, tightening his hold of her, "There was one time I thought about...knocking you up so that you couldn't leave me." His voice shook a little at the end of the sentence.

He had not meant to tell her this. He was still afraid of her reaction. Yet, the desire to be forgiven, to be accepted, by her had grown too much to contain. Not to mention he had learned due to their recent fight that keeping secrets from her, at least when they concerned both of them, hardly benefited their relationship. Honesty might actually be the best policy. Their exchange concerning Meyrin's confession he had just recalled strengthened the feeling.

Maybe he was feeling a little more open now because his worry about their sex had been proven wrong. Since they had reconciled about a month ago, they had slept together several times. The first time, he had been quite nervous. He had been certain that he would never actually try to get her pregnant, but still somewhat worried that he might be reminded of the disgust toward himself during sex.

However, he had soon found himself absorbed in the act, in the feelings she gave him, in the bliss of being able to intimately touch her again. He had thought about nothing but her, how beautiful and sexy she was and how much he wanted her. Although he had still taken extra care when handling a condom, he had not felt disgust or fear. They had quietly stayed in the back of his mind along with his past mistakes.

It had been the same every time after that including today. The hideous thought had never crossed his mind again, except as a memory.

And he wanted to put a closure to the matter, laying everything before her. He was prepared for some punches and kicks and name-calling. He just hoped she would be in the mood to at least talk to him by the time she left for Tassil the day after tomorrow. He didn't want to part with her on such a negative note, being ignored by her.

Come to think of it, maybe he should have confessed several days earlier then. But if he had done so, he wouldn't have been enjoying those days. Maybe, hopefully, this way was best after all. Even if she didn't forgive him before she moved away, her anger would be likely to subside as they spent days apart, without much interaction; the anger would be overshadowed by longing for him and the busyness of getting used to her new life.

As he was convincing himself, she was silent, not responding, and he began wondering whether she had fallen asleep without hearing him. But then, she shifted to look at his face. He held his breath, waiting for the verdict.

"Was it after your birthday party?"

He blinked several times before managing an answer. "Yes."

She exhaled. "Is it the real reason why you were upset?"

"Yeah..."

She slapped his head, though lightly. "You had me quite worried, you know."

"Um, sorry," he said with some uncertainty. He was willing to apologize thousands of times until she said it was enough. But this wasn't what he had expected to apologize for. None of her reactions was what he had expected.

Regardless, he should say what he had to say without getting distracted by her weirdness.

He collected himself and continued, "And I'm really sorry for thinking about doing such a disgusting thing." He closed his mouth, then hurriedly opened it again. "But it was just a thought. I always used a condom. Properly. And I promise I'll keep doing it. So you don't need to worry." He didn't want her to be afraid of having sex with him, of him.

She looked at him as if he had said a completely stupid thing. "Of course. You'd never actually do such a thing," she said matter-of-factly. "You are too...well, stiff. So much so you've been beating yourself up for just thinking, haven't you?"

He stared at her face which showed no rage or disgust. "Aren't you angry?"

She shrugged. "I'd be mad if you'd actually tried it. But you didn't. Then I have no reason to." Then her face turned into a small frown. "Wait. I take it back. I'm a bit angry you didn't tell me anything about it until now. Did you at least talk to someone about it?"

"Well..." He averted his eyes.

She gave another slap to his head. "Now, I'm angrier. I told you not to keep everything to yourself, didn't I?"

"Yeah. Yes. Ah, sorry," he said distractedly, then swallowed before making another question hesitantly and anxiously, "You don't feel like...you don't want to be touched by me, either? Or feel afraid?"

With no sign of trying to move away from him, she quirked an eyebrow. "Why would I?"

The unshaken trust in her eyes was almost too much. Speechless, he held her as tightly as he could without hurting her. He would never, ever throw away this, betray her trust, he vowed again as his sight started to blur.

With a little sigh, she patted his back. "Haven't I told you you're too hard on yourself? You really need to learn to take it easy, understood? You are making me worried about leaving you here." Her chiding sounded like the most beautiful and loving melody in the universe.

"I'll try," he said in a hoarse voice, trying to hide his tears. He doubted it was successful, but she didn't comment on it.

Instead, she pressed, caressing his head with one hand in addition to still giving pats to his back with the other, "I'm serious. Promise me you'll take better care of yourself. Like talk to someone when you are distressed." A thoughtful pause. "Even when you don't think it's important enough to trouble others. Or when you worry about our reactions. Bottling up everything inside you just hurts you. You need to let it out, and I'll listen. I'm sure our friends will, too. Just...trust us. More. Okay?"

"Okay," he said, then added, "I promise."

And he meant it. It wasn't like he wanted to worry her. Although he appreciated her concern for him, he wanted to be a strong person she could rely on, not a weak person she had to worry about all the time.

He might have been somewhat childish, neglecting to look after himself and being dependent on others to do it for him without realizing it. But that wasn't how he wanted to be, how he wanted to continue to be. He wanted to change, and trying to open up more, not just to her but also to others, might be the start.

After all, if her being herself and how she actually was were more important than how most girls were or how girls should be, the same thing could be said about him, right? And being himself ought to include revealing his true self, his true feelings, to others. Maybe, maybe he didn't have to be so reluctant about—and afraid of—showing his weakness to others, like crying in front of someone, which was "not manly." He was even feeling that trying to be just himself rather than his idea of ideal man, how he had been taught a man should be, might actually help him become stronger.

Some people, like his father, would disagree and disapprove of his new thinking and attempt. But other people, like Cagalli, wouldn't. They would simply accept him as he was including his weaknesses without judging him, as she had always done since the time they had just met, which made him feel safe, led him to accept himself, and gave him the power to try to change.

She made him strong as much as she made him happy. He wanted to be someone like that to her as well, and he probably couldn't do that if he kept pretending to be, or trying to become, someone he wasn't. Accepting others seemed to have a lot to do with accepting oneself. Or at least it seemed that way in her case. She had always been so accepting of herself, not afraid to reveal her true self to others, and accepting of other people.

No matter how much he hated having it, the ugly desire to keep her by his side even if it meant violating her trust and making her pregnant without her consent was still a part of him. And she accepted even that. She loved him just as he was, not an idealized version of him. Whether consciously or unconsciously—he suspected it was the latter—she had been showing him that, regardless of whether he noticed it.

Realizing how she loved him again was overwhelming him. He had never felt a bliss this perfect or a gratitude this deep. He didn't know how to tell her the feelings. He doubted any words ever could. Maybe the only way he could let her know at least a part of his feelings for her was through his actions, through his efforts to make her happy and protect their happiness.

The thought brought an idea to his mind and, after a few moments of hesitation, he slowly pulled away to reveal his face to her, including his teary eyes. It took a lot of willpower for him not to wipe his eyes and pretend he had never cried. Except for right after his mother had drawn her last breath, this was the first time he showed his tears to someone in maybe thirteen years.

But he had promised and decided to try to open up more, hadn't he?

Cagalli simply looked at him, then her hand came to wipe his tears away and stroke his head. There was nothing in her eyes but love and compassion and a little worry.

She was acting and appearing as if nothing huge was going on, as if his being in tears was no big deal, and he knew she wasn't pretending. She surely didn't want him to cry, but it wasn't because men shouldn't cry and she wanted him to act the way a man should. She just didn't want him to be sad enough to shed tears because she loved him; she wanted him to be happy instead of crying.

And when he cried, she just gave him comfort and support. He was sure it wouldn't change no matter how pathetic and childish he became. He had known that was how she was, but maybe, he had not truly understood what it meant. Probably, he had never completely trusted her, or anyone, to accept himself wholly.

But now he did. Cagalli had again proved to him that it was all right just to be himself, maybe even without trying. It seemed like such an attitude was just so natural to her that she didn't think much about it while doing it, let alone making an effort to do it. It was just a part of the kind of person she was.

Without words, he pulled her back toward him, but with great care this time as if she was made of porcelain. He knew she was strong, not fragile. But she was so precious that he wanted to treat her with all the gentleness he could manage as much as he wanted to hug her with all his might to show the intensity of his love for her. He just wanted to show her everything he was, every part of him.

Being with a girl who fit his idea of ideal girlfriend would be easier. With her, he might not have to face ugly sides of him, because the relationship was most likely to be superficial, nothing that shook him and moved him, and so, would enable him to maintain his facade, the mask that covered his true self even from his own eyes. He might be able to spend his entire life in the delusion, which was probably satisfying and soothing to an extent. And it might be a sort of happiness; some people might truly prefer it to another kind.

But then, he couldn't feel this happiness of being able to reveal every side of him to someone and being accepted entirely, by someone he loved no less. The kind of happiness _he_ preferred much, no matter what other people said or chose.

He wouldn't know that being accepted and cherished just as he was actually made him more willing to change, to become a better person. The acceptance gave him the courage to confront himself because he knew that he wouldn't be loved and cherished any less even if he failed, and that he would receive comfort and support which helped him stand up again after his failure. Therefore, he could try no matter how hard and painful it seemed. Not to mention he would be doing it because he _wanted_ to, not because he had to.

Cagalli had taught him that.

He tipped her chin up to kiss her softly, and sincerely said, "Thank you."

He had thought no words were enough just a moment ago. But he still wanted to say something, tell her even a fraction of his feelings, of how grateful he was to her for everything she had done and for being here with him now.

She slightly tilted her head as if she wasn't sure why he was thanking her, but shrugged and kissed him back with a smile. "Anytime."

Gazing at her smile, he felt even more certain that he would never ruin their happiness by his selfishness. The selfish desires were still inside him, but knowing it helped him fight against it. After all, you couldn't fight what you didn't know was there. Knowing your enemy was the first step of a battle; closely examining the enemy so that you could understand them better and figure out how to win against them was another important part.

And his love for her was much stronger than those desires, making it possible for him to keep a tight rein over them so that they wouldn't hurt her or ruin their relationship.

It didn't mean it was effortless, though. But he made the effort in order to have what he wanted. It was the same with his attempt to open up. He was doing it because it was necessary for him to acquire what he wished for.

In a way, they were attempts to become different from his father, though his reason had changed from before.

He still felt the hatred toward his father he had realized at Lacus's concert. It had subsided since he had confided in Cagalli about it and his guilt concerning his mother after their reconciliation and she had comforted him. She had said that she was sure his mother would forgive him if his mother were there, which made him hopeful that she really would just like Cagalli had.

Cagalli had also assured him that it was all right for him to be angry toward his father if he thought his father's attitude wasn't right. Strangely, being told that had actually eased his bitterness. He figured that there had still been a part of him feeling guilty about harboring anger toward his father, a part clinging to the image of father he had created in his head, who was rather perfect and couldn't be wrong: a kind of ideal father whose example he was supposed to follow.

As much as he had hated to be similar to his father, he had not been able to discard so easily the attempt to emulate his father, which he had been doing, both consciously and unconsciously, for so long. It was probably one of the factors that had complicated his feelings, prevented him from finding his answer concerning his relationship with Cagalli.

But now, with her support, he was more accepting of his anger toward his father, of the fact that his father was, after all, just a human who had flaws and made mistakes. And just because his father had done some wrongdoings, it didn't mean his father was a bad person, as Cagalli had pointed out.

And Athrun still loved his father despite his father's flaws and faults. He had realized that as his anger calmed down. The bitterness might always be inside him, but maybe he could both be angry toward his father and love his father. Cagalli had admitted that her feelings toward her own father were often similarly conflicted, which helped Athrun further. It wasn't like he had to choose either one of those emotions. He could have both the anger and the love no matter how conflicting they were.

Also, he accepted that he sometimes just couldn't agree with his father's ways, regardless of his love for his father or his dislike of his father. How he felt toward his father and whether he agreed with his father were two different matters; just because he couldn't accept his father's ways, it didn't mean he had to hate his father, and vice versa.

Last week, Patrick had come home early to congratulate, or show his approval of, Athrun's success in getting into the hardest college to enter in the country. Athrun had been able to talk to his father calmly, putting his bitterness and frustration aside.

And he had felt that it might be the first time he had even tried to see his father as a person. Patrick couldn't possibly have changed since their last talk in which they discussed the influence of their move on his mother's job. Yet, his father had seemed somewhat different. Something had changed between them, and Athrun had known the change was about him rather than about his father. Patrick had looked a little smaller, or less intimidating. It had made Athrun feel a little sad, and quite relieved.

After all, he was no longer a child who just looked up at his father and waited for instructions. He was an adult who made his own choices and decisions. Although they were still father and son and would always be, it wasn't all they were anymore. They were two adults, two persons who sometimes shared feelings and opinions, but had completely different ones at other times. Athrun was no longer someone who was lower than his father, someone who was under his father's control. He was his father's equal, or becoming so at least.

This change of him was likely to cause a fight between himself and his father someday. He knew his father wouldn't like it. But still, he was determined to walk down this path, go a different way from his father's, instead of trying to fit into his father's expectations and play the role of good son.

He was going to be a different kind of man from his father. Not really because of his dislike or disapproval of his father. Not because of his guilt toward his mother or Cagalli, not anymore. Not even because of his love for Cagalli, not entirely anyway.

More than anything, he was going to do that because of his desire for happiness, because he believed that his happiness was on the path he was walking, not on the same path as his father. He was a different person from his father, from any other guy, from any other person. Therefore, he had to find his own form of happiness and go his own way. Otherwise, he couldn't live happily.

And he wanted a happy life. It was one of the things he had realized during the struggle to solve his and Cagalli's problem, one of the things Cagalli had made him realize, one of the things he was thankful to her for.

To show his feelings, and just because he felt like it, he lightly kissed her head and then faces here and there, which caused her to giggle. They continued it for a little while, but then, she let out a big yawn.

"I'm going to sleep a bit," she said, rubbing her eyes. "We still have time, right?"

"We should." He sat up to reach his phone on the floor along with his clothes. "Yes, there is enough time for a nap. I'll set an alarm." It seemed they could have a couple of hours of rest.

"Hmmm..."

She appeared nearly asleep already when he put his phone on a shelf next to the bed and lay down beside her again. Still, she shifted to get closer to him. With a fond smile, he slid his left arm under her head. She looked content and her breathing soon became slow.

Combing through her hair with his hand, he gazed at her almost with wonder. A part of him still couldn't believe she had already forgiven him for considering getting her pregnant, without really blaming him at that. Granted, he had felt sure that she would forgive him eventually. Otherwise, he couldn't have brought himself to confess. But the forgiveness had been given way too easily.

Then again, this was Cagalli, a girl who didn't fit into his expectations. And right now, it felt like the most wonderful thing about her.

He knew that that part of her would cause him frustration again someday. But it would surely bring him happiness again as well. They were just two sides of the same coin, one always coming along with the other. Together, they consisted a part of Cagalli, a girl he loved. He just needed to take them as they were, as a whole.

He shifted his eyes to her left hand which was on his chest, then lifted it to gaze at the silver ring with a red gem on her finger.

He had not really given her the ring because of his love for her. Well, he wouldn't have done that if he didn't love her. That was true. However, the urge to give her a ring had mostly stemmed from his desire to control her rather than the desire to show her his feelings. Like a baby he had once been tempted to make, the ring had been a tool of his to chain her to him.

His attempt to make her sacrifice her dream for him had been the same. He had tried to make her prove her love for him by giving up such an important thing to her, by doing what greatly pained her, so that he could feel that she loved him enough to make such a big sacrifice, so that he could be reassured.

But that wasn't love. That was control and submission, he already knew. Without realizing it, he had been trying to turn her into an accessory to his life from a person living her own life.

Love wasn't meeting all of the other person's demands as if you were their servant, or slave even. Nor was it having all of your wishes fulfilled no matter how selfish they were, even if it hurt the other person and ruined the other person's happiness.

He couldn't thank her enough for standing up against him, refusing to accept his demands and then, rejecting his attempt to throw away his life, the responsibility of his life, into her hands. That was basically why they could still have an equal relationship, which was essential for them to have a happy life together.

He gently caressed the ring. It had been a representation of his mistake, of his selfish and ugly sides. It had not been something she should cherish, something he could cherish even when he tried not to look away from those sides anymore. He might have wanted her to keep it off her finger and hidden somewhere he couldn't see it, or wanted her to dispose of it even.

And yet, she had turned the ring into something valuable, something positive.

He softly kissed the ring like he had on the bus to the airport before she and Ahmed went to Tassil to take their exams. Since then, the ring had changed its meaning in his eyes. The facts that she had trusted him enough to maintain hope for their relationship even after he had not been able to give her his answer right away and that she had treated the ring like a symbol of that hope had affected his view of the ring.

He had not told her, but now, the ring was to him a symbol of his promise to fight his hardest for their happiness, try as hard as he could to keep accepting her just as she was no matter how difficult it got. It was also a reminder for him not to repeat the same mistakes.

And a reminder of the struggles he had overcome.

As he put her hand back down on his chest, his mind wandered to the thoughts that had become familiar during the past month. Even after he had found his answer, he had kept thinking about the matter of controlling someone, and other related matters like insecurity.

And he had realized that confidence that was based on condescension toward others—even if it wasn't malicious—was a false kind. Not the real, unshakable confidence. In such a case, your confidence, and you, depended on the very person or people you looked down on.

To gain actual confidence, he supposed, you had to stand on your own feet, not on a pedestal supported by others, regardless of whether those playing human pillars were willing or forced. When you stood on someone, their actions affected you as much as yours did them.

If they tried to fight back against being put in a lower position or escape from the place under you, abandoning their role of boosting you up, you were shaken, losing your balance. Your entire world could be shaken if you had not realized you had been in your position at someone else's expense or had known it but never doubted it was how things should be, completely believing in your superiority and your right to walk over them, live above them, and got genuinely surprised by their rebellion.

And if they succeeded, you fell down to the ground, no longer in a high enough position to satisfy you. You would be the same height as those you had been looking down on, or worse, lower than them, now that you had to stand on your own and you didn't really know how to do such a thing.

That was partly why you tried to restrain those you looked down on as hard as possible, to have as much control over them as you could. Because putting them in "their proper place" was essential in order for you to feel safe and confident.

Before his recent conflict with Cagalli, Athrun had never thought he was a person like that. But that was exactly how he had reacted in his relationship with her, when she had made it clear that she didn't act the way he believed a girl should. He had suddenly found himself in a situation where he had to face what he didn't want to, including the sides of himself he didn't like, and felt lost, even frightened though he didn't admit to it. He had nearly panicked, albeit silently, and become desperate to make everything "right," to stop the changes and bring things back to the way that he had always believed was normal.

He had tried to protect his position as her superior, continue to keep standing on the pedestal built by the society for men on the bodies of women, make her play the role his girlfriend was supposed to play which was supporting his personal pedestal so that he could have a firm footing, satisfying his need to be above her, above someone.

However, trying to control others or gaining confidence from looking down on others wasn't a sign of strength. It was more like a sign of weakness and immaturity, a sign that you couldn't stand on your own feet and weren't even trying to.

Ironically, he had been acting in a way which revealed that he was rather weak and immature while trying to pretend to be a strong man who wouldn't cry in front of others or had power over others.

A part of becoming mature was probably to accept that your own efforts and accomplishments were the only platform you had the right to stand on. You deserved to be in as high a place as you could reach on your own; getting someone to give you a boost so that you could reach higher than that was cheating.

And people who got their current position by cheating could never feel truly confident or secure. They were scared and defensive, and had a difficulty in confronting themselves, seeing their true selves, because they knew, deep down at least, that if they ever tried, they would see something different from what they wanted to see, from what they had deluded themselves into believing, and they didn't have the strength to face up to the reality, to accept that was how they really were.

If you didn't try to step off the pedestal and actually stand on your own, you couldn't learn how to do it or gain the strength to successfully do it. And you had to remain immature, weak, and insecure.

It seemed that you could acquire real confidence and strength only through your struggles, through your attempts to confront yourself and stand on your own feet.

Or that was how Athrun had become more confident in himself, anyway.

He had fumbled around and stumbled a lot in his journey to find his answer to his and Cagalli's problem. He had turned a blind eye to uncomfortable truths many times because of his weakness, which prolonged his struggle, and suffering.

Someone else in the same position might have been able to easily figure out the straight path to the answer, or might have known the answer from the beginning and made no mistakes in the first place, not hurting themselves or their loved one. But he wasn't perfect like that. He might not have done better than average, even.

Still, he had eventually found his answer. He had still made it through his journey. Although he had been tempted to turn his back to the tough part and run away to the easy path, he had persevered, not giving up, and succeeded in solving the problem. No matter how long it had taken him, no matter how poorly he had done in the process, it didn't change the fact that he had been successful.

He now knew for a fact that he was at least strong enough to accomplish the task, and that he had become somewhat maturer during his struggles. And it made him feel confident, reassured him that he was capable of continuing to walk down this path he had chosen.

As grateful as he was to Cagalli for protecting their relationship and happiness, her choices and her efforts weren't the only reason why they were here. It was also because of him, of the efforts and the choices he had made. They both had worked for their relationship, for their happy future, and they would keep doing it, trusting the other to do so as well, even when they were physically far away from each other. Maybe that was what it was like to share a life with someone, he mused.

A small yawn escaped his lips and brought him back to reality, to the coziness of lying on his comfortable bed with her warm body attached to his.

He had meant to stay awake, savoring each second of the time he could spend with her alone before she moved away. But he felt so relaxed, having gotten everything off his chest, and his eyelids began dropping.

And it was probably okay. It wasn't like this was the last time they slept together. She was leaving, but would come back to him. She always would as long as she was happy with him, and he was happy with her. After all, being in a relationship wasn't a goal. It was only a means to reach the real goal which was a state where both of them were happy. He had confused them before, thinking upside down and trying to cling to the relationship even if it made both of them unhappy, which ironically almost resulted in the end of the relationship. But now, he got priorities straight, and was determined to keep it that way. So, he was surely going to have another chance to watch her sleeping in his arms.

With another yawn, he adjusted his body to get more comfortable, draped his right arm over her, and surrendered to the drowsiness.

* * *

"Hey, can we go through that park?"

Athrun followed Cagalli's finger which was pointing at a park across the street.

"Sure." He scanned the area and tugged her hand toward a crosswalk. "We can cross the street there."

They had gotten off the subway a few minutes ago and were walking toward Lacus's house where they were going to celebrate graduation with their friends. The party was also for those whose birthdays were in February and March: Lacus, Miriallia, Nicol, Fllay, and Dearka. They had been too busy studying and taking exams to have a party in February and Cagalli was leaving for Tassil the day after tomorrow, before Dearka's birthday at the end of March. So they had decided to celebrate everything at once. The party worked as the farewell party for Cagalli and Miriallia who were moving away, too.

To be honest, Athrun preferred to have more alone time with his girlfriend. They had graduated high school on the second day of March—Yzak, as the former student body president, had delivered the valedictorian speech in the ceremony—and during the three weeks since then, they had been busy with graduation parties or farewell outings or whatever name people put to their last fun time with their friends, classmates, or former clubmates at least in a while. Cagalli had also had to prepare for the moving.

However, he knew she had been especially looking forward to this party with those close to her. They were going to spend a night at Lacus's house and then, go downtown tomorrow. She was planning to make most of the two-day party and he couldn't bring himself to rob her of the fun. Besides, they had been trying to spend as much time together as possible for the past month, and he was satisfied to an extent. The intimate time they had had a few hours ago also helped.

As they entered the park, she lifted their joined hands so that she could see the watch on his left arm.

"I think it's already five minutes."

He turned his arm to see the watch himself. "Yeah, it is."

They stopped to slightly turn to each other. She held out her left hand toward him, making a fist, and he responded with his right hand for his other hand was occupied.

"Rock, paper, scissors!"

With a smug smile, she raised her hand which was wide open. "I won!"

Pulling a face a little, he lowered his fist. "Here you go, then." He took a large bag off his right shoulder and held it out to her.

The bag was actually hers, which was large not because of change of clothes but rather because of the birthday presents she had bought for her friends.

He had just purchased five music gift cards. Lacus and Nicol loved music and the other three seemed to like it fine, and cards were easier to carry both for him and for them. So they seemed like the most reasonable gifts.

However, Cagalli had bought some large stuff, clearly not thinking about transportation, and thus, had to carry a large bag. He had offered to carry the bag for her when they had left his house, but she had insisted on carrying it herself. After arguing a little, they had agreed on deciding who should carry it by rock-paper-scissors every five minutes. And, well, luck wasn't really on his side today. He had had only one victory so far.

He helped her place the bag on her left shoulder while they kept holding hands. Then, he checked his watch and memorized the time, though he wasn't sure he would have another chance to try to take the bag from her. They might reach Lacus's house before five minutes passed. But there was still a chance and he was willing to grab it if he could.

He shifted his eyes from his watch to her who was still adjusting the bag. The ring on her finger sparkled, catching sunlight, and his gaze flicked back to the watch on his wrist. It was actually her gift to him. And he was able to tell exactly when she had had the idea.

It had been four days after she had come back from Tassil, the day before graduation. With all of their exams over, they had been busy making up for lost time though they couldn't sleep together since his grandmother was still staying with him, having decided that she would attend the graduation ceremony.

That day, they had had lunch at his house with his grandmother and Kira. His grandmother had wanted to have that chat with Cagalli and proposed inviting her for lunch. But she had been somewhat concerned that it might make Cagalli feel intimidated. For some reason, his grandmother had seemed to think Cagalli was kind of a shy girl, or at least shy with her boyfriend's family. She had asked him whether they should invite his other friends so that it would be less formal and Cagalli wouldn't get so nervous. She had been willing to meet his friends, but afraid that she and Cagalli couldn't talk much with many other guests.

So, he had suggested inviting only Kira over along with Cagalli. He had told his grandmother it wouldn't be too many this way and having her brother with her made Cagalli relax, though he didn't really think Cagalli got too nervous around his grandmother even if she came alone. He had not wanted his grandmother to get too cozy with his girlfriend all the same, which could lead to his grandmother asking too personal questions or teasing Cagalli and him a lot.

After all, his grandmother had been quite curious about his first girlfriend since she had found out about her, prodding him for more information on Cagalli or their relationship. He was all for Cagalli getting along with his family, but he had wanted to draw some boundaries without being rude to his grandmother. Having Kira as a buffer had sounded like a good idea.

The lunch had gone pretty well, though his grandmother still succeeded in embarrassing him several times. But Cagalli had not seemed to mind his grandmother's behavior and appeared to be enjoying talking with her, which was actually part of why he was flustered since his grandmother told Cagalli, and Kira, some embarrassing stories from his childhood.

At least, though, some of his friends who would surely make fun of him about the stories without mercy—namely Dearka and Yzak—had not heard them. It had been the main reason why Athrun had suggested inviting only the twins instead of the whole group of his friends. The twins had laughed at the stories and teased him a little, but it had been nothing he couldn't handle. It would have been a lot more troublesome if the blond and the silver-head had been there.

They had chatted for a while after the lunch, then he and the twins had left the house. He and Cagalli had gone on a bowling date, parting with Kira who said he was going to check several computer shops and game shops in PLANT.

During the date, Cagalli's behavior had started puzzling him. Every time he released his ball and turned back to her who was on a seat waiting for her turn, he had caught her intensely staring at his figure. And it had not been like she was checking him out. As far as he could tell, there had been nothing sexual in her gaze. Her face had been rather serious as if trying to solve a problem. She had not seemed to be watching him for his bowling skills, either, since her eyes followed him with the same intensity when he wasn't bowling.

He had asked her what was the matter a few times, but she had shrugged it off, and continued studying his body, seemingly focusing on one part after another.

He had just picked up his ball for another bowl when she had shouted with excitement, "A watch!"

Startled, he had nearly dropped his ball. He had looked at her who was half standing up from her seat. "What?"

"You had a watch before. When we were freshmen," she had said, trotting up to him and then grabbing his left wrist where he used to wear a watch.

He had given her a confused nod. "I did. But it was broken." He had not mentioned that the watch actually had been broken when he had fallen down from the stairs while protecting her.

"You haven't gotten a new one, right?" she had asked expectantly.

"No, I thought I could make do with my phone."

"But you wouldn't mind wearing it if you had one, would you?" She had looked far too serious for the subject.

"I guess not," he had answered, wondering what this was about.

A relieved and satisfied smile had spread over her face. Then, she had hurriedly added, "I don't think you should buy a watch, though. You're right. There is no need for you to get one for yourself. I think it's better you won't."

He had quirked an eyebrow, finally getting an idea about her intention behind the conversation. "Do you think so?"

She had nodded firmly. "I definitely do."

"I see." He had decided not to reveal that he more or less knew what she was planning to do. She had clearly wanted it to be a surprise and he had not had the heart to ruin it for her. "Then I won't," he had said to reassure her, though he kept his tone nonchalant as if he wasn't interested in the subject.

Unaware of his attempt, she had replied with a smile, "Good decision."

They had returned to the game and she had stopped burning holes in his body.

A week later, she had given him a gift-wrapped rectangular box, explaining it was a return gift for the ring. He had received it, showing no sign that he knew what was inside. It was a simple watch with a dark red band. He had thanked her with a smile and promptly strapped it on.

To tell the truth, after his old watch was broken, he had checked some websites for a new one. However, shopping for a watch had reminded him a little of the time his mother and he had gone to a store to buy one for him when he was in sixth grade, and he had somehow lost interest in getting another watch. After all, it was true that he didn't really need one as long as he had his phone.

But it had not meant he disliked having a new watch, and it had been two years ago anyway. Furthermore, receiving a watch from Cagalli had been different from buying one for himself, especially after she explained that she had decided for a watch because he could wear it almost everywhere and it was useful, which she thought he liked. Touched, he had promised to take good care of it, and make good use of it.

Thus, right now, she was wearing his ring and he was wearing her watch. It wasn't exactly the same as wearing matching outfits, but felt similar.

Of course, he now knew they were just things and his and her love or relationship wouldn't change a bit without them. But he still liked wearing each other's gift. Probably it wasn't a bad thing to feel like that as long as he didn't lose sight of what was truly important, he supposed.

"What are you smiling at?"

With a blink, he turned his eyes to her face which was curious.

"What do you think?" he asked playfully.

She thought a little. "Because the weather is good and springy?" It was a good day indeed, the sky being soft blue and warm breeze gently passing through them now and again.

"You mean 'springlike,'" he automatically corrected.

Her lips formed a half-playful, half-thoughtful pout. "'Springy' seems to me to suit this weather better. It makes me springy, you see." Her steps became bouncy, which made him chuckle. "Though it'd be even better if the cherry blossoms were blooming."

She moved her head to look around at the cherry trees flanking the path they were walking, which he mimicked. The buds had barely started blooming; only a few pale pink flowers were showing here and there.

"I guess we can't enjoy cherry blossoms together this year...or for several years," she said a little wistfully.

He gently tugged at her hand to catch her attention. "At least, we can enjoy other flowers together." With his free hand, he motioned toward other kinds of trees that had many flowers and flowers in flowerbeds. "They look good enough to me."

As her gaze came back to him from the trees and flowers, a smile blossomed on her face, which in his opinion was much more beautiful and worth appreciation than the flowers.

"You're right." She moved their joined hands widely. "Those flowers are as pretty as cherry flowers, and we should appreciate them properly." Despite her words, her eyes were fixed on him instead of flowers, but he had no complaints about it.

Somehow their feet stopped and they stood to gaze into each other's eyes with just the same amount of fervor. Without words, he knew they were both wishing this moment would last forever.

But it wouldn't. It had to end, and they had to move on, live their lives. The lives far away from each other for the next several years. The thought was still somewhat disquieting, especially with the day of parting right around the corner.

However, it was the only way they could remain themselves. They couldn't stop living. They couldn't give up everything else to just be together. They couldn't be happy that way. In order to live happily together, they had to live their own lives as well as their shared life.

There was an end to everything and their old relationship had come to an end. The time was over when they had belonged to the same school, the same place, and enjoyed the physical closeness that had helped their relationship and feelings develop. It was unavoidable. They grew up and changed. So did their relationship.

They were no longer children who had happened to be at the same place, happened to live nearby because of their parents' choices. They were becoming adults who followed their dreams and made their own choices about where they were. Their relationship was maturing into a new one in which they didn't have to stay physically close in order to keep their love alive, in which they could share a life while living in different places.

Or at least they hoped it would, from the bottom of their hearts. The future remained to be seen, which was scary. And saying goodbye to their old life was sad.

He held her hand tighter. She squeezed his hand back, and they shared a soft smile, with no words yet.

Still, they believed there would be a happy tomorrow after today's farewell. And it fueled the hope inside their hearts to know that they shared the dream, wanted the same future and life where they were happy together, and were as determined to make it happen as the other was.

So, they resumed walking forward, looking up and pointing at the opening buds of cherry blossom from time to time all the while chatting and smiling and laughing.

Spring was the season of farewell. And the season of new beginning.

* * *

 **A/N** : In Japan, school year starts in April and ends in March; business year is the same for many companies. So, most people say goodbye to their old life and start a new life in spring. And this fic is set in a Japan-like country.

Also, this isn't the end. There is still an epilogue. Don't forget to read it!

···

Below is the reply to review.

 **To Fuyu Aki:**

Hello, thank you for another review!

A kiss after they reconciled would've been nice, yes. But this fic is set in a Japan-like country. And in Japan, kissing someone's lips in a public place is considered pretty inappropriate. And I don't think either Athrun or Cagalli would've felt comfortable kissing in the bus where other people were just there, much less at the airport where many people could see their kiss. So, a couple of hugs were the extent they went.

As for Meyrin, I don't think it's necessary for me to write more about her. Athrun already rejected her and she doesn't know he considered changing his answer to her confession for a little while. He also decided to keep their relationship professional in the future in Chapter 15 ("Another Possibility").

Meyrin kind of represents Athrun's idea of ideal girlfriend. Athrun was never attracted to her as a person. He considered dating her only because of his fixation on the ideal girlfriend. However, he already chose Cagalli over the ideal girlfriend. At that point, Meyrin's role in this fic ended.

And it doesn't really matter what Meyrin will do or how Athrun's relationship with Meyrin will become, does it? Even if they eventually become friends while she keeps pining for him, she won't be a threat to Athrun and Cagalli's relationship unless they let her, unless he is again tempted to choose an easier relationship or Cagalli becomes so jealous of Meyrin or insecure because of Meyrin and fights with Athrun or something like that happens.

But Athrun is determined to stay with Cagalli even though he is aware that there are girls who are easier to be with and stay around him. And I believe I've done a good enough job of showing that Cagalli isn't the type to act the way I mentioned above.

What matters is Athrun's and Cagalli's feelings and choices. Because even if Meyrin gives up Athrun and goes to a different college from his, I'm sure there will be other girls who are easier to be with than Cagalli and available around Athrun in college.

The same thing can be said about Cagalli. Even though Ahmed doesn't romantically love her anymore, she may meet a guy at Tassil who is easier to be with than Athrun, available, and around.

Just because Meyrin and Ahmed are out of the picture, it doesn't mean there will be no more love rivals. There will always be "another possibility" for both Athrun and Cagalli, in college and after that, even after they get married and have kids and stay married for years.

So, what we need to know is how determined Athrun and Cagalli are to stay in the relationship, how much they trust each other, and what kind of persons they are. Those things affect their future much more than love rivals ever will.

I believe that in most cases, a relationship falls apart because of a problem _within_ it, not because of one outside it like a love rival. Outside factors are usually just a trigger that brings out hidden problems that have always been there in the relationship, which may or may not result in the end of the relationship. Eliminating all outside triggers, or all "another possibilities," isn't a solution, nor achievable. What you really have to do is face the problems in your relationship and properly deal with them so that they won't break the relationship.

And that's what I made Athrun and Cagalli do in this fic so that readers can believe their relationship is indeed strong enough and feel hopeful about their future. I hope what I showed throughout this fic was enough for you to trust Athrun and Cagalli to have a happy future together.

Anyway, I don't think I'll write another fic for this AU series, sorry. And I intend to keep the rating M. Since this fic includes scenes where Athrun and Cagalli are (almost) having sex even though they aren't descriptive, I don't feel comfortable rating it lower.

Lastly, I'm really, truly grateful to you for giving me a review every time I updated this fic. Your continuous support helped me stay motivated. And believe me, your comments made this fic better. Thank you so very much.

* * *

 ***posted 05/18/19***

 ***edited 05/22/19***


	22. Epilogue

English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

 **Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.**

* * *

 **Season of Farewell**

Epilogue

* * *

Enjoying the wind against her body and the warm sunshine of May on her bare arms, Cagalli rode her bicycle down the long, familiar slope toward her apartment. At the end of the slope, she turned to right, toward the parking area. She slowed down as she entered the area and hopped off her bicycle in front of the parking space for bicycles.

Pushing hers into between other bicycles, she put a little too much force. Her bicycle hit the wall next to the space and then bounced back into another bicycle, making some crashing noise.

"Oops, sorry." She caressed her yellow bicycle, then the black one that belonged to her neighbor hers had just hit, before locking her bicycle.

Ahmed often said she treated her bicycle, and other belongings of hers, badly. As if he was any more careful with his possessions.

She huffed, but then, felt a pang of loneliness at the thought of her best friend. Unlike her who had a six-year course, many of her friends, including Ahmed, had graduated from college in the beginning of this spring. It wasn't like she was alone now; there were still some friends and many familiar faces around. It wasn't the same, though. Since this semester had begun last month, she had been struggling to adjust to the big change in her life.

"Well, I'll see him soon at least," she told herself.

Ahmed was now working in Orb City, but he and Miriallia were coming to visit her during the four-day break starting today which was Friday. Just a few more hours, then she was going to see them in person.

Shaking off the loneliness, she stretched a little before beginning to walk toward the entrance of the building. She had just come back from an animal shelter where she volunteered and felt tired after hours of walking dogs and cleaning up cages and giving a bath to animals. She was planning to take a shower and some rest, doing something invigorating like watching sports games. Then, she would be ready to have fun by the time she met up with her friends.

She had many things she wanted to do with her friends during their stay, though they had not made a specific plan, except for having her birthday party in the Sunday afternoon through evening, for Ahmed and Miriallia had insisted on making one after they got here so that the plan suited their moods or something like that. Being rather—or a lot—impulsive and used to improvising, Cagalli had not argued.

Daydreaming about the entertaining stuff she and her friends, both those visiting her from Orb City and those living in Tassil, were going to do put a bounce in her steps. Miriallia seemed to need some extra fun. When Cagalli talked to her on the phone yesterday, the brunette had been pretty annoyed at Dearka, with whom she had been having a more-than-friends-but-not-really-dating relationship since their second year of college.

Cagalli pulled her phone out of her backpack to make another research on what to do. She automatically checked new texts first, then tilted her head.

Athrun and she always exchanged good morning texts and good night texts. But he had not returned to the one she had sent this morning even though it had been already about five hours since and the text had a read icon.

If it was Kira, she wouldn't think twice; her brother forgot to reply or forgot his phone itself just as often as she did. But this was Athrun. He wasn't the type to put off texting back or the type to forget or lose his phone.

Medical students, who had a six-year course like students of veterinary medicine, started working at the university hospital as student doctors in their fifth year, observing and engaging in actual medical practice. Since he had begun that part of his education this spring, Athrun had been busier. Still, he always managed to reply to her texts in several hours at the latest.

And he wasn't supposed to have much to do today except for the tutoring lesson he usually had on Friday evenings. Because a field trip was going to occupy most of his time from Saturday to Monday, he had said he was planning to spend this free time finishing a couple of reports he had to write on this weekend.

Maybe he was too engrossed in his reports and forgetting everything else? It sometimes happened to him with robots. But then, the text of hers in question wasn't anything complicated that required him some time or focus to form a reply to: **Morning. I'm already excited about meeting Ahmed and Miri! I actually woke up earlier than** **my alarm clock** **.** It was nothing largely different from her regular morning texts; usually, he sent a text which also said good morning and how his morning was.

And he _had_ read her text. Would he be so preoccupied that he even forgot to reply just a simple **Good morning** after reading her text, no matter hard or interesting those reports were? If he was that distracted, it seemed likely to be because something bigger was happening to him.

Wondering whether she should be worried, she went back to the home screen and looked at Athrun's face on it. Currently, the background picture was one of her and him from when they had gone to a beach with their friends in the early spring three years ago; Lacus had had a photo shoot on the beach though it was a rather cold day, and her friends had paid a visit. In the photo, Cagalli was raising a hand to her friends far away and Athrun was looking at someone or something next to the camera, their hands joined but hidden from the camera by his body.

"You're not being a hamster, are you?"

With slightly narrowed eyes, she tapped his face, which looked a bit like one of the icons, surrounded by them. Though of course nothing happened.

During the past four years, since their huge fight that had started with her college choice, he had become more comfortable opening up and talking about his problems and feelings, especially with her. But it didn't mean his head no longer became like a hamster on a wheel. Athrun was Athrun, after all, no matter how much he grew up and changed.

Come to think of it, while they had talked on video chat last night, he had seemed a little weird, though it was more like he was excited about something but didn't want to show it. Could whatever he had been hiding be related to the lack of reply from him? When she had pointed out his seemingly good mood, he had just shrugged it off, saying he was looking forward to the field trip.

Maybe he had been too busy preparing for the trip to reply to her? She knew he had already packed his bags just like an organized and prepared person he was. He had said so during the video chat and she had seen a proof: the packed bags in the background. But there must be other preparation stuff he should do, probably with his fellow students and perhaps his professor. Maybe he had gotten a call or another text right after he had read hers, which was related to the trip, and the interruption had caused him to forget about her text.

So, it was possible that this was nothing to worry about. Though it was probably best that she checked on him just in case.

About to begin writing another text to him, she glanced forward to make sure her way was clear and she wasn't going to bump into something or someone while typing. She was already near the entrance of the building, only a dozen meters away.

Her eyes reached the entrance, then popped out. She stopped dead, not believing what she was seeing. Someone was leaning against the wall next to the entrance. Although he was in the shadow of the building, she still could decipher his face.

He turned his head, probably sensing her presence. Resting on her, his green eyes softened with warmth, his face lighting up.

"Athrun!"

As she ran to him, who took a couple of steps in her direction, she nearly tripped over her own feet once.

"What are you doing here?" She poked his chest with her finger, just in case he was a hallucination or something. He wasn't.

"I came to celebrate your birthday, of course," he replied nonchalantly, though a twinkle in his eyes gave away his amusement at her dumbfounded face. "I can't miss my girlfriend's birthday party, can I?"

"But—but you said..." she stuttered.

Every year since moving to Tassil, she had flown back to Orb City during the holidays in the beginning of May to have an early birthday party with her brother and her loved ones at home; she had celebrated her actual birthday with her friends in Tassil.

This year, however, Kira had said he wanted to go on a trip with Lacus during the holidays; they had not had much time together recently and they might not have a chance for a while because now that he was a grad student busier than an undergrad.

Athrun had also told her one of his professors was organizing a kind of field trip to a hospital which was one of the most technologically advanced hospitals in the country during the weekend; it would really help his education if he could see those advanced instruments with his own eyes, and use them even.

She had understood, but still been disappointed. Then, Ahmed and Miriallia had suggested coming to Tassil instead of Cagalli going home so that they could have an early birthday party with her friends who were still around Tassil. It had sounded like a good idea, especially since most of her other friends in Orb City were busy during the weekend, and lifted her spirits. And she had spent the past few months planning and looking forward to it.

"It was a lie," Athrun told her. "And Miriallia and Ahmed aren't coming. Well, not until Sunday anyway." She just blinked at him, unable to find any words. "They helped me surprise you. They told you they were going to spend the whole break with you so that you wouldn't come home to Orb City or make many plans with your friends here. They, and Kira and Lacus and some of our other friends who can make it, are coming on Sunday to celebrate your birthday here. It's my birthday gift for you. Our birthday gift." A pause, then he added, "Some of them are actually coming earlier, but they will leave us alone until Sunday."

"You...all tricked me?" she finally managed.

"We did." He nodded with a smug smile.

She opened her mouth to only close it without saying anything. She repeated it a few more times. She wanted to yell at him and smack his head for deceiving her. But staring at his pleased smile, she couldn't hold onto her anger. He was here, in front of her.

She compressed her lips before jumping at him. "I missed you," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck. They regularly talked and she had been back at Orb City for spring break just a month ago. But she had still missed him.

Without missing a beat, he hugged her back. "I missed you, too."

She nuzzled her nose against his neck to breathe in the scent of him, his sweat and shampoo and aftershave mingled with a hint of antiseptic smell, which was so familiar to her nostrils. He was really here, having come to see her. She basked in his scent and feel and warmth.

 _Wait, speaking of scen—_

"Oh. Oooh."

A female voice came from behind Athrun, following the sound of opening doors. They turned their heads to find a girl with short reddish brown hair standing at the entrance. Cagalli and Athrun were blocking the brunette's way, their bodies pressed against each other.

"Sorry for interrupting," the brunette said, covering her mouth with a hand. "Don't mind me. I'm just leaving. So...please continue."

Flushed, they quickly distanced themselves. Passing them by, the brunette threw Cagalli a teasing grin, mouthing "More handsome than a photo," while trying to hide it from Athrun with a hand. Cagalli scowled at the brunette and made a shooing gesture with her hand.

The brunette, Mayura, was actually her friend who had been a student at Tassil University until this spring and still lived in this apartment. Cagalli meant to introduce Athrun to Mayura and her other friends in Tassil during this weekend, but was eager to keep him, and herself, safe from their prying questions as long as possible.

Walking away, Mayura waved a hand at them. "Bye, Cagalli, and Athrun-kun. Have a good tiiiiiiiime and see you sooooooon," she drawled as suggestively as one possibly could, making her intentions to tease them now and interrogate them later more than clear.

"Get lost already, or else..." Cagalli growled. Mayura just giggled, but turned her back toward them anyway.

Cagalli sent another glare at her friend's retreating back. But then, she shook her head and pushed her nosy friends out of her mind, and turned her face to Athrun. "Let's go to my room."

He nodded, picking up her baseball cap that must have fallen on the ground when she had hugged him and handing it to her.

"That was the friend of yours living here as well, right? Mayu...ra-san?" he asked as she pushed the cap and her phone into her backpack.

"Yeah, that's correct," she said, then pulled her face a little, fishing her keys out of a backpack pocket to open the entrance doors. "But can we just forget about her? I'd rather not think about what she and my other friends were going to pry out of us. Not now."

They entered into the building and walked across the lobby to the elevator, stopping by at the mailboxes to collect her mails.

"Okay." He gave another nod, already appearing a little intimidated. Dealing with new people, especially inquisitive girls, wasn't his forte.

"Don't worry too much. I'll protect you," she assured him, pushing a button to summon an elevator. Then she changed the subject, which both of them certainly needed. "My room isn't big, but I think we can squeeze in." She tilted her head, realizing he had only one sling bag with him. "Where are your other bags?"

"Actually, I booked a hotel room. Kira wouldn't leave me alone until I booked it in front of him. I already checked in and dropped off my stuff." He paused before making a face and adding, "Kira also made sure it was a single room."

She shook her head at her brother. It wasn't like she had never spent a night with Athrun. Since they had become college students, her mother had given her and Kira free rein with a warning that they shouldn't abuse the freedom and that she expected them to act like responsible adults who deserved the freedom. Her mother didn't reproach her for staying at Athrun's house when she was back during breaks, though Via had told Cagalli she and Athrun should show respect to his father who still lived in the house no matter how little time Patrick spent there.

On the contrary, Kira sometimes made the show of frowning on her sharing a bed with a guy, though it was just an act to annoy or tease her and Athrun. He had not grown out of it yet.

But Cagalli's face soon turned into a grin. "Well, we're used to sleeping together in a single bed, though, aren't we?" The bed in Athrun's room at his house was a single bed after all, on which they had spent a long time together during vacations.

He smiled as they walked into an empty elevator. "We sure are."

"And since we don't have my annoying brother around for a couple days..." She waited until the elevator doors closed though there was no one in the entrance hall. "...we could spend a whole day in bed," she suggested with a seductive look, ignoring the warmth creeping to her cheeks.

His cheeks turned pink, but his smile deepened. "That sounds tempting." He placed his hands on her waist to pull her close.

She melted into his embrace. His hand cupped her cheek, his face leaning toward hers, and she started to close her eyes only to open them wide as a thought, that had vanished before completely forming earlier, interrupted by Mayura, finally made a proper appearance.

"Hold on." She took a step back, suddenly self-conscious. "I stink, don't I?"

She sniffed her shirt. Working at an animal shelter meant you often smelled like animals, and on top of that, one of the cats had even thrown up on her this morning. Although she had washed the vomit off, the smell was still clinging to her clothes.

Athrun silently averted his eyes, too polite to admit it out loud.

"I'll grab a shower as soon as we get to my room," she said with a frown. "And when I stink, just say it, okay?"

The animal smell she constantly carried around her was half the reason why she usually rode a bicycle around the town instead of using public transportation; the other half was because it gave her more freedom.

"I don't mind kissing you anyway," he offered, looking at her longingly.

"Well...if you say so," she conceded. If he didn't mind her smelling bad, she didn't have much problem. Not to mention she longed for a kiss with him as much as he appeared to.

As she stepped into his waiting arms, however, the elevator stopped with a ding and the doors opened. They stared at each other before sighing in unison.

"My room is just there," she told him wistfully.

"Yeah." He sounded just as wistful.

"So, a hard day at the shelter?" he asked as they stepped out of the elevator, holding hands.

She shrugged. "Nah, just a normal day."

Dealing with animal vomit or animal waste was an unavoidable part of working with animals. Although she didn't particularly love the part, being able to spend time with and care for animals was worth it.

After moving to Tassil, she had thought about finally getting a pet, but begrudgingly given up the idea; she went home during breaks and moving around that often wasn't good for animals. She would have to wait to have her living pet until she settled down. Volunteering at an animal shelter had been her way of consoling herself. She had not had much chance to spend time with animals in college during the first year; she now had more chances, but she had decided to continue volunteering anyway for she liked working there. She also had two robotic hamsters and one robotic lion Athrun had made for her, which satisfied her desire for pets to an extent: Mango, Midnight, and Blanco.

"Do you have any shifts during this break?"

"No, this morning was the only shift I got for the shelter, or the clinic." Like him, she also worked at the university animal clinic as a student assistant.

"Good," he said with satisfaction. "By the way, I'm actually glad you came home straight from the shelter. I knew you were going to stop by at your apartment before"—he flashed a grin—"'going to meet Miriallia and Ahmed.'" Clearly, he was still very pleased at the success of his deceptive plan. "But I was a little worried you might go to lunch with your friends at the shelter and I have to wait for a while."

She shook her head. "I bought and ate some snacks on my way home, but I thought I'd wait until Ahmed and Miri arrived and then, we could have a late lunch together..." She suddenly stopped, giving him a puzzled face. "Wait. How come you are here?"

He quirked an eyebrow. "Are we starting over?"

"I mean, how could you arrive so early?" she amended. "You shouldn't be here until..." She lifted their joined hands to check his watch. "...at least two hours later."

When she flew from Orb City to Tassil, she usually arrived at her apartment a little before three.

She had expected Ahmed and Miriallia to arrive around that time as well and thought that she would have enough time to prepare herself before joining her two friends at a nearby hotel they were going to stay at and going somewhere with them. Since she meant to go out, she had needed to take a shower and wash off the animal smell beforehand; it was the main reason why she had been planning to come home after her work at the shelter, on which Athrun had obviously counted.

And right now, it was only half past twelve. It made no sense Athrun was already at her apartment.

"That's because I had the earliest flight," he replied casually, tugging her hand to nudge her into resuming walking down the corridor.

"But it's too early. It leaves Kaguya Airport at...what? Six?" And it took about an hour by bus or car from Orb City, or PLANT, to the airport. "Shuttle buses don't run that early."

"It's six thirty," he corrected her. "And I took a taxi."

She stared at him almost disbelievingly. "Did you sleep at all last night? You must've left your house at four or something."

He shrugged. "I worked hard yesterday and my supervisors let us go home early in the evening. You know that." She actually did, since they had video chatted last night. "So, I went to bed earlier than usual. Not to mention I could compensate for my lack of sleep during the flight." He closed his mouth, but then, he seemed to remember something. "Ah, and sorry I didn't reply to your good morning text. I was in the plane at that time and I received it only after getting off. By then, it was rather too late to reply a good morning."

"Oh, okay. That explains it." She nodded her head with understanding a couple times, but soon stopped it. "But what happened to your tutoring lesson? And reports?" She narrowed her eyes, though not with seriousness. "Or were they lies, too?"

"I started to plan this months ago and when I had taken the lesson, I told my student I couldn't have a lesson today," he explained. "He had no complaints anyway, for he wanted to enjoy this long weekend to the fullest as well. As for reports, I already finished them during the week."

She gave him another disbelieving stare. "But you've been pretty busy this week. You looked really tired."

She knew his schedule was busy; he had to research a lot or make a presentation or write reports for the work at the hospital. How on Earth had he been able to find time to write a couple more reports?

Then, understanding dawned on her.

"You looked tired _because_ of that. Because you were trying to be free this weekend to come here." She made a little frown. "Maybe you shouldn't have had the earliest flight after all. You must have needed a proper rest. Like sleeping in a bed instead of an airplane seat."

"But this way, we can spend longer time together," he argued.

She blinked. "Oh." Realizing that was why he had gone out of his way like that, she felt deeply touched. "Wow."

"You'd like that, I hope?" He glanced at her, looking almost completely certain that her answer was yes.

And he was right. "Totally," she answered sincerely and intensely. Her steps slowed as she closed their distance—though it was only a little to begin with—to nuzzle her head against his shoulder.

He dropped his speed as well and his head touched hers. "I'm glad to hear that," he said softly.

They shared a moment of tender silence until a thought occurred to her and she opened her mouth again.

"You know, we could still spend this break together if I went home like I planned first, without you—all of you—going through all the troubles," she pointed out, then hurriedly looked up to add, "Not that I don't appreciate your effort. I really do."

"I know." He squeezed her hand with a smile. "But I wanted to spend time with you at Tassil. And bring our friends here to celebrate your birthday. You must feel lonelier here than at Orb City, and I thought I might be able to ease your loneliness by making more good memories here, or something like that." He averted his eyes a little shyly, shrugging his shoulders.

The emotions filling her became even stronger and she felt like she was going to burst out literally. She wanted to hug him right away, but restrained herself—though barely—for they were already in front of her room. Once they were behind the door, she wouldn't have to hold back at all.

Although she unlocked the door as fast as she could, it still felt too slow. Pulling his hand, she opened the door to jump into her room. She tossed her keys and backpack on the floor and threw herself at him, even before the door closed. Judging from the sound, his back hit the wall. But he wasn't complaining, holding her back firmly.

"Thank you. Thank you so much," she said against his neck.

Instead of replying with words, his hand grabbed her chin to turn her face to his. Their mouths clashed. The kiss was hungry and rough. She wanted to feel inside his mouth but also wanted to pull his tongue inside her mouth. She wasn't sure which one she was getting at right now. Maybe both at the same time. She didn't really care, as long as she could feel him and taste him.

She was all over him. Her hands were clutching his head, full of his silky hair. Her nose was filled with his clean scent. Her body was plastered against his firm body. Her mouth was locked with his hot mouth. Her tongue was intertwined with his demanding tongue. But it wasn't enough. She wanted more. Much, much more.

After a while, they reluctantly separated their lips, needing air. Her head was dizzy and hazed, consumed by the heat the kiss had caused. The heat only Athrun could cause in her. Breathing hard, they stared into each other's eyes, their foreheads touching. His eyes were dark and captivating, almost intoxicating, and pulling her in—drowning her in the deep emerald sea. She could tell what he wanted, that he wanted the same thing as she did.

"Are you sure you don't mind my smell?" she asked between pants.

"I am." He took her lips again as if he couldn't stay away, but soon pulled back to add, "And I have condoms with me."

An amused smile spread over her face. "You sure love to be prepared, huh?"

He grinned. "It serves me well as you can see."

She let out a laughter and he promptly joined her. Her chest was bubbling with love and happiness and she was grinning from ear to ear while kicking off her shoes, until she nearly stepped on Blanco the white lion—Athrun's gift to her for her nineteenth birthday—that had sensed her return and come to greet her.

"Ooh." She managed to regain her balance, then picked up the cat-sized lion, resuming walking into her room and examining the robot. "I didn't break you, did I?"

"I don't think you need to worry," Athrun said unconcernedly, locking the door and taking off his shoes. "I told you, it's programmed to avoid that kind of accidents and has good reflexes,"

With a pout, she stopped in the middle of the room, and squeezed and petted Blanco that nuzzled his head against her chest with a low growl. "Your daddy's cold, isn't he? Of course I worry about you."

"Can we continue?" Athrun motioned toward her bed with a small pout, though she knew he wouldn't admit to pouting.

She put on a dramatic thinking face. "I don't know. I'm not feeling like sleeping with someone who's cold to my pet. Don't you know what they say? 'Love me, love my lion.'"

"Isn't that 'Love me, love my dog?'" he pointed out.

"Whatever. Don't you love me?" She held out the lion robot toward him. Blanco moved one of his paws as if inviting Athrun.

Sighing, her boyfriend patted the robot's head. "Satisfied?"

"Yup." Smiling, she released Blanco on the floor, that started walking away from them, and straitened up to hug Athrun. "Love you, too."

Circling his arms around her, he shook his head a little. "Sometimes, I just can't tell if you are easy or difficult to deal with."

"Take your time to figure me out." She stood on tiptoe. Their noses touched. "We're not in a hurry."

His eyes softened with affection. "No, we aren't."

She closed the distance and they engaged in a slow, long kiss which marked the beginning of a long weekend together.

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 **A/N** : I think that in a way, Athrun and Cagalli's story in GSD is the struggle of a traditional man who wants his girlfriend/wife to put their relationship first but fell in love with a modern woman who puts as much importance on her job as on their relationship.

I won't explain it in detail here since it would be too long. If you've read "The Ring," Athrun's part of "The Girl of the Past," "Chain of Love," and/or "Missing Piece," you can hopefully understand what I mean. You can also read analyses on my blog; they should be helpful as well. The address is on my profile page. I'm also going to upload a long note on this fic on the blog in a week.

Anyway, in other words, I believe that although there are extraordinary factors like Cagalli's position and war, AC's story in GSD isn't so extraordinary itself. That a similar thing can happen to many couples.

That's how I got the idea of this fic.

My purpose of this series was to show that Athrun and Cagalli can fall in love and have a big fight concerning how to live their lives in an ordinary setting, just as they did in the original series. What makes them them, whether as a couple or as individuals, is not how many extraordinary things happen to them, but the ways they deal with the situations they are in, right? So I tried to keep events and problems in their lives and relationship as ordinary as possible, make them things that can happen to any high school student (with similar social status, that is).

···

This is my first—and probably will be the only—long story. It actually became longer than I expected. And I sincerely thank you for continuing to read this fic to this very end. I hope it was an enjoyable and satisfying experience for you.

And hopefully, see you in another fic!

Also, happy birthday, Cagalli and Kira!

* * *

 ***posted 05/18/19***

 ***edited 06/12/19***


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